Monika: Do you take part in transgender beauty pageants? What do you think about such contests?
Becca: I’ve never participated in a transgender beauty pageant, mainly because I never knew they existed until a few years ago. I think it in some ways it would be a fun experience, but I also know there can be a lot of stress involved in beauty pageants and I’m not sure I’d want to deal with that. I hadn’t seriously considered it until you asked this question, so maybe I just might enter a pageant! I know many view beauty pageants as being degrading to women by objectifying them, and I suppose there might be some truth to that, but they can also be viewed as something which is empowering by celebrating the beauty of women. I suppose it’s all in how you view it.
Monika: At what age did you transition? Was it a difficult process?
Becca: I began HRT in 2010 but didn’t start living full-time as a woman until 2012. I made the decision to wait to transition until my youngest son had graduated high school, but I ended up starting shortly before he graduated because I just couldn’t hold off any longer. But I was always very conscious of making sure I only was only seen with him out in public in the male mode because I never wanted to cause him any embarrassment by his friends finding out I was transgender.
Becca: I’ve never participated in a transgender beauty pageant, mainly because I never knew they existed until a few years ago. I think it in some ways it would be a fun experience, but I also know there can be a lot of stress involved in beauty pageants and I’m not sure I’d want to deal with that. I hadn’t seriously considered it until you asked this question, so maybe I just might enter a pageant! I know many view beauty pageants as being degrading to women by objectifying them, and I suppose there might be some truth to that, but they can also be viewed as something which is empowering by celebrating the beauty of women. I suppose it’s all in how you view it.
Monika: At what age did you transition? Was it a difficult process?
Becca: I began HRT in 2010 but didn’t start living full-time as a woman until 2012. I made the decision to wait to transition until my youngest son had graduated high school, but I ended up starting shortly before he graduated because I just couldn’t hold off any longer. But I was always very conscious of making sure I only was only seen with him out in public in the male mode because I never wanted to cause him any embarrassment by his friends finding out I was transgender.
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| Prior to transitioning, firefighter, 1982. |
In some ways transitioning seemed easier than I expected, especially early on, and in other ways, it was more difficult than I had anticipated. We’ve all heard too many stories of trans people who lose family and friends and jobs when they come out, but initially, I felt very lucky because the people in my family who mattered fully supported and accepted me, and I had a great job at a university working with wonderful people who accepted me. So I thought I was going to transition and be one of the lucky ones who didn’t lose too much.
But that quickly changed when my job at the university was unexpectedly reclassified soon after I began living as a woman full-time and I found myself unemployed. Having worked at the university for 11 years I was confident I’d be able to get another job there, but it proved to be more difficult than I thought and as the months went on I had a difficult time dealing with the unemployment and the constant rejection of never getting any job offers, and my depression got worse, which of course made it harder to interview well.
After two and a half years of trying to get a job in Missouri but not getting any offers, I made the decision to move to Oregon to get a fresh start in a state which was more open and accepting of transgender people. I didn’t fare much better in Oregon; the only job I could get there was detailing cars. So eventually I realized I had to try a new approach in trying to find work before I ended up killing myself. I decided to focus on industries in which being trans was not viewed as a negative thing, and the adult entertainment industry was an obvious choice, which is what led to my career in the adult entertainment industry.
The early stages of transitioning were tough while I was learning who I was and gaining confidence the more I ventured out as Rebecca. The stares and comments and getting called sir were painful, but I learned to develop a thick skin out of necessity. As time went on I grew more comfortable with myself, and the modeling helped me gain a ton of much-needed self-confidence, which changed my life. As difficult as transitioning was at times, it was worth it to get to the point where I could live my life and be my authentic self and find happiness and peace of mind.
But that quickly changed when my job at the university was unexpectedly reclassified soon after I began living as a woman full-time and I found myself unemployed. Having worked at the university for 11 years I was confident I’d be able to get another job there, but it proved to be more difficult than I thought and as the months went on I had a difficult time dealing with the unemployment and the constant rejection of never getting any job offers, and my depression got worse, which of course made it harder to interview well.
After two and a half years of trying to get a job in Missouri but not getting any offers, I made the decision to move to Oregon to get a fresh start in a state which was more open and accepting of transgender people. I didn’t fare much better in Oregon; the only job I could get there was detailing cars. So eventually I realized I had to try a new approach in trying to find work before I ended up killing myself. I decided to focus on industries in which being trans was not viewed as a negative thing, and the adult entertainment industry was an obvious choice, which is what led to my career in the adult entertainment industry.
The early stages of transitioning were tough while I was learning who I was and gaining confidence the more I ventured out as Rebecca. The stares and comments and getting called sir were painful, but I learned to develop a thick skin out of necessity. As time went on I grew more comfortable with myself, and the modeling helped me gain a ton of much-needed self-confidence, which changed my life. As difficult as transitioning was at times, it was worth it to get to the point where I could live my life and be my authentic self and find happiness and peace of mind.
