Monika: Today it is my pleasure and honor to interview Georgia Lee McGowen, writer, blogger, the author of the autobiographical book titled “Dear Mom and Dad: You Don't Know Me, But ...” (2012). Hello Georgia!
Georgia: And a grateful Hello to you as well Monika. This is indeed a pleasure and honor.
Monika: Could you say a few words about yourself?
Georgia: Oh Monika I could say more than a few words about myself as the original draft of “Dear Mom and Dad” would attest to. If published as originally written it would have run to 700+ pages. Thankfully my publisher, iUniverse, convinced me that it was way too wordy. As for a few words about myself in the context of your blog; I am a history buff; in particular, the history of famous people.
Georgia: Oh Monika I could say more than a few words about myself as the original draft of “Dear Mom and Dad” would attest to. If published as originally written it would have run to 700+ pages. Thankfully my publisher, iUniverse, convinced me that it was way too wordy. As for a few words about myself in the context of your blog; I am a history buff; in particular, the history of famous people.
As a child, I was fascinated by what made people famous enough for someone to want to record their lives. Not having done anything to cause another to write about me it was necessary for me to do the writing. I’m a late-blooming flower. I’m 71 years old and totally enjoying my life. I still work 40+ hours a week as a Kitchen & Bath Designer at Home Depot here in Mesa, Arizona. I’m widowed and a devout Christian, a fact that my book attests to.
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| With her book - Amazon. |
Monika: Why did you decide to write your autobiography?
Georgia: There is a passage in the Bible that talks about the way three servants utilized the “talents” they were given by their master. The one who was given the least buried his for safekeeping and failed to put his one “talent” to work, a fact that did not sit well with the master on his return. I did not want to have that conversation with my maker … at all.
I had prepared a manuscript which was a collection of previously published essays written for various LGBT publications but realized they would have little if any, value beyond our community if no one knew the back story, which of course led to “Dear Mom and Dad.” Thankfully, when I was discouraged beyond belief, that what I had to say was of any value, my dear friend the late Doug Benton provided the encouragement to finish what I started.
Monika: Which aspects of your experience can be useful for other transwomen?
Georgia: Two observations: First, accept the fact that society is not going to be accepting you with open arms. Face it, for most of us we don’t get much beyond looking like a man in a dress so I will share a secret; put on a big smile and get on with your business. Life will become far more enjoyable and you will become far more acceptable.
Second, acknowledge the reality that just because you choose to alter your body you cannot deny the possibility of the continued existence of the male spirit within your soul. One of the most important aspects that I became aware of as I became more involved in the trans community was the horrendously large number of suicides among us. (One study put the number at nearly eleven times the suicide rate of the normal population.) Up to that point in my life, I had personally known only one person who had chosen to commit self-murder. Within a matter of fewer than two years of becoming involved with the trans community three people, I knew personally had chosen to end their earthly existence. A surgeon’s scalpel will not remove any part of your soul.
In addition to that experience, I was constantly told that even though, early on I considered myself a cross-dresser, that I would eventually “cross that threshold”. As alluring as life as Georgia was I could not comprehend the aspect of telling “George” that I “Georgia” was going to kill him off; that I was going to tell my children that I was going to kill their father. A variety of experiences, which I describe in my book, led me to the eventual realization that I was blessed with a soul inhabited by two clearly identifiable spirits, one male, George, and one female, Georgia.
Georgia: There is a passage in the Bible that talks about the way three servants utilized the “talents” they were given by their master. The one who was given the least buried his for safekeeping and failed to put his one “talent” to work, a fact that did not sit well with the master on his return. I did not want to have that conversation with my maker … at all.
I had prepared a manuscript which was a collection of previously published essays written for various LGBT publications but realized they would have little if any, value beyond our community if no one knew the back story, which of course led to “Dear Mom and Dad.” Thankfully, when I was discouraged beyond belief, that what I had to say was of any value, my dear friend the late Doug Benton provided the encouragement to finish what I started.
Monika: Which aspects of your experience can be useful for other transwomen?
Georgia: Two observations: First, accept the fact that society is not going to be accepting you with open arms. Face it, for most of us we don’t get much beyond looking like a man in a dress so I will share a secret; put on a big smile and get on with your business. Life will become far more enjoyable and you will become far more acceptable.
Second, acknowledge the reality that just because you choose to alter your body you cannot deny the possibility of the continued existence of the male spirit within your soul. One of the most important aspects that I became aware of as I became more involved in the trans community was the horrendously large number of suicides among us. (One study put the number at nearly eleven times the suicide rate of the normal population.) Up to that point in my life, I had personally known only one person who had chosen to commit self-murder. Within a matter of fewer than two years of becoming involved with the trans community three people, I knew personally had chosen to end their earthly existence. A surgeon’s scalpel will not remove any part of your soul.
In addition to that experience, I was constantly told that even though, early on I considered myself a cross-dresser, that I would eventually “cross that threshold”. As alluring as life as Georgia was I could not comprehend the aspect of telling “George” that I “Georgia” was going to kill him off; that I was going to tell my children that I was going to kill their father. A variety of experiences, which I describe in my book, led me to the eventual realization that I was blessed with a soul inhabited by two clearly identifiable spirits, one male, George, and one female, Georgia.
