Monika: What made you decide to start sharing your own story publicly, rather than just being part of the community?
Kizzy: So when I was comfortable with my own progress, and happy I could handle the visibility that came with it, I wanted to give a little back. I’m told that just sharing my story has been a big help to other late transitioners, as most social media is dominated by younger people, and although I’m still young at forty-three, I’m older than many, and therefore have a slightly different journey.
I’m really happy when any of my posts about being a surgeon or educator are seen widely, as this is the representation I talked about before. ‘You can’t be what you can’t see’ is very true, and I’m hopeful that I’ve convinced at least a few other trans people that a career in healthcare is a possibility.
One of the best parts about being active on social media is the people I get to meet, and hearing that I’ve had a positive effect on them. I do try to read as many direct messages as I can, but it sometimes takes a bit of a deep breath and mental fortitude to enter my ‘requests’ folder, due to the sleazy messages I get from lecherous guys.
I’ve also made quite a few professional connections through Instagram, which has been an unexpected joy. There’s a lot of good work being done in trans healthcare and education around the world, but it’s often done quietly, to avoid becoming a target for the anti-trans lobby. It’s been a real honour to be invited to contribute to some of this work, and I’m hoping to do more of it across Scotland and the UK in future.
Monika: Has being so visible online come with any downsides?
Kizzy: Being visible has inevitable downsides, like the sleaze I’ve already mentioned, and the vile comments from transphobes. I’m at the stage where I’m happy with who I am, and there’s not a great deal a bigot can say to me that hasn’t already been said a thousand times, so they’re just a nuisance these days. I spend a few minutes most mornings sorting through my comments and blocking transphobes, mostly because I don’t want my Instagram feed to be a place of hate. I’m aware that some comments that don’t bother me could be really upsetting for more vulnerable followers.
Probably the biggest downside is that I’m fully expecting to be the target of the anti-trans lobby at some point, and they are absolutely vicious. I worry about how it might affect my family and my job.
At the end of the day, I think being visible has more positives than negatives, and I don’t see myself giving up my social media presence any time soon.
Monika: Do you ever feel pressure to maintain a certain image on social media, or have you found it to be a tool for empowerment?
Kizzy: I’m not really someone who ‘chases the algorithm’, and I only post in my spare time, so I don’t feel pressure to do things a certain way. I do make sure I’m not posting anything that could cause issues with my job, and I’m careful with posts containing my family or friends, but that’s my own choice, not external pressure.
I find it quite funny to look at my metrics, which vary from millions of views for a video with pre- and post-transition pictures, to a few thousand views on a post about cosplay. I’m not stopping the cosplay posts, though, because I enjoy them.
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“Being open about your life on social media is a gift.” |
Kizzy: The only real pressure I’ve felt has been around my marriage and my relationship with my co-parent. In the past, lots of people commented on how much hope it gave them to see that I remained happily married after transition. When our relationship changed and we talked about separation, I made a conscious decision not to post pictures of my co-parent, and no longer talked about her in posts. I still got lots of DMs and comments from people asking about my relationship, such as ‘how does your wife feel about you now?’ I’m well aware that most of these were asked in good faith, but it felt quite intrusive. I think people see me being open about many aspects of my transition, and assume I’ll be open about every aspect.
When I did share news of my divorce, I felt there was a lot of pressure on me to continue this image of a ‘successful marriage’, and even guilt at ‘letting people down’. I actually received several comments and messages along the lines of ‘how dare you’ or ‘you were what was keeping me going’, which were rather unfair.
I think it’s important for people to understand that when someone is open about their life on social media, it is a gift, and no one is entitled to more than the individual is willing to give.
Monika: How did your family and close friends respond to your transition, and how has your relationship with them evolved?
Kizzy: I’ve already talked about my relationship with my parents, which is as loving as it has ever been. It’s similar with my older sister, who I think was the second or third person I came out to. She’s been incredibly supportive from the very start, and I’m not sure I could have gotten through the early months, particularly when things were difficult with my parents, without her.
As for my close friends, I think I’ve already covered that in an earlier answer.
Monika: Transitioning is often a long and emotional journey. What have been some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced, and how did you overcome them?
Kizzy: Aside from the personal struggle of finally accepting I am trans, the biggest challenges were around the end of my marriage and coming out to my parents. My parents are wonderful, loving and supportive people, but they had next to no knowledge about trans people. What little knowledge they did have came from dubious sources, particularly supposedly left-wing but, in reality, very transphobic newspapers and media. That meant that when I came out to them it was not only a shock, but came with a lot of negative ideas, and while I never doubted that they loved me, it resulted in a really difficult time in our relationship. However, they did a lot of work to educate themselves and understand my journey, and quickly became unwaveringly supportive. Being introduced as their younger daughter still makes me really emotional.