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| In the army. |
Monika: At that time of your transition, did you have any transgender role models that you followed?
Becca: I wouldn’t say I had role models in the traditional sense, but I had a lot of friends I found online from reading blogs who I looked up to and who were a huge source of support and information. When I began my transition in 2010 there was not anywhere close to the amount of information and resources available as there are now.
I knew about Christine Jorgensen and Rene Richards and other pioneers of the transgender movement, but I had nobody like Janet Mock or Jen Richards, or Kristin Beck to look at as an example and inspiration. We’ve come a long way in the past five years, and it’s heartening to see that today’s generation of trans people are finding more acceptance, and an infinite amount of information and support is available to them.
Monika: Are there are any transgender ladies that you admire and respect now?
Becca: Kristin Beck was an early inspiration because I saw a lot of similarities between our lives, and obviously for her military service as a Navy SEAL and for what she has done after she retired, including working towards getting the ban repealed so trans people can serve openly in the United States military.
Shane Ortega is another person I have a great deal of respect for, being the first openly trans person to serve, and all he has done and sacrificed for not only for his country but for the trans community.
But in all honesty, the trans people I admire most are not the ones who are famous; they are the trans people who live their lives in anonymity struggling to get by, dealing with things like the loss of family support and employment, yet making the effort every day to keep going.
Monika: What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Becca: The scariest part of coming out was coming out to my sons. I raised them by myself for most of their lives and we’d always been very close, and I knew in my heart they would always love me, but there was still that doubt lingering in the back of my mind, after knowing so many people who had been disowned by their families when they came out. But they completely accepting and supportive of me and just wanted me to be happy.
Becca: I wouldn’t say I had role models in the traditional sense, but I had a lot of friends I found online from reading blogs who I looked up to and who were a huge source of support and information. When I began my transition in 2010 there was not anywhere close to the amount of information and resources available as there are now.
I knew about Christine Jorgensen and Rene Richards and other pioneers of the transgender movement, but I had nobody like Janet Mock or Jen Richards, or Kristin Beck to look at as an example and inspiration. We’ve come a long way in the past five years, and it’s heartening to see that today’s generation of trans people are finding more acceptance, and an infinite amount of information and support is available to them.
Monika: Are there are any transgender ladies that you admire and respect now?
Becca: Kristin Beck was an early inspiration because I saw a lot of similarities between our lives, and obviously for her military service as a Navy SEAL and for what she has done after she retired, including working towards getting the ban repealed so trans people can serve openly in the United States military.
Shane Ortega is another person I have a great deal of respect for, being the first openly trans person to serve, and all he has done and sacrificed for not only for his country but for the trans community.
But in all honesty, the trans people I admire most are not the ones who are famous; they are the trans people who live their lives in anonymity struggling to get by, dealing with things like the loss of family support and employment, yet making the effort every day to keep going.
Monika: What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Becca: The scariest part of coming out was coming out to my sons. I raised them by myself for most of their lives and we’d always been very close, and I knew in my heart they would always love me, but there was still that doubt lingering in the back of my mind, after knowing so many people who had been disowned by their families when they came out. But they completely accepting and supportive of me and just wanted me to be happy.
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| "Studio-selfie" I took in 2015. |
My mom, who raised my sister and me after our parents divorced, is very conservative and Republican, and it took her a little time to accept it, but she has also fully supported and accepted me.
My father never accepted me, which I expected since we’d never been close, but it still hurt. And most difficult of all is that my youngest son and my sister, who initially accepted me, no longer speak to me now and have made it clear they no longer want me in their lives, which is a pain I deal with every single day.
I think we all go into transitioning knowing we’re likely going to lose a lot, but I don’t think you can ever fully prepare for it or understand the depth of the pain you feel when people who once cared about you and were a big part of your life no longer want anything to do with you.
Monika: The transgender cause is usually manifested together with the other LGBTQ communities. Being the penultimate letter in this abbreviation, is the transgender community able to promote its own cause within the LGBTQ group?
Becca: There has been a lot of debate here in America about whether the trans community has been fairly represented and supported within the overall LGBTQ community and whether it would be beneficial to remove ourselves and move forward on our own. There are arguments to be made for either side of the argument, but at this point in time with the political climate so volatile for trans people I personally feel we need to continue to ally ourselves with the LGBTQ community because there is strength in numbers, and now more than ever we need to stand together and support one another, whether you’re an L, G, B, T, or a Q.
There is too much at stake to waste time bickering amongst ourselves, which only weakens us and plays right into what the conservatives want; for us to implode from within. But having said that, it would be nice to get more support than we’ve gotten in the past since trans people are the one group being specifically targeted by the Trump Administration.
My father never accepted me, which I expected since we’d never been close, but it still hurt. And most difficult of all is that my youngest son and my sister, who initially accepted me, no longer speak to me now and have made it clear they no longer want me in their lives, which is a pain I deal with every single day.
