Melia VL Pillay is a radiant voice of strength, softness, and self-discovery. Born in the Caribbean and now based in the UK, she carries with her the layered experiences of a woman who has traversed oceans, cultures, and personal transformations. A proud transgender woman, Melia’s journey has been one of resilience and self-love, shaped by moments of heartbreak, hope, and healing. Whether speaking about childhood memories of skin bleaching or the quiet power of reclaiming her beauty, Melia brings an honesty that disarms and uplifts. Her voice is thoughtful and full of grace, shaped by the complexities of womanhood, especially in a world where trans identities are too often misunderstood or marginalized.
She is open about the pressure to fit in, the longing to be loved, and the bittersweet reality of giving more than she received. And yet, love is central to her world, romantic love, yes, but also the love of chosen family, of late-night laughter, and of the self. In her current chapter, Melia balances a fulfilling career with advocacy, dreams of starting a podcast, and hopes of one day being called “Dr. Pillay.” Her goals are rooted not in ego, but in a deep desire to serve, to create safe spaces, and to be a light to others navigating life’s hardest questions. With elegance, warmth, and a fierce commitment to authenticity, Melia invites us into her world, and we are all the better for it.
Hello, Melia! I’m absolutely delighted you accepted my invitation, thank you for being here and for sharing your time and heart with me today.
Melia: Hi Monika, thank you for this opportunity and creating this platform where trans women from all walks of life can share their journey. I am delighted to be speaking with you.
Monika: For readers meeting you for the first time, could you share a bit about who you are and the journey that brought you here?
Melia: Hey there! I'm Melia, though my friends often call me Val or Valerie. I was born in Trinidad and Tobago and grew up in Guyana, then returned to the Caribbean before exploring the world. My journey hasn’t always been smooth, as I grew up without my dad, but I was fortunate to have some incredible male role models.
However, I never quite fit into the traditional expectations for boys. I loved all the things that girls enjoyed, playing with dolls, trying on their clothes, and dancing just like them. I always admired my sisters, but in Caribbean culture, that kind of behavior was often frowned upon. Boys were expected to act a certain way, but I missed that memo!
To make my family happy, I pretended to be a boy, even though my true self was yearning to shine. Unfortunately, that act of survival came with its own challenges, including some painful experiences I faced at a young age.
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| Dinner function with JetBlue. |
Melia: As I grew older, I became more introverted, holding onto secrets that felt too heavy to share. I often fantasized about relationships, but my world felt so small, and I felt so lonely.
It wasn’t until I found comfort in a loving relationship with a university student that I felt a sense of belonging, but sadly, he passed away, which left a void in my heart (we never had a relationship, our paths never crossed: he was someone I found comfort in after he tragically passed away. He lived in my dreams as comfort – he was not real). High school was tough; I struggled to fit in with both boys and girls. I loved their company but couldn’t fully be myself, leading to teasing and bullying that made things even harder.
Monika: And when you returned to Trinidad and Tobago, did things start to shift? How did your self-discovery unfold from there?
Melia: When I moved back to Trinidad and Tobago, I hoped for a fresh start and sought solace in my faith, even dreaming of becoming a pastor. But as time went on, I came out as gay, which brought its own challenges, including backlash from people I thought would understand.
Eventually, I found happiness in a relationship with my ex, but we faced our own battles, especially regarding our identities. We even moved to Scotland together, where I began to confront my feelings about who I truly am. The loss of my sister and partner shifted my perspective, I realized I wanted to live authentically. Coming out again was daunting, but I felt stronger this time. I learned to prioritize my happiness over seeking approval from others, even if that meant losing some connections along the way.
Now, for the first time, I’m truly living as my authentic self, and I’m so grateful to be in Scotland, surrounded by people who care about me. It’s a beautiful chapter in my life!
Monika: Sharing personal moments, especially those that touch on identity, love, and self-discovery, can be both empowering and vulnerable. What inspired you to open up and share your intimate life experiences on social media?
