Antonette Alexandra Rea is a Canadian transgender poet and activist whose powerful spoken-word poetry gives voice to experiences of identity, stigma, survival, and the search for self-acceptance. Based in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside, she has been performing her work publicly since 2008 and has become known for the honesty and fearlessness with which she explores difficult subjects. Her writing has appeared in publications including Geist, Megaphone, and SAD Mag, and she has participated in the Thursdays Writing Collective, a community of writers in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. Rea began writing poetry while working on the streets, using it as a way to cope with difficult experiences and express emotions that were not always easy to put into words. Her work is deeply rooted in her own life, including her experiences of vulnerability, anxiety, marginalisation, and the struggle to feel safe and accepted in the world. In 2009, she won the Downtown Eastside Writers’ Jamboree Writing Contest with her poem Free Me from Anxiety, a candid work about overcoming anxiety and becoming more comfortable with herself.
In 2013, Rea was featured in a presentation by Vancouver’s Community Arts Council, which highlighted her poetry collection A Tranny Tapestry of Reality, containing five poems and two pieces of poetic prose. Her writing combines unflinching honesty with humour and hope, offering a personal perspective on experiences that are often overlooked or misunderstood. Through her poetry and public performances, she brings attention to the lives of transgender and intersex people and the challenges they face. Rea’s story was also reaching a wider audience through filmmaker Gwen Haworth’s documentary A Woman with a Past, which explores her experiences as a transgender and intersex poet, including the stigma, violence, and addiction she has faced. The film highlights the importance of humour and poetry in her life, presenting creative expression as a way to confront painful experiences and find a path towards healing. Through her words and her willingness to share her story, Antonette Alexandra Rea offers a distinctive and deeply personal voice in Canadian poetry and transgender activism.
Monika: Antonette, welcome! It is a pleasure to have you with us today.
Antonette: Hi Monika, thank you for your interest.
Monika: I know you are currently recovering from a car accident. How are you feeling?
Antonette: I am in a far better mental space than I had been due to the pain and limited mobility while I heal. I was hit by a car and dislocated a shoulder, and my other hand remains numb, though the feeling has returned in my shoulder and the sciatica has settled down at the moment.
Monika: How would you introduce yourself to our readers?
Antonette: I was a street-surviving Queen of the night. My street poet handle used to be “Miss Understood.” My poetry was a coping mechanism when working the stroll, and then it became a useful healing vehicle for processing so much adversity that I didn’t think had affected me until I had stopped using drugs and escaped from a life of prostitution. Sex and drugs go hand in hand, it seems, in some form or another.
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| A poster currently being posted around Vancouver’s west end. I’m a poster girl at the age of 60, who would have ever thought... |
Monika: What has writing, and performing it, given you since then?
Antonette: My writing has allowed me to process so much negativity, where family and friends were nowhere to be found. Performing these difficult poems in front of an audience is like taking the bandage off a wound because it’s almost healed. There will always be the scars, but I can now let the past go and live more in the moment.
Monika: Drugs, homelessness, and the sex trade have all marked your life, which makes your poetry deeply personal. What did your writing mean to you during those years?
Antonette: My poetry was my most valuable possession. It was poetic non-fiction that I had written longhand on scraps of paper and stuffed into my zippered binder, and for a while I carried it with me wherever I went.
Monika: Did other poets or books influence you at that stage?
Antonette: My writing was raw and emotionally driven while I was in my addiction. I was uninfluenced by other poets or writers as I was caught in a life of prostitution and drug addiction. I was incapable of reading other books, or even of having the attention span to watch a movie from start to finish, let alone read the works of others. Those who have suffered through addiction may have a better understanding of what I am saying.
Monika: A complete list of your poetry is hard to find. Can you share what you have published so far?
Antonette: I don’t really have a list. I have circulated chapbooks and have some poems published in magazines and anthologies. I have a manuscript of about 86 poems that I compiled last year with the idea of finding a publisher, but I haven’t been motivated enough to send out enquiries. I am also working on another compilation more to do with my spirituality, a sensitive subject to many.
Monika: Does transgender poetry or art exist as a category of its own? What does it mean to you to be a transgender poet?
Antonette: I would imagine there are many trans artists, as we tend to be a very creative bunch. I did feel pressure to perform gender-specific pieces, as I imagined that is what the audiences expected to hear. Much of my poetry reflects aspects of the human condition, which transcends gender variance. My latest transition was coming to terms with aging, weight gain, and wrinkles, to accept myself as an older, more mature woman, as all women must (and men to a lesser extent, it seems, as they aren’t usually using their looks to survive in whatever circles or boardrooms).
