Stephanie Dunn is a remarkable woman whose journey of self-discovery and courage has spanned decades, culminating in the full embrace of her authentic identity. Born in Aldershot, Hampshire, in 1962 and raised in nearby Fleet, Stephanie spent much of her early life navigating feelings she could not yet fully understand. She grew up in a family of four siblings, including two brothers and a sister, whose loss she still feels deeply. Despite these challenges, she built a successful career and family life, marrying young and raising two children, Richard and Eleanor, who are now grown and supportive pillars in her life. For many years, Stephanie lived in denial about her gender identity, immersing herself in her career as an engineer and later at British Airways, as well as in traditionally masculine hobbies such as motor sports and American football. Yet, beneath the surface, the woman she always was continued to emerge quietly. It wasn’t until her children were grown and she became an empty nester that Stephanie allowed herself to explore this part of her identity, beginning with tentative crossdressing and gradually discovering the joy and freedom it brought her.
Stephanie’s journey from crossdresser to fully living as a transgender woman is both inspiring and profound. In 2018, she formally embraced her identity online through the Crossdresser Heaven community, taking the name Stephanie and sharing her experiences with others who understood. By 2020, she had come out to her family, including her wife and children, receiving love, understanding, and support. The years that followed were filled with milestones: her first public appearances as Stephanie, joining the Beaumont Society, writing articles to share her journey, and expanding her social horizons with courage and creativity. Her transition gained momentum in 2024, when she began hormone replacement therapy, officially embraced Stephanie full-time, and completed her legal name change. Amidst personal changes, including divorce and relocating to a new home, she continued to forge a life full of purpose, connection, and self-expression. Stephanie’s love of writing has been a constant through her journey, allowing her to educate others, process her experiences, and inspire those who may be walking similar paths. Now, with gender-affirming surgery on the horizon in September 2025, she is poised to begin an exciting new chapter in her life.
Stephanie embodies resilience, authenticity, and the power of living boldly. She cherishes freedom, relishes being out in public, and values the opportunity to educate those around her about transgender lives. Her story is not only a testament to personal courage but also a reminder that it is never too late to embrace who you truly are. In this conversation, Stephanie shares her journey, reflections, and hopes for the future, offering an intimate look at the life of a woman who has chosen to shine as her authentic self, inspiring others along the way.
Monika: Hello Stephanie! Welcome to my blog!
Stephanie: Hi Monika, thank you so much for your kind invitation. I’ve been reading some amazing stories from other incredible women, and to think I’m about to be interviewed here alongside them is going to take a bit of getting used to. Frankly, if we were doing a spoken interview, I would be speechless right now.
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| Relaxing. |
Stephanie: Hi, my name is Stephanie and I'm very happy and proud to be a transgender woman. I was born Paul John back in the early sixties. I'm 63 years young, started my transition in 2024, and will be having GRS surgery in Brighton on the 12th of September. I'm living proof that it's never too late to realize your dreams.
My earliest memories of being “different” were back when I was 6 or 7. I started taking items of Mum's clothing off the dryer, things like tights, knickers, and bras. I had no idea what drew me to them, other than wanting to wear them. This probably went on for a few years, but I started getting more adventurous, sneaking into Mum's bedroom, taking nighties from her drawer, and even trying a skirt on once, though it was way too big for me at the time.
Monika: How did these early experiences affect your feelings about yourself as you grew older?
Stephanie: This period lasted until I was around 12, when things changed significantly for me. First, I began to lose the excitement of trying on Mum's clothes, but the excitement was replaced by revulsion at what I was doing or thinking. I hated myself and occasionally resorted to self-harm. Soon after this, I stopped completely, driving these inexplicable desires down to the very pit of my being, or so I believed!
Now believing I was “normal and fixed,” I threw myself into my work as an engineer and into some very manly pursuits such as drinking with the lads, motor sports, and then the ultimate, playing American football.
Monika: We’re speaking just two weeks before your gender-affirming surgery. How are you feeling as this moment approaches? Are you having that powerful sense of anticipation, knowing your transition is reaching its full expression?
