Abby Grace Hughes, known to her friends and family as Abby-Grace, is a British-born transgender and intersex
woman, video blogger, and advocate for transgender awareness and support. Originally from Manchester, she was
living in the United States at the time of our interview, documenting her transition through her YouTube channel
and blog, Something4TheJourney. Abby-Grace’s journey began in childhood, when she told her parents at around six
years old that she was not a boy. After struggling with gender dysphoria, discrimination at school, and years of
depression and anxiety, she first attempted to transition in her early twenties but later put it aside because
she wanted to have children and feared losing her partner. The decision to postpone transition brought further
emotional suffering, including three nervous breakdowns, before she finally began living openly as herself in
January 2013.
Having experienced the difficulties of finding reliable information and appropriate support, Abby-Grace decided
to use her online platforms to help others facing similar challenges. Rather than concentrating solely on
personal transition updates, she sought to address transphobia, the experiences of transgender young people,
medical care, and the practical and emotional questions that transgender people and their families often
struggle to answer. She also admired transgender role models such as Laverne Cox, Andreja Pejić, Paris Lees,
Janet Mock, and Jackie Green, whose visibility and advocacy helped challenge prejudice. In our interview,
Abby-Grace shares her childhood memories, her experiences of transition, her views on transgender visibility and
equality, and her determination to help others find the information and support she once struggled to find
herself.
Monika: Abby, welcome, and thank you for joining me today.
Abby: Hello Monika, thank you for this privilege.
Monika: Start with the present for me. How are things with you these days?
Abby: So much has happened in my life. From coming out at around six, to struggling through puberty and school.
Touring the UK in my rock band in the 80s and early 90s. Transitioning in my early 20s, then turning away from
it to have children. Three gender dysphoria-caused nervous breakdowns, putting me into psychiatric care.
Coming out. Starting hormones. Changing my name. Being beaten up for being trans. Life threatened. Having people
arrested. I falsely had the police called out on me. Falsely tricked and lied about. Ran away from the UK to the
States. Got stuck in Germany during my connecting flight because of a slight error on my visa, which cost an
extra $800. Two years of RLE now as good as complete. Finding work here and processing my visa. Then I’m off to
college if I can. I think I am now better equipped to help people, having gone through it all, so there was
a reason.
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Monika: Your life reads like the script of a film. Who is Abby-Grace today?
Abby: Well, I am a 47-year-old transsexual and intersexed woman. I have been living full time as Abby-Grace
since January 2013, finally coming out after a life of depression and two serious nervous breakdowns through
gender dysphoria.
Monika: Tell me about your roots and about the topics that matter most on your channel and blog.
Abby: I am from Manchester in the UK but live in the US. On my
YouTube
vlogs and on my blog site I try to create less of a personal vlog, as most do, and more tackling important
issues such as transphobia, trans*youth, and educating against ignorance and prejudice. It is more to do with our condition and giving useful practical advice to other transsexuals and their families.
Some have suggested that maybe I have not been in transition long enough for such a position, however, my
response to that has to be to remind them that although I may have been taking hormones for less than three
years, I have in fact been a female all of my life, as well as having to deal with trans issues for just as
long!
Monika: You say you have dealt with trans issues for as long as you can remember. How far back does that go?
Abby: Coming out to my mum and dad at only six years old means that in reality, I have a wealth of experience in
regard to the pain, panic, depression, anxiety, and the prison that this condition has been. I originally
started a hormonal transition and a partial coming out at 22 years old but backtracked through my desire of
needing to have children and not wanting to lose my partner. From that moment on, life proved to be very mentally destructive for me because of awful levels of gender
dysphoria, until I had little choice but to resume transition and deal with this and other medical gender
issues.
Monika: Documenting your transition online is a big step. What made you decide to share it on YouTube?
Abby: Well, once I did finally come out, I went on YouTube and the internet generally to find some answers. Not
just regarding my conditions but also to better understand medical procedures and pathways of care within the UK
health system. However, I found that the important questions were not being answered. Sure, you could watch transition
timelines or keep an eye on the development of your favourite transsexual, even learn how to plump up your bust
with a push-up bra, but if you needed some serious help or answers to your questions regarding these conditions,
or just some help in finding the correct medical, emotional, or supportive facilities, they quite simply were
just not there!
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| Can you see my eyes? |
Monika: How did other vloggers approach their channels, and what did you want to do differently?
