Monika: Today I am chatting with Hayley Rose, an American woman who chronicles her transition on social media. Hello Hayley! Thank you for accepting my invitation.
Hayley: Hello Monika and all the readers!
Monika: Could you say a few words about yourself?
Hayley: Hello I am Hayley Rose, I am an American Transgender woman. I am from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Monika: What inspired you to share your intimate life moments on social media?
Hayley: I share my story so any trans person can hear my story or in fact, any person cisgender, nonbinary or trans, as a strength to be our authentic selves, and hopefully it will inspire anyone to be their true self. It is never too late. I am approaching middle age and started the transition 7-8 months ago.
Monika: Do you get many questions from your social media followers? What do they ask for?
Hayley: I get a fair amount of questions and lots of support. Most questions I get are about what will hormones affect? What will develop and what exactly are you going to go through. Mostly trying to understand gender dysphoria and HRT therapy, I don’t mind answering questions because most are uneducated and are trying to understand.
Monika: We all pay the highest price for fulfilling our dreams to be ourselves. As a result, we lose our families, friends, jobs, and social positions. Did you pay such a high price as well? What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Hayley: So I have dealt with Gender Dysphoria since I was very young and in the time when I was coming up it was a lot different to be transgender. I did not want to be the person who confused or upset family and friends or get made fun of, so I did what most would do and I pushed it down and tried to be what was expected of me and that was to be a boy so as a result of doing so I ran into drug addiction and I lost years in addiction running from myself out of fear of what other people would think.
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| "I numbed myself for years on end." |
The turning point was during this relapse I somehow found the courage to finally just go for it, it was either I do sobriety all over again as long as I could until I ended up dead or in a revolving door of addiction. So 3 weeks before HRT, I made the call for an appointment, and I knew I was going to finally do it.
And that day I quit cold turkey the drugs and depression meds and I have not looked back. I was very lucky my entire family has been nothing but supportive, which I wish I would have known a very long time ago but everything happens for a reason. Family is very important to me so I couldn’t be more happier to have them in my corner. Also, my entire life I felt like I couldn’t move past a certain point in life like trudging through mud, now I feel completely free, no more weight, and a true open book, and I have learned so much about myself.
Monika: Why did you choose Hayley for your name?
Hayley: Lol. Hayley Williams from Paramore, I loved her since her emergency video in 2005.
Monika: Was your family surprised by your transition?
Hayley: Yes, I think so, because I covered it all very well I had no choice but to do so. I didn’t want to bring attention to myself out of fear.
Monika: Are you satisfied with the effects of the hormone treatment?
Hayley: Yes, indeed, except for second puberty and mood swings lol, other than that it has been liberating and amazing. I wouldn’t have it any other way, the good outweighs the bad. I have a long way to go but I have had so many changes and developments up to this point.
Monika: We are said to be prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome. Although cosmetic surgeries help to overcome it, we will always be judged accordingly. How can we cope with this?
Hayley: This is a hard one I feel like as ourselves we will always find something about ourselves. I have so many things I pick out on a daily basis that I don’t like but what we think we see some other people don’t. I’m told all the time how good I look and how far I have come along and sometimes I just don’t see it but we also are watching all the time.
The best way to get past this is to just fall in love with yourself. I am still learning this when I go to the store, and I think all eyes are on me all the time but most people don’t care and respect the fact you are being you. Of course, there are some morons out there, so the best is to be in a good head space and surround yourself with good people who know you and the person you are. We cannot control what others perceive of us, just be ourselves and not worry about others, be good to our selves, and focus on the positive things in our passing.
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| "We cannot control what others perceive of us." |
Monika: Nice quotes! Do you remember the first time you saw a transgender woman on TV or met anyone transgender in person that opened your eyes and allowed you to realize who you are?
Hayley: I really just always knew I was a girl or wanted to be a girl and when I was a teenager I think I googled it and saw it was a real thing. I knew before that but not that it was possible, I can’t remember a specific show or person or talk show.
Monika: Did you have any transgender sisters around you that supported you during the transition?
Hayley: I actually don’t know any other transgender women but have had a lot of good ciswomen by my side. I’m not closed off to having transgender women as friends/sisters. I have just never met any trans women yet.
Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in your country?
Hayley: I think trans women have come a very far way, but many also are still victims of hate, not accepted in certain places, and stereotyped right away, which is wrong. I see a lot of hate on social media, which makes me upset because trans people are people too. Hopefully, in the future, it comes to the “live and let live” situation.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Hayley: Yes, I have always loved fashion, and I wear basically whatever is cute from sweater dresses, skirts, leggings to ripped jeans, and sweaters. I am a millennial, so I am into millennial fashion and a little splash of Emo/Goth. So black is my favorite clothing color also army green and yellow. I like to mix it up and love flannels and hoodies.
Monika: Do you often experiment with your makeup?
Hayley: True. I have been doing makeup for a long time, and my cousin is a makeup artist so she gives me tips and helps guide me. She’s the best!
Monika: I remember copying my sister and mother first, and later other women, trying to look 100% feminine, and my cis female friends used to joke that I try to be a woman that does not exist in reality. Did you experience the same?
Hayley: More so my mom but until I came out I was very secretive. I was pretty sure to my knowledge my mother and grandmother were the only ones that may have suspected anything. I would see cis women and remember things. For a very long time, I did the bare minimum in clothing to conceal what was going on.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?
Hayley: Of course, it gives confidence and confirmation that you are looking like a girl. I get told a lot that my voice is what gives it away otherwise they would have never thought.
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?
Hayley: Yes it was today lol too funny. It went great and I got the Job by the time I got home from the interview.
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| "I have always loved fashion." |
Hayley: I have not experienced this I knew that I wouldn’t be accepted by many at my previous job so I just resigned and I wasn’t sure that I even wanted to do that anymore at the time. New Horizons.
Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?
Hayley: It is not easy but for myself, I was always upfront about it I had a hard time for months trying to find something I don’t know if it was because of a career switch or being transgender but there are many companies here in the US who welcomes Trans Employees may not be exactly what you want but it is a start in the right direction.
In all honesty, you don’t have to mention it all but for myself, I like to be upfront about things and it works out in the end but not easy just work hard and do what is asked.
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?
Hayley: I haven’t yet but I will be attending support groups in the upcoming weeks to network.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Hayley: not important at the moment I’m just happy to be me at the moment it’s the last thing on my mind.
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Hayley: I have thought about and I journal maybe one day.
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Hayley:
My next step is getting to my one-year mark to start processes for Too and Bottom surgeries.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women who are afraid of transition?
Hayley:
I was that woman, it’s easier said than done but what I can say is everything that held me back and I feared all worked out I didn’t lose family maybe some friends but I’d they can’t stand by you after knowing you were they ever friends, to begin with. Once you are living as yourself authentically you will attract genuine people, also people you would have never thought would be accepting.
It’s a rough road and people will need time to adjust, just have a good understanding, and put yourself in their shoes and give them time to process it can be hard but stand on your solid ground you have to be happy with you not for anyone else I made that mistake for a very long time,
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Hayley:
Yes absolutely, we need to live for ourselves I can say the thought that if you are not happy with the skin you are in I believe you can’t reach full extensional potential or at least that is for myself, I always say I was Half alive.
Monika: Hayley, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Hayley: Thanks for having me.
All the photos: courtesy of Hayley Rose.
© 2024 - Monika Kowalska
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