It is always a special privilege to revisit stories that once touched me deeply and to reconnect with the inspiring individuals who shared them. Back in February 2013, I had the honor of interviewing Carla. At the time, Carla was already a remarkable woman whose journey was defined by courage, resilience, and an unwavering commitment to justice. She was a wife, a parent, and a proud grandmother. She had served in the United States Air Force Space Command during Operation Desert Storm before being discharged in 1991 when it was discovered that she was transgender. By 2013, she was working as a software developer in Nashville, studying full-time, and finding her voice as a writer, speaker, activist, and advocate for the transgender community. Carla’s activism had been deeply shaped by tragedy. In 2008, she and her wife, Jaime Combs, were present when a lone gunman opened fire in their church sanctuary, targeting its welcoming embrace of LGBT people. That act of violence, which took the life of a close friend, set Carla on a path of speaking out for those who could not. Her voice became not only personal but also political, carrying the weight of lived experience and the determination to change a world that too often silenced people like her.
Four years after that first conversation, so much had changed in Carla’s life and in the broader social and political landscape. She had married Jaime in Las Vegas in 2014 in a memorable ceremony beneath the iconic sign, officiated by a Dolly Parton impersonator. Professionally, she had shifted her career path, taken on new roles in software development, and made the difficult decision to live apart from Jaime for a time, balancing love with work. She underwent gender confirmation surgery in 2016, a deeply affirming step that marked not just a medical milestone but also a personal victory in her long journey toward authenticity. That same year, Jaime sold her business and joined Carla in Nashville, allowing them to finally live together again as a family after years of weekend commutes. Carla’s public life also grew during these years. In 2015, her viral campaign featuring the now-famous t-shirt “I fought for your right to hate me” gave a human face to the struggles of transgender veterans and opened conversations around dignity, service, and recognition. She became a widely recognized advocate, gave countless interviews, and was honored with the 2016 INSPIRE Awards International Icon title alongside the legendary Edie Windsor. She campaigned against discriminatory legislation such as the infamous “Bathroom Bill,” worked with the Tennessee Equality Project, and remained a visible and outspoken defender of trans rights at a time when political currents were shifting in ways both hopeful and threatening.
Now, after our first conversation, I am thrilled to return to Carla’s story. In this follow-up interview, we not only look back at those transformative years between 2013 and 2017 but also explore how her activism, family life, and vision for the future have continued to evolve. Carla’s journey is not just a personal one, it is a reflection of the broader struggle for transgender equality in America, marked by progress, setbacks, resilience, and hope. So, without further delay, let us dive back into conversation.
Monika: Hi Carla, I am so delighted that I can interview you again!
Carla: Hey, Monika! I'm thrilled to be giving you an update since our last interview.
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| Interview for Knoxville News Sentinel (YouTube) |
Monika: Carla, it has been four years since our first interview. A lot must have changed in your life since then. Let’s start with one thing I noticed right away — you changed your surname!
Carla: OMG! It has been four years. Well, yes, there have been a few changes in my life. I don't even know where to begin.
Monika: Let’s begin with something joyful. Could you tell me the story of your wedding with Jaime?
Carla: In May of 2014, Jaime and I were in Las Vegas celebrating the wedding anniversary of her parents. They've been married forever. For those that aren't familiar with Jaime, we met at a support group meeting in 1999 and have been together ever since.
While in Vegas, I casually threw out the notion that perhaps we could get married before we left. On May 11, that's exactly what we did. Under the Las Vegas sign with a Dolly Parton impersonator at our side, we exchanged vows.
The story of how we obtained our marriage license, in a state that did not recognize same-sex marriage before the Supreme Court struck down such laws, can be found here. While I have the legal right to use the name "Combs" as a result of my marriage, I only use it on Facebook right now. I'm trying it out, as it were.
Monika: Soon after your wedding, you made some changes in your professional life. What happened?
Carla: It was just a couple of months later that I was offered a position as the sole software developer for an accounting firm that was defending a national petroleum company in a federal investigation. Several months later, when the audit had been completed, my contract was terminated as there was no more work for me to do.
Monika: How did this affect the direction of your career?
Carla: This opened up new possibilities for me. I was offered a position as a software engineer for a pathology laboratory in Nashville, Tennessee. This city was about a three-hour drive from my home in Maryville, Tennessee.
I moved to Nashville and left Jaime to stay in Maryville. She owned a hair salon there and could not leave. We continued our relationship by taking turns driving to see the other on weekends. It was really tough. Some other big things happened in 2015 and 2016, but you'll read about them in some of the other answers.
Monika: And what would you say have been the most important personal milestones for you in recent years?
Carla: Of course, for me, personally, the two really important events have been my gender confirmation surgery in December of 2016, and my wife selling her business, retiring, and moving to Nashville to live with me. For the first time, in what seems like a very long time, we are a family once again.
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| Glamour photo. |
Monika: Carla, I can’t help but notice your beautiful blond curls. Have you always worn your hair this way?
Carla: For almost all of my adult female life, I have been straightening my hair every morning. My hair isn't really what I would consider "curly," but rather very, very "wavy." After my GCS, I had to stay in a hotel in Miami for a week so I could meet with the surgeon for a follow-up appointment. I tried to get out and enjoy Miami.
Monika: What made you decide to stop straightening it and embrace the waves?
Carla: For my first outing, I got all fixed up as usual, which included straightening my hair. However, after being outside in the salty air for about 10 minutes, my hair was a complete wreck and started to curl. For the rest of my visit, I just decided to leave my hair alone. I kind of liked it, and it has been my daily hairstyle, mostly, since then.
Monika: Carla, over the past few years, the political and social climate in the United States has shifted significantly. Before we discuss recent developments, how would you assess President Barack Obama’s efforts to advance the rights of transgender people during his time in office?