Stephanie: Funny, I saw my counselor this afternoon and she asked me the exact same question. My overriding feeling right now is excitement and yes, a very real sense of anticipation. I've been trying to temper things somewhat in the run-up to the operation, as I've had a number of hurdles to navigate along the way, such as blood pressure issues, a delayed psych referral due to having too high testosterone levels, and needing full blood count tests, which get complicated when you're having an operation performed in the private sector and they ask your GP to do the blood tests. Normally the answer is NO, but I’m very fortunate that I have a very supportive GP.
Fortunately, over the last couple of weeks, all those outstanding hurdles have been resolved, and as of yesterday, after they confirmed the blood results were all good, I’m now good to go. So, two weeks, and no pressure.
Monika: How did you go about preparing for your surgery, choosing a doctor, selecting a clinic, and even deciding on the country, especially since many people opt to have it in Thailand?
Stephanie: Right from the start of my transition and getting my initial diagnosis of Gender Incongruence, I've stuck with doctors based here in the UK who are GMC (General Medical Council) approved. I couldn't say exactly why, but I had heard a few worrying stories from other ladies, which put me on my guard somewhat. This was the same for the surgery, but other factors were at play here, the biggest being that I’m probably on the upper percentile when it comes to age for an operation like this. I’m 63, and with that comes a greater risk of complications, so going overseas, even to Spain or Turkey, was off the cards. Even though staying in the UK would cost me more, I didn't want to compromise my health against the cost!
I'm not suggesting other overseas providers are not safe. I'm merely saying that being closer to home and my friends outweighed the cost savings.
Monika: How did you decide on the specific clinic and type of procedure?
Stephanie: Selecting the clinic was fairly easy in that I spent a few days searching for organizations that perform the particular procedure I had elected to have, which is shallow-depth vaginoplasty, again, mainly because of my age. In the end, I narrowed it down to the Nuffield Health group, who had two hospitals specializing in this operation, one being Parkside in London and the other being in Brighton. I chose Brighton.
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| With her daughter Eleanor (July). |
Monika: So many of us navigate the roles of wives, mothers, and daughters, often carrying the weight of our pasts and sometimes longing to leave it all behind. Yet, you’ve chosen to embrace your identity with such strength, becoming an advocate for transgender rights and vocal about presenting a positive image of our community in society. In the face of all this, have you ever felt the pull of staying in the shadows, of simply being seen as a woman, without the added layers of being a transgender woman?
Stephanie: I guess in the very beginning, as I ventured out those first few times, I did feel the urge to hide in the shadows, but that's probably the same for most of us, and it's more to do with confidence than anything else. For me, what changed was reading an article by another trans woman, and I wish to this day I could remember who she was, but her article was about not trying to be something you're not, not trying to pass, and just being the best version of you. She said about being out, not to look to see if anyone has “clocked” you, etc.
Monika: How did you personally grow in confidence and embrace your identity after that?
Stephanie: She pointed out that everyone around you is there for a reason, but that reason isn't looking for you. After reading that article, every time I went out I just got on with my business, and generally they got on with theirs.
I did have a smile at your mention of the “added layers of being a transgender woman.” My first thoughts on that were that I’m 6’ tall with size 11 feet, so trying to “hide” is never going to work. In the end, I just decided not to make it an issue but to embrace my size. I’m a trans woman and very proud of that fact. I love who I am, and I hold my head up high. I believe (I’m told) that many people admire and respect me for it.
Monika: Choosing a name is such a deeply personal decision, one that can hold layers of significance and meaning. How did you come to choose the name Stephanie? Does it carry a special resonance for you, perhaps representing a part of your journey or embodying a particular feeling or aspiration?
Stephanie: Oh dear, I hope I don’t disappoint your readers here? There was no special resonance, in fact, it was almost the opposite. I was joining an online forum for the first time and I needed a name and email address, because up to this point I had never needed a name. It took me a couple of days trying to decide on a name for someone who, at that point, I barely knew.
Monika: How did you go about narrowing down the choices?
