Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Becca: It took me a while to understand fashion and figure out what styles looked good on my body type, but after lots of trial and error I feel like I have a pretty good handle on it now. Most of the time when I’m home I’m more concerned with comfort than style so I just wear shorts or yoga pants and a top.
I do love to dress up and wear my nice dresses and heels and go out for a night on the town, but unfortunately, those opportunities seem to be fewer and fewer. I wear classic cuts that never go out of style and I generally avoid trendy clothing. I’m not really into labels or particular store brands; I just buy what I like and what looks good on me. I always try to maintain a sense of class and elegance and stick with simple lines and styles which I know look good on my build.
But having said that, I also love to go out clubbing and have no problem wearing short skirts and tops that show a lot of skin lol I had to wait fifty years to be able to wear clothes that are fun and fit who I am and I make the most of that! Guy clothes were boring so I really enjoy the freedom to express myself through my clothes and to have fun with them!
Becca: It took me a while to understand fashion and figure out what styles looked good on my body type, but after lots of trial and error I feel like I have a pretty good handle on it now. Most of the time when I’m home I’m more concerned with comfort than style so I just wear shorts or yoga pants and a top.
I do love to dress up and wear my nice dresses and heels and go out for a night on the town, but unfortunately, those opportunities seem to be fewer and fewer. I wear classic cuts that never go out of style and I generally avoid trendy clothing. I’m not really into labels or particular store brands; I just buy what I like and what looks good on me. I always try to maintain a sense of class and elegance and stick with simple lines and styles which I know look good on my build.
But having said that, I also love to go out clubbing and have no problem wearing short skirts and tops that show a lot of skin lol I had to wait fifty years to be able to wear clothes that are fun and fit who I am and I make the most of that! Guy clothes were boring so I really enjoy the freedom to express myself through my clothes and to have fun with them!
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| 2015 Transgender Erotica Awards After-party. |
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Becca: I’m actually working on my memoir right now and have interest from a publisher. I’ve always enjoyed writing and kept journals since I was a kid and blogged since I began transitioning, so a lot of the material is already written; it’s just a matter of filling in the rest and getting it organized so it flows properly.
And I have to admit the idea of writing a memoir has always intrigued me and is something I’ve thought about for a while, and now with the support and encouragement of the people in my life, it looks like it’s going to happen!
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Becca: Love is a basic human need that we all seek. Most people, they seek the love of others to have a meaningful relationship and fall in love, but for a lot of trans people, the focus of what we seek is to learn to love ourselves. Growing up feeling embarrassed about who we are and hating ourselves can make it difficult to love ourselves.
I was married for 16 years and have been in love, for which I feel very blessed. But since transitioning I’ve been alone, which has been difficult. I’ve always felt I need to get my own life in order before I can be ready to be in a relationship, but I can’t seem to ever reach that point. I enjoy having time to myself and being alone, but I am tired of feeling lonely and not having anyone special to share my life with. I try to believe that I’ll meet someone when the time is right, but at this point, I’m starting to lose hope.
Monika: Are you working on any new projects now?
Becca: My main focus at the moment is getting my memoir done, and of course writing my weekly column “Through The Benz” and working on ways to improve it. I’ve also started the process to have Gender Reassignment Surgery next year, so there is a lot to do getting prepared for that.
Becca: I’m actually working on my memoir right now and have interest from a publisher. I’ve always enjoyed writing and kept journals since I was a kid and blogged since I began transitioning, so a lot of the material is already written; it’s just a matter of filling in the rest and getting it organized so it flows properly.
And I have to admit the idea of writing a memoir has always intrigued me and is something I’ve thought about for a while, and now with the support and encouragement of the people in my life, it looks like it’s going to happen!
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Becca: Love is a basic human need that we all seek. Most people, they seek the love of others to have a meaningful relationship and fall in love, but for a lot of trans people, the focus of what we seek is to learn to love ourselves. Growing up feeling embarrassed about who we are and hating ourselves can make it difficult to love ourselves.
