Monika: Today, I have the pleasure of speaking with Bianca Lewis, a video blogger from South Africa who has been sharing her transition journey on YouTube. Bianca’s life story is nothing short of extraordinary, she has lived through apartheid, battled bacterial meningitis, overcome paralysis, and navigated war zones. Now, she’s here to share her experiences with us. Welcome, Bianca!
Bianca: Hi Monika, and everybody, glad to share my views with you today. I hope my story resonates with those who need it most.
Monika: Could you introduce yourself to our readers?
Bianca: Well – I am definitely not defined by transition. Being female has always been a part of me that has experienced amazing journeys. I grew up in Apartheid South Africa, experienced bacterial meningitis with coma, then paralysis in a wheelchair for a year, love, divorce, death of almost all my family, the Middle East, war – and that is just the start of what has made me, well… me. Each challenge has shaped me into the strong woman I am today.
Monika: What inspired you to share your transition journey on YouTube?
Bianca: For many years just reading and seeing women who had the courage to transition helped me to see tomorrow. I thought I would try and do the same. Not very selflessly though, I have written an interesting book of my life story that I hope will inspire others to reach for their dreams. YouTube is a platform to create some awareness for the book before it is published – it will be virtually free as an ebook early 2014. I also hope that my experiences can offer guidance to those still contemplating their own journey.
Monika: Where are you in your transition journey now?
Bianca: My transition is over and it will forever continue. Sorry – I know I am difficult. Socially, professionally and intimately I have been accepted by everybody as nothing but a woman for quite some time. But learning 40 years of life experience so quickly means I will playing catch up in some ways for the rest of my life. Physically – let's say I am "near" the end.
Bianca: For many years just reading and seeing women who had the courage to transition helped me to see tomorrow. I thought I would try and do the same. Not very selflessly though, I have written an interesting book of my life story that I hope will inspire others to reach for their dreams. YouTube is a platform to create some awareness for the book before it is published – it will be virtually free as an ebook early 2014. I also hope that my experiences can offer guidance to those still contemplating their own journey.
Monika: Where are you in your transition journey now?
Bianca: My transition is over and it will forever continue. Sorry – I know I am difficult. Socially, professionally and intimately I have been accepted by everybody as nothing but a woman for quite some time. But learning 40 years of life experience so quickly means I will playing catch up in some ways for the rest of my life. Physically – let's say I am "near" the end.
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| Enjoying my new femininity - going out to the famous Tel Aviv nightlife. |
Monika: Are you happy with the effects of hormone therapy?
Bianca: I honestly expected to take a pill and see Pamela Anderson in the mirror the next day. The effects of hormones (starting at 39 years old) were very limited physically. Emotionally, it made me much calmer, but physically? Thank goodness for surgery! Despite the limited changes, I wouldn’t trade the emotional stability and inner peace for anything.
Monika: Could you share some memories from your childhood? When did you first realize you were not meant to be a boy?
Bianca: Boy? Man? What were those? From my earliest memory, I never related to them! I felt like an outsider in my own skin, always wishing I could be like the other girls.
Monika: Many transgender women recall school and university as difficult periods due to discrimination. Was this the case for you?
Bianca: Really tough question because I remember how hard – and unique each stage of life was. From kindergarten through professional life, it was always an immense struggle to get through the day. I suppose adolescence was most torturous simply because I was a heterosexual female who had no way to discover or develop this, talk about all sorts of confusion! I often felt like I was living someone else’s life, just waiting for the day I could finally be me.
Monika: Did you have any transgender role models who inspired you?
Bianca: Before I transitioned I certainly admired Lynn Conway, Andrea James, Marcy Bowers, and the usual suspects as great role models for transition who have given so much to the community.
As I transitioned though I discovered that these women are all so much more than transition and my life is unique so my role models shifted away from gender toward human rights etc. more generally. I learned that identity is just one part of a much bigger picture of personal fulfillment.
Monika: What was the most challenging part of coming out?
Bianca: Not to be funny, but when you’ve lived as a middle-aged, 125kg bodybuilder, married to a woman with a child, and seen as a 'tough guy,' coming out is difficult in every possible way. That’s why I always say, transition is such a hard journey that a person should only travel this path if there is no choice. If you arrive at the other side of the gender spectrum in one piece, it is truly amazing though. Despite all the hardships, the freedom to be my true self has been worth it.