Stephanie: I had pulled up a list of girls’ names on my computer (it was a very long list), and I literally started down the alphabetical list, saying each name in my head and hoping something would gel. I soon realized (especially as I got to Ann) that I wanted to avoid any name where I knew someone personally with that name. The logic (my logic) being, I didn't want anyone saying, “Ah, you chose Ann after your mother-in-law” (she is Ann).
Monika: And what made you finally settle on Stephanie?
Stephanie: The next evening I was working through the list, and in amongst the S’s I came to Stephanie. As I said “Stephanie,” it was like a bolt of lightning struck me, it actually took my breath away. I said the name a few more times and very much liked saying it.
I then hastily racked my brain for any Stephanies I knew or knew of and drew a complete blank, and that was it, that’s how I gave myself the name Stephanie. I also like that it’s a long name and can be shortened to Steph (at your peril).
And a final note on names before I move on: isn't it great and empowering that we get to choose our own name?
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| Stephanie loves baking. |
Stephanie: Yes, absolutely, and it’s in such a positive way.
I have been so lucky with my transition and how people, both friends and family, have adapted and adjusted to the new me. I have a best friend who means the world to me. She is my soulmate and someone I can talk to about anything and everything (which goes both ways). She has been a rock, a cushion, and an inspiration. She is such a wonderful person, happily being dragged along with me on my journey.
I also have an amazing circle of close friends who have all seamlessly accepted me and who I can rely on for anything.
Monika: How has this shift been reflected in your wider social circles, like in work or hobbies?
Stephanie: There has definitely been a shift in how people treat me. It’s been quite noticeable in the two choirs where I’ve been singing for over 15 years (they have seen both of me). The shift is lovely, many more ladies now come up and chat to me and are really interested in what I’m up to, whereas before it was typically men in one corner and women in the other, and never the twain shall meet!
Another wonderful group are my fellow exam invigilators. Again, I started invigilating as Paul for a year before I transitioned in early 2024, and they have all just made Stephanie so welcome, it’s as if I’ve always been Stephanie.
Monika: During your transition, did you have any transgender role models who inspired you or helped guide your journey?
Stephanie: I have a couple of friends, Vicki and Andrea, who I’ve met during my transition, and both have inspired me and been there for me when I’ve had questions.
Monika: Were there any transgender figures who inspired you before your own transition?
Stephanie: If I had to think of a transgender role model who has inspired me, I would need to go back 43 years, before my transition, to when I was 20!
I was reading through my dad’s Sun newspaper when I came across a centre-page spread with the headline “I was born a boy.” I can remember being totally overwhelmed by the article and reading about this actress, Tula (Caroline Cossey), who was born a boy but had had a sex change operation! Wow, it was the first time I’d ever heard of such an operation, and it blew my mind to think such a thing was possible. Up to that point, it had only been fantasies, but here it was in black and white, you can change your sex!
Being completely honest, it was still a thing of dreams and fantasies, it would never happen to me. But here I am, 43 years later, living fully as a trans woman, and in two weeks’ time having the very operation that, back then, I never thought possible. Someone pinch me, please?
Monika: I finally felt free after my transition. How about you? Was there a single moment, or maybe a series of moments, where you truly felt like you had stepped into your most authentic self?
Stephanie: I can’t think of a single moment, but for me, my most authentic self came after my transition, surprisingly, when I found to my surprise that I love the freedom of being out in public all the time. I love to think that just my presence is educating the general public, as most have probably never met a trans person in the flesh before, and the more who see me and meet me will come to realize that we are, in fact, just normal people going about our daily lives. We chat, we laugh, and we cry, just like everyone else.
Monika: How does this sense of authenticity carry over into your work and interactions in your community?
Stephanie: So this isn’t just when I’m out and about. It’s also the same in my work as an exam invigilator. I get to show hundreds of young people just who I am, that people like me exist in their community, doing normal jobs, and that we are proud of who we are. I believe that being open, honest, and proud will inspire others to do the same.
Now, when I walk around my hometown in Wokingham, there are so many people who now stop and say hi. It’s so liberating, especially for someone like me who lived in denial for over 40 years.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Stephanie Dunn.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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