Monika: You have written three books about your transition and life journey. Which aspects of your experience do you think could be most helpful or interesting to other transgender women?
Sara-Jane: I really do not wish to be referred to as a transgender woman. I am not alone in this. The vast majority of gender dysphoric women and men I have met over the years resent and are hurt by the trans terms being applied to them. They prefer to be known only by their male and female gender. That is the first thing.
Monika: How does the way we are referred to affect how society perceives and interacts with us?
Sara-Jane: The way we are referred to does affect the wider community’s perceptions, attitudes, and behaviours towards us. Whether we like it or not, language matters greatly, especially given the present confusion around the ever-expanding lexicon and the use of umbrella terms such as trans, transgender, trans people, and so on. This is causing far more confusion and damage than the trans community realizes or is willing to acknowledge. It is not helped by the ever-growing intolerance, misappropriation of language, histories, and the increasing cancel culture within the trans community and among trans activists in particular.
There is a very real and growing backlash because of this, and for that reason, more and more trans allies are withdrawing support while many academics are retreating, which is unsurprising given what is happening to their colleagues and activists like me, who were once regarded as leading authorities in this area.
Monika: Given this environment, what approach would you suggest for transgender people who are transitioning today?
Sara-Jane: It is against this backdrop that many transgender women and men are transitioning. I suggest they stick only to those things that help them communicate effectively about their situation and needs to others, and in a language and manner that is more likely to garner understanding and support. This is precisely what I did and why I had such a hugely successful transition overall. I could say more on this and other questions here, but time and space do not permit it.
Monika: How would you assess the current situation for transgender women in Ireland, and what progress or challenges do you see compared to the past?
Sara-Jane: Bearing in mind what I am comparing this present time to, and notwithstanding the need for greater access to healthcare and the fact that some families and members of the wider community remain unsupportive, it is still far better than transgender women are prepared to acknowledge, and when they do, they do so grudgingly. This is not lost on their families, friends, allies, and the wider public. I was always optimistic about how Irish people would respond when they were properly informed about gender identity issues, and on the whole, they have not disappointed me.
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| "I was always optimistic about how Irish people would respond when they were properly informed about gender identity issues." |
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?
Sara-Jane: I am self-employed, so I had to tell all my clients at the time. I was overwhelmingly accepted and respected and was able to do my job with minimum disruption. I have no doubt that I lost a very small number of clients, but overall I have not had any problems worth mentioning. The overall experience was quite positive.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who are entering the job market and looking for employment?
Sara-Jane: That is a very big question, but if I am to give advice in this limited time and space, I would say that notwithstanding the strong and well-tested equality legislation here in Ireland, it is important to be realistic and pragmatic when applying for jobs. I think it is important to distinguish between how things ought to be and how they actually are.
Monika: How can transgender women prepare themselves to navigate workplace environments and choose employers wisely?
Sara-Jane: In this regard, I would suggest that people properly research their prospective employer’s organisations to see if they are LGBTQ diverse, and if possible, speak to employees from those organisations about their experiences. This can help prospective candidates make more informed decisions about whether they wish to proceed or seek employment elsewhere. It can also contribute to a more comfortable interview when the opportunity arises. There may be those who will scoff at this and take a more militant approach. That is for them to decide whether they wish to turn their job searching and interviews into a cause and to fight it. My view is that why would you want to work for such an organisation; surely it is better to work for an organisation that supports LGBTQ diversity?
Monika: Are you still active in your local LGBTQ community, and how has your involvement changed over the years?
Sara-Jane: Not anymore. I have spent the last twenty years being involved at a huge personal cost. I also find it increasingly toxic and intolerant, even of its own members. Being bullied and traumatised several times, and more recently over the past two years, as well as being written out of my own history, have also contributed significantly to my decision to step away.
Monika: How has your experience with relationships shaped your views on love, and what role does it play in your life today?
Sara-Jane: That is another very big question and a very difficult one for me after having to leave a very abusive and traumatising relationship within the past few months. But I will say that overall I still believe in love, and it remains hugely important to me. Because of this, I won’t give up entirely, choosing instead to believe that it is possible to find my soulmate, but I will not be looking for one for the foreseeable future.
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| "I have spent the last twenty years being involved and at a huge personal cost." |
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who feel afraid or uncertain about beginning their transition?
Sara-Jane: I have always tried to live by the conviction that we must be true to ourselves, regardless of the cost. This is no less true of whether we choose to transition. For me, being true to myself is about being authentic and congruent. These are not always easy and can test us to our very limits and beyond. But there simply isn’t anything to compare with waking up every day and experiencing life in all its vagaries and uncertainties, all its cruelties and kindnesses, all its failures and successes, as our true selves, whether internally or physically. There is simply no feeling in the world quite like it.
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame once wrote that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. She suggested that our dreams should not end on an operating table, but rather begin there. How do you respond to this idea?
Sara-Jane: That is a very loaded idea that can be interpreted in different ways, but I will try. Having observed so many people over the years, and given my own extraordinary life to date, I have never allowed my gender identity and my gender journey to be the sole or even the primary arbiter of how I choose to live, and how I try to make the positive difference I wish to make in the world.
Monika: How has this philosophy shaped the way you live your life and interact with society?
Sara-Jane: My life and activities have always been multi-varied throughout my transition journey, and I have never limited my vision or my social interactions because of it. On the contrary, I have always lived and been welcomed within society as a whole, where I continue to strive in doing the greatest good. I encourage others to do the same. Our lives and vision should not be limited to our gender identity, but rather should be based upon us in all our rounded wholeness, character, abilities, and qualities as human beings.
Monika: Sara-Jane, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Sara-Jane: Thank you, Monika, you are very welcome.
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Sara-Jane Cromwell.
© 2023 - Monika Kowalska
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