There are stories that carry both the softness of hope and the weight of truth. The story of Ella Marques is one of those. A proud Portuguese-American woman now living in Boca Raton, Florida, Ella is a writer, a global citizen, and a radiant voice for the transgender community. Her memoir, “I Was Born a Boy, From Venus. It’s Time to Be Yourself,” is not just a chronicle of transition, it is a heartfelt call for authenticity, acceptance, and love. Born in Portugal and educated at an international boarding school in Switzerland, Ella's life journey has taken her across continents, cultures, and languages, seven of which she speaks fluently. From the cosmopolitan streets of Paris and London to the beaches of Fortaleza, Brazil, and her years in Switzerland, Ella’s life reads like an atlas of resilience and discovery. She brings to every conversation a refined international grace, combined with a grounded understanding of what it means to be seen, misunderstood, and ultimately, celebrated.
At the age of 59, Ella stepped fully into her truth and began her gender transition. Her courage to do so later in life, despite societal stigma and personal doubts, makes her a shining example to all women, trans or not, that it is never too late to embrace your authentic self. Her words are full of wisdom, warmth, and often, gentle humor, as she shares her personal experiences navigating gender, self-confidence, discrimination, and the joy of finally being seen for who she is. Ella believes that the true measure of a society’s advancement lies in how it treats its women and LGBTQ+ citizens. With this guiding conviction, she has become an active advocate for equality, volunteering with the Human Rights Campaign, the National Center for Transgender Equality, and her own group, South Florida TG Social. Her activism is rooted not in anger but in hope, hope that visibility leads to understanding, and that understanding fosters change. It is my sincere pleasure to introduce Ella to you through this interview. Her femininity is graceful, her insights are powerful, and her heart is as vibrant as the coral and red tones she loves to wear. Please meet Ella Marques, a woman of the world, a woman of courage, and above all, a woman who inspires.
Monika: It’s a pleasure and an honor to be speaking today with Ella Marques, a Portuguese-American author based in Boca Raton, Florida. Ella is the writer of the biographical book I Was Born a Boy, From Venus: It’s Time to Be Yourself (2017). Hello, Ella!
Ella: Hi Monika! Thank you very much for the interview and for thinking of me. I like your blog very much.
Monika: You describe yourself as an “international” woman. Could you please tell us a bit about your background and experiences?
Monika: You describe yourself as an “international” woman. Could you please tell us a bit about your background and experiences?
Ella: Sure. I was born in Portugal, and at the age of 14, I went to an international boarding school in Switzerland. Since then, I have lived, worked, and traveled in many countries. I’ve lived in London, Paris, and Fortaleza, a city in the northeast of Brazil. I spent over 30 years in various cities in Switzerland and moved to the USA six years ago. Earlier, for a period of two years, I traveled almost every week to Poland for business in Łódź, so I came regularly to your country. You have a great culture.
|
| Ella’s first dress. |
Monika: That’s amazing! With such extensive travel and language skills, how has your international experience shaped your perspective on culture and society?
Ella: I have traveled the world, visiting many countries on all continents, and I speak seven languages, including some Polish. I find it very interesting to talk to people around the world and understand different cultures as well as the differences between them. I enjoy the various foods, mentalities, art, and music. I came to the conclusion that you can gauge how advanced a country is by looking at the respect given to women and the status of local LGBTQ rights. Usually, countries that are less advanced treat women poorly and are very violent toward LGBTQ people.
Monika: What inspired you to write your autobiography and share such personal experiences publicly?
Monika: What inspired you to write your autobiography and share such personal experiences publicly?
Ella: It was a big step for me to decide to share my most intimate moments and times with the rest of the world. Sometimes I find it very interesting that I am becoming famous for what I tried to hide all my life. I wrote my book for three reasons. The first reason is to tell all people who are not transgender that what we go through is not a choice, it is real and does not go away. Please don’t forget that still over 40% of transgender people attempt suicide in the USA. It is painful to read those headlines every time, and I often wonder if things could have been different with just a little more community support.
Monika: That’s a powerful message. Could you share the other reasons that motivated you to write the book?
Ella: I tried to share my story in a way that is interesting and not boring. Transgender people are positive; we are great people who deserve to be admired and accepted as we are. I am always very surprised to see that most people have actually never met a transgender person in their life, and sometimes they think that all trans people are something like a weird drag queen. Well, some of us are, but they deserve your respect and acceptance too. The second reason is to tell transgender people that there is a way to live as your true self. Be courageous, work on your self-esteem and confidence. The third reason, and most of all, is to tell parents of transgender kids that acceptance is key for their development. They deserve to be themselves from the beginning and not be burdened with guilt all their lives.
Monika: What lessons from your own journey do you think can help other trans women navigate their experiences?
Monika: What lessons from your own journey do you think can help other trans women navigate their experiences?
Ella: Being transgender is not a phase. I tried to “cure” myself all my life, but you can only be cured of sickness, not of who you really are. Understand and embrace your feelings. Work hard to adapt to your true gender, it is not an easy path. The older you are, the more difficult it is to be passable. Most importantly, be self-confident and positive; those are the qualities you need to conquer the world and gain support. One very important point is to seek help from a specialist to determine whether you are transgender, gender fluid, or something else. Find yourself before you make any conclusions.