Abby: Most vloggers seemed a little self-absorbed, happy with finally being free, which is okay, but being aware
of how painful and scary coming out and this condition was, I wanted to help, and wanted there to be something
up on there when people searched for help and answers. So I’ve focused more on these things, both socially and
at times radically too!
Monika: Give me a picture of where you stand in your transition right now.
Abby: Well, I had actually started transition at 22, although we didn’t call it that then, so I had a tiny bit
of a head start, and although I only went full time in January 2013, I had already been on hormones since April
2012, so I’m pretty well on now. I was being treated, had all my letters of diagnosis and referral, and was
fully funded for surgery and HRT in the UK before fleeing home and so continuing my transition with clinicians
here in the States. I’m now approaching surgery in 2015 and so am wonderfully close to clearing the final hurdle
that has held me back from peace and wholeness all my life.
Monika: Hormone therapy brings changes that many people wait years for. Are you satisfied with how it has gone
for you?
Abby: Yes, very satisfied, thankfully, and I have been really fortunate, which in part is through some
pre-existing gender conditions, but nevertheless I am so relieved and grateful. I had pointed out in one of my
very early vlogs that gender sufferers starting hormone treatment later in life can usually expect diminished
results, which can be true. However, I’m so happy that I’ve developed just fine, yay! I have cleared away
any facial hair and my breasts are approaching a 36D. Because of my condition I never did have very much body
hair to deal with, but what I did have is now at normal female levels through HRT. The few stubborn bits I did
have I have lasered off, such as a few stubborn hairs on the legs, etc.
Monika: Hair removal is often part of the process. How did that go for you?
Abby: Actually, my biggest battle has oddly been my knees! lol. HRT got rid of any leg hair super quickly, but
the hair on my knees, although turning fine, kept up the fight against me! I had such a battle even with the
laser! If I had left the hair to grow, it would have looked as if I was growing watercress on my knees,
lol. I never really had much body hair and virtually zero underarm hair, but lasering my face was a real
killer pain and a hell, so be prepared for that one! I documented the whole experience here on the online
trans*women’s
magazine
I produce.
Monika: Take me back to your childhood. When did you first sense that being a boy, or later a man, was not
right for you?
Abby: Okay, in all honesty, there was never a time I felt like a boy, not even for a day or an hour in my life.
That’s because my gender never ever was. I could, however, see my body was male! So begins the agony and
confusion!
Monika: At what point did you finally put those feelings into words?
Abby: Once I got to six and a half, and after no small degree of pressure from Mom and Dad concerning my
effeminate/gentle nature and play, I finally admitted how I felt, crying out to Mom, “I’m not a boy! I hate
boys’ things and I hate my willy!” (Penis). Or words super close to this!
Monika: How did the doctor react when your mother raised her concerns?
Abby: I was promptly taken to the doctor’s, where Mom explained her fears and relayed what had been said and how
I had been acting as a child. The doctor all but told Mom off or laughed at her, saying she was being silly and
that I’d grow out of it. Mom said I was so gentle she thought I was an angel sent down and that she was not
meant to keep me. The doctor laughed at her again, I’m told, and promptly told her she needed to tough me up a
little and get my father and brother to give me more attention. It didn’t help and it sure didn’t work!!
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| Ready for a beach. |
Monika: For many transgender girls, school and university are the most painful years because of constant
discrimination. Did you go through the same?
Abby: Yes, sadly, but it could have been worse! My brother was the ‘cock of the school’, which meant nobody
tackled him, and so they also learned pretty quick not to bother with me much either! I was picked on in
reception and junior school more for playing with the girls too much and for playing with girls’ toys during
in-class play hour.
Monika: Was high school easier or harder?
Abby: In high school, even with the proxy protection of my brother, in some ways it was still bad. I had been
placed in an all-boys school with very Victorian boarding-school-type attitudes and teaching methods. Promoting
lots of tough love, bossy hard teaching methods, and plenty of seriously bad punishments being dished out. I
mean, I was so ridiculously shy that you’d think it would be an almost impossibility that I’d ever be in a
position to get beaten by the teachers. I got caned four times and beaten many more with tennis shoes, cricket
bats, and six of the best on my bottom or hands with a huge T-square! Reason? Too shy! Not being involved enough
and being soft!
Monika: And when did things finally start to look up?
Abby: As you can imagine, all this clashed with me tremendously and I would make any excuse not to attend
school. It all did little to help my dysphoria, and all during a time when I was already struggling with puberty
issues too. However, thankfully, at the start of my third year of attending, the school went mixed-sex and I
felt almost rescued. Not only could I now have some new girlfriends, but even the teaching methods softened and
physical punishment all but stopped!
