Monika: During your transition, did you have any transgender role models who inspired you or helped guide your journey?
Julia: No, I didn’t. And while I wish I had, the truth is, I walked this path guided solely by my own thoughts, instincts, and inner knowing. And I did have a love story that changed everything. Christopher wasn’t a role model, but he became a reflection. Our relationship, for better or worse, forced me to look at myself with brutal honesty. He saw me, truly saw me, before I had the courage to see myself. And in the beginning, being with him gave me permission to begin my transition, to soften into my truth, to explore my womanhood not just in theory, but in presence. That intimacy, that affirmation, it cracked something open in me.
Monika: Do you think that heartbreak, and the pain that came after, was just as pivotal to your journey as the love itself?
Julia: Absolutely. It was also through the heartbreak, the deception, the betrayal, the unraveling, that I became the woman I was meant to be. Because when he chose a life without me, I chose myself. I had no guide, no blueprint. Just the ache of loss and the fire of becoming. Christopher didn’t lead me, but our story pushed me. It was the catalyst. And when he walked away, I stayed. I stayed with myself, and I kept walking forward, one trembling step at a time.
If anyone sees me now as a role model, it’s because I became what I never had. I forged this identity in love, in grief, in silence, and in strength. I didn’t follow someone else’s trail, I built my own, through tears and truth and radical self-devotion.
As I wrote in Becoming Me: “I wasn’t led, I led myself. With trembling hands and a voice no one heard but me, I stepped into the woman I was always meant to be. And that, in itself, is revolutionary.”
Monika: I finally felt free after my transition. How about you? Was there a single moment, or maybe a series of moments, where you truly felt like you had stepped into your most authentic self?
Julia: Yes. Not just one, but a series of sacred moments that peeled back the layers of fear and allowed my truth to breathe. There was the first time I looked in the mirror and didn’t flinch, but smiled. The first time I walked into public, feminine and free, and held my head high. The first time I was called “her”, not out of obligation, but out of understanding. And I wept, not from pain, but from recognition.
Monika: You mentioned Christopher, how did that day with him, and starting hormones, shape your sense of self?
Julia: The moment that still haunts me with its beauty was the day I started hormones, September 30th. The same day I met Christopher in person. He looked at me like I was a masterpiece, not a work in progress. He saw the woman in me without hesitation. And something in me finally gave myself permission to believe him. That day didn’t complete my journey, but it ignited it. I haven’t had any surgeries yet, but I dream of them. Desperately. Not because they define womanhood, but because they would finally allow my outside to align with the peace I’m beginning to feel within.
Monika: How do you hold on to that sense of peace while still longing for what hasn’t yet come?
Julia: I’ve learned to honor this body for how bravely it has carried me. Authenticity, for me, isn’t a final look, it’s a final knowing. It’s the sound of my own voice saying, “Yes, this is who I am.” . And these days, even without everything I long for, I walk in that knowing. I carry it like armor. I wear it like wings.
As I wrote in Begin Again & Let the Light In: “There will come a day when you no longer ache to be seen, because you’ve seen yourself so clearly, so tenderly, that the world’s gaze no longer defines you. That day is your freedom. That day is your beginning.”
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| "Hormone therapy changed everything." |
Julia: Hormone therapy changed everything. Physically, my body began to soften. My skin felt different. My features started aligning with how I always saw myself in my heart. But the biggest shift happened emotionally. It was like I finally had access to feelings that had always been locked away. I started crying more often, but it was healing. I felt things more deeply. Music, touch, even moments of silence, carried weight in new ways. It was overwhelming sometimes, but also beautiful.
Monika: Were there any moments of doubt or difficulty along the way that shaped your understanding of yourself more deeply?
Julia: For the first time, I wasn’t numb. I was alive. There were hard days, too. Times when I felt like a stranger in my own emotions, trying to figure out how to cope. But even then, I never doubted the decision. Hormone therapy gave me back pieces of myself I didn’t know I was missing. It helped me become the version of me that had always existed beneath the surface.
There was a moment, just a few months in, when I looked at my reflection and truly recognized myself. Not because I looked perfect, but because something clicked inside. I felt peace. I felt seen. Hormone therapy didn’t just change my body. It gave me clarity. It gave me freedom. It gave me.
Monika: The journey to being our true selves often comes with a heavy price, losing friends, family, and sometimes even our jobs. What was the hardest part of coming out for you, and how did you navigate it?