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| "George" and Marilyn in Colorado, 1986. |
To return to the original question you pose here … I realized that I didn’t have to make a choice other than which of those personalities was predominant at this point in my life. George had the use of this body for 65 plus years, now it was my turn. So the short answer to your question is: Whatever you do with your body, don’t deny the existence of a spirit that is a God-given part of your soul.
Monika: At what age did you transition into a woman yourself? Was it a difficult process?
Georgia: As I said, I was a late bloomer. I was in my mid-sixties and it was not a normal transition by community standards. Up to that point, everyone I knew who had transitioned had said that there was a point in their life where they just could not go on as they had.
One person described it as an impenetrable brick wall that only their female soul could penetrate. That wasn’t the case with me. It was a gradual process facilitated, in large part by a fellow “crossdresser” (I really hate that word. It says that it’s just about the clothes, which of course it isn’t, even for those who don’t transition fully).
I describe the process in detail in my book but the short version is that I was hired with the specific understanding that I was to work in both capacities; Georgia and George with the requisite business cards for both. Later, even though I had not transitioned fully I, Georgia, was hired to a full-time position, “because everyone I would be working with knew me only as Georgia. If George showed up it would blow their minds.”
At that point, everything began to fall into place. First I was hired as a full-time Kitchen Designer at Home Depot in late 2013, and the process was completed just short of my 71st birthday when I underwent GRS under the capable hands of Dr. Marci Bowers.
Monika: At that time of your transition, did you have any transgender role models that you followed?
Georgia: Actually I did not. I suppose it was a matter of arrogance on my part so I will own up to it. I guess I felt I had a corner on understanding what it was really all about and thought I was so unique that there was no one else like me. I still feel special but the arrogance is gone.
Monika: At what age did you transition into a woman yourself? Was it a difficult process?
Georgia: As I said, I was a late bloomer. I was in my mid-sixties and it was not a normal transition by community standards. Up to that point, everyone I knew who had transitioned had said that there was a point in their life where they just could not go on as they had.
One person described it as an impenetrable brick wall that only their female soul could penetrate. That wasn’t the case with me. It was a gradual process facilitated, in large part by a fellow “crossdresser” (I really hate that word. It says that it’s just about the clothes, which of course it isn’t, even for those who don’t transition fully).
I describe the process in detail in my book but the short version is that I was hired with the specific understanding that I was to work in both capacities; Georgia and George with the requisite business cards for both. Later, even though I had not transitioned fully I, Georgia, was hired to a full-time position, “because everyone I would be working with knew me only as Georgia. If George showed up it would blow their minds.”
At that point, everything began to fall into place. First I was hired as a full-time Kitchen Designer at Home Depot in late 2013, and the process was completed just short of my 71st birthday when I underwent GRS under the capable hands of Dr. Marci Bowers.
Monika: At that time of your transition, did you have any transgender role models that you followed?
Georgia: Actually I did not. I suppose it was a matter of arrogance on my part so I will own up to it. I guess I felt I had a corner on understanding what it was really all about and thought I was so unique that there was no one else like me. I still feel special but the arrogance is gone.
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| "George" and Marilyn at the Family cabin, 1995. |
However, there were two “real” women that I admired enormously and that I endeavored to emulate above all. My wife was the first. She was an amazing woman and one whose life I still strive to pattern mine after. The other woman is Julie Andrews who I believe is the essence of a lady.
Monika: Are there are any transgender ladies that you admire and respect now?
Georgia: I have found someone whom I can openly admire and respect. That person is Caitlyn Jenner. I find much to relate to in her story and I truly admire her courage in transitioning in such a public and open manner.
Monika: What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Georgia: Like many of us, telling my children was the most difficult and challenging. I have to confess that I didn’t deal with it very well. The result is that the oldest 2 haven’t spoken to me in over 4 years.
Monika: The transgender cause is usually manifested together with the other LGBT communities. Being the last letter in this abbreviation, is the transgender community able to promote its own cause within the LGBT group?
Georgia: Now you’re touching on a subject that is dear to my heart. Separating our cause from that of the gay community should be at the top of a list of our goals. Let them have their LGB and leave the cause of “T” to those of us in that portion of society.
The gay community is happy to have us for the sake of numbers but for many of them, we appear to be an embarrassment; gay men in particular. Most of them “appear” on the surface to be normal men. In other words, if you see one of them on the street you wouldn’t give them a second look. Therefore, they can go about their lives without attracting undue attention unless they choose to make a point of their sexuality.
The same is true for a large segment of the lesbian community. But, as entirely too many of us can attest to, we don’t exactly “blend in” do we. As a result, the gay community tends to keep us at arm’s length unless we are needed for the sake of numbers.
Monika: Are there are any transgender ladies that you admire and respect now?
Georgia: I have found someone whom I can openly admire and respect. That person is Caitlyn Jenner. I find much to relate to in her story and I truly admire her courage in transitioning in such a public and open manner.
