Monika: Have you found yourself especially moved by the experiences of any group within the community?
Tina: I have recently been reading several memoirs by transmen of color. Once they transitioned into men, they suddenly found themselves having to navigate society by a whole new set of rules. Everyone regarded them with suspicion, not because they were trans, but because they were black men. Their struggles broke my heart and opened my eyes even more to the intersection of race and gender.
Monika: Is there a specific transwoman whose journey has left a strong impression on you?
Tina: One transwoman I particularly admire is Daniella Carter. She was recently recognized by the Human Rights Campaign. She is a young entrepreneur who had to survive life on the streets, and she has become a wonderful voice for the community. Her resilience and determination make her a true inspiration.
Monika: Looking back, what would you say was the most difficult part of coming out during your transition?
Monika: Looking back, what would you say was the most difficult part of coming out during your transition?
Tina: The hardest part was learning to respect and accept how other people experienced my transition. I spent hours crafting my speeches, thinking that if I chose exactly the right words, I could make it easy for everyone to accept the new me.
Monika: Did you have any guidance that helped you realize how others needed to process your transition?
Tina: Yes, it was my therapist who finally helped me to understand that I was being incredibly naive. She pointed out that no matter how skillful I was, everyone else had to work this out on their own terms. They had a lot of thoughts and experiences inside them that they now had to reinterpret, and that takes time.
Monika: How did this change your perspective on what transition really means for those around you?
Tina: I stopped thinking of this as my transition. Everyone else had to transition too, and it can take a while for them to sort everything out. This is especially true for those who love you the most, because their emotions are deeply tied to your journey.
Monika: Within the broader LGBT movement, do you think the transgender community has been able to promote its own cause effectively?
Monika: Within the broader LGBT movement, do you think the transgender community has been able to promote its own cause effectively?
Tina: If we cannot promote our cause within the LGB community, how can we hope to promote it elsewhere? I don’t think we should limit ourselves to the LGBT community, but I also don’t see any value in separating ourselves from it.
Monika: How do you personally view the idea of keeping transgender people distinct from the rest of society?
Tina: I love my transgender brothers and sisters, but my goal is to join the human race, not to live apart from it. I don’t want to be perceived as separate but equal, and I worry that political strategies which set transgender people apart will doom us to a future as society’s freaks.
Monika: In your experience, what role do allies play in advancing transgender visibility and acceptance?
Tina: When I came out, I quickly learned that my allies were far more influential than I could ever be. They were speaking as insiders, and when they defended me, people listened. What is more, I felt loved when others spoke up for me. That is why we need to ally ourselves outside our own community.
Monika: You have appeared on National Public Radio and the Dr. Oz Show. How do you feel about the way transgender people are portrayed in the media through films, newspapers, and books?
Monika: You have appeared on National Public Radio and the Dr. Oz Show. How do you feel about the way transgender people are portrayed in the media through films, newspapers, and books?
Tina: I am pleased by our increased media exposure, but I am concerned that coverage tends to focus on what sets us apart and makes us different. I think the more interesting story is how normal most of us want to be and how naturally we integrate into society when given the chance. I wouldn’t try to learn about real women by studying the lives of porn stars, politicians, and celebrities, yet right now that is how I feel people are learning about us. Our more flamboyant members are wonderful people, but they are hardly representative.
Monika: Do you believe this kind of representation will change over time?
Tina: Yes, I think this is a normal phase, and we will get past it. I look forward to the day when our gender is regarded as un-newsworthy, when being transgender is simply seen as one part of who we are rather than the whole story.
Monika: Are you involved in any form of activism or advocacy work, and what causes are closest to your heart?
Monika: Are you involved in any form of activism or advocacy work, and what causes are closest to your heart?
Tina: I recently helped to produce a film about the difficulty transgender people have accessing health care in the U.S. I am a staunch supporter of organizations like the Human Rights Campaign, the Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund, and Out & Equal. I hope to do a lot more in the future.
Monika: In your view, can transgender women play a meaningful role in politics today?
Tina: Transwomen can make a big difference in politics, though we still have a long way to go. I am especially excited about former Navy SEAL Kristin Beck’s decision to run for Congress in Maryland. She has been a very effective voice against some of America’s more bigoted politicians.
Monika: How important is fashion in your life, and what role does it play in expressing who you are?
