Interview with Abby Grace Hughes - Part 2

Monika: Are you active in politics? Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?

Abby: I see no reason why transgendered women can’t or shouldn’t be involved in politics as we are a very real and legitimate part of society.
I have not been involved in politics myself no although I do express some very strong views and have created some ripples. My desire is indeed the furtherance of equality for transgender people but is more directed towards helping those suffering on a more personal level. I do all I can to help at the moment, which took a setback recently with a typically lying feature written about me in the tabloids, which I see you have a video slice of it here.
It was a total lie and misrepresentation of all I said and who I am and it sadly all but went virtually global grrrr! It caused me so much anguish as it misrepresented me hugely and almost cost me my contact with my babies. One good thing it did do however was to upset and stress me out to such a level that I lost almost 30 lbs in weight lol, so I look a whole lot lighter now because of it, but the stress wasn’t a diet method I really had in mind nor needed after all I’d already been through. Still, skinny me!!! lol
I intend now to wait until after my surgery next year before getting too involved but do intend or desire to get trained in article and feature writing, so I can better translate and elevate true transgender issues and lives. 
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colours or trends?
Abby: Well, I’m a girl, so I love clothes. I can’t afford labels or designers at the moment as I am approaching my surgery date etc, but that doesn’t stop me buying some beautiful clothes from cheaper shops and outlets. I love bohemian gypsy wear and always have. I adore pink and love pretty tops and long skirts and dresses etc, but usually keep that for nights out and so wear skinny tops and tight jeans or shorts most days.
I love pink glass, rope, and leather bangles, and also silver bracelets. I adore shoes and handbags (shocker!) and am not ashamed of frequenting goodwill and charity shops to find them as there are some lovely things there if you are willing to spend the time to look. Beggars can’t be choosers so they say!
My favorite perfume is ‘Only me’ by Yves De Sistelle and my favorite handbags are by Jimmy Choo. My favorite shoes are more modest being Morgan. I have the perfume and have the shoes and did have the bag but lost it during all my troubles back home in merry old England.

Monika: What do you think about transgender beauty pageants?

Abby: If they are done respectfully towards the women, tastefully and for the right reasons why not? Why should transsexual women miss out in expressing their newly allowed femininity or expression of beauty after so long of suppression? Sure, bring it on! 

Something4TheJourney Community
- a transgender support community.

Monika: Do you intend to get married and have a family? Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?

Abby: Well, in all honesty, I have always cherished love very much as long as it is shared both ways and is true. I have loved and been loved and I have hurt and very much been hurt too. I would never rule out love happening again and I guess a part of me even hopes for it. Isn’t that after all what we all really want? To share life with someone who you trust and love and who gives you the same back? Life is for learning and 2nd and 3rd chances should be both given and received, so if that is true then there is always hope! So sure, why not, maybe one day!

Monika: What would you recommend to transgender women that are afraid of early transition, discrimination, and hatred?

Abby: Oh wow, that’s big! OK, I would say go slowly and navigate wisely as the threat is indeed very real. Do not let it create so much fear that you do not deal with your condition though, as believe me to do so is far worse and in the end causes so much more pain! , it’s no race, while at the same time I’d warn against putting it off if you are only doing so through fear or shame!

I speak very much through experience here when I warn trans*people against ignoring or pushing clinical Gender Dysphoria or intersex conditions aside. Doing so will not and does not make them disappear! All it will do is cause untold mental anguish, serious destruction and pain for yourself and those around you!

Besides, if you have very bad Gender Dysphoria you are only prolonging the inevitable, so why go through a life of torment only to have to transition late anyway and in doing so miss out on years of being the true you? It just makes it worse for everyone doing that and causes untold bitterness with some too. If you truly are heavily transsexual and are struggling then get the help, face the anguish and be as kind and as gentle to those around you as you can. Expect to lose some family and friends and if you don’t, all the better!

I’m not proud to admit that my putting it off again and again made me very sick indeed, almost leaving me in a mental ward and causing me 2 major nervous breakdowns and one slightly lesser one too as well as hurt those I love as they saw me in such a bad mess.
Only the individual and a gender specialist can assist whether full transition is going to be the right move or not, but please, don’t put it off! Seek psychological assessment, diagnosis and help from a gender specialist. It helps and is really essential! If you feel your gender specialist is about as useful as a chocolate teapot, change her or him! Get a second opinion if you disagree, but listen if that opinion persists! There are many conditions it could be!

Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?

Abby: Well, as much as I hate the phrase ‘full time’’; I’ve been full time now coming up 2 years this January, but been 2 ½ years on HRT. That term suggests you’ve only been female since then, how silly!! In a physical sense, I only have one last surgical hurdle to jump through and then I intend to focus on my career and writing.

I live as quietly and as normally as any other woman does but feel life will be so much more comfortable and confident once I have passed this final step, so at the moment I am very focused and need to first complete this before I can truly clear my head and reach some of my other goals! Then, maybe off to college or a course in writing I hope.

Monika: Could you say that you are a happy woman now?

Abby: Oh my goodness, a huge, huge yes!!!!!

I have suffered more than my share of pain and loss living with gender conditions my whole life and it’s also sadly caused others some pain too! Yet in all honesty, it has to be said that the very moment I began living ‘full time (grrr!) as me everything clicked very much into place!

Lady in black and white.

If there have been any troubles, pain, or anguish it has not been so much through Gender Dysphoria. I do still get some Dysphoria of course, but it is hard for me to express with simple words alone the massive correction that has already occurred inside me and that I witness almost every day. I am so happy internally, at least where my sense of being and place in regard to gender at least. I am now fit!
My reflection no longer laughs at me and my heart no longer condemns me! For so many years I had forgotten what it was like to ‘not’ feel anxiety and panic. It was there; crushing me every moment of every day, almost like a boulder placed on my chest and a tormenter mocking my not being able to get it off myself.
A seemingly eternal contradictory wrestle between true self-expression, identity, and presented gender. Right from being a little girl on into adulthood it increasingly worsened, feeling almost like the contradiction of a sledgehammer hitting a rose petal again and again without relent.
I am now indeed happy and increasingly whole, and incredibly far less dysphoric or depressed as I am living as I was always meant to. As I already said, I fit, and it is a peaceful feeling that will see completion and greater expression very soon and I cannot wait!
Do I have pain or regret? Much yes, as my friends would witness I pine for those left behind most days; but I believe if I had not transitioned after my last awful nervous breakdown I’d not be here today being interviewed by you Monika!

Monika: Abby, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!

Abby: Honestly, the pleasure was truly mine hunni, thank you so much.

END OF PART 2

Back to PART 1

 

All the photos: courtesy of Abby Grace Hughes.

© 2014 - Monika Kowalska