Interview with Emma Martin

Emma Martin is a remarkable British woman whose life beautifully intertwines technology, psychology, and activism. For many years, she worked in the IT industry, building a successful career that culminated in her position as an IT Manager for a major food manufacturer. Yet, despite her achievements, Emma felt a growing desire to help others on a more personal level. This calling led her to retrain as a clinical psychotherapist and hypnotherapist, where she specialized in gender incongruence, a term she herself coined to replace the less accurate and more stigmatizing expressions like gender dysphoria or gender identity disorder. Through her counseling practice, Emma supported countless transgender individuals, as well as their families, friends, and partners, helping them navigate the emotional and psychological challenges of gender transition with understanding and dignity. Emma’s own journey into public awareness began in 2008 when the British media covered her extraordinary love story with her wife, Linda. The couple, married for decades, were forced to annul their marriage so that Emma could be legally recognized as a woman after her gender-affirming surgery. Their story touched many hearts across the UK and beyond, symbolizing the absurdity of outdated laws and the strength of true love. When the British government later changed the law to allow same-sex marriages, Emma and Linda were able to remarry on December 10, 2014, exactly thirty-seven years after their original wedding day. In a poetic full circle, they found themselves back where they had always belonged, together.

 

Throughout her life, Emma has used her voice to promote understanding and visibility for transgender people. She appeared on television, radio, and in numerous publications to show that transgender lives are not defined by sensationalism but by humanity, resilience, and love. Her early participation in Channel 4’s “My Millennium” series, as well as her involvement in the 1999 Transgender Film Festival in London, reflected her commitment to creating honest and positive representations of trans lives long before it became a media trend. Emma’s professional accomplishments are matched by her personal creativity. Now retired from her formal career, she devotes her time to writing and artistic pursuits. She has completed several TV pilot scripts, a novel titled The Box of Stolen Lives, and a series of children’s books inspired by her beloved retired greyhounds, Sid and Blue. Her diary from her transition years, filled with raw honesty and vivid reflections, may soon become the foundation of a memoir or even a screenplay, a project encouraged by a Hollywood producer who told her, “You must write your story.” Outside of her activism and writing, Emma has collaborated with organizations such as the Police, Local Councils, and Women’s Groups to promote inclusion and diversity. She also co-authored a scientific paper with Professor Simon Baron-Cohen of Cambridge University exploring the connection between autism and transgender identity, highlighting her enduring curiosity and dedication to understanding the human mind.

 

Monika: Today, it is my great pleasure and honor to speak with Emma Martin, a British IT consultant, clinical psychotherapist, and transgender activist. Hello, Emma!

Emma: Hi, Monika. Thank you for inviting me.

 

Sid, Me, and Blue.

 

Monika: How would you introduce yourself to our readers?

Emma: What can I say? Well, I’ve been married to the love of my life, Linda, for 37 years, spent most of my working life in IT with various companies, ending up as an IT Manager for a major food manufacturer, then got a bit fed up with IT and trained as a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist. Now, retired, I consider myself to be a full-time writer. I’m also teaching myself 3D graphics design. As to hobbies, we have two retired greyhounds that will soon be the stars of a series of children’s stories I’m writing.

Monika: In 2008, your story gained national attention when the British media reported that you had to annul your marriage to your wife, Linda, in order to be legally recognized as a woman after your gender-affirming surgery. How did that situation finally resolve?

Emma: Crazy situation. After we’d annulled the marriage and set up a civil partnership, the government decided in 2014 to allow same-sex marriages. We converted our CP back into a marriage on December 10th, 2014 (the 37th anniversary of our original marriage), so I guess we’re now back where we started.

Monika: Have there been any changes in British law since your case that would prevent couples like you and Linda from going through the same situation? 

Emma: Yes. Finally, the government has revised the rules on gender recognition and marriage, so a couple in our position wouldn’t have to go through the farce we did. They can now remain married.

Monika: Over the years, you have become quite visible in the public eye. Have you had many experiences working with the media?

