Monika: Let’s talk about your personal style. How do you approach fashion, and do you have any favorite looks or go-to outfits?
Kelly: I am color-blind like my mother, so I tend to wear black or white to make sure I am not wearing something that is truly hideous. I am not a fashion stalwart, I tend to wear what I like and find snazzy, but mostly when out, I wear jeggings or leggings. You will seldom see me in a dress; only at my stepdaughter's recent wedding and my own have I ever worn a dress. I dress for comfort mostly. My wardrobe is all about ease and confidence, not trends.
Monika: Some say cosmetic surgery has empowered many transgender women by helping them feel more at ease in their bodies. What’s your perspective on this?
Kelly: I think cosmetic surgery is great and can help you to pass far more easily. Some of my friends look perfect with their changes to the facial area. Some, sadly, went too far over the top and now resemble Joan Rivers. I say do it, but in moderation. Each person’s journey is different, but it’s important to stay grounded in your sense of self.
Monika: You and Darren Grice share such a beautiful love story, how has being in a supportive relationship impacted your journey as a transgender woman?
Kelly: I met Darren one year into living full-time, and without his love and guidance, I think transitioning would have been far harder for me. He had to put up with the early hormone imbalances as my body adjusted and some irrational behavior, but he still stood by me when others would have called it a day. We both feel blessed that we found one another, as we get on so well. His presence gave me the strength to keep going during the more emotionally turbulent phases of transition.
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| Just married! |
Monika: I saw a photo of your wedding, and you looked absolutely radiant. What inspired your choice of wedding dress?
Kelly: My dress was soft pink in color, and I chose a slender, long dress, as being very tall, a puffball type of dress just made me look very strange. I wore the dress the entire day, including the evening function too. The first thing I did on arriving home was take it off, it had been a very hot summer’s day in June and the dress was heavy. It felt so good to get out of it. I’ll always treasure the memories of how elegant and feminine it made me feel.
Monika: What’s your opinion on transgender beauty pageants and their role in visibility or self-expression?
Kelly: I know one transgender woman who enters them and does quite well too. As for myself, you would have to pay for the wild horses to drag me there, but if that is what you want to do and you enjoy it, then good luck to you, is what I think. Everyone has their own way of expressing beauty and confidence, and I think that should be celebrated.
Monika: Are you currently working on any creative or academic projects?
Kelly: Yes, I am currently working on a new novel based on Alexander the Great. I have qualifications in ancient history and thought, “Write about what you know.” I am finding a novel a lot harder to write than my first book though, but I am getting there. It will be out next year sometime. In between, I am also doing my degree in Psychology here in Lincoln to hopefully in the future help transgender individuals to transition. The combination of writing and studying keeps me inspired and focused on meaningful goals.
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| Trans Spectrum - available via YouTube. |
Monika: Many transgender girls experience deep gender dysphoria and often feel overwhelmed by the challenges ahead. What advice would you give to those who are still struggling?
Kelly: I would say if you are still in the closet, when you are ready to come out, there is a big wide world waiting for you, and it doesn't bite. But if you are already out and feel like things are getting too much, stick with it. It may seem like transitioning is endless, but you will soon be out the other side of it and living the life you always wanted to live. Every small step forward brings you closer to a future you deserve and will be proud of.
Monika: A trans friend of mine once said, “Don’t let your journey end on the operating table, that’s where it should begin.” Do you believe it’s important for transgender women to dream beyond transition?
Kelly: I totally agree. Do not focus solely on transitioning, as when you have finished, what do you have left to do? Quite often, transgender people find themselves at a loss because they were totally focused on transition alone. Being transgender should not hold you back in any way. I have done far more as a female in the last few years than I ever did as a male. I am married, I am a stepmother of three grown-up children, I wrote my first book, and I am doing my first degree. Life after transition can be full of opportunity, growth, and purpose, you just have to be open to it.
Monika: Kelly, thank you for the interview!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Kelly Grice.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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