Melia: Sharing personal moments about identity, love, and self-discovery can be such a powerful experience, and I completely understand how both empowering and vulnerable it can feel. Growing up, I often felt there was a lack of visibility for trans women, and it was challenging not having role models to look up to. As the only queer and trans person in my family, I felt a strong desire to pave the way for my nieces and nephews. I want them to see that they can be their authentic selves without fear.
It’s important to me to show them that being queer or trans is not just about facing challenges; it’s also about living life to the fullest, having a fulfilling career, and embracing independence. My motto as a trans woman is all about respect, honoring others and their viewpoints as long as they don’t cross into disrespect. I believe in living and letting live, understanding that we can’t change everyone’s mind, and being open to forgiveness. Life is too short not to have fun and find joy in everything we do! By sharing my journey, I hope to inspire others to embrace their true selves and feel empowered to shine brightly in their own lives.
Monika: Engaging with followers on social media often leads to a flood of curiosity and heartfelt messages. Do you receive a lot of questions from your followers? What are the most common things they ask about, whether it’s advice, personal experiences, or words of encouragement?
Melia: Absolutely, engaging with my followers on social media opens up a wonderful dialogue filled with curiosity and heartfelt messages. I use various platforms like LinkedIn for professional connections, while Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook allow for more personal interactions.
It's quite interesting to see the range of messages I receive! While I occasionally get flirtatious messages from some guys, inviting me on dates, which is definitely not my scene, many of the messages from women are centered around makeup and fashion. I genuinely enjoy sharing my tips and experiences in those areas, so it's always nice to connect with fellow beauty enthusiasts!
I really appreciate the chance to chat with my followers whenever I can, even though life can get pretty busy. It’s fulfilling to engage with others and offer support or advice, especially when it comes to topics that resonate with them. I believe that these interactions help create a sense of community, and I love being a part of that!
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| Associates dinner a work function. Courtesy of SPAA. |
Monika: So many of us navigate the roles of wives, mothers, and daughters, often carrying the weight of our pasts and sometimes longing to leave it all behind. Yet, you’ve chosen to embrace your identity with such strength, becoming an advocate for transgender rights and vocal about presenting a positive image of our community in society. In the face of all this, have you ever felt the pull of staying in the shadows, of simply being seen as a woman, without the added layers of being a transgender woman?
Melia: I completely understand the longing to leave my past behind and simply be seen as a woman. Everyday I contemplate whether I should speak out or remain silent, it’s a daily struggle, an uphill battle. While I’m grateful to be seen as passable, I know that staying quiet might make life easier in some ways. However, I truly believe that now is the time for all of us to stand up for diversity, equality, and inclusion in our society.
The quote by Martin Niemöller, "First they came for..." really resonates with me. It serves as a reminder that the fight for equality isn’t just for some; it’s a collective struggle that affects us all. I want to advocate for a world where my nieces and nephews can grow up freely, embracing their true selves without fear of judgment or persecution.
By sharing my journey and experiences, I hope to create a more inclusive environment for everyone. It’s about fostering understanding and compassion, and I feel a deep responsibility to contribute to that vision. Even when it’s tough, I know that speaking out is vital for creating a future where diversity is celebrated, and everyone can live authentically.
Monika: Choosing a name is such a deeply personal decision, one that can hold layers of significance and meaning. How did you come to choose the name Melia? Does it carry a special resonance for you, perhaps representing a part of your journey or embodying a particular feeling or aspiration?
Melia:. For me, the name Melia holds a lot of significance. The Greek origin of Melia means “honey” or “all sweetness,” while its Germanic roots link it to Amal, which signifies “diligent” and “courage.” These meanings resonate deeply with my personality and the path I’m on.
When selecting this name, I wanted to honor my late sister Malika, who passed away from cancer in 2011. She was a beacon of inspiration, always reminding us to live life to the fullest and without regrets. I also wanted to pay tribute to my mum, Sheila, whose love and support have shaped my life in countless ways. Additionally, since my three older sisters all have names that start with M, I felt it was important to continue that tradition. Melia was the perfect choice, encapsulating all these sentiments.
