Carla Lewis is a woman whose life story is as inspiring as it is complex. Carla is a transgender woman, activist,
software engineer, mother of two, grandmother, and U.S. Air Force veteran. She makes her home in East Tennessee,
near the foothills of the Smoky Mountains, with her loving partner Jaime. To say that Carla has lived many lives
would not be an exaggeration, her journey weaves together resilience, advocacy, creativity, and an unshakable
belief in living authentically. Carla’s path has never been easy. Growing up in Arkansas, she carried within her a
sense of difference that she could not yet put into words. Later, her dreams of becoming an astronaut led her to
the U.S. Air Force Space Command, but her service was cut short when her gender identity was discovered. What
might have ended as defeat became the beginning of a longer story, one of survival, rebuilding, and ultimately
embracing the woman she always knew herself to be.
Her transition in the late 1990s was marked by loss, heartbreak, and even moments when life itself hung by a
thread. Yet Carla’s courage to begin again, to choose truth over silence, became the cornerstone of her new life.
Over time, she reclaimed not only her identity but also her family, reuniting with her children after years apart
and stepping into the joyful role of grandmother, a role she embraces with warmth, humor, and a touch of playful
mischief. Beyond her personal journey, Carla has been an outspoken advocate for transgender rights. Whether
through local LGBT community work, online petitions that influenced corporate behavior, or simply standing proudly
as herself, she has made her presence a force for change. She understands the dangers transgender women still
face, from discrimination to violence, yet she continues to raise her voice for equality and dignity. Carla is
also someone who finds joy in creativity and community.
She has a love for science fiction, fantasy, and comics, and her passion for sewing and cosplay has taken her to
Dragon*Con year after year, where she transforms into her favorite superheroine, Power Girl. These moments of joy
remind us that resilience is not only about survival, it is also about celebration, laughter, and self-expression.
What strikes me most about Carla is her honesty. She doesn’t sugarcoat the struggles, nor does she hide the scars
of her past. Yet in every story she shares, there is hope, determination, and the reminder that life, no matter
how broken it may seem, can always be rebuilt. It is a true honor to share this conversation with Carla
Lewis. She embodies the spirit of courage, love, and persistence, and her story is one that speaks not just to the
transgender community but to anyone who has ever had to start over and find strength in the face of adversity.
Dear readers, please join me in welcoming Carla to The Heroines of My Life.
Monika: Carla, it’s such a pleasure to have you here. Welcome to The Heroines of My Life!
Carla: Truthfully, I’m honored that anyone would care to know about me.
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| Ready for shopping. |
Monika: How has life been treating you lately, and what does a typical day look like for you?
Carla: The only recent significant change in my life was a closed head injury as a result of a rear-end
collision in December of 2011. I’m plagued with constant migraine-like head pain that makes it difficult to do
some of the things I normally take for granted.
That aside, I’m part owner of a small computer service company. That keeps me busy during business hours. When
I’m not at work, I enjoy the hell out of science fiction and fantasy movies, hero comics, and a newfound love of
sewing and cosplay. The highlight of every year is now our annual trip to Dragon*Con in Atlanta, Georgia, where
I get to dress up as my favorite superheroine, Power Girl, and Jaime gets to be whichever hero I feel like
creating for her.
Monika: Let’s go back in time a little. Where did you grow up, and what kind of places shaped your early
years?
Carla: I’m a native of Arkansas. I spent most of my childhood in a small town called Shannon Hills in Arkansas,
a suburb of the capital city of Little Rock. In the mid-1990s, I moved to East Tennessee, where I now reside, at
the foothills of the Smoky Mountains.
Monika: Looking back on your childhood, how would you describe it?
Carla: I think my childhood wasn’t that different from many. My parents divorced when I was quite young. My
mother remarried when I was about four years old. I played baseball for many years as well as American football
while in junior high school. In junior high and high school I played the French horn in the school band. I liked
to play in the woods, ride my motorcycle, and eventually write computer programs.
Even so, from an early age I “knew” there was something different about me, a feeling of “wrongness.” However, I
would never describe it as feeling as if I was in the “wrong body.” I believe I actively started cross-dressing
at the age of eight.
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| Carla at graduation. |
Monika: Many transgender women describe their school and college years as the most difficult, often marked by
bullying or discrimination. How would you describe your own experience during that time?
Carla: I really don’t think so. I’m not quite sure how I was perceived by others, but I know I was sometimes
seen as an angry, smart, poor kid. I was often considered a “class clown” by many, seeking attention however I
could get it. I was frequently in trouble with the faculty and disciplined often. Luckily, I had a reputation
for being very smart and didn’t have to study very hard. I got along with most everyone.
Monika: You once served in the U.S. Air Force Space Command. What drew you to the military, and what were your
original goals when you enlisted?
