Alexis is a Spanish-born model, fashion designer, and social media influencer currently living in London. Raised in the fiercely independent district of Vallekas in Madrid, she grew up in a working-class family and faced the challenges of coming into her identity as a transgender woman in the conservative atmosphere of the 1980s. Alexis has always known she was different, from a young age, her femininity and attraction to men marked her journey of self-discovery, which she navigated with both humor and courage.
Her transition, which began in earnest in 2017, became something of a shared story through Instagram, first as a source of validation, then as a platform of connection. While she once boasted over 20,000 followers, she’s never hesitated to block the “chasers” and focus on authenticity over numbers. With her sharp wit, stylish flair, and unfiltered honesty, Alexis now uses her platform for fun and self-expression, rather than approval. Despite the online glamor, her real life is calmer and grounded, she’s in a loving long-term relationship with the man who saw her for who she truly was even before her full transition. Alexis brings a unique blend of fierce femininity, old-school charm, and modern-day confidence to everything she does.
Monika: Hello Alexis!
Alexis: Hello Monika! Thanks for having me.
Monika: Could you tell us a bit about your background and how your journey began?
Alexis: It's always hard to talk about oneself. I was born in Madrid, in one of the most rebellious districts of the city called Vallekas. My parents were working-class people climbing their way to the middle class with nothing but hard work. I started feeling like a woman at the age of 5. However, growing up as a transgender girl in the 80s was very challenging, as the portrayal of the transgender community was both negative and marginal.
In addition, I knew I liked men, so I was still contemplating that I might be gay. I came out at 16 when my mother found a letter written to me by my then-secret boyfriend of 29, haha, which was quite an experience. But fortunately, regardless of all the concerns my parents had, they allowed me to continue my relationship, which lasted 2 years. I have always been quite openly gay and very feminine. Perhaps frequent dates with much older men fulfilled my private fantasy to play the "girl" role. Looking back, I realize that even in those early moments, I was searching for affirmation of my true self.
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"Sharing my Instagram photos began
as a validation of my transition
and being a woman." |
Monika: When did you first realize that you weren’t actually gay, but a woman attracted to men?
Alexis: Well, I always wanted to feel like a woman in bed. Despite my loving gay partners, something was missing. So my first sexual experience with a straight man seeing and perceiving me as a woman was an eye-opener for me. How I felt when he touched me! I felt my brain was on fire. Afterwards, I remember saying to him: you know, I think I'm not gonna wear trousers again! He replied: that's good, eh! And I replied: it wasn't you, it was me! I found who I really am. That moment was like flipping a switch, I had finally stepped into myself.
Monika: What motivated you to start sharing personal moments from your transition on Instagram?
Alexis: Sharing my Instagram photos began as a validation of my transition and being a woman. I started my transition in July 2017, though I had a pre-coming-out stage when I had some sessions of laser facial hair removal and some experiences with crossdressing. So once I started to live full-time as a woman, my Instagram became the place for encouragement from my friends and loved ones. However, the negative aspect of this was my exposure to men and all different kinds of chasers that started to follow my pictures to assess my physical changes into a woman. At one point, I reached 20 thousand followers, but I blocked so many "tranny chasers" that I reduced the number to 12.5 thousand. Now I just use it for fun, but it's a completely unrealistic view of my life, which is much more serene and simpler in reality.
I think it's good to be older, and unlike this new millennial culture, I don't care if my views, pictures, or comments are liked. I have a strong relationship with my boyfriend who met me at the early stage of my transition; literally, he was the last man I slept with as a crossdresser, and he knew I was a girl, and we have been with each other ever since. Instagram was my mirror for self-affirmation, but now it’s just a playful highlight reel, not the full story.
Monika: Do you receive a lot of questions from your followers? What kind of things do they usually ask you about?
Alexis: I don't get many questions, as my followers are mainly male, so I do get lots of likes and loving comments via DM (Direct Messaging) and unsolicited x-rated pics. LOL. I suppose being pleasing to the male eye means I had very few hate comments. I had more negative comments from other trans women. I can say that I advocate rather conservative opinions and values. I'm Spanish, and yet I'm pro-Brexit, which earned me nasty comments from the trans/gay community. I support wholeheartedly racial equality and the Black Lives Matter action, but I am against it as a political movement, which also sparked some hate mail from some of my followers. Oh haha, and I love wearing fur coats, nothing gets people more opinionated than a bit of vintage glamour!
Monika: I see. Yes, some people may see it as controversial. But tell me, what's the strangest question you've ever received or answered?
Alexis: The strangest thing?... Oh yes, someone once proposed to me having sex with his dog. I think transgender women are still such a morbid taboo for a lot of men, and the porn industry could be blamed for this, as it's a very distorted view of what our real lives are. Sadly, many men approach us with fantasies shaped entirely by what they've seen on the internet, not by who we actually are.
Monika: We all pay a high price for the fulfillment of our dreams to be ourselves, often losing family, friends, jobs, or social standing. Did you have to pay such a price? What was the hardest part of coming out for you?
