When she finally came out on Facebook, she discovered that many of the people closest to her were ready to accept and support her. Her children, in particular, have been understanding and supportive, while her wife, who is also transgender, has played an important role in helping her through her coming-out and transition.
Zeline speaks openly about the challenges of transitioning later in life, including age, confidence, femininity, and the fear of being judged in public. Yet her message is ultimately one of courage and hope. She believes that every transgender person has the right to follow their own path and pursue their own dreams, without comparing their journey to anyone else’s.
Today, Zeline is looking ahead. She dreams of growing old happily with her wife and eventually moving to the Philippines, where they hope to build a home and enjoy their life together. After so many years of hiding, she is finally giving herself permission to live.
I am delighted to share my interview with Zeline Del Rosario, a woman whose story is about finding the courage to stop living for expectations and finally start living for herself.
Monika: Hello, Zeline! It’s a pleasure to have you here. How are you?
Zeline: Hello there, Monika.
Monika: To begin, tell us a little about yourself and the life you are living today.
Zeline: As you have said, I’m a transgender woman from Sweden. I’m 54 years old and happily married. I’m a parent to two children, my daughter is 15 and my son is 23 years old.
I came out very late officially, on October 7 last year, actually on Facebook. Although I came out late, I have been trans my whole life, and only a few people around me knew some parts of my truth. They thought I was only crossdressing, and they knew I went to clubs in Stockholm in the late ’90s and early 2000s.
Monika: And how did you arrive at the name Zeline? Was there a particular reason it felt right to you?
Zeline: It was my daughter who came up with that name, and I really like it. I feel very comfortable with that name. I tried different names over the years, but I never felt comfortable with the names I used before. Zeline is really the name for me.
Monika: You have chosen to share quite personal moments of your life on social media. What made you feel that it was time to open up in that way?
Zeline: I am bipolar, and when I get my ups, I can be very social, and I had that mood when I dropped the coming-out post on Facebook. I had this feeling for a long time that I just had to tell people who I really am, so I can live my life as the real me and I do not have to hide all the time. So I’m really happy that I finally did it. I think it was my bipolarity that made me strong enough to do it, and after that, I just keep going on.
Monika: Once you began sharing your story, did your followers start asking questions or reaching out to you? What are they usually curious about?
Zeline: I really don’t get too many questions from my followers. It’s mostly men trying to get in contact with me, and I’m not interested in that. I don’t use Instagram as a dating site, and like I said, I’m already married.
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| "I have been very lucky that way and all my friends and working friends accept me and support me in my transition" |
Monika: Coming out can sometimes come with a heavy price, whether it means losing relationships, friendships, or a sense of security. Looking back at your own experience, what was the most difficult part for you?
Zeline: I have been very lucky that way, and all my friends and work friends accept me and support me in my transition, of course. I can see that some people do not talk to me so much anymore, but that’s their problem, not mine. I still have all my closest friends with me, and that is what counts. My kids are so understanding, accepting, and supportive that it is also a big relief.
The ones struggling hard to accept me are my brother, father, and aunt, unfortunately, but I guess they need a lot more time to handle this. My mother passed away when I was 17, but I guess she would have been more understanding. At least, I like to think so.
Monika: Let’s go back to Stockholm in the late ’90s. What was the trans scene like then, and where did people go to meet and socialize?
Zeline: The trans community in Sweden as a whole is pretty small, I think, and back then it was not big at all. There were only a few clubs in Stockholm that were for open-minded people, and there wasn’t any real trans club. Most of the time, you saw the same trans people you had met before.
There was a club called Kinks and Queens that was the best place for trans people, in my opinion, but after some years they had to close it down, unfortunately.
There were also some smaller private clubs that arranged parties only a couple of times a year. We also had a couple of clubs mainly for gays and lesbians, but we as trans people weren’t really welcomed at these clubs.
Sometimes we went to the well-known clubs, which was quite fun. We were mostly accepted there, and even when there was a very long queue outside, the bodyguards let us pass through and get in before all the others, so I guess they wanted to spice up the place a little.
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| "I can see that some people do not talk to me so much anymore but that’s their problem, not mine." |
Monika: There is another fascinating side to your story. You were also a guitarist in a thrash metal band. How did music fit into your life at that time?
Zeline: Yes, I did. That’s also a big reason why I came out so late. I was passionate about music and playing music when I was young. We used to go to many concerts and listen to a lot of music. In the ’80s and ’90s, my life was all about music, especially metal and thrash metal.
Anyway, some friends and I started a band together without even having any musical skills at first. We tried out different kinds of members along the way, and the more we played, the better we got.
In 1987 and 1988, we released two demo tapes and sent them around to different record labels, and finally, we got signed for a record deal in 1989. The band was called Mezzrow, and the album was "Then Came the Killing". So, that was some kind of double life, being a cool, tough thrasher along with my softer side as a transgender woman.