Carla: I never wanted to be a soldier, but rather an astronaut. My grades were good enough to be awarded many
academic scholarships, including M.I.T. Unfortunately, I could never afford housing or other expenses at such
schools. Instead, I attended a local university and quickly lost interest. I joined the Air Force as an
alternative to college, hoping I would find the motivation to do something with my life. It just so happens that
my entrance and performance scores were such that I was put in Space Command. While I could have probably
enjoyed a successful career in the military, things didn’t turn out as I had hoped.
Monika: What ultimately brought your military career to an end?
Carla: Eighteen months into my enlistment, I was married with two children. At my newest duty assignment, I was
required to undergo a rigorous security investigation because of the sensitive nature of my assignment. During
the investigation, it was discovered that I had gender issues and I was discharged from the service.
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| Carla in her 30s. |
Carla: It was the most difficult thing I had ever done, but not for the reasons many would suspect. Being a
husband and father, I had committed to filling that role to the best of my ability and foregoing any dream of
ever transitioning. Truly, back then, I wasn’t really aware that it was an option. Even though my wife had been
made aware of my gender issues when we were in high school, this was not the issue that ultimately destroyed my
marriage, but rather her infidelity.
Monika: How did the breakdown of your marriage affect your work and personal life?
Carla: At the time I was working as a software engineer at Philips. Also working there were my father-in-law and
mother-in-law. When my wife finally decided to leave me for another man, she and her family made sure that
everyone at the company knew I was transgender. Having lost my children, my wife, and being certain that I would
also lose my job, I overdosed on sleeping pills. Not having shown up for work for a couple of days, my boss
found me unconscious in my home. I remained hospitalized for quite some time.
Monika: After such a devastating experience, how did you find the strength to start over and continue your
transition?
Carla: During my hospital stay, I had lost my home, my vehicle, had no clothing, and no personal possessions
left. My boss and his wife took pity on me and invited me to live with them until I could walk again and find a
place of my own. Within a few months, I had started to rebuild my life, and transitioning was a part of that new
life. I had lost everything but my life, and I decided that life would not be wasted on living a lie.
Monika: Many transgender women talk about the challenges of “passing” in the early stages of transition. What
was your own experience like, and did you choose to undergo any surgeries to help with that process?
Carla: When starting transition, I think most people have trouble passing. It isn’t necessarily because of
appearance but because we don’t yet “own” the image we are trying to show everyone else. When I became comfortable
with what was inside me, the outside was able to reflect it much easier. I have had breast implants, probably too
big!
Monika: Today, cosmetic medicine makes it possible for some people to transition even later in life, sometimes
in their fifties or sixties. Do you believe age makes a difference, and what advice would you give to someone
beginning their transition at that stage?
Carla: I don’t think it matters what age you are when you decide to transition. The real difficulty is accepting
yourself. Happiness can really only occur once that happens.
Monika: When you began your transition, were there any transgender role models who inspired or guided you? How
much information about transitioning was available to you at the time?
Carla: I had very little knowledge about transgender issues or transitioning. The internet was still in its
infancy. Unlike today, information on transitioning was still “underground” and inaccessible to many, at least,
that is how it seemed. I was aware of no role models at the time, but have since compiled a shortlist of those
that I admire: Lynn Conway, Martine Rothblatt, Danielle Berry, Wendy Carlos, Amanda Simpson, and Lana Wachowski.
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| At National Equality March. |
Monika: You have two wonderful children. Many people say that when a parent transitions, the relationship with
their children can change dramatically. How did your transition affect your bond with them?
Carla: I was unable to have contact with my children for several years. It broke my heart. My parental rights
were removed and my children were adopted by their new stepfather. I thought I would never see them again. My
daughter turned 14 and sought me out. Jaime and I eagerly took her in. A year later, my son came to live with
us. Shortly after, my children’s parents divorced and the adoptive father died in a motorcycle accident. I
petitioned for guardianship and it was granted. When I saw my children for the first time after many years of
absence, it was as if I had just seen them the day before. Once again, I felt whole.
Monika: And what about your wife at that time? How did she react to your transition and the changes it
brought?
Carla: I don’t understand how we remained married for nine years. I don’t have much to say about her except that
for many years I wished her nothing but ill will. Karma has destroyed her life over and over and now I feel
nothing but pity for her.
Monika: Life has come full circle, and now you are a grandmother. How does stepping into that role feel for
you, and do you allow yourself to spoil your grandchildren?
Carla: It’s true, but it shouldn’t be possible. I don’t feel old enough to be a grandparent. The grandchildren
live close by and I do spoil them when I can. It’s kind of fun to fill them with soda and chocolate and hand
them back to their parents!
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| Another lovely haircut by Jamie. |
Monika: Looking at the bigger picture, what is your opinion on the current situation of transgender women in
American society?
Carla: The struggle of transgender people in America will be our last great civil rights struggle. In most
communities, there is no one more despised, disparaged, or held in more contempt than a transgender person.
While each of us applauds the achievements of our transgender brothers and sisters, the truth is that a hundred
fall for everyone that is lifted up. I want to see full equality, not just in the eyes of the law, but in the
eyes of my fellow Americans.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Carla Lewis.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
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