Emma: Yes, lots. I’ve appeared in a number of TV programs, newspapers, magazine articles, and radio programs. I felt early on that trans people were not getting good press and that it was partly our own fault. It seemed that the wrong people were putting themselves forward, just after notoriety and fame. 

Monika: What were some of the most memorable or surprising moments from your media appearances?

Emma: I wanted to show the world that the vast majority of us are just ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances. The first thing Lin and I did was a 4-minute film for Channel 4’s series called My Millennium about people’s wishes for the new century. Channel 4 liked it so much that it was shown at the 1999 Transgender Film Festival in London. I’ve even been doorstepped once. The doorbell rang one day and there were the Daily Mail and BBC TV both wanting interviews. I turned them down, but the Mail went ahead anyway, using bits from old interviews I’d done for others. That apart, most media encounters have been very positive.

 

Through the Corinth Canal.

 

Monika: You spent more than a decade working as a clinical psychotherapist, focusing on gender incongruence. What kinds of challenges did people most often bring to you during that time?

Emma: As far as gender identity is concerned, it was very much a counseling role, helping people make sure they were taking the path that was right for them. I made sure they understood the problems they would face and offered support in dealing with their difficulties.

Monika: Did you also work with the families and loved ones of transgender people in your practice?

Emma: I also spoke with parents, siblings, partners, and friends if they wanted me, to explain gender identity in a non-technical way that they could understand. I wrote a ‘Guide to Gender Incongruence’ especially for non-trans people, which I’m intending to make available as a free download on Amazon. I trained with the NACHP and became their spokesperson on gender identity issues, and I had a couple of articles published in counseling magazines. But it wasn’t just trans people I worked with; I also used hypnosis to help people stop smoking and deal with phobias, and I had many non-trans clients.

Monika: What inspired you to use the term “Gender Incongruence” instead of the more commonly used expressions like “Gender Dysphoria” or “Gender Identity Disorder”?

Emma: I coined the phrase Gender Incongruence as I felt it was a more accurate description of the condition than the alternatives Gender Dysphoria and Gender Identity Disorder, and also a more acceptable terminology to trans people.

Monika: How would you describe the current situation for transgender women in British society compared with ten years ago?

Emma: There’s no comparison to ten years ago, and most of that is down to some brilliant activists, but there’s still a long way to go. Most problems nowadays seem to come from the ‘Feminist camp’. Even the press are, on the whole, acting more responsibly.

Monika: Can you tell us about the early years of your life and how you first recognized that your gender identity did not match the expectations around you?

Emma: I grew up in the 1950s and things were very different then. I couldn’t just say to my Mum and Dad, ‘Hey, they got it wrong when they said I was a boy’. So I fought against it. I went to an all-boys school and hated it. In the 1970s I plucked up the courage to see my GP about how I felt and ended up being misdiagnosed and given some weird, totally non-ethical therapy that really screwed me up. The psychs at that time clearly had no idea about the condition.

Monika: When did you finally begin your transition, and what steps were involved in that process?

Emma: It took until September 1998 before I was finally able to admit the truth to myself again. Even then I got no help from my then GP. I went private and within two years I had completed the transition with surgery in Belgium. Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford facial feminization surgery, which would have been nice, but I did manage to obtain speech therapy, which helped my voice tremendously.

 

On stage at the 1999
Transgender Film Festival.

 

Monika: During your transition, did you have any transgender role models or people you looked up to?

Emma: Not exactly role models, but there were a number of others in and around Cambridge who were going through a transition at the same time as me. I think we gave each other the courage and drive to succeed.

Monika: Are there any transgender women today whom you particularly admire or respect?

Emma: I admire everyone who is willing to face the difficulties involved in the transition. There are so many who have shown a positive image for trans people and it would be unfair to name just one or two.

Monika: Looking back, what was the most difficult part of coming out as a transgender woman?

