Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a trans woman on TV or met one in real life that helped you realize, “That’s me!”?
Rachel: I do! I stumbled on a video by ‘Sona Avedian’. A beautiful trans woman documenting her feelings and transition in a YouTube video. She showed her life of compensating by being ‘manly’, joining the military, and racing cars. I just cried like I was watching myself. Finally, someone who actually related to every single feeling I had felt in my life but told nobody. We are friends now but I will never forget the first time I saw her.
Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers treated me in a way as if the transition lowered my IQ. Did you experience the same? Do you think it happens because we are women or because we are transgender? Or both?
Rachel: Oh no I’m sorry that happened to you! I didn't have much of a reaction since I was in the military and there were rules protecting me at the time. Even when I was a civilian, I worked at a military base and the people there are far more accepting than you would believe! I dressed and acted ‘male’. I just quietly took hormones and did my thing and people would joke about me cutting my hair.
One day I asked my manager how I would go about ‘changing my name or info ‘ in the company. She just said…”You tell us your name and we call you that? No biggie” It really was that easy. I changed my name and info and people treated me basically the same. I did get a lot of looks however as my hair got longer. I also looked like a guy wearing a bra under a polo and wearing nail polish. It was not cute but I lived through it haha.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition that you didn’t expect, either positively or negatively?
Rachel: I would say the most surprising part was the amount of support I did have! Before transitioning, I had a sort of idea on the type of people who would stick around and not. Maybe the gay friends would be ok, and the macho military bros would call me slurs. I was VERY surprised with the results! You would not believe the people who have your back. It could be some of the most redneck, gun-toting, religious men you used to drink with, and they sick around. I can’t promise you the same thing for everyone who wants to transition, I did lose people don’t get me wrong… but I can promise that you will be amazed by the people in your life who do unconditionally love you.
Monika: Why did you pick 'Rachel' for your name? Was there a special reason behind it?
Rachel: I get asked this a lot haha! Honestly, no. No reason. It was as simple as it was a name I liked! I always liked the name and thought it was pretty since maybe 3rd grade! When I was first toying with the idea of transition, I wrote a long list of names I thought were pretty. A lot of names I liked could have cute nicknames like “Elizabeth” with “Liz, Lizzy, or Beth” or “Samantha” with “Sam or Sammie”.
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| "You CAN be yourself! There are people who will support you." |
Monika: How did your family react when you decided to transition? Were they surprised?
Rachel: Negatively! They were VERY surprised and against it. Begging me not to ruin my life, asking “Can’t you just be gay?” or “But God made you a male”, on and on..It was very very difficult.
But like I said before, when I got to the point of wanting to transition, I was already mentally prepared to lose everything and everyone. I was doing this with or without them, and I was tired of living for everyone else. Over time and many years later, I can happily say that even they came around.
My parents refer to me as their daughter and say they should have known and wish I told them earlier. It took a very long time, but I think if you just stay true to yourself and people see you happy, the ones worth keeping in your life will stick around.
Monika: A lot of us, myself included, juggle the roles of wives, mothers, and daughters, sometimes trying to leave our past behind. But you’ve chosen to be an advocate for transgender rights and show a positive image of who we are. Have you ever felt tempted to just blend in as a woman, rather than embracing the full journey of being a transgender woman?
Rachel: I feel like I’m a bit in between. In my daily life, many would probably consider me living “stealth”. I don’t often talk about my transition or go to LGBT parades or anything, but I will never be a secret, and my life is public on the internet with videos viewed by millions. I am happy to talk about it if the topic comes up naturally or if people have questions.
I guess for me, I just don’t want my ‘transness’ to be my personality. I’m a gamer. I’m a car enthusiast. I’m the nerd you see at the comic book store playing cards. I’m a girl who likes to go to concerts and plays. I like to read and get my nails done. I like movies and museums. I’m just a regular woman who happens to be trans. I accept it’s a part of my past and who I am.
I think it’s important to be honest and open about it, to show others it’s not some secret and for those who still may be like we once were, scared and alone, that there are others like them. With that said, you don’t have to talk about it all the time and wave a giant trans flag. I also think it’s important on a macro scale to just live normally. Cis and trans men are men. Cis and trans women are women. If you don't make such a big deal about it, I think it will be less of a shock to others and will make things more normalized for everyone.
Monika: How important is love and finding the right partner to you? What do you look for in a connection? Have you ever tried online dating to find that special someone?
Rachel: I think love for others is very important, but I take it you mean romantically. I have tried dating both online and in person, and it’s certainly difficult in the world’s current political climate! I have been on dates with guys later to find out they hate transgender people. It can be scary so I think as a trans person especially you really need to make sure you get to know a person.
Pay attention to not only how they treat you, but how they speak and treat others! It is not a huge priority for me but something I’m open to. I want someone who is kind and open-minded. A person I can have as a best friend to laugh with and support. I want someone who loves past the surface level of the superficial. Someone who would love me the same if I was rich or poor; The same if I was a burn victim or model. I would love to find someone to spend life with and maybe one day I will.
Monika: Alright, last question - if you could give one piece of advice to your past self on this journey to womanhood, what would it be?
Rachel: “Tell the truth”. I always, always knew this was what I wanted, and I tried so hard to deny it and convince myself otherwise. I tried to be what everyone else wanted and tried to tell myself that I’d get over it and there wasn't anything I could do about it. That it was not worth it. Stuffing your feelings down just causes them to boil over. It leads to resentment and depression. It also leaves a barrier to true, unconditional love; knowing that ‘this person loves me but if they knew this about me they wouldn't’. You CAN be yourself! There are people who will support you.
My best advice is to use yourself as an example. Would YOU disown someone who confided in you they wanted to transition? Would you kick your kid out or stop being someone’s friend? If you know in your heart you could accept someone, then you owe it to yourself to accept yourself the same way.
Monika: Thank you so much for sharing your journey today, Rachel. It’s been such a joy to chat with you. I know your story is going to inspire so many people out there. Take care, and keep being your amazing self!
Rachel: Thank you for chatting with me! I’m honored to have the time and if my story can even help one person I am thankful and blessed. I appreciate your kind words and wish you the same. May you always have the courage to be yourself. I wish you nothing but the best and please remember to be kind to yourself and others!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Rachel Peacock.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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