Monika: I remember the euphoria right after my own transition. My closet is still stuffed with dresses and shoes I bought by the dozen, tried on hundreds of things. It felt like I had to make up for all those lost years in one go. Did you go through that same phase?
Kristine: Yes and no. I went through that phase of buying things and dressing like a princess, or in all those other typical styles, before. Now that I can just be myself, I live with the euphoria of being myself in my own style.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style these days? Are you chasing trends, or do you have your go-to looks that just make you feel like you?
Kristine: I'm definitely not chasing any trends. I have my own style, elegant but feminine. I do care how I look, but it's really balanced: dresses, skirts, shirts, blouses, with careful thought given to colours and materials. I confess I love cashmere. It's so expensive, but you know how it is. And yes, I do have my favourite brands.
Monika: And makeup, are you someone who loves playing around with it, or more of a "throw on the basics and go" kind of woman?
Kristine: Neither. I always wear makeup when I go out, even if it's just shopping, but I have just one simple way of doing it. Obviously I don't count occasions when I need a perfect look. For those, I just ask professionals for help.
Monika: Okay, I have to say it. I've seen your professional glamour photos on social media, and honestly, I'm a little envious. They're stunning, and they actually inspired me to want to do a session of my own. What's behind them for you? Is it more about self-validation, promotion for your work, or just pure joy in seeing yourself like that?
Kristine: Right now it's not so important to me, but back then, they were a form of therapy. Professional makeup, professional shots, good light, some creativity in styling, and maybe even a whole story behind it, like in the session for the book. That gave a wow effect, even for myself, and it built my self-confidence as a woman. I strongly advise every woman, trans or cis, to do a professional session at least once in a lifetime, so they can see how they really look when taken care of, not in the morning or evening mirror. For me they were also a form of creativity, until I got back to theatre. Now they've lost their place in my heart to Shakespeare's way of art.
|
|
"I have my own style, elegant but feminine." |
Monika: On that note, do you actually enjoy being complimented on your looks? Or is it hard to just take it at face value and believe it?
Kristine: I'm a gifted person, I know I have good looks, I was just lucky enough to have a fairly round face and a moderate figure. When you add some makeup, a good choice of clothes, and hairdressing, I use a natural hair wig, out comes Kristine, as you see her. I like being complimented, as it's an appreciation of the work I put into that look. Obviously, all of this is taking into account that I'm in my fifties.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to fit some ideal of femininity, like measuring yourself against the women around you?
Kristine: I set my own ideal. But yes, I do feel a gap between where I am and where I want to be, that's why my FFS is next Monday. However, looking at cis women these days, I don't feel I need to be more feminine. I would say I'm more feminine than most of them.
Monika: Choosing a name is such a personal thing. It can carry so many layers. How did you land on Kristine? Does it hold some special meaning for you, like it captures a piece of your journey or something you were reaching for?
Kristine: It's simple. The name I got at birth was Krzysztof (Christopher). But even during my studies I used Kris as an abbreviation, and what only I knew was that Kris is more gender-neutral. After my coming out I officially changed my name in my documents to Kris. You have to know that in Poland your name has to match proof of gender alignment, so I had to keep a male name, as I still have an M in my documents.
That's another problem in Poland: you can align your gender in your documents, but first you would have to divorce, since same-sex marriage isn't possible in Poland. So again, a compromise. I live as a woman, look like one, feel like one, have had FFS and mammoplasty, but still have that M in my passport. So why Kristine? Because I wanted to keep the Kris and, at the same time, give it a more feminine sound.
Monika: This whole journey to being yourself usually comes with a price, friends, family, sometimes even your job. You seem to have managed all of them. Is it true, or is there still a price to pay?
Kristine: There is always a price. I lost a few work friends, lost part of my family, and eventually my job, though not solely because of the transition. But I'm optimistic. I gained much more than I lost, and fortunately I was financially prepared for this.
Monika: A lot of us feel this pressure to "pass," and honestly, even after everything, our transition, all of it, the world still judges us. How do you personally deal with those outside expectations?
Kristine: I find myself friends who like me as I am. What I expect of myself is more important than what others think.
|
|
"I live as a woman, look like one, feel like one." Photo: Milena Lasoń. |
Monika: You've already written yourself into a poem, a novel, and a play. If you let yourself dream a little further out, five, ten years from now, what's the story you still haven't told yet?
Kristine: I really don't know. If I knew that, I would already have done it.
Monika: Kristine, thank you so much for sitting down with me and being this open. It means a lot to me, and I think to everyone who's going to read this.
Kristine: Thank you, Monika, for reaching out to me. I spent some time at Berkeley Haas, and I feel some sympathy for the American people, despite the current government. Who knows, maybe one day I'll come back to the US, perhaps for an author's evening or a theatre play. Good luck to all of you.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Kristine Turowska.
Main photo: Katarzyna Wołyniak.
© 2026 - Monika Kowalska
No comments:
Post a Comment