Emma: No-brainer. Telling Linda was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I knew that I couldn’t continue to live as I was but having to put Linda through such a traumatic time was horrible. At least I had a light at the end of my tunnel; for her, there was no light. I felt so guilty about what I had to do, but once I’d faced the truth there was no turning back.

Monika: Do you think transgender rights could become a central issue in the broader fight for human rights?

Emma: I think it already is. Like most things, it will take a long time for recognition of the condition to spread throughout the world, but we’re on the way. It certainly seems to be the ‘in-thing’ in the Film and TV industry at the moment.

Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender stories and characters have been portrayed in films, newspapers, or books so far?

Emma: To be totally honest, not much, but there have been a few. Boys Don’t Cry is my personal favorite and an excellent depiction of a horrific true story. At long last, film and TV companies are beginning to use trans actors and this is a gigantic step forward.

Monika: The transgender community is often grouped together with other LGBT communities. Do you think trans people are able to promote their own cause effectively within that larger group?

Emma: We have done pretty well so far, but in truth, I think it’s wrong to include either trans or intersex people within the umbrella group. LBG is about sexual preference, T and I are about one’s true gender. It has nothing to do with sexual preference.

 

Enjoying an Ice Cream with Linda in Arizona.

 

Monika: Do you take an active role in politics or participate in any lobbying efforts, and how do you see transgender women making a difference in public life?

Emma: Not in the strict sense of the word, but I have worked with various groups and founded ‘Sanctity,’ a group fighting for the right of trans people and their spouses to remain married. I believe trans women and trans men can make huge differences in virtually every sphere of life, not just politics. I’m too old now to enter the political arena, although I have been asked at a local level. I’ve also worked with Women’s Groups, Local Councils, the Probation Service, and the Police.

Monika: Could you share some of the more unusual or memorable projects you’ve been involved with in these roles?

Emma: I was asked to write a scenario for the Police Firearms Unit and Hostage Negotiators involving diversity issues, which I was more than happy to do. I also played the part of the hostage taker, waving a gun at police marksmen, cursing and swearing, and making life as difficult as I could for them. That was great fun. I have been fascinated by the number of trans women who work in the IT industry and when I contacted Professor Simon Baron-Cohen of Cambridge University on the subject we inaugurated a project that ended with me being accredited as co-writer on an article published in an American science journal on some rather controversial things we’d discovered about the connection between autism and trans men.

Monika: How would you describe your personal style, and what kind of clothes do you usually enjoy wearing? Do you have any favorite designs, colors, or trends?

Emma: Day to day I’m just a scruff in jeans and a top, but I do enjoy making the best of myself when I go out. I like clothes that are a bit ‘out of the ordinary’ and match my artistic style. Monika: How important is love in your life, and what role does it play for you? Emma: I think I’ve probably covered that already. Without Lin in my life, there would be no life. She is everything to me. 

Monika: Many transgender women choose to write memoirs. Have you ever considered writing your own story?

Emma: During my transition, I kept a diary of everything that happened, even including the weird dreams I had. That may become a book or perhaps even a film. At last year’s London Screenwriters Festival, I was told by a Hollywood producer, ‘You must write your story’ as a screenplay. Watch this space.

Monika: Are you currently working on any new creative projects?

Emma: Apart from living a normal life, I love writing. I have four TV pilot comedy and drama scripts written, have started a series of children’s books, and am working on a novel called The Box of Stolen Lives, and of course the memoir or screenplay mentioned above.

Husky sledding in Sweden.

Monika: What advice would you give to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria and considering transition?

Emma: If it’s right then it’s right, but be absolutely sure that this is what you need rather than what you want. Search out a GP who will treat you as a human being rather than an oddity. Get counselling and take your time. Once we start, we all want to rush through transition, but in retrospect it’s important to take time and do it properly. I would warn people to avoid purchasing hormones or other treatments over the web.

Monika: Emma, thank you so much for sharing your story and insights with us.

Emma: It’s been an absolute pleasure.

All the photos: Courtesy of Emma Martin.

© 2015 - Monika Kowalska

 

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