I was married for 16 years and have been in love, for which I feel very blessed. But since transitioning I’ve been alone, which has been difficult. I’ve always felt I need to get my own life in order before I can be ready to be in a relationship, but I can’t seem to ever reach that point. I enjoy having time to myself and being alone, but I am tired of feeling lonely and not having anyone special to share my life with. I try to believe that I’ll meet someone when the time is right, but at this point, I’m starting to lose hope.
Becca: My main focus at the moment is getting my memoir done, and of course writing my weekly column “Through The Benz” and working on ways to improve it. I’ve also started the process to have Gender Reassignment Surgery next year, so there is a lot to do getting prepared for that.
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| Selfie, in bed, 2017. |
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender girls struggling with gender dysphoria?
Becca: To reach out to others for support and to know that support is available; to realize they are not alone and there are others going through the same thing. Transitioning is not easy, but having a strong support network is so important and makes getting through the difficult times much more bearable. Don’t try to do this by yourself; being trans means you are part of the trans community, and we are there for each other. And most of all, believe in yourself that you can do this; never lose sight of the big picture and your goals because when you finally get to where you want to be it makes it all the struggles worth it.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transsexuals and transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Becca: Absolutely; that is a powerful statement. Being transgender is not easy, but it’s who we are and we can either accept it as a positive thing and as motivation to work towards our dreams or to view it as a negative thing and use it as an excuse to hold ourselves back. But self-acceptance can be difficult for some and it takes time.
As for the second part of the statement, about dreams not ending on an operating table, I just want to add that having reassignment surgery is not for everyone, and choosing not to have the surgery does not make you any less trans. So many in the trans community seem to think there is a right way to transition and be trans, and a wrong way, and if you don’t do it how they perceive to be the “right way” then you’re not really trans and many trans people will look down on you, which I find infuriating.
I think we all agree that gender is a spectrum, so it seems highly hypocritical for one trans person to judge another and decide they don’t meet the right criteria to be trans. There is no right way or wrong way to be trans, just as there is no right or wrong way to be human; we just need to be ourselves. We as a community are not doing ourselves any favors by wasting precious time and effort with this petty bickering amongst ourselves when there are other issues that are much more important.
Becca: To reach out to others for support and to know that support is available; to realize they are not alone and there are others going through the same thing. Transitioning is not easy, but having a strong support network is so important and makes getting through the difficult times much more bearable. Don’t try to do this by yourself; being trans means you are part of the trans community, and we are there for each other. And most of all, believe in yourself that you can do this; never lose sight of the big picture and your goals because when you finally get to where you want to be it makes it all the struggles worth it.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transsexuals and transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Becca: Absolutely; that is a powerful statement. Being transgender is not easy, but it’s who we are and we can either accept it as a positive thing and as motivation to work towards our dreams or to view it as a negative thing and use it as an excuse to hold ourselves back. But self-acceptance can be difficult for some and it takes time.
As for the second part of the statement, about dreams not ending on an operating table, I just want to add that having reassignment surgery is not for everyone, and choosing not to have the surgery does not make you any less trans. So many in the trans community seem to think there is a right way to transition and be trans, and a wrong way, and if you don’t do it how they perceive to be the “right way” then you’re not really trans and many trans people will look down on you, which I find infuriating.
I think we all agree that gender is a spectrum, so it seems highly hypocritical for one trans person to judge another and decide they don’t meet the right criteria to be trans. There is no right way or wrong way to be trans, just as there is no right or wrong way to be human; we just need to be ourselves. We as a community are not doing ourselves any favors by wasting precious time and effort with this petty bickering amongst ourselves when there are other issues that are much more important.
Monika: Becca, thank you for the interview!
Becca: I’m flattered to be interviewed by you and feel honored to be included in your blog with so many accomplished women! Thanks Monika!
My blog: beccabenz.com
Through The Benz: through-the-benz
NOTE: there is graphic nudity displayed in ads alongside my column.
TransGlobal Columns: transglobalmagazine.com.
All the photos: courtesy of Becca Benz.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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