Monika: This question is not relevant to you because you look ultrafeminine but I am curious about your opinion. Unfortunately, most of us are said to be prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome. Although cosmetic surgeries help to overcome it, we will always be judged accordingly. How can we cope with this?
Lilith: I recently had surgery to remove silicone from my lips and breast implants. At the end of the 90s, I ran into an aesthetic doctor who injected silicone into my lips, without explaining to me what material it was. All the same, he used non-European prostheses which I had to remove after ten years. At that point, I would have left my hormone-enhanced breasts without external reinforcements, but the new surgeon convinced me to replace the prostheses with new super-safe ones of the latest generation and he didn't want to remove all the silicone because, for him, plump lips were necessary for a woman. These surgical interventions are acts of violence, we must be careful not to become the woman, the person, imagined by someone else.
Finally today I found Dr. Giulia Lo Russo who also reconstructs the male chest in trans boys in Florence and fulfilled my desire for lightness. I believe that every person has a beautiful journey of discovery ahead of them, so we must listen to ourselves, follow our instincts, be kind to ourselves and pay attention to who we put our bodies in the hands of, running away from standardized and stereotyped aesthetic canons, for as I see it. Then everyone is free, absolutely. Surgery is a practice like any other, like getting a tattoo or not getting one. Let's remember that the judgment of others is relative, the important thing is to find yourself with people you love. Not with just anyone.
Monika: We all pay the highest price for fulfilling our dreams to be ourselves. As a result, most of us lose our families, friends, jobs, and social positions. It seems that you managed to avoid such problems.
Lilith: I started living as a woman at 18, sending my family into a panic. It was very difficult: I lost friendships, the closeness of my family, years of school, job opportunities and social credibility. Now it's been 25 years since I took my own path, and I changed many times to find my balance, find family members, create networks of friends, be able to pay rent and bills and try not to make myself invisible, to realize my life. So no, it wasn't easy and it still isn't: I suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome, but I have my little dog Ernesto, my most sincere friends close by, Christmas dinners with what remains of my birth family and I'm still here, with a certain desire to get involved again.
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| "We must be careful not to become the woman, the person, imagined by someone else." Photo: @jordibt |
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a transgender woman on TV or met anyone transgender in person that opened your eyes and allowed you to realize who you are?
Lilith: The first time I met a trans person, it was in the 90s and I was with some friends in a meeting place behind the Colosseum, where we met live because there were no dating apps, the internet wasn't something for anyone, and it wouldn't have been, here in Italy, until the early 2000s. So no online forums, or anything like that: everything analogue. All live.
She arrived looking fabulous with a very high ponytail, very long hair, stiletto-heeled boots, fabulous. Cristina, from Peru. She struck me. I started taking hormones two weeks later.
Monika: You are a great LGBTQI+ activist. What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in your country?
Lilith: Among the Ancient Romans, there were those who advised retiring from public life at the age of forty. I would be so tempted, looking around and seeing TV and press journalists, "cultural" people who still "get" pronouns wrong when talking about trans women, or those involved in politics in important official positions inciting discrimination and hatred, or infiltrated TERFs everywhere on television and in feminist circles, to run away to live in the countryside and not think about anything anymore! But then I'm curious, every now and then I have my say, and I trust in the very new generations. And so, as a good "Roman from Rome", last summer I isolated myself for three and a half months on a very small island in Sicily, where only 60 people live. Canetto Ernesto and me. And I have NEVER listened to or looked for news. A dream.
Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers treated me in a way as if the transition lowered my IQ. Did you experience the same? Do you think it happens because we are women or because we are transgender? Or both?
Lilith: Because we are women.
Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?
Lilith: Hold your head high and remember the value of your professional training or in any case keep in mind that any job has value as it contributes to society in some way. Don't let yourself be dragged down by stereotyped speeches and stay focused on what the job requires and what you can offer in this regard. In an ideal society, we shouldn't live to work. Otherwise, we are slaves in disguise.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Lilith: In this phase of my life, True Love is Ernesto, my dog. For me, love has always been very important, but sometimes I confused it with the need to be accepted and seen and I sought it in many ways and forms, even practicing Tantra!!!
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Lilith: Yes, I've thought about it, and every now and then I take some notes, but I also thought that I don't particularly like reading other people's memoirs, so for the moment I won't write mine either.
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| "The unfinished is a sign of the Divine." |
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women who are afraid of transition?
Lilith: Being afraid to transition is being afraid to live. A little fear is functional for survival, but living is another thing. However, every life is interesting and can lead to unexpected territories, and "The unfinished is a sign of the Divine.", a phrase that I read somewhere many years ago, and which I don't really know what it could mean, but it resonates with me a lot.
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Lilith: Yes, I totally agree.
Monika: Lilith, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Lilith: A thousand thanks!
All the photos: courtesy of Lilith Primavera.
Main photo: @ricciocapriccio_roma
© 2024 - Monika Kowalska
MUSIC
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| Amami (2018) | Nuda (2019) | Vanilla (2022) |
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| Molto (2022) | Taboo (2022) | Goodbye My Lover (2022) |
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| Polvere e pelle (2022) | ||
MOVIES
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| Chiesa e Stato vol. 1 - Potere spirituale (2013) |
Analogue Sensations Modelling: Transmutation (2014) |
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| Le sorelle Karamazow (2015) |
Mamma + Mamma (2018) |
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| Abisso nero (2020) |
Anima bella (2021) |
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| Le fate ignoranti (2022) |
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