Interview with Diana Salameh - Part 2

Monika: And what about your last husband?
Diana: Now the last one, my husband Nedal, is the love of my life. We have been happily together for twelve years now, and married for ten. When it's right, it's right. Many natural women have multiple unions; it depends on whether it's right. One thing I will add is that, after growing up so unhappy, I never wanted to spend another day unhappy, even if that meant ending a marriage too quickly. I finally think I have matured into a loving wife.

Monika: Did any of your husbands know about your transgender past?

Diana: Well my first husband did. He was my roommate's boyfriend's best friend, so he knew from the beginning. It didn't matter to him; we never discussed it at all. So it didn't play into why we broke up.

The Then and Now photos.

The second husband didn't know, which was hard on me because I had to fake periods and fabricate lies for the entire marriage. A union built on lies will not last, but I loved being seen as a natural female by my husband and his friends; it felt so normal to me.

My third husband didn't know about my past. I was legally and physically a female, and if he couldn't tell, I didn't feel it was his business. He already had his family with his late wife, so I didn't have to worry about children.

Now, my fourth and final husband, Nedal, knew from the moment I met him online. We met in an online chat room for Arabs learning to speak English. We became friends, and over a two-year courtship online, he invited me to visit him in Germany, where he was living. What I can say is that I feel God sent him to me and me to him.

Monika: Let's shift topics. How do you see the current situation for transgender women in American society?

Diana: Having lived in stealth for many years, I've heard people's reactions when they come face to face with someone they see as a man dressed as a woman. Most people are not really negative; they are mainly uneducated about the terminology and causes of the transgender condition.

We all need to educate the public so they will understand. If you are out and not living in stealth, you should take the time to tell people who know your situation and the details of transgenderism. You can be sure they will pass that information along the party line. Acceptance comes with knowledge and understanding.

Modeling Shoot, 1978.

Monika: We're seeing more and more transgender women step into the spotlight these days, unlike in years past - Lana Wachowski in film directing, Jenna Talackova in modeling, Kate Bornstein in academia, Laura Jane Grace in music, and Candis Cayne in acting. Do you think this trend will keep growing?

Diana: Of course, we will have more of these coming out as society begins to accept them more. If we can make sure, through education, that they learn to understand and accept us, then we will have more and more visible transgender role models. But I also feel we need to make sure that what they see are positive role models and not negative stereotypes. 

Modeling Shoot, 1977.

Monika: But alongside that, we still hear horrifying news about women being killed or beaten, like Chrissy Polis, attacked by two teenagers at McDonald's just for using the ladies' room. What do you think it will take to prevent this kind of violence?

Diana: For one thing, it's not safe for any lady to go out in public alone these days, and especially not the transgender woman, so going in groups will help cut the risk of getting hurt. Also, try to conduct yourself as a lady in public, so as not to draw attention to yourself.

I know people say we should have rights, and yes, we should, but I have seen how some transgender women act in public: some show off and wear clothing that's just too drag-looking. So how can they expect people to accept them? Well, perhaps they should, but we are dealing with human beings who have a tendency to pick up on these cues, and if those people are of a violent nature, they might cause harm. Safety should be our first concern when going out. We can cut down the risk by trying to fit in and not stand out.

Monika: Do you think we'll live to see a transgender woman become President of the United States?

Diana: No, not in my lifetime, and I expect not in yours. Perhaps in the next century, when people become more accepting of the transgender condition. This will only come through educating the young, so that when they, in turn, grow up, they will have a totally different view of transgender people than most people do now. When people learn this is not a choice but a condition we are born with, they will begin to accept us.

Wedding photo with her husband Nedal
in Amman, Jordan in 2003.

Monika: You're an antique collector. How did that hobby start?

Diana: I've always loved history and antiques, but it wasn't the current fashion of the 1970s, so it wasn't until the 1980s that I began to collect in a serious way. I learned that you could buy a piece of antique furniture for less than a piece of quality new furniture, and later, if you wanted to sell it, you could make a profit, whereas the new furniture you couldn't give away.

Monika: You spent years as a successful model. Did you enjoy it, and was it hard for a transgender woman to be accepted in that world?

Diana: I loved modeling; it was so much fun at the time. Also, I was never pegged as a transgender model; they never knew. I stopped modeling when I started putting on weight that I couldn't keep off. That's when I went to the other side of the camera, as a photographer.

In her Art Studio in Mississippi, 2003.

Monika: Do you have a passion for fashion? What do you usually wear, and are there any designs, colors, or trends you gravitate toward?

Diana: I have never been a fashion horse. I wear what fits my body and makes me look my best, which is what all transgender people should do, instead of trying to be slaves to fashion that might make them look awful. I say create your own fashion statement.
Also, I try to fit in with the people I come into contact with, so I blend in and don't stand out. But if you have the body and the youth, and you are in a big city where people dress in high fashion, I say go for it if that's what you like, but always look in the mirror and don't ask other people's opinions, because they will lie to you. What you see is what everybody will see.

Monika: Are you involved with your local LGBT community these days?

Diana: I am a member of the Mississippi Transgender Community and try to help in any way I can. Sadly, I am so out of touch with modern-day medicine, and most young trans people know more than I do about hormone therapy and which doctors are doing the best surgery. The best I can do is give moral support from the standpoint of someone who has been there. I mentor a few transgirls and do all I can to help them find their way.

Recent Photograph.

Monika: So many transgender women end up writing memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing one yourself?

Diana: Yes, Monika, I began my memoirs many years ago, but my life has been forever changing. So, when I get to a stopping point where I can finish it, I will, and I expect it will be a shocker.

Monika: So, all things considered, would you say you're a happy woman now?

Diana: I am as happy as most women who are getting older. I love myself and my life; I am as close to what I should have been as I can be in this life.
Am I happy that I was born transgender? No, who would be happy with a birth defect?
We learn to deal with it and move on. The life I could have had if I had been born naturally will never be there for me; I will never have children or grandchildren. But I am a very happy person and have no regrets about the decisions I have made in my life. I did what it took for me to survive.

Monika: Diana, this has been such a pleasure. Thank you so much!

END OF PART 2

Back to PART 1

 

All the photos: courtesy of Diana Salameh.

© 2013 - Monika Kowalska