Julia: The hardest part of coming out was not the judgment or the loss. It was the silence. The people who once called me family suddenly had nothing to say. Friends who promised they’d always love me quietly disappeared. And it wasn’t loud rejection that broke my heart, it was the quiet absence of people I thought would stand beside me. Coming out meant risking everything. I lost jobs, stability, people I would have once gone to the ends of the earth for. But what I gained was something no one could ever take away from me again. I gained truth. I gained peace. I gained myself.
Monika: In the aftermath of that loss and silence, how did you begin to rebuild, emotionally and socially?
Julia: Navigating it was not easy. There were nights I cried myself to sleep. Days I didn’t know how I was going to survive. But I kept choosing me. Every single day. I chose to get back up. I chose to keep loving myself, even when others couldn’t. I chose to walk forward, even if I had to do it alone. And slowly, new people appeared. People who didn’t just accept me, but celebrated me. Chosen family. Real friends. And the woman I had buried for so long finally had room to breathe. It cost me a lot. But I would do it all again. Because living a lie may keep you safe, but it will never set you free.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a trans woman on TV or met one in real life that helped you realize, “That’s me!”?
Julia: The truth is, I didn’t. I didn’t grow up seeing trans women on TV, and I didn’t meet one in real life who made me stop and say, “That’s me.” My realization didn’t come from outside, it came from within. It wasn’t about representation. It was about a quiet, persistent voice inside of me that had been whispering the truth since I was a child. I didn’t need someone else to show me who I was. I already knew. I just didn’t have the language. I didn’t have the safety. I didn’t have the mirror yet.
When I finally came out, I did it without a map. No footsteps to follow. No mentor to guide me. I trusted my own knowing, and I became the woman I had always imagined, not because I saw her on screen, but because I had felt her in my soul every day of my life. Now, if someone sees me and says, “That’s me,” I know exactly what that moment means. And I am honored to be the mirror I never had.
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| "I didn’t grow up seeing trans women on TV." |
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Julia: I stopped living for other people’s comfort a long time ago. The truth is, no matter how much you pass, blend, soften, or change, someone will always have an opinion. Someone will always try to reduce you to parts or pick you apart. And I realized that if I kept chasing acceptance, I’d be running my whole life. I haven’t had surgeries yet, though I want them deeply. But even without them, I am still a woman. And I don’t need to perform that truth for anyone.
There are days when the stares sting, when the misgendering hurts, when the fear creeps in. I’m human. But I remind myself that my existence is not a debate. It’s not up for approval. It’s not for anyone else to define. I deal with the world’s expectations by setting my own. I choose grace over shame, strength over shrinking, and truth over perfection. Some days, that means walking into a room like I own it. Other days, it means surviving with my head held just high enough. But every single day, I remind myself, passing is not the prize. Peace is.
Monika: What are your thoughts on the current situation for transgender women in your country?
Julia: It’s heartbreaking. It’s exhausting. And it’s infuriating. Transgender women, especially Black and brown trans women, are being targeted, politicized, erased, and harmed at every level, from legislation to violence in the streets. We are treated like a debate, like a threat, like an inconvenience. And the worst part is, so much of this hatred is dressed up as morality or protection. We are fighting just to exist. To work. To love. To live. While laws are being written to take away our healthcare, our privacy, our dignity. We’re watching people who’ve never lived a day in our skin make decisions about our bodies and our rights like we’re not even human.
Monika: In the face of all this adversity, what gives you hope and strength to keep going?
Julia: Here’s what I know for sure: we are not going anywhere. We are raising our voices. We are building our own platforms. We are writing books, starting businesses, creating art, and lifting each other up in ways that no government or hate group can ever take away. The current situation is dangerous, yes. But it’s also calling forth a generation of trans women who are more powerful, more united, and more unstoppable than ever before. And I’m proud to be one of them.
"They tried to silence us, legislate us, erase us. But we are not going anywhere. We are the voice, the fire, the future. We are rising, not just in spite of the hate, but because of it." , Julia Shelton
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| "Transgender women are not robots." |
Monika: The sexuality of transgender women is often a taboo subject. I’m always surprised by how many people believe we don’t have the same desires and needs as our cisgender female peers. Is it important for you to challenge these misconceptions about transgender women's sexuality?
Julia: It is beyond important, it’s necessary. Because the silence around our sexuality is not just uncomfortable, it’s dangerous. When people refuse to see us as fully human, with desires, needs, intimacy, and complexity, they strip us of our agency. They reduce us to fantasies or erase us altogether.
Transgender women are not robots. We’re not objects. We are women, with the same longing to be loved, touched, held, and desired that every other woman experiences. We deserve romance that is real, not fetishized. Intimacy that is mutual, not transactional. And relationships that don’t treat our gender as a curiosity, but as truth.
Monika: And how do you navigate the contradictions of being simultaneously fetishized and erased, desired in secret but shamed in public?