Alexis: I came out to my mum, brother, and best friends. It was very hard. I went through the early acceptance of the gay community during the 90s, and I must say that now trans people are just at that point! It's hard to deal with prejudice all over again. I was outed at work as my way of dressing began to change into a more gender-fluid, which provoked my employer to "have a chat" about my appearance. So being cornered, I had to come out, and it was a very difficult and very public transition, as I worked as a retail manager in a huge London department store. Yes, I lost some friends who were uncomfortable with my being trans. But I also believe that I wanted a new life so much that I didn't fight too hard to keep them. Still, the freedom that came with finally living as myself outweighed the losses.
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"I went through the early acceptance
of the gay community during the
90s, and I must say that now trans
people are just at that point!" |
Monika: Have you had any notable experiences with cisgender women? How do they generally react to you?
Alexis: I’ve had special encounters with cis women that I’d categorize into three groups. One group consists of those who celebrate us no matter what. The second group includes those who love masculine or butch trans women, there’s often an element of control or a sense of superiority they feel over their “pet” trans friends.
And finally, there are those who behave as if they fear us because they see us as competition. I get nothing but compliments on a daily basis from men. And women? Some hate fishy trans ladies because they’re very aware of the allure we have over men. Still, I’ve also met amazing cis women who’ve shown me love, support, and sisterhood, and those are the ones who truly matter.
Monika: Are you happy with how hormone treatment has affected you, both physically and emotionally?
Alexis: Well, I guess so. Hormones play a small/huge part in our transition. I think the physical changes are different for all of us, but the placebo effect is always great. We always long for the hormones to begin our journey, and yet the biggest changes come from within. I was very lucky to not have “the blues.” Besides, being brought up in the Mediterranean culture, you cure depression by cleaning your home in depth. LOL. And honestly, nothing beats the joy of feeling your body align more with who you’ve always been inside.
Monika: I wasn’t born in Spain, but I do the same. :) We are often said to be prisoners of the passing or non-passing syndrome. Although cosmetic surgeries can help overcome this, society still judges us harshly. How do you personally cope with these pressures and expectations?
Alexis: I really don't care how feminine I look. I have a deep voice that I am still trying to reign in. But regardless of how feminine we might look, there will always be someone who will point at us and say: "Look, that's a man!" So I walk with confidence, and I'm proud of being a different kind of girl. And I always dress as if I were a model, and there's virtually nothing that anyone could miss about my looks: hair, makeup, shoes, and posture. Whether it is Monday at 5:30 a.m. or I go to do inventory at work on Saturday afternoon, I always look perfect, like I learned from my mother. Looking good is my armor and a way to remind the world that I define myself, not them.
Monika: Do you resemble your mother either physically or mentally?
Alexis: Well, physically I have her face, especially when she was in her 30s. We model our hair in the same way to our left side. We are both pale, and we both do our makeup in a similar way. Mentally, we share values, but it seems like I inherited her teachings and her moral compass. And her defiant way of walking in heels! Sometimes she tells me off for wearing very high heels, and she says stuff like: "How can you walk in those heels?!" To which I reply, "By watching you all my life!" I learned from her how to walk, move, touch my face and hair, and how to command all attention when I touch up my lipstick! She's not just my mother; she's my model for confidence and grace.
Monika: Are there any transgender role models that you look up to or have followed in the past?
Alexis: Role models? Not really. But I am a fan of some trans women or trans movies and series. My real role models are old Hollywood ladies with their glamour and looks from the 1940s and 50s. This is how I picture myself, as a woman living with my man where we have very defined roles, and it suits me just fine. Their elegance and poise are something I aspire to, and their influence has helped shape the way I carry myself.
Alexis: And I don't forget what I lived through before my transition and the lessons I learned. I think it's the best thing about coming out in the later part of your life, as you are better prepared mentally to deal with the reality of trans life. I'm xx years old. Do not publish my age, otherwise, I will hunt you down, haha haha.
Monika: I won't. You look amazing. Do you remember the first time you saw a transgender woman on TV or met anyone transgender in person, and what impact did it have on you?
Alexis: I think it was a TV movie, it was a trans prostitute and drug addict who got beaten to death. I did not explore the whole context about why she is trans or why transwomen hate their bodies. I definitely didn't connect with any of it. It wasn’t until later in my life that I found more positive and empowering representations of transgender women.
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"The perception of transgender
women? I would describe it as apathy,
it's more a media subject." |
Monika: How would you describe the current situation of transgender women in your country?
Alexis: Well, now my country is the United Kingdom. The perception of transgender women? I would describe it as apathy; it's more a media subject. In professional life, people don't care, and employers don't want to deal with trans people. So they don't hire them, and anyway, most people don't even know who we are. I broke my principles and participated in the first Trans Pride in London, but in truth, it was a circus. It was precisely what other people would expect, so I felt mortified.