It was also a struggle within myself because I really loved the time I was in the band, and I also had that feeling inside me that I wanted to let the real me out so much more.
I can also add that the other reason I came out late was that I had kids, the first one in 1998 and the second in 2006. So, at that time, I took on my role as a parent, the father role, and all over again, the real me had to step aside for another 15 years.
My life has surely been hard, and I have struggled in two worlds. Finally, I reached the point where I felt I would explode if I didn’t do something about the situation. So, as late as last year in October, I dumped everything about me in a Facebook post, and I’m so happy that I did that because now my life is like it was meant to be.
Monika: Now that you are on HRT, how do you feel about the changes it has brought, particularly at this stage of your life?
Zeline: If you are in your 50s like me, it’s very difficult to have the body look more feminine, but my skin is much smoother and softer now, so that’s it for me. And I have no plans to have bottom surgery, so the estrogen and testosterone blockers are more of a negative thing for me, but that’s what HRT does, unfortunately, so I have to accept all the risks.
Monika: So many of us struggle with the pressure to “pass,” especially when we transition later in life. What has helped you deal with that pressure and the fear of being judged?
Zeline: For all of us who are older, it is more difficult to pass as women, and especially if someone is tall like I am. The only thing to do is to believe in yourself and try to be strong enough to go out in public. It’s hard and scary, and I know that, but every time you do it, it’s going to get easier.
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| "It was also a struggle within myself because I really loved the time I was in a band and I also had that feeling inside me that I wanted to let the real me out so much more." |
Nowadays, if you start your transition at a young age, it’s much easier, I think, because almost everyone I can see looks like a girl and it’s impossible to see they are something else. It is also a much more open-minded society now than it was when I was young, so we’re heading in the right direction in most countries anyway, but it’s still quite a road ahead.
Monika: Looking back, were there any transgender women you could look up to or see as role models when you were growing up?
Zeline: The first role models I ever saw were in porn movies. There weren’t any other places to see them back then, not in Sweden anyway, and there was no Internet, no social media, etc.
I had some role models from the movies, but it’s a long time ago, so I don’t remember their names. I follow many trans people now on the net, and almost everyone can be my role model, but I have to accept the fact that I’m not young anymore, so I’m just trying to be the best version of myself.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you encountered another transgender woman in real life, or perhaps the first time you saw a transgender woman represented on television?
Zeline: It must have been in the porn movies that I talked about before. I can’t remember seeing anyone on TV. The first time I met a real transgender woman must have been in the clubs where I used to go out in Stockholm. It was around 1985 when I saw a movie with a transgender actress on TV for the first time.
Monika: Sweden is often seen as a relatively progressive country. From where you stand today, how would you describe the situation for transgender women there?
Zeline: I think the transgender phenomenon is still very rare in Sweden, and you usually don’t bump into anyone who is transgender. I know we have a transgender community here, but I can only see them on the Internet.
I live in a small town, so I don’t really know how it is in Stockholm right now. I guess there are some transgender women there, but not too many, I guess. The situation in other bigger cities in Sweden, such as Gothenburg and Malmö, is the same. I wish the whole world had the same trans community as they have in Thailand or in the Philippines.
Monika: Let’s talk about something a little more fun. How would you describe your personal style, and what do you enjoy wearing when you have the chance to dress up?
Zeline: Yes, I like fashion, but I don’t follow all the trends so much. Since I live in Sweden, I usually wear different kinds of dresses and shorts along with sandals, flats, and heeled sandals in the summertime, which is pretty short here. In the autumn and winter, I wear jeans mostly, along with tops, T-shirts, long sleeves, jackets and coats, sneakers, and boots. When it’s party time, I usually wear something sexy, short dresses, leggings, sexy tops, and high heels. My favorite color is black, it’s always right, but I try to buy other colors too.
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| "It’s always nice when people like the way I look, of course. This means I’m doing a good job with myself and it helps to boost my self-confidence too." |
Monika: And what about makeup? Do you enjoy experimenting with different looks, or do you prefer to keep things simple?
Zeline: The only time I’m experimenting with makeup is when I go to a party. Otherwise, I just do something easy. I have never sat at home just to practice my makeup and different styles, but maybe I should have done it. I try to do my best.
Monika: Finally, how do you feel when someone compliments you on your appearance? Does it give your confidence a little boost?
Zeline: It’s always nice when people like the way I look, of course. This means I’m doing a good job with myself, and it helps to boost my self-confidence too. But, on the other hand, if they don’t give me compliments, I still know I’m doing my best with the resources and money available to me. I would do everything if I had more money, as all these things are rather expensive.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Zeline Del Rosario.
© 2021 - Monika Kowalska
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It's great to see love couple !
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