Monika: In the 1960s and 1970s, Harvey Milk was a leading voice for gay activism in the USA. Does the transgender community have anyone whose actions could be compared to his?
Nicole: Laverne Cox and Janet Mock immediately come to mind when I think of positive activists for the transgender community. Both are willing to speak out about their life stories, educate others about transgender issues, and positively and confidently represent transgender individuals. I have a lot of respect for these two women. Their presence in the community is helping society to see that transgender women are to be respected, not feared.
Monika: What place does love hold in your life?
Nicole: Love is present in my life in so many ways and I am forever grateful for it! First and foremost is the love of my life and my wife, Lori. I couldn’t have made it through the transition without her by my side. When I came out to Lori as being transgender, I really didn’t know what to expect.
Monika: How did Lori react when you told her?
Nicole: I must admit that I was amazed when, not only did Lori want to remain married to me, but she also asked what she needed to do to support me through the transition. While this was what I wanted most in the world, I couldn’t believe it was actually true! Even more exciting is that we continue to be happily married today and she has not wavered in her support for me for a second. Our marriage is stronger than ever and our love continues to grow every day! I am also thrilled to have the support of my family and friends. It is great to see the number of new friends that I’ve made throughout the transition.
Monika: Beauty brings a lot of girl power and empowerment. Do you often draw on it yourself?
Nicole: Girl power and empowerment are gained when a person recognizes their inner beauty. Inner beauty encompasses so many things: intelligence, self-esteem, self-confidence, recognition of talents and interests, to name just a few. Once an individual identifies and believes in these characteristics, they are not only beautiful on the inside, but also exude beauty on the outside. Inner beauty is what allows a person to carry themselves confidently, smile brightly, make intent eye contact, and convey interesting ideas. Outer beauty is of course a person’s physical characteristics. Without inner beauty, a person cannot be beautiful on the outside for very long.
Monika: And does that inner beauty give you strength in everyday life?
Nicole: Absolutely, you can bet that I use my inner beauty, which produces female empowerment. This helps me to develop strong relationships, increase trust, and accomplish tasks. Beauty is a wonderful thing!
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| Girls’ day out. |
Monika: Fashion seems close to your heart. What do you usually wear, and are there special designs, colors, or trends you favor?
Nicole: I must say that I am a bit of a “fashionista”! Truly, I always had a flair for women’s fashion even before I came out as transgender. I knew which styles looked really good and which trends were hip. Currently, I dress in a wide variety of looks, which I choose based on my mood and events that I attend. I prefer bright, flashy colors, I love to accessorize, and I feel my best in outfits that are ultra-femme and classy. Keeping up with fashion trends is an interest of mine.
Monika: Transgender beauty pageants are drawing more and more attention. What is your take on them?
Nicole: I know that transgender beauty pageants take place, but truthfully, I don’t know a lot about them. I believe that all beauty pageants can send a positive message about the multiple levels of beauty. Yes, beauty pageants do tend to emphasize outer beauty, but many pageants also focus on highlighting women’s viewpoints on political issues, accentuating their talents, and emphasizing poise and confidence. Furthermore, transgender pageants can help to raise awareness that transgender individuals are out there in the community making a difference. Pageants can also open up opportunities that otherwise might not be available to those who participate, such as earning scholarships.
Monika: Beyond the documentary, are there any other projects on your horizon?
Nicole: At this point, my primary focus is on completing the documentary. Once the documentary is complete, most of my efforts will go into marketing it to various distribution channels. Furthermore, the documentary will be introduced to families of transgender people who are just beginning their coming out process and transition journey so they may gain an increased understanding of what they might experience along the way. Finally, it is my hope to give presentations of my story across the country.
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame once wrote to me that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transsexual and transgender people doing, and that our dreams do not end on an operating table, because that is where they begin. Do you agree?
Nicole: My dreams began the very day that I admitted to myself that I am transgender. At that very moment, there was no turning back, and that is a good thing. The denial was gone; it was time to claim my life as Nicole and achieve those dreams that seemed so out of reach! My time on the operating table and the journey to get there is just a small part of the rest of my life! The greatest dream of my entire life was just to live authentically, to be me, and to express myself without fear of being “found out”. My life will only flourish from there as I set forth to make a change in the world by documenting my story on film and sharing it with others.
Monika: Nicole, thank you for this wonderful conversation!
Nicole: Thank you so much, Monika, for taking the time to interview me. It was my pleasure!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Nicole Bray.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
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