Monika: How do you perceive the current situation for transgender women in the U.S. and globally?
Bianca: I honestly expected to take a pill and see Pamela Anderson in the mirror the next day. The effects of hormones (starting at 39 years old) were very limited physically. Emotionally, it made me much calmer, but physically? Thank goodness for surgery! Despite the limited changes, I wouldn’t trade the emotional stability and inner peace for anything.
Monika: Could you share some memories from your childhood? When did you first realize you were not meant to be a boy?
Bianca: Boy? Man? What were those? From my earliest memory, I never related to them! I felt like an outsider in my own skin, always wishing I could be like the other girls.
Monika: Many transgender women recall school and university as difficult periods due to discrimination. Was this the case for you?
Bianca: Really tough question because I remember how hard – and unique each stage of life was. From kindergarten through professional life, it was always an immense struggle to get through the day. I suppose adolescence was most torturous simply because I was a heterosexual female who had no way to discover or develop this, talk about all sorts of confusion! I often felt like I was living someone else’s life, just waiting for the day I could finally be me.
Monika: Did you have any transgender role models who inspired you?
Bianca: Before I transitioned I certainly admired Lynn Conway, Andrea James, Marcy Bowers, and the usual suspects as great role models for transition who have given so much to the community.
As I transitioned though I discovered that these women are all so much more than transition and my life is unique so my role models shifted away from gender toward human rights etc. more generally. I learned that identity is just one part of a much bigger picture of personal fulfillment.
Monika: What was the most challenging part of coming out?
Bianca: Not to be funny, but when you’ve lived as a middle-aged, 125kg bodybuilder, married to a woman with a child, and seen as a 'tough guy,' coming out is difficult in every possible way. That’s why I always say, transition is such a hard journey that a person should only travel this path if there is no choice. If you arrive at the other side of the gender spectrum in one piece, it is truly amazing though. Despite all the hardships, the freedom to be my true self has been worth it.
Monika: How do you perceive the current situation for transgender women in the U.S. and globally?
Bianca: As I have been in the States mainly on business, I have never had to deal with American society's views on transgenderism.
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| My passion: eating! This Mexican restaurant was part of a fabulous night. |
I will say this, though: All transgender persons want is to be accepted as a human being and EVERY Western society I have experienced have a long way to go. The fight for equality and dignity continues, but I remain hopeful that progress will be made.
Monika: We are seeing more transgender women in the public eye, from film directors to musicians and models. Do you think this trend will continue?
Bianca: Of course. As the stigma attached to being transgender diminishes, more and more of us will be willing to step into the limelight. It’s an interesting subject that deserves more attention because many trans individuals achieve great things despite immense internal struggles. When they make peace with themselves, their true ability is unleashed, and I expect more and more great trans people to come into the foreground. We are truly unique in our ability to look hardship in the face and come out on top. The visibility of trans people in all fields gives hope to those still in the shadows.
Monika: Are you involved in politics or any advocacy work? Do you think transgender women can influence political change?
Bianca: I believe anybody can make a difference in politics. I do believe that we need more representation in governments as we are still seen as "noise from the side" instead of a valuable contributor to society with a worthy voice. I live in Israel – so being active in politics would usually require a language that is often beyond me – but I am happy to make a noise!
Monika: Do you enjoy fashion? What are your go-to outfits, and do you follow any particular trends?
Bianca: I had my Cinderella time… Then I found that people actually stared at a 40-year-old in a tutu! I love clothes, shoes, and makeup. I am pretty senior at work, so usually get to do dress-up a bit – skirts, tights, and heels are usual. On the weekend I am happy in jeans and sneakers – my cool and ugly natural look!
Monika: We are seeing more transgender women in the public eye, from film directors to musicians and models. Do you think this trend will continue?
Bianca: Of course. As the stigma attached to being transgender diminishes, more and more of us will be willing to step into the limelight. It’s an interesting subject that deserves more attention because many trans individuals achieve great things despite immense internal struggles. When they make peace with themselves, their true ability is unleashed, and I expect more and more great trans people to come into the foreground. We are truly unique in our ability to look hardship in the face and come out on top. The visibility of trans people in all fields gives hope to those still in the shadows.