Carla: More than any other public official within my adult lifetime, President Obama did more to uplift the transgender community than anyone else. From hate crimes legislation to directives for equal housing, his administration pushed for meaningful change. Our new healthcare law included protections for transgender people. With the support of the EEOC, landmark court cases gave us employment protections. Most recently, before leaving office, Obama put the full weight of his administration's support behind equal access to accommodation.
Monika: Was there a particular moment or message during his administration that left the deepest impression on you?
Carla: Thinking about the words of the U.S. Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, still brings me to tears. I can never think about these words without getting emotional: "We see you. We stand with you, and we will do everything we can to protect you going forward." It was the very first time in my life that I knew, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that my country really, truly cared about my people.
Monika: One of President Obama’s final acts in office was commuting Chelsea Manning’s sentence, reducing it from 35 years to just over seven years, most of which she had already served. What are your thoughts on this decision?
Carla: I do believe that her sentence was far too severe for her actions. There have been many cases that have caused far more damage to national security than hers, and those people received far more lenient sentencing. I think he did the right thing. As you know, I am a former military member. I was in a top-secret position. I was discharged because I was trans. I have an opinion on Chelsea Manning, but I will never share it with anyone.
Monika: Do you view his decision through the lens of being a transgender woman, a veteran, or something else?
Carla: I approve of his decision as a human who is opposed to inhumane treatment, which is what I believe she has endured since her arrest.
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| The veteran awareness photo. |
Monika: In 2015 you launched a powerful campaign to raise awareness about the struggles of transgender people in the U.S. military. The photo of you wearing a t-shirt that read, “I fought for your right to hate me,” went viral almost immediately. Can you share the story behind this campaign?
Carla: In the fall of 2015, I was having health problems and visited a local emergency room. As I always do, I explained to the intake nurse that I was transgender. There was a high probability that I would have to be catheterized, and I did not want any of the nurses to be surprised, as has happened before.
Monika: What happened once you were admitted to the hospital?
Carla: After being shown to a room, I was intentionally ridiculed by another nurse, and they attempted to humiliate me for being trans. I would not stand for such behavior. I had my daughter, who was with me and is a certified phlebotomist, remove the IV needle. I dressed myself and lodged a verbal complaint with the intake office.
Monika: How did you deal with this situation afterward?
Carla: Incidentally, I suffered for a couple more weeks until I had surgery, but that's another story. It is worth noting that I also contacted the Department of Human Services' Office of Civil Rights and lodged a complaint. That nurse is now no longer employed at the hospital, and at my request, the hospital is now conducting training for all of its employees to ensure they are aware of the legal requirements for treating transgender people. It's a start.
Monika: And then, just a day later, something else happened that made the situation even more painful, didn’t it?
Carla: The next day, I stayed home from work. Jaime drove in from Maryville to tend to me. Going through some old mail, I noticed that the annual license renewal for my car was about to expire, and I had Jaime drive me to the Davidson County Clerk's office so that I could renew it.
Monika: What happened at the clerk’s office?
Carla: Tennessee offers a series of license plates for veterans of the United States armed services. They had recently introduced a new "Woman Veteran" license plate. I wanted this. However, the county clerk staffers, and even the clerk herself, gave me a hard time and declared I could not have this particular license because I was "not a woman." That was the second time in 24 hours I had been told I was not a woman, and I was livid.
Monika: How did that frustration turn into the campaign that made you go viral?
Carla: The following Friday, I wore a t-shirt to work that stated simply, "Transgender Veteran: I fought for your right to hate me." I took a selfie and posted it on Facebook. People absolutely lost their minds. The photo went viral. A writer for Huffington Post interviewed me about the image. Local and regional news outlets interviewed me, and before I knew it, people were contacting me from all over the world. People in other countries, on other continents, were telling me that my story was being printed and broadcast in their native language. I couldn't believe it.
Monika: After your campaign went viral, did you receive much encouragement or recognition from others?
Carla: Yes. All of a sudden, transgender veterans were telling me that I was giving them a voice for the first time.
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| Interview for News Channel 5 (YouTube) |
Monika: Beyond veterans, did others in the transgender community also begin connecting with your story?
Carla: Because of all the attention, other transgender people found out about me and began watching old interviews, reading old news stories, or following my blog. Suddenly, I became a voice for them as well. Over the coming months, I performed more on-camera interviews about other transgender-related topics, and I really believe I made some measurable difference in attitudes toward transgender people in the Middle Tennessee area.
Monika: Did this visibility lead to any significant recognition for your advocacy?
Carla: Surprisingly, in the spring of 2016, I was told I was to be named the 2016 INSPIRE Awards International Icon alongside Edie Windsor, who sued the United States and caused the court to deem the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional. Maybe a month after the award ceremony in Toronto, the policy preventing transgender people from serving openly in the military was rescinded. I believe that my actions played a tiny part in changing the consciousness of this country toward transgender soldiers. Of course, when this happened, I was interviewed again, having been discharged from the military 25 years earlier for being transgender.
Monika: In 2016, you took a strong stand against the controversial “Bathroom Bill” introduced in Tennessee. Could you explain what the bill proposed and why it was so problematic?
Carla: The bill would have required that students at all public schools and universities use the restrooms of the sex listed on their birth certificate. If you didn’t know, Tennessee is one of a handful of states that will not allow the sex to be changed on a birth certificate. A Nashville news station spent a couple of hours with me one afternoon to speak about this bathroom bill that Tennessee was considering. Of course, only a couple of minutes of the interview were aired. However, since our legislative seat is located in Nashville, I suspect that many legislators, as well as the governor of the state, may have seen the interview, and I’m hoping it convinced them to reconsider the passage of this bill.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Carla Combs.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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