Tina: I love fashion. It is a great way to express myself, and I find it fascinating. I am constantly amazed at how little details can make a big difference in how I look. A one-inch change in the length of my dress, for example, can make my calves look a lot fatter. Given the size of my shoulders, I also look better with v-necks than with crew necks.
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| Stepping out. |
Monika: When it comes to your personal wardrobe, do you prefer following trends or building your own timeless style?
Tina: I am not a trendy customer. I tend to invest in classic styles that I can wear for a long time, such as A-line dresses, sheaths, boot-cut jeans, and oxford blouses.i>
Monika: What is your perspective on transgender beauty pageants, and how do you view their role in our community?
Monika: What is your perspective on transgender beauty pageants, and how do you view their role in our community?
Tina: Transgender beauty pageants celebrate the notion that transgender people can be just as beautiful and sensuous as anyone else. In that sense, I fully support them. Why shouldn’t people who are interested in that be allowed to enjoy it?
Monika: Do you think beauty pageants should have any influence on how womanhood is defined for transgender women?
Tina: I object to the notion that beauty pageants define our womanhood, any more than they define womanhood for women who are not transgender. As non-trans women, or cisgender women, come closer to achieving equality, they seem to feel less threatened by beauty pageants. The same will be true for us.
Monika: How important has love been in shaping your journey and your sense of self?
Tina: It is central to my life. My mother still gets pronouns wrong, but when she says she loves me, she truly means it. She finally knows who I am, and still, she loves me. What a wonderful feeling.
Monika: How has your marriage with Mary changed over time, especially after your transition?
Tina: Mary and I have lost the sexual intimacy we once shared, but when we hug or hold hands, it means so much more to me than it ever did before. This is one area where I have chosen to make some compromises, and I value the deep emotional bond we continue to share.
Monika: Has your perception of attraction evolved since transitioning?
Tina: As a trans woman, I find men attractive in a way that I never had before. There is a part of me that wonders what it would be like to lie in the arms of a man. But I am very happily married, and my family values are as conservative as anyone else’s. So I allow the occasional man to creep into my dreams, but not into my life.
Monika: Are you currently involved in any new projects or initiatives?
Tina: Yes. I recently appeared on a panel about the challenges of transitioning at work, and I am designing two series of articles and seminars. “Identity, Diversity and Political Power” explores an issue you raised earlier: Are we better off pursuing political gain as a distinct group or in alliance with other groups? How do we balance our need to finally stand out for who we are with our need to integrate into society?
Monika: Can you tell me more about the second series you are working on and what you hope it will address?
Tina: The second series, “Between Identity and Stereotype: Turning Who We Are to Our Advantage,” draws on research conducted with other minority groups. As it turns out, minorities pay a heavy price even when there is no explicit discrimination. Their awareness that they are somehow different eats away at them, makes them tentative, and fills their minds with fears. Their performance suffers, their blood pressure increases, and their lives shorten.
Monika: What do you ultimately hope to achieve through these projects and discussions?
Tina: These two sets of issues are within our control, and I want to work with the community to think about how we can address them. I also want to continue focusing on transitioning in the workplace and within the family, where support and understanding are most needed.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria?
Tina: That’s a big question. We are such a diverse group of people, and our experiences can be very different. I attempted an answer in an article called “Transgender Soup for the Soul,” but I can share a few ideas that stand out. First, take it slow. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Act now, but plan for a ten-year journey.
Monika: How should they approach the reactions of others while going through this process?
Tina: Don’t assume that every sign of resistance is transphobia. People naturally fear the unfamiliar, and much of the hesitation you encounter is about that. Your task is to make others comfortable and to make yourself familiar. In doing so, you can change how people see you and help them better understand your journey.
Monika: What role do support and self-acceptance play in overcoming dysphoria?
Tina: Don’t try to go it alone. Build a community of allies, draw on them for support, and let them stand up for you when needed. Just as important, learn to love yourself. Getting past self-hatred can be one of the hardest lessons after a lifetime of hiding the real you. But when you can look in the mirror and smile, you will have taken a powerful step toward healing.
Monika: Tina, thank you for the interview!
END OF PART 2
All photos: courtesy of Tina Madison White.
The main photo credit: Cassandra Storm.
© 2016 - Monika Kowalska
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