Monika: Do you believe that transgender rights represent the next frontier in the broader struggle for human rights?
Alexus: Absolutely! Unfortunately, transgender rights seem to lag behind LGB rights by about twenty years. We have made significant progress over the last few decades, but until humanity embraces the entire spectrum of human expression and sexuality, we will never be completely free as a species. And with the recent right swing of the political pendulum in America and some other parts of the rest of the world, this last frontier of human rights might take a very long time to conquer.
Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender characters and stories are portrayed in films, books, and the media?
Alexus: Most transgender characters are treated as “fringe” characters. They’re typically portrayed as mentally ill, sexually deviant, or otherwise deeply troubled people. With very few exceptions, they’re not treated just like any other character in the story with an “Oh, BTW, they’re transgender” twist. I guess that wouldn’t be sensational enough to sell, because, for the most part, most transgender lives are boringly normal.
Monika: Within the LGBTQIA community, the T is often seen as the last letter in the acronym. Do you feel the transgender community has been able to promote its own causes effectively within the larger group?
Alexus: Unfortunately, there are many transphobic people within the LGB part of our community. Therefore, those of us who are T must stick together and promote causes that are unique to our particular piece of the alphabet soup. We will always be more powerful within the larger group of LGBTQIA, but we cannot lose sight of the things that are uniquely T.
Monika: In the history of gay rights, Harvey Milk is remembered as a trailblazer. Do you see anyone in today’s transgender community whose activism could be compared to his legacy?
Alexus: The transgender community has more public “celebrities” now than ever before. Trying to single out any one particular person who could be compared with Harvey Milk would be a monumental task. But when you combine the efforts of many public people like Janet Mock, Jenny Boylan, Andrea James, Lynn Conway, etc., you end up with the “it takes a village” kind of activism.
Monika: Do you personally take part in politics or advocacy? Have you engaged in lobbying, and do you think transgender women can make a real impact in political life?
Alexus: Since I just published my first book, I am now being forced into the public spotlight. While I don’t expect this personal activism to be dramatic, I do believe it can change people’s perceptions one person at a time. And after all, isn’t that the most effective sort of change?
Monika: What role does fashion play in your life? Do you enjoy experimenting with styles, colors, or trends, or do you prefer comfort over glamour?
Alexus: Oh, gosh. That is absolutely the wrong question for me. When I first began my transition, I was very much into fashion and makeup. Now that I’m almost twenty years post-transition, I’ve settled into a very mellow “senior citizen married lesbian” sort of fashion. Meaning, I seldom wear makeup and my clothes are chosen based on how comfortable they are. Comfortable shoes, comfortable jeans, comfortable t-shirts, etc. I think you get the point… LOL!
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| Happy couple. More photos. |
Monika: Transgender women often face intense scrutiny about whether they “pass” as female, with every perceived imperfection magnified. You seem to navigate this gracefully, but how did you personally experience passing in social situations?
Alexus: Yes, I have been blessed with the ability to initially pass in most social situations. But I also know that if I’m around someone for an extended period of time, they’ll almost certainly figure it out. When I was going through my cancer experience, during extended times of meditation, I would ask my spirit guides why I was so blessed with that ability. The answer was quite simple: “You have been given that blessing so that you may move into more intimate relationships, in order to teach others about love and acceptance.”
Monika: And what advice would you give to transgender women who don’t pass as easily?
Alexus: For those in the community who don’t pass quite so easily, my advice is to be strong, considerate, and above all, try to be loving to those who don’t understand. Only by living our lives authentically and in the open do we get the opportunity to expand the minds of those around us. And if they don’t accept our true paths, then just know that their rejection is about them, not us.
Monika: After publishing your book, are you already planning any new projects, or are you taking some well-deserved time to rest?
Alexus: After working on my book for nearly two years, I’m ready for a break… Whew!
Monika: Many transgender girls face the heavy burden of gender dysphoria. What advice would you give them as they try to cope and move forward?
Alexus: Reach out!!! Spend the time researching the thousands who have gone before you. And most of all, absolutely KNOW there are people out there who are willing to help you. But you have to initiate that help. It will get better!
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame once told me that we should never limit our potential because of how we were born or by comparing ourselves to what other transgender people are doing. She said our dreams shouldn’t end with surgery but should truly begin there. Do you share this perspective?
Alexus: I absolutely agree! But in reality, the “final” surgery is ultimately a very private, and mostly invisible procedure. 99.999% of the people in our lives will never see the results of that surgery. But what it DOES do is give us the confidence to move forward with our authentic expression of who we are. It removes the final vestige of who we used to pretend to be. There is now no longer a need for impersonation. No longer a need for living our lives according to the rules and expectations of others. Living an authentic life shouldn’t be just a dream, it should be the norm. But since most people do not live their dreams, it is up to us to teach others how that can be done. People learn by example, not by an explanation.
Monika: Alexus, thank you so much for sharing your journey with me.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Alexus Sheppard.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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