Monika: Every journey has people who light the way. Which transgender role models do you follow?
Abby: Oooh yes, well, I admire several actually and have written about a few of them in particular on both my
blog and magazine. Laverne Cox is a wonderful inspiration to me, as is Andreja Pejić, Paris Lees, Janet Mock,
Jackie Green, and others.
Monika: What is it about these role models that speaks to you?
Abby: I admire, and am proud to look up to, those true, authentic gender-nonconforming role models who not only
live soberly in our world but also live genuinely and authentically. Who recognise that to some degree they have
been given an opportunity and don’t shy away from the advantage and obligation they’ve been given. Those who
take time out to make a difference for other gender-nonconforming people, by educating an extremely misinformed
and prejudiced world away from the current destructive clichés that plague gender-variant people every day.
Something which not only proved to be the cause and reason for my own hiding for so many years but did likewise
to so many during past generations too. Things are very slowly starting to change, yet resistance to these
changes is increasingly high, and as a result so is the danger and threat too at the moment!
Monika: Coming out is rarely easy. What was the hardest part of it for you?
Abby: Wow, now there’s a question and a half, hehehe! Actually, I did not literally come out! I went back to my
doctor’s practice during my third and by far most destructive nervous breakdown to find a little support and
maybe get some anti-depressants to help get me through and cope with the gender dysphoria (which I had not
discussed with them).
Monika: What happened at that appointment?
Abby: Yet instead of simply throwing pills at me, which was their usual method (and frankly one which suited my
hiding), a new doctor at the practice had decided to look into why I had such a long history of panic and
depression with seemingly no answers or resolution as to why. Unbeknownst to me, whilst digging around in my
past she had discovered the old medical record from when I was six years old and had been taken to the doctor’s
by my mom with gender personality issues. She turned the computer screen around to show me the record entry and
asked if it was this which had been part of the cause of my troubles all these years. I broke down crying and
she sat with me for well over an hour (I bet whoever had the next appointment loved me! lol). What followed was
over a year of physical tests and psychological assessments! So as you can see, I was kind of brought out rather
than came out.
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| Glamour shot. |
Monika: Looking back, what was the toughest part of the whole experience?
Abby: Nevertheless, the hardest part, and the reason why I had never come out in the first place, was the
potential fear and the shame I would go through. I did not expect the world of suffering and trouble which was
soon to follow and which surpassed even my worst expectations during all those hiding years!
Monika: Turning to society at large, how would you describe the present situation of transgender women in
Britain?
Abby: Well, I would say that within the West, and not just in Britain, research into the causes of
transsexuality, transgender, and intersexed conditions has discovered and uncovered so much over the last decade
that not only does it all serve to vindicate genuine gender sufferers but it is also slowly but rightfully
forcing legislation to change too. Trans*rights and trans*visibility seem to be the burning topics of the
moment, and dare I say ‘at last’ too, but with that comes a period of unprecedented resistance by some also!
Medical and scientific facts mean little to such people, neither, sadly, do equal rights for living. So although
in a legislative manner things have been steadily looking up for trans*people, allowing us to be more
transparent and, on paper at least, offering seemingly more protection, the reality is somewhat different!
Monika: Visibility is a major theme right now. What does it mean for transgender people to step out of the
shadows?
Abby: Coming out of the shadows is a good thing, as light reveals who we really are, that we are not who the
world thought us to be, and shows we are actually no threat. We are claiming what I feel most of us deserve,
which is our place within society, to simply be able to move, love, and live freely without fear of danger!
Monika: Does that openness also come at a cost?
Abby: Sadly though, it seems that this is a great threat to some people’s security and so is resulting in a
tenfold increase in violent transgender murders and attacks! I think we are in a transitional period where we
can eventually truly be free and open, but this freedom, as is usually the case, will not settle down or be
established seemingly without first being baptized in trans*blood! So it is a difficult time, yes, but one which
I hope will eventually be a wonderful time ahead too!
Monika: Transgender women such as Lana Wachowski in film-directing, Jenna Talackova in modelling,
Kate Bornstein
in academic life, Laura Jane Grace in music, and Candis Cayne in acting have become public figures. Do you
think we will see more and more of them?
Abby: Yes, I think so. We live in a celebrity-driven age that wants sensationalism, and at the moment there is
no greater sensationalistic movement than the new transparency of transgender women.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Abby Grace Hughes.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