Monika: That’s so moving. And what about the rest of your name, did those choices follow the same thread of meaning and personal connection?
Melia: As for my second name, Valerie, it originally was my first name. I decided to change it to my middle name as a nod to my best friends from my drag days, when we called ourselves the "V Dolls." We were the late arrivals at parties, always turning heads and making an impression!
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| At home in Scotland with Lorde, her mischievous cockapoo. |
And that's how I came to choose my name, each part of it is a reflection of love, resilience, and the journey I’ve embraced.
Monika: Transitioning is not just a personal journey; it also reshapes our relationships, especially with those who support us. Have you noticed a shift in how people treat you since your transition?
Melia:. Before I began my transition, I had a lot of nerves about how people would perceive and treat me. Those mixed emotions played a significant role in how long it took me to take that step.
To my surprise, some of the individuals I expected to make me feel uncomfortable turned out to be my biggest supporters. For instance, my rugby boss, who is very much a straight man, became one of my closest friends. My colleagues at work embraced me with open arms, and many of those relationships flourished after my transition. Even clients I manage, whom I thought might distance themselves, actually became more supportive and engaged.
Monika: I imagine the journey hasn’t been without its difficult moments. How have you handled the more painful responses?
Melia: While I’ve experienced a lot of positive reactions, I won’t deny that there have been negative ones as well. Some people have chosen to block me or cut ties because of who I am. I’ve faced hurtful comments from an estranged sister who called me a pedophile and heard some nieces making disparaging remarks about my journey. It’s disheartening to see certain relatives distance themselves, but I’ve come to terms with that.
Ultimately, I’ve made the choice to love myself and prioritize my happiness over the opinions of others. Life is too short to waste on those who bring negativity into it. I believe that my happiness should never be a burden to anyone, and I’m committed to living authentically and fully. Embracing who I am has been liberating, and I’m grateful for the support I’ve found along the way.
Monika: During your transition, did you have any transgender role models who inspired you or helped guide your journey?
Melia:.Throughout my transition, I didn’t have personal role models to guide me; the experience often felt solitary. Still, I found inspiration from afar in the journeys and styles of various trans women whom I admired. Figures like Carmen Carrera from "RuPaul's Drag Race," Michaela Jaé Rodriguez, and Indya Moore from "Pose" each influenced me in their own unique ways.
While I lacked trans role models in my immediate circle, I looked up to cis women, as they were the examples available to me. I drew strength and inspiration from the women in my life, friends from high school, the girls I spent time with, coworkers, and especially my late sister. Public figures such as Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, and Blake Lively also shaped my view of womanhood through their presence and distinctive style.
Today, the people who inspire me have changed. I now find motivation in those who embody compassion and champion justice, peace, love, and happiness. Individuals like Jane Fonda, Prince Harry, Ella Morgan, Nadia Whittome, and Jolyon Maugham inspire me through their dedication to making a difference. Their empathy and courage to stand up for their beliefs guide me and resonate deeply as I continue on my own path.
Monika: I finally felt free after my transition. How about you? Was there a single moment, or maybe a series of moments, where you truly felt like you had stepped into your most authentic self?
Melia: I’m so glad to hear you felt free after your transition; that’s such a powerful and transformative experience. For me, the journey of transitioning is ongoing and ever-evolving. I remember starting hormone therapy, which I initially self-medicated to bypass the lengthy waitlists on the NHS. That decision brought both reassurance and a sense of guilt. I had been conditioned to believe that changing oneself was somehow an insult to God, and breaking those mental shackles was a significant part of my journey.
There were various moments that contributed to my feeling of stepping into my most authentic self. The very first week of taking hormones was incredibly impactful; I felt a wave of relief wash over me. The sensitivity in my skin and body brought a sense of euphoria, and I spent those early months enjoying the changes, which felt like a calm reassurance that I was on the right path.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Melia VL Pillay.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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