Monika: Are you involved in politics or any advocacy work? Do you think transgender women can influence political change?
Bianca: I believe anybody can make a difference in politics. I do believe that we need more representation in governments as we are still seen as "noise from the side" instead of a valuable contributor to society with a worthy voice. I live in Israel – so being active in politics would usually require a language that is often beyond me – but I am happy to make a noise!
Monika: Do you enjoy fashion? What are your go-to outfits, and do you follow any particular trends?
Bianca: I had my Cinderella time… Then I found that people actually stared at a 40-year-old in a tutu! I love clothes, shoes, and makeup. I am pretty senior at work, so usually get to do dress-up a bit – skirts, tights, and heels are usual. On the weekend I am happy in jeans and sneakers – my cool and ugly natural look!
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| I do not believe that we women drive as badly as everybody tells me I do! |
Monika: What are your thoughts on transgender beauty pageants?
Bianca: For those that want and need it why not? They should have age categories though! Seeing a 60 year flaunt a newly surgically arranged body next to that gorgeous 17-year-old Thai beauty just seems bizarre at times. Let me say, that personally, I have missed the boat. Although my son does say that I look at least a year younger than I actually am.
Monika: Are you involved with your local LGBT community?
Bianca: Not at all. I have met one or two trans girls by coincidence in the plastic surgery ward in the hospital, but I transitioned with friends I had long before and had to educate them. They have stood by me and are truly precious. As far as gay goes in the "LGBT" – well one of these really great friends (and one of my very dearest friends in the whole world) is gay, does that count?
Monika: Do you see marriage and family in your future? How important is love in your life?
Bianca: Firstly I have a 12-year-old son who is dear, precious, and my whole existence. Honestly, I would love to find love though, get married, and have somebody hold and love me. But beware, I am stubborn and do not compromise very well.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who fear transitioning due to discrimination or hate?
Bianca: Again, the test is not fear – this is normal. The true recommendation is really whether you really have any other real option? If your essence is the opposite of what people see – truly – you will not have a choice and those fears will be overcome 1 day at a time – experience by experience. The people who love you will always love you… but this is easy to say now! The key is to find strength in yourself and surround yourself with supportive people who see and respect the real you.
Monika: Are you involved with your local LGBT community?
Bianca: Not at all. I have met one or two trans girls by coincidence in the plastic surgery ward in the hospital, but I transitioned with friends I had long before and had to educate them. They have stood by me and are truly precious. As far as gay goes in the "LGBT" – well one of these really great friends (and one of my very dearest friends in the whole world) is gay, does that count?
Monika: Do you see marriage and family in your future? How important is love in your life?
Bianca: Firstly I have a 12-year-old son who is dear, precious, and my whole existence. Honestly, I would love to find love though, get married, and have somebody hold and love me. But beware, I am stubborn and do not compromise very well.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who fear transitioning due to discrimination or hate?
Bianca: Again, the test is not fear – this is normal. The true recommendation is really whether you really have any other real option? If your essence is the opposite of what people see – truly – you will not have a choice and those fears will be overcome 1 day at a time – experience by experience. The people who love you will always love you… but this is easy to say now! The key is to find strength in yourself and surround yourself with supportive people who see and respect the real you.
Monika: What are your current goals, and where do you see yourself in the next 5-7 years?
Bianca: I really hope to stabilize my life. It has been such a dynamic and unsettling journey – peace would be a great gift to me. If I can bring joy and inspire others from my experiences, this would also give me great pleasure. In 5-7 years, I hope to have a stable life and be planning for an even brighter future. Perhaps by then, I will have written another book or taken on new challenges that help uplift others.
Monika: Would you say you are a happy woman today?
Bianca: No. I can say that I am happy being accepted as a woman now. My happiness does not come from being me (although this helps a hell of a lot); it comes from being a good parent and achieving my goals in life. Transition is but a part of it. Every day, I strive to find deeper contentment and new reasons to smile.
Monika: Bianca, it was a pleasure speaking with you. Thank you for sharing your story!
All the photos: courtesy of Bianca Lewis.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