Julia: People act like talking about our sexuality is taboo, but they have no problem hypersexualizing us in secret. The same people who shame us are often the ones who desire us behind closed doors. And we’re done carrying the shame they try to place on our shoulders. I speak openly about these things because I know what it feels like to be seen as everything but worthy of love. And I know how healing it is when someone finally looks at you and sees a woman they want to cherish, not just hide. So yes, I challenge the misconceptions. I break the silence. I tell the truth. Because the more we speak it, the more power we take back.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Julia: My personal style is a little bit classic, a little bit glam, and a whole lot of confidence. I’m not chasing trends, I’m curating a feeling. I like to wear things that tell the world who I am before I ever open my mouth, feminine, polished, soft in some ways, but commanding in others. I love clean lines, flattering silhouettes, and a little sparkle when the moment calls for it.
There’s something sacred about getting dressed when you’ve fought for the right to be seen as yourself. For me, it’s not just fashion, it’s freedom. Some days, that means a flowy dress that hugs just right; other days, it’s a perfectly fitted blazer and heels that make me feel unstoppable. And let’s not forget a bold lip and earrings that catch the light when I move. I don’t just dress to impress, I dress to express. I believe that what you wear should reflect how far you’ve come. My style isn’t just about looking good, it’s about honoring the woman I’ve become. And every time I walk out the door, I do it like I’ve already arrived.
Monika: Do you love playing around with makeup, or is it more of a “throw on the basics and go” kind of vibe for you?
Julia: It honestly depends on the day and the mood. Some days, it’s a bold winged liner, a sculpted cheek, and a lip that says, “Don’t even try me.” Other days, it’s concealer, brows, and lip gloss because life is calling and I’ve got things to do. But either way, makeup is never about hiding, it’s about highlighting the beauty that was already there. I do love playing with makeup because it’s like painting your own spirit onto your face. There’s something healing about the ritual; each brushstroke is a reminder that I’ve made it through things that tried to break me. Makeup helped me see the woman I felt inside long before the world was ready to.
And honestly, some days I’ll go full glam just to go to the grocery store, because why not? Confidence is the best filter. So whether I’m bare-faced or beat to the gods, it’s always me underneath, just with a little extra shine.
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| "I love being complimented." |
Julia: Oh, I love being complimented, but it’s taken me a long time to believe I deserve it. When you grow up being told that who you are is wrong, or that you’ll never be enough, it’s hard to look in the mirror and see beauty staring back. Even after I started my transition, there were days when I didn’t feel pretty, passable, or valid. So when someone would compliment me, part of me wanted to shrink, like maybe they were just being kind or didn’t really mean it.
Monika: What helped you move past that doubt and begin accepting those compliments with confidence?
Julia: I’ve done so much healing work, and I’ve learned to receive love without questioning it. Now, when someone compliments me, I smile and say thank you, not because I need the validation, but because I finally believe it’s true. I’ve worked hard to feel at home in this body, in this face, in this womanhood. Every compliment now feels like a little celebration of that journey. So yes, I love compliments. I soak them up. I let them land. Because every kind word chips away at the lies I used to believe, and reminds me just how far I’ve come.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Julia: All the time. In the beginning, I felt this desperate need to prove my womanhood, to look like the girls I grew up admiring, to study every gesture, every outfit, every flick of eyeliner like it was gospel. I thought if I could just match their beauty, maybe the world would accept me. Maybe I would accept me. But what no one tells you is that femininity isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s not a checklist. It’s not defined by how someone else looks, dresses, or moves through the world. And trying to become someone else only made me feel like I was falling short twice, first of them, and then of myself.
Monika: What helped you move from that place of comparison to embracing your own unique version of womanhood?
Julia: Eventually, I stopped chasing perfection and started embracing truth. My femininity is mine. It’s soft and strong. It’s imperfect and radiant. It’s shaped by survival and painted with grace. I still love makeup, dresses, and feeling beautiful, but now, I do it for me, not to blend in or be believed. So yes, I felt the pressure. But I learned that the most beautiful woman I could ever become was the one who stopped apologizing for existing and started owning every inch of her magic.
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman? Did you feel nervous, or did you approach it with confidence?
Julia: Oh, I remember it like it just happened yesterday. I had picked out my outfit the night before , a soft blouse, slacks that made me feel powerful, and just enough makeup to feel polished but not performative. But underneath all of that? I was shaking. It wasn’t just the normal interview nerves; it was that quiet, gnawing fear: Will they see me? Will they respect me? Will they look past my voice, my name, my history… and just see the woman I am?
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Julia Shelton.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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