I try not to talk too much about the end of my marriage, other than to say my co-parent is wonderful, because I feel it’s not just my story to tell. If she ever wants to talk about it more publicly, then I’ll join her voice, but for now I’ll keep the details private.
Monika: Beyond your personal relationships, what’s the hardest part of navigating transition day to day now?
Kizzy: The biggest ongoing challenge of transition is the constant minority stress, the chipping away at my mental health from living in an institutionally transphobic country that is actively trying to make the lives of trans people unlivable. It’s easy to underestimate how much of an effect this has, and I often wonder if I need to take a bit of time off now and then, especially from the activism work I’m involved with. I sometimes find myself exhausted after a day spent trying to coordinate a draft response to the latest trans-exclusionary policy, and the emotional toll can be significant.
Monika: Looking back, what advice would you give to someone who is just beginning their own transition journey or who is struggling to fully embrace their true self?
Kizzy: That’s a difficult one, as everyone’s journey and circumstances are different. I guess some basic advice:
Find a therapist and deal with all of your traumas, not just the ones relating to transition. The old adage is true: transitioning will not solve all your problems, but it might make them worth solving.
Find community, and listen to their experience. Understand the challenges they face, and have insight into your own privileges. Avoid needless infighting. Help others climb the ladder after you, and don’t try to pull down the ones in front.
Suppressing dysphoria never makes it go away. If you choose not to transition to save a relationship, know that you will always be suppressing it. If that’s right for you, then go ahead, but ask yourself where you’ll be in ten years. Married and happy? Married and miserable with dysphoria? Divorced and living true? This is the most personal of questions, and only you can answer it.
When it’s time, and you have the mental fortitude, join the fight for our rights in any way you can, but don’t do it too early. Put your own mask on first.
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| “This too shall pass.” |
Monika: As a successful surgeon, educator and transgender woman, how do you see your role in advocating for transgender rights and supporting others in the community? What’s next for you in your journey of self-discovery and personal growth?
Kizzy: I’ve got a lot of things going on in my personal and professional life over the next year or so, but I hope to do more as an activist and on social media.
I’m becoming increasingly involved in advocacy work, particularly around policy and access to healthcare, and I’d like that to continue growing, although I’m quite happy for much of it to happen behind the scenes. On social media, I’m working on several educational video series: one looking at the biology and medicine of transition, another on surgical care, and I’m thinking about a more personal series sharing my experiences and practical advice for people early in transition, everything from learning basic make-up, less is more, to dressing a more masculine body.
Monika: And where do you see yourself heading, both professionally and personally?
Kizzy: Professionally, I’d like to become more involved in LGBTQ+ medicine, both within my own university and nationally. Somewhere in the realm of pipe dreams is the idea of retraining in facial feminisation surgery, although whether that ever becomes remotely practical remains to be seen. I’m not sure I could handle going back to being a trainee.
Personally, I mostly want to keep exploring who I am, and enjoying the freedom that transition has given me to do that. That includes getting more tattoos and piercings.
Monika: Kizzy, thank you so much for sharing your incredible journey with us today! Your story is not only inspiring but also a powerful reminder of the strength, courage and joy that come with embracing one’s true self. Before we wrap up, is there any final message you’d like to share with those who may be reading and looking to find their own path to self-acceptance or transition?
Kizzy: Thanks, Monika, this has been an interesting exercise in self-reflection!
I’d first like to just extend a plea to any cis allies who are reading this, as a sort-of ‘call to arms’. We are currently in a very dangerous time for trans people, when our basic human rights are under constant attack. We have already lost so much, and lost so many people. We are a tiny minority who cannot fight alone against the tide of right-wing power and money, so now is the time that we need help. Now is the time to become political and make a stand, whether that is writing to politicians to demand trans people be given access to the healthcare we need, or boycotting intellectual properties whose profits fund anti-trans hate.
To any trans people who are reading this, I like these two mantras that I torture my children with:
‘This too shall pass’, to appreciate the good times and remain positive in the bad ones.
‘The first step to being good at something is being bad at it’, don’t give up at the early hurdles. Everything worthwhile in life takes effort and persistence, particularly winged eyeliner.
Lots of love to you all. x
END OF PART 3
All photos: courtesy of Kizzy B.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
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