Monika: But were you able to find a circle of close people?
Emilia: Yes, it’s possible. We have a group of friends who think similarly to us, we travel together, visit one another, sing, and spend time at yoga festivals. To have great, valuable friends, you have to tune in to their, let’s call it, vibration, start “cutting” the same way they do. Only then will they let us into their world.
Monika: Do you feel that your transition influenced your ability to build such relationships?
Emilia: I believe that if I were still my former “self,” none of the people I know today would want to shake my hand. It was only when I rebuilt my “self” from scratch, changed, and began choosing different paths that the space opened up for other interesting people to enter. Recently I summed it up this way: I’m very grateful that such remarkable people, in my eyes, want to associate with me and be my friends, artists, writers, musicians, travelers, brahmins, or even ascetics.
Monika: And how do you think one should take care of such friendships?
Emilia: We must remember that every relationship requires both the ability to receive and the ability to give. We need to be a source of support for others, give them our attention, listen, advise without judgment or criticism. Nurturing friendship is like tending to a very delicate little plant.
Monika: What personality traits were your shield in the toughest moments of transition?
Emilia: Patience, despite my ADHD. Faith in some higher purpose behind all of this, faith that if something still isn’t right, it only means it’s still in the process of falling into place.
Monika: Are you happy today? What does “happiness after transition” look like for you?
Emilia: Happiness is the brief moments in between the prose of everyday life. Yes, I believe my transition gave me happiness, but it’s not fuel for laughing 24 hours a day. It’s a ticket to being myself, taking off the shackles, but we still have to look for happiness further, deeper. Happiness is the search for purpose in life, setting goals and achieving them. It’s the moments with family, accomplishments, co-creating, and fulfilling oneself in different aspects of life. As John Paul I says in the series 1670 (It is a Polish mockumentary satirical comedy television series.), I was lucky to be born a nobleman in Poland.
We should appreciate what we have, we are alive, we have electricity, the internet, food, freedom, a roof over our heads, a bed with sheets and a mattress, and often also a car, vacations, computers, consoles. And yet we keep wanting more and more, while half the planet sleeps on the street without a roof. That alone is a huge reason to be happy.
|
| "Everyone has a different block and, for every block, there is a way through." |
Monika: Do you feel a sense of mission, that your experience might save someone’s life?
Emilia: Yes, I do feel a mission. I wrote my book clearly as a form of help. If I had written it from the level of my ego, I would have created something more commercial and marketable. I believe the book can help with reflection, with self-discovery, with avoiding certain problems, maybe even protect someone a little from the darkness of depression. But will it save a life? I wouldn’t go that far, I hope my book will never have to save anyone’s life!
Monika: If you could go back in time and meet your younger self, what one sentence would you hug her with?
Emilia: Maybe not just one sentence, I would rather give myself my book or simply show a picture of me today and say: “Chin up, girl, that’s you in a few years. Take care of your figure and read more self-help books. Oh, and buy lots of bitcoin!”
Monika: I know you dream of creating a few films. What would their heroines look like? Do you see yourself in them?
Emilia: I haven’t thought much about their appearance, more about the locations, budget, and effects. What matters most to me is an unforgettable script, a story that stays with you for months after watching. Once the script is ready, I want to plan the shots and frames carefully, because this part is often overlooked, and only truly exceptional films use refined cinematographic techniques that don’t actually require expensive effects.
Sometimes all it takes is moving the camera by a meter or changing the order of dialogue in the editing room. Look at the scene in Schindler’s List: in one moment, we see an evicted family moving into a new home and saying, “It could have been worse,” and in the very next shot, the title character moves into a luxurious villa and remarks, “It couldn’t have been better.” I don’t really see myself in such productions, maybe only in the form of a director’s cameo.
Monika: What would you say to someone who knows they are trans today but is afraid to start the journey?
Emilia: How can I help you? Simply that. Everyone has a different block, and for every block, there is a way through. Sometimes an outsider sees more possible solutions. That strength can come from support groups, psychotherapy, courses, or even books and podcasts. We either look for excuses or for ways forward.
Once, I told a friend that I would like to go to India someday. She asked me: “But do you actually want to go, or do you just want to want it?” It’s a bit like Yoda’s saying: “Do or do not, there is no try.” Some people just want to stay in a never-ending state of wanting, without ever acting on it. After those words, four months later I bought the tickets, and before that, I had been saying I wanted to go for eight years.
Monika: It was a real pleasure talking with you, Emilia. I hope your story will help many people find themselves and the courage to be who they are.
Emilia: Thank you so much for inviting me, I’m very pleased too.
All the photos: courtesy of Emilia Japonka.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
Other related sources:
No comments:
Post a Comment