Monika: Today I am chatting with Revnika, a Filipino lady living in the USA who chronicles her transition on social media. Hello Revnika! Thank you for accepting my invitation.
Revnika: It’s an honor, Monika!
Monika: Could you say a few words about yourself?
Revnika: I’m from Pangasinan Philippines, and have traveled around since my father was in the Navy. I have lived in some countries and the US. Currently living in Oregon, and finally working on my goals to be the better person I was meant to be, my true self.
Monika: What inspired you to share your intimate life moments on social media?
Revnika: I didn’t realize there were people like me who felt out of place so young, trying to find answers, and continuously finding my true self. Somehow just browsing the web and watching videos I came across stories and timelines that I relate with. My depression was getting worse, that it got out of hand, and I needed to find help. 39 years of my life I was not happy, and I needed to do something about it. I’m 42 now, and I wanted to be as inspiring as others who have helped me through the hardest times in my life, no one should ever feel lost, or alone.
Monika: Do you get many questions from your social media followers? What do they ask for?
Revnika: A few have asked me what type of hormone therapy I undergo. Another has asked how I lost so much weight so quickly, I did weigh 210 lbs before starting HRT. When I started I weighed in 130 lbs. Then some guys asked inappropriate questions I wasn’t too comfortable with. After all, it’s very different from the lifestyle I’ve lived for so long, and my preference has changed dramatically.
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| "I didn’t realize there were people like me who felt out of place so young." |
Revnika: It was scary, I didn’t intentionally lose it! Apparently, it was hyperthyroidism that caused massive weight loss, it also could have affected my transition which had to be postponed until it was under control. I was hospitalized a few times since my heart rate increased along with my hands shaking.
Monika: We all pay the highest price for the fulfillment of our dreams to be ourselves. As a result, we lose our families, friends, jobs, and social positions. Did you pay such a high price as well? What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Revnika: Dreams aren’t free, I lost a very close friend who became controlling over time. My father is very unsure of my decisions, and I’m assuming he does not want to think much about it. I started transitioning at my last job, where I worked in the cemetery with 5 men. I had a lot of anxiety about whether they would welcome me or turn their back, thankfully, they all welcomed me with open arms.
Monika: Did you work at the cemetery? Rather challenging for a girl.
Revnika: I have been working at the cemetery for nearly 4 years. It wasn’t so hard since I started off male and built muscle by hand digging and carrying heavy objects repetitively. After my hyperthyroidism and transitioning, my superintendent realized I didn’t have the same strength I once had. Instead of working with the men, I was tasked with grave layouts, cremation digs, services with a partner, light maintenance, and operating heavy machinery.
Monika: Why did you choose Revnika for your name?
Revnika: Oh, Revnika is just a gamer tag I used when I owned a PlayStation 4. My name is Nyxi, and Nyx is the Greek goddess of Night. I used to be nocturnal spending my time staying up and playing online games with friends.
Monika: Was your family surprised by your transition?
Revnika: My mother was surprised and teared up when I started to socially transition at the time. At first, she was ok with it, we would talk about it and she would ask me questions about random things. My father is upset, but I’m sure he’ll slowly come to terms with my decision knowing how happy and positive I’ve become. My brother understands and supports me calling me sis now! My niece now calls me Auntie Nyxi.
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| "My mother was surprised and teared up when I started to socially transition." |
Revnika: I still feel I’m in my infancy in my transition, 16 months is a very short time. But, it would have been 2 years if there wasn’t a shortage of my medicine, I lost 4 months and I knew I was going back to my old self. I panicked and contacted my endocrinologist explaining how everything in my past life was returning, I was deathly afraid to go back. I am very satisfied with the changes that are happening to me, it’s astonishing how a lot of my friends and coworkers could not tell I was born male.
Monika: We are said to be prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome. Although cosmetic surgeries help to overcome it, we will always be judged accordingly. How can we cope with this?
Revnika: We’re faced with challenges every second we look in the mirror. There are lots of times when I don’t feel like I’m passing at all, and all I can do is think about it! It’s a very touchy subject as everyone is different making a definite answer nearly impossible. There are lots of ways to cope with it through fashion, makeup, hairstyle, and how we walk with confidence. Transitioning takes a lot of time and patience and we all need to remember and take things slowly at our pace. We’re all now living as our selves, and it will be worth it!
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a transgender woman on TV or met anyone transgender in person that opened your eyes and allowed you to realize who you are?
Revnika: First it was a coworker when I worked at Hot Topic in Las Vegas, the 2nd person was my girlfriend’s best friend who visited me from Arizona. At the time I buried the thought because maybe I could try and be happy with such a lifestyle. It didn’t work out at all, I tried to reach out to them for help and how to start, but I don’t think they took me seriously. That’s when I started researching on my own again and see where it could take me.
Monika: Did you have any transgender sisters around you that supported you during the transition?
Revnika: Now that I moved to Oregon, I was a total stranger with no friends and family. It was a lot harder as my depression has worsened over time. My wife made it very tough for me to live my life as she was very controlling of everything.