I think we all go into transitioning knowing we’re likely going to lose a lot, but I don’t think you can ever fully prepare for it or understand the depth of the pain you feel when people who once cared about you and were a big part of your life no longer want anything to do with you.
Monika: The transgender cause is usually manifested together with the other LGBTQ communities. Being the penultimate letter in this abbreviation, is the transgender community able to promote its own cause within the LGBTQ group?
Becca: There has been a lot of debate here in America about whether the trans community has been fairly represented and supported within the overall LGBTQ community and whether it would be beneficial to remove ourselves and move forward on our own. There are arguments to be made for either side of the argument, but at this point in time with the political climate so volatile for trans people I personally feel we need to continue to ally ourselves with the LGBTQ community because there is strength in numbers, and now more than ever we need to stand together and support one another, whether you’re an L, G, B, T, or a Q.
There is too much at stake to waste time bickering amongst ourselves, which only weakens us and plays right into what the conservatives want; for us to implode from within. But having said that, it would be nice to get more support than we’ve gotten in the past since trans people are the one group being specifically targeted by the Trump Administration.
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| Too old to transition? NEVER!!! |
Monika: What do you think in general about transgender news stories or characters which have been featured in films, newspapers, or books so far?
Becca: In the past trans people have always been portrayed by the media and in movies or TV as the stereotypical “guy in a dress” or the flamboyant drag queen type, which is not representative of who we really are. For so many years the majority of Americans based their perception of transgender people on what they saw on “talk shows” like the infamous Jerry Springer Show, which again, only showed the worst of the worst.
But this has gotten much better in the past several years, especially with shows like Orange Is the New Black and Transparent, and especially the ground-breaking web series Her Story, which was written by and starred actual trans women. Society is now getting a more realistic representation of who we are as trans people.
As far as coverage in the news media, we owe Caitlyn Jenner a huge debt of gratitude for generating much-needed coverage from mainstream media about trans people and the issues we face. Regardless of whether or not you agree with her political views or her many controversial statements, she has arguably done more than any single person to bring trans issues into the forefront of mainstream news and society in general.
Books have always been a wonderful source of information as well as first-hand accounts of what it’s like to be transgender and to transition, such as Jennifer Finney Boylan’s “She’s Not There” and there continues to be no shortage of books that are enlightening and well worth reading.
Monika: Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Becca: I have never been politically active aside from being politically aware and informed on the issues, and making sure I voted intelligently; I never had any desire to do anything beyond that, such as being involved in political campaigning. But with the political situation such as it is I don’t think trans people can afford not to become involved. To do nothing is to condone policies that are clearly designed to legislate trans people out of existence.
Becca: In the past trans people have always been portrayed by the media and in movies or TV as the stereotypical “guy in a dress” or the flamboyant drag queen type, which is not representative of who we really are. For so many years the majority of Americans based their perception of transgender people on what they saw on “talk shows” like the infamous Jerry Springer Show, which again, only showed the worst of the worst.
But this has gotten much better in the past several years, especially with shows like Orange Is the New Black and Transparent, and especially the ground-breaking web series Her Story, which was written by and starred actual trans women. Society is now getting a more realistic representation of who we are as trans people.
As far as coverage in the news media, we owe Caitlyn Jenner a huge debt of gratitude for generating much-needed coverage from mainstream media about trans people and the issues we face. Regardless of whether or not you agree with her political views or her many controversial statements, she has arguably done more than any single person to bring trans issues into the forefront of mainstream news and society in general.
Books have always been a wonderful source of information as well as first-hand accounts of what it’s like to be transgender and to transition, such as Jennifer Finney Boylan’s “She’s Not There” and there continues to be no shortage of books that are enlightening and well worth reading.
Monika: Do you participate in any lobbying campaigns? Do you think transgender women can make a difference in politics?
Becca: I have never been politically active aside from being politically aware and informed on the issues, and making sure I voted intelligently; I never had any desire to do anything beyond that, such as being involved in political campaigning. But with the political situation such as it is I don’t think trans people can afford not to become involved. To do nothing is to condone policies that are clearly designed to legislate trans people out of existence.
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| With hat and glasses. |
I have done things such as contacting my elected representatives to voice my opinion about various pieces of legislation and posting current information and news stories on my social media accounts that are relevant to the trans community. I think we in the trans community need to realize we do have a voice and we need to speak up and let those in power know we will not sit idly by while our rights are systematically taken away from us.
Thankfully I live in Oregon which is a very open and accepting state and has long been at the forefront of making sure the LGBTQ community has the same rights and protections as every other citizen and preventing discrimination against us based on sexual orientation or gender identity.
Thankfully I live in Oregon which is a very open and accepting state and has long been at the forefront of making sure the LGBTQ community has the same rights and protections as every other citizen and preventing discrimination against us based on sexual orientation or gender identity.
END OF PART 2
All the photos: courtesy of Becca Benz.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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