I also question the situation in which trans women are now included within the whole gender discomfort groups. I have nothing to do with agender, two-spirit people, or gender fluid, etc. To me, they are all variations of GAY. Transgender women are something else. This preconceived idea may stem from the fact that we are always a part of a marginalized group: progressive groups, lefties, world peace, and all this kind of people, hahaha. Well, nothing further from the truth. I think our struggle as transgender women is unique and deserves recognition on its own, rather than being lumped together with other identities.
Monika: Do you enjoy fashion? What type of outfits do you typically wear? Are there any specific fashion designs, colors, or trends you gravitate towards?
Alexis: I love fashion, but I wear what I know looks good on me. Funny enough, I looked older when I began transitioning. Now I have a younger look (my boyfriend loves the present version). You know, less makeup, fewer accessories, etc. I mainly wear solid colors and simple, fitted dresses. I mean, I'm a Latina, so hoops, a strapless black tight dress, and heels are my go-to outfits. I don’t wear any necklaces or other accessories, maybe sometimes matching cuffs, no bangles or noisy bracelets. And no rings that make your hands look bigger, LOL. I rarely wear prints unless it's leopard print.
My fashion taste is based on what I saw in the '80s as a child and in the '90s as a teenager. So my fashion inspirations are Gaultier, Galliano, Lacroix, and McQueen. I'm inspired by famous, dark-haired, strong, and sexy women with ivory skin: Elvira, Morticia, Maria Callas, Dita Von Teese, Gina Lollobrigida, and many others. I love the whole white skin-red lips-black hair look. I have a blood red cell deficiency like my mother, so I’m extremely pale, and I love it, hahaha. Fashion is a powerful tool for self-expression, and it gives me the chance to embody the elegance and strength of the women who inspire me.
Monika: By the way, do you enjoy being complimented on your appearance?
Alexis: Absolutely! But feminism has killed all the joy. I love being complimented, but only by men (women's compliments are rarely honest). I get wolf whistles, car beeps, and waving, so men are like children. You can't be ugly if you look good to men. However, I also appreciate genuine compliments that acknowledge my style and confidence.
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman, and how did it go?
Alexis: Ahh yes! I came out at my current job, which I hated even before coming out. And I tried ever since to leave it. I did about 37 interviews. I can boast 11 years of experience in retail with a very strong CV and a university degree in fashion. However, all interviews for retail management began and ended in the same way; simply I did not get a job (just in case you think they had any kind of prejudice). Then a long email followed about how wonderful I was and how brave and blah blah blah, but alas, the job was given to someone else.
Sometimes I get contacted via LinkedIn by employment agencies, and I reply, but once they learned that I'm trans, they didn't even bother sending a turn-down email. So no wonder why there are so many of us in the sex industry. My ex-employers took advantage of Covid-19 to get rid of me. So if it wasn't for my very loving partner, I don't know how I would survive. Now I'm a full-time girlfriend, being dependent on my boyfriend. However, I’ve also learned to embrace this phase, and it’s given me time to focus on personal growth.
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"Be true to your feelings and you'll know
when to do the jump!" |
Monika: That sounds really challenging! What advice would you give to trans women who are looking for employment?
Alexis: I cannot offer any advice. People's lives are very personal journeys, and my advice means nothing to others. But if I can suggest something, I would say, don't give up, keep applying, and keep bringing the trans issue upfront! And remember, the right opportunity will eventually come if you stay persistent and true to yourself.
Monika: Are you involved in your local LGBTQ+ community or do you prefer to stay more independent?
Alexis: Nope, but with those other trans women that I follow or I know, I try to be a sympathetic ear and engage in cordial conversation. I think it's important to offer support in our own way, even if we aren't deeply involved in the community.
Monika: How important is love in your life, and how does it shape your journey?
Alexis: Love is everything to me. Enough said.
Monika: Many transgender women choose to write memoirs to share their experiences. Have you ever thought about writing a book or sharing your story in that way?
Alexis: Not really, as I doubt anyone would be interested. I left behind my previous identity and have no wish to revisit it nor talk about it. My past brought me to my present. This also is the reason why I don't do those kinds of posts like before and after or Transformation Tuesday. This is a closed chapter for me. I prefer focusing on the now and looking forward rather than dwelling on the past.
Monika: What are your current goals, and where do you see yourself in the next 5 to 7 years?
Alexis: I keep on living and try to be true to myself, hopefully being married to the kindest and most handsome man on this Earth. Oh, and I need to lose this Covid-19 overweight!!! I also hope to be in a place where I feel even more empowered and content with my journey.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who are afraid of transitioning?
Alexis: Be true to your feelings, and you'll know when to take the leap! Trust yourself and remember that everyone’s journey is different.
Monika: My pen friend Gina Grahame once wrote to me that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Alexis: Yes, I agree most certainly.
Monika: Alexis, it was a pleasure to interview you. Good luck with your job hunting. Thanks a lot!
Alexis: Thank you! The pleasure was all mine! Although I doubt I will be of interest or, much less, inspirational to others, hahaha
All the photos: courtesy of Alexis.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