Monika: Did your wife walk out as soon as you came out?
Revnika: At first she was happy about the idea, but, as I’ve dramatically changed very quickly with my looks and behavior, her attraction to me faded. She didn’t know how to be in a relationship with someone feminine and we slowly drifted. She and I decided we should become friends, she preferred men, and my perspective changed dramatically as I also saw the charms in men. I recently got into a relationship with a wonderful man who accepts me whole. She does protect me and advises me if I do go out on my own when someone makes inappropriate advances, she will step in.
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| "Each state and city has different opinions on transgender women." |
Revnika: It’s hard to say as each state and city has different opinions on transgender women, I know that at my chiropractor's there is this tall older woman who detests me and kept calling me using masculine pronouns. The rest of the staff has been very kind and respectful to me because of maybe how I behave and always smile staying positive.
But that’s my experience, everyone will always treat someone positively or negatively due to how things are changing, and people will either welcome change or dislike it. It is very hard in today's society where everyone can easily be hostile with either violence or words creating this fear that could easily hurt us as we can be the easiest targets.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Revnika: I’m slowly falling in love with fashion! I wear dresses/skirts. Lots of dark colors since my hair and makeup are dark! Lots of things I get are soft goth style mixed with maybe punk or sporty. There are so many options for mixing and matching that the combination is limitless, especially with shoes and accessories! I still wear boots, but now I have cute sneakers and heels, trying to wear my clothes in line with the theme that fits how I do my hair and makeup.
Monika: Do you often experiment with your makeup?
Revnika: I do, since I had to teach myself how to do makeup because my wife doesn’t know how to use them. I should look at tutorials, but I ended up just trying to figure it out on my own. So far a lot of men and women like how I do my makeup, so much that some of the girls would ask me how I do my makeup. Though I do get irritated when someone uses the same shade of lipstick or copies my style, it is flattering though!
Monika: I remember copying my sister and mother first, and later other women, trying to look 100% feminine, and my cis female friends used to joke that I try to be a woman that does not exist in reality. Did you experience the same?
Revnika: No, I did not, being in a different state and having no friends until after I transitioned, I spent a lot of time watching and learning how women communicate, act, and behave watching lots of shows, movies, and making female friends. They have been very supportive and are surprised by my behavior.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?
Revnika: It took some time for me to adjust as I’m not used to getting compliments. To be honest I do enjoy them, followed by a smile. It’s very different but I still get nervous!
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| "One thing about my past life is that I had a decent amount of charisma." |
Revnika: I was very nervous before the actual interview! However, one thing about my past life is that I had a decent amount of charisma, I still know how to stay focused and answer everything with confidence. I breathe slowly, think before speaking, and smile acting as naturally as if I were casually meeting a distant relative.
Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers treated me in a way as if the transition lowered my IQ. Did you experience the same? Do you think it happens because we are women or because we are transgender? Or both?
Revnika: The guys at the cemetery I worked at all welcomed me, 4 years working with them created a strong bond where we all trusted each other. After I came out, they all got to see me change and started treating me as if I were their little sister. The way they interacted with me also changed from being rough to being gentle and respectful.
Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?
Revnika: Be your true self! Always have confidence and communicate as clearly as you can. Research the company first also to be sure it is a safe place of equal opportunity to give you confidence and a chance to live your life the way you want. Everything we do is a first step to reach for our dreams.
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?
Revnika: I haven’t been able to as my work schedule is always so busy! At my old job, I usually had weekends off. My friend would take me out to join other trans females gathering in restaurants/clubs/or house parties. For me, it was wonderful meeting the community making more friends and enjoying the evening sharing stories and tips. An experience I want to keep coming back to.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Revnika: Self-love is the most important thing you can do to motivate you to be the better person you want to be. Without it, life just seems like it will be so much harder, sometimes you can’t rely on others.
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Revnika: I wish I started the moment I started taking HRT. All I have are my photos of my progress.
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| "Self-love is the most important thing you can do to motivate you to be the better person you want to be." |
Revnika: Everything is slowly falling into place, my transition is going well, I ended a year with my first boyfriend with whom I see myself for the next 5-7 years, finding a better job. I want to be surrounded by love and positive energy, staying focused and motivated! I want to continue my journey, being the real me.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women who are afraid of transition?
Revnika: Take it slow, we all live a hard life and sacrifices can happen. Research and make sure that this is what you really want to do and continue to grow, everything will always have a slow rough start but stick with it no matter what.
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Revnika: I believe the moment we start is by accepting ourselves. What motivates and drives us to be who we are meant to be, we shouldn’t be limited to anything, but to take on and apply who we were and carry the good part of what we are into the future. We define ourselves with our experiences so that we can share, learn, understand, and grow. Everything we do can echo in our future.
Monika: Revnika, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Revnika: Thank you so much, the pleasure is all mine!
All the photos: courtesy of Revnika.
© 2024 - Monika Kowalska
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