Monika: What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Georgia: Like many of us, telling my children was the most difficult and challenging. I have to confess that I didn’t deal with it very well. The result is that the oldest 2 haven’t spoken to me in over 4 years.
Monika: The transgender cause is usually manifested together with the other LGBT communities. Being the last letter in this abbreviation, is the transgender community able to promote its own cause within the LGBT group?
Georgia: Now you’re touching on a subject that is dear to my heart. Separating our cause from that of the gay community should be at the top of a list of our goals. Let them have their LGB and leave the cause of “T” to those of us in that portion of society.
The gay community is happy to have us for the sake of numbers but for many of them, we appear to be an embarrassment; gay men in particular. Most of them “appear” on the surface to be normal men. In other words, if you see one of them on the street you wouldn’t give them a second look. Therefore, they can go about their lives without attracting undue attention unless they choose to make a point of their sexuality.
The same is true for a large segment of the lesbian community. But, as entirely too many of us can attest to, we don’t exactly “blend in” do we. As a result, the gay community tends to keep us at arm’s length unless we are needed for the sake of numbers.
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| Her first professional portrait, 2004. |
In addition, our predominant feature is not who we are attracted to. Our predominant feature is how we appear physically as an expression of our gender self-identity. Who we are attracted to sexually has absolutely nothing to do with that facet of our being.
Personally, when asked about my sexual preference my response is that George and I have one commonality … both of us are attracted to women and women only. In other words, he’s straight and I’m gay.
Monika: What do you think in general about transgender news stories or characters which have been featured in films, newspapers, or books so far?
Georgia: Until Caitlyn Jenner came out, there was very little supportive or complimentary coverage of our community. I think a lot of that is due to the fact that we tend to associate within our own kind, with the exception of accepting family. We are never going to be accepted by society in general until we learn to step out into the worlds we live in and believe in our hearts that we belong in. It requires one of two things for that to happen.
As individuals, we need to act like we belong or we need to simply suck it up brave the slings and arrows, the looks and snickers that come with looking different, put on a big smile, and get “out” there.
The news stories are going to continue to be uncomplimentary and degrading until society finally figures out that the only thing different about us is the bodies we were born with don’t match the set of emotions we were born with.
As for motion pictures … when the industry reaches the point where it elects to have men portray men who were born in the wrong body, as was the case with “Normal” and not the case with “Trans-America” where a woman, Felicity Huffman played a transwoman; when the reality of who we are becomes the “norm” then and only then will society begin to adjust to us as maybe different, but “Normal.”
Monika: Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Georgia: I have never participated in any lobbying campaigns for a couple of reasons. One … I still work for a living and don’t have time.
Two … I have found that those campaigns are about cramming our cause down the throats of society via their elected representatives, as opposed to convincing society, gently and compellingly to our point of view.
Personally, when asked about my sexual preference my response is that George and I have one commonality … both of us are attracted to women and women only. In other words, he’s straight and I’m gay.
Monika: What do you think in general about transgender news stories or characters which have been featured in films, newspapers, or books so far?
Georgia: Until Caitlyn Jenner came out, there was very little supportive or complimentary coverage of our community. I think a lot of that is due to the fact that we tend to associate within our own kind, with the exception of accepting family. We are never going to be accepted by society in general until we learn to step out into the worlds we live in and believe in our hearts that we belong in. It requires one of two things for that to happen.
As individuals, we need to act like we belong or we need to simply suck it up brave the slings and arrows, the looks and snickers that come with looking different, put on a big smile, and get “out” there.
The news stories are going to continue to be uncomplimentary and degrading until society finally figures out that the only thing different about us is the bodies we were born with don’t match the set of emotions we were born with.
As for motion pictures … when the industry reaches the point where it elects to have men portray men who were born in the wrong body, as was the case with “Normal” and not the case with “Trans-America” where a woman, Felicity Huffman played a transwoman; when the reality of who we are becomes the “norm” then and only then will society begin to adjust to us as maybe different, but “Normal.”
Monika: Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Georgia: I have never participated in any lobbying campaigns for a couple of reasons. One … I still work for a living and don’t have time.
Two … I have found that those campaigns are about cramming our cause down the throats of society via their elected representatives, as opposed to convincing society, gently and compellingly to our point of view.
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| Getting moved into her townhouse, 2006. |
When people feel as though something is being forced on them they react negatively, but when they are presented with an idea that allows them to voluntarily join the fight they will fight ferociously. Personally, I want someone fighting ferociously for me as opposed to bitterly giving in to an unappreciated idea.
The day a transgendered woman steps up to the plate with ideas that are not rooted in gender identity but rather rooted in genuine concern for all of society, that is the day transgendered people will have arrived. The day one of us steps up as a normal concerned citizen wanting to contribute to the world she lives in without reference to her gender issue, that will be the day of the real beginning of acceptance.
The day a transgendered woman steps up to the plate with ideas that are not rooted in gender identity but rather rooted in genuine concern for all of society, that is the day transgendered people will have arrived. The day one of us steps up as a normal concerned citizen wanting to contribute to the world she lives in without reference to her gender issue, that will be the day of the real beginning of acceptance.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Georgia Lee McGowen.
© 2016 - Monika Kowalska
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