Monika: At what age did you transition to living as a woman, and was the process difficult for you?
Ella: I was 59 when I transitioned. It was a difficult process at the beginning until I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. Once I started HRT, my feelings began to stabilize, and I started feeling good and positive. I still had to do a lot of work on myself to look better and build my self-confidence, but somehow things became clearer. There are still many issues and things one has to consider. One of the most important is income and money, how to survive. Even in the USA, there is still a lot of discrimination against transgender people like us, although acceptance has improved in recent years.
Monika: During your transition, did you have any transgender role models you looked up to?
Ella: Sure. Here in the USA, there are quite a few shows about transgender people. Caitlyn Jenner, Jazz Jennings, Laverne Cox, and Candis Cayne are some examples of transgender women who are very famous. And of course transgender men like Chaz Bono. Other well-known people include Dr. Marci Bowers and the astonishing Gigi Gorgeous; all are admired role models present in today’s US society for their courage and work. There are many other role models I know or have heard about, many less famous transgender people who are very important for our community.
Monika: Are there any transgender women you admire and respect now?
Ella: Sure, not only the women I mentioned above but also some of my companions and friends. Some transitioned 20 years ago, others are still in the process. I have met some extraordinary transgender people who are very active and positive for our community. They may not be famous or wealthy, but they are essential supporters of transgender issues. The list in the USA is very extensive and continues to grow.
Monika: What was the hardest part of coming out as transgender for you?
Monika: What was the hardest part of coming out as transgender for you?
Ella: The hardest part was understanding myself, conquering any guilt I had, and, of course, developing self-confidence and learning to be at ease with who I am. I remember in the beginning I always thought everybody was looking at me and criticizing me. When I went to a supermarket, I felt like there were sirens blaring the words “Transgender coming.” Well, not really, it was my guilt and fears playing tricks on me.
|
| 18-year-old Fernando. |
Monika: Besides the personal challenges, what other obstacles did you face during your transition?
Ella: Many external factors came, such as obtaining the gender dysphoria confirmation letter, and of course, getting my official documents changed with a new name and gender marker. I had to wait over eight months to have the change made on my birth certificate. The cost of transition can be quite high, surgeries are expensive and you need very good doctors. In the USA, transgender surgeries have become very profitable, so many universities and hospitals offer them. Sometimes, the experience these surgeons have with transgender patients is limited, making it difficult to find the right surgeon, someone you can truly trust.
Monika: The transgender community is often described as thriving today. With voices like Laverne Cox proclaiming, “Trans is beautiful,” we see teenage girls becoming models and dancers, talented women rising as writers, singers, and actresses. Those interested in politics, science, and business are becoming successful politicians, academics, and entrepreneurs. What is your overall perspective on the current situation of transgender women in American society?
Monika: The transgender community is often described as thriving today. With voices like Laverne Cox proclaiming, “Trans is beautiful,” we see teenage girls becoming models and dancers, talented women rising as writers, singers, and actresses. Those interested in politics, science, and business are becoming successful politicians, academics, and entrepreneurs. What is your overall perspective on the current situation of transgender women in American society?
Ella: The change is really happening, but in small steps. Acceptance is here in some states like California, Florida, New York, and others. In these places, I believe transgender people can live regular lives. Many companies are diverse and support transgender rights. Increasingly, big companies like Disney, Siemens, ABB, numerous banks, tech firms, and entertainment corporations have clear statements affirming their acceptance of transgender people. Many even have dedicated HR departments for LGBTQ issues.
Monika: Can you share some examples of how this acceptance plays out in the workplace?
Ella: I know many people who transitioned while working and were fully accepted. One of my friends works for a leading bank in the USA. When she transitioned, the bank organized a special lunch and invited all her customers. It was the first time those customers met her feminine self. One customer said he couldn’t work with a transgender person anymore, so the bank politely asked him to change banks, they could no longer hold his account.
Monika: Despite these positive stories, are there still challenges that transgender people face in the workplace?
Ella: Yes, positive stories are multiplying, but transgender people still lose jobs because they come out at work. Not all companies are truly diverse. Many companies say they follow the rules of the state where they operate, but states like North Carolina are openly hostile toward us. It’s important to be aware that sometimes companies accept transgender people only for marketing reasons, they may have no transgender employees at all or only one in a minor role. I believe a transgender friendliness rating system for companies should be created.
Monika: What was the recent discussion like among transgender activists about workplace acceptance?
Ella: Recently, I was with a group of transgender leading activists in Florida, and we discussed how many companies treat transgender employees. We compared our situation to the women in the film Hidden Figures, highly skilled but often overlooked and undervalued. Acceptance at all levels is still not fully there, and we tolerate it because it’s better than nothing, but we definitely have a long way to go.
|
| Just before transition. |
Monika: The transgender cause is often represented as part of the larger LGBTQ community. As the “T” in LGBTQ, do you think the transgender community is able to effectively promote its own unique issues within this broader group?
Ella: Acceptance of transgender people within the LGBTQ community can be complicated. I have often heard statements like, “Well, the T is not really representative of the LGBTQ community because here we deal with gender identity, not sexual orientation,” or, “We accepted the T because they had nowhere else to go.” Because of this, some transgender people feel we should have separate community groups focused solely on our issues.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Ella Marques.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
No comments:
Post a Comment