Monika: Transition is a turning point in any life. Has yours influenced the way you write?
Antonette: My creativity seems to be tied to my feminine nature. I didn’t even realize how much of myself I had sacrificed in order to try and live my life as others, like my parents, would have me.
Monika: What made you stop living that way?
Antonette: Eventually, everything came crashing down all at once. I realized I had been miserable for a long, long time. I wasn’t being honest with myself and had been living a lie to please my parents and hopefully win their love. I had nothing left to lose.
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| With her daughter. She is her shining light who gave her a reason to keep living during the dark periods of her life. |
Monika: And what happened once you stopped holding back?
Antonette: I realized I had to be all of me and not give a damn what other people might think, which is what my mother seemed to care about the most. I picked up right where I had left off with a somewhat androgynous look. I also began writing again without it being a conscious effort. Antonette was and is the best part of who I am as a person, and writing was a natural creative process entwined with my feminine side, so yes, my transition influenced and also freed my creative spirit.
Monika: Some women transition early, others much later. At what age did you step into life as a woman, and did your family or friends stand by you?
Antonette: I suppose my transition was delayed for a number of years while I had a family and put the feminine back in the closet. I went into denial when it came to my feminine side. I initially flirted with my feminine side from a very early age. The negativity from my parents came in the form of ridicule and humiliating comments.
Monika: What finally allowed Antonette to emerge?
Antonette: I transitioned into Antonette after my marriage failed and I was free to be me. I realized I had been living a lie and that if I was ever to find happiness I had to be honest with myself first and foremost. Letting Antonette surface from the chains within was a very natural and exhilarating feeling. I was in my 40s when I gave up putting on the guy during the day so that I could have a job and a legitimate income.
Monika: How did the people around you react once you began living openly?
Antonette: Unfortunately, I was met with an extreme amount of negativity from what seemed like everyone, including the police and RCMP. I had no support from family or friends, except my daughter, with whom I have a very special bond.
Monika: Were there any transgender role models you followed at that time?
Antonette: I don’t recall having any role models. I was the Queen of First Ave in a small rural town, where I was out there loud and proud, daring others to confront their prejudices. I was in many fights and incurred severe injuries while dancing to my own tune.
Monika: Coming out is rarely easy. What was the hardest part for you?
Antonette: The loneliness, being homeless (especially during winter), the victimization, violence, and unjust incarceration, and public humiliation at the hands of the R.C.M.P. (Royal Canadian Mounted Police).
Monika: Looking at the bigger picture, how would you describe the situation of transgender women in Canada today?
Antonette: It has become so much better over the last 5 or 6 years. The medical community has become more supportive, especially when it comes to hormones and SRS. The attitudes seem to be more knowledgeable and accepting with respect to gender presentation, both M-F and F-M. Although, look out if you’re all alone living in a small “redneck” town. Major cities seem to be far more tolerant, even when it comes to their suburbs.
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| “A Woman with a Past” - trailer. Gwen Haworth. Source: YouTube. |
Monika: Some people see transgenderism as the new frontier for human rights. Do you agree?
Antonette: I don’t know about the “new” frontier. Transgenderism has been out on the frontier for way too long now. I remember the struggles for women’s rights, equality, and acceptance for people of color, and the decriminalization of homosexuality in Canada. I began carrying a purse to school the very next year, my final year of high school, 1970-71.
Monika: Gwen Haworth’s documentary short “A Woman with a Past” offered a glimpse into your life. Tell me more about your part in that project.
Antonette: Gwen and I have worked together providing educational workshops about gender variance and areas of respect. We seemed to complement one another, as our experiences are very different and we work well together. This project was Gwen’s idea.
Monika: What did you hope the film would bring across?
Antonette: I feel we shouldn’t forget the past, whereby the only employment option for a trans woman was in the sex trade, but see how far we’ve come as a minority in finding acceptance of trans women and men in all avenues of society. We should also stand up to all forms of oppression and offer support where we can towards the struggle many of our sisters still endure in other areas of the globe.
Monika: A few weeks ago Jared Leto received his Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for playing the transgender character Rayon in “Dallas Buyers Club.” How do you see the way transgender stories and characters have been featured in films, newspapers, and books so far?
Antonette: I haven’t seen many positive presentations of trans women in film. There are so many creative trans artists and writers that I think a more realistic, positive attitude is evolving within the artistic communities, and education and acceptance from the masses could eventually be realized.
Monika: The transgender cause is usually presented together with the other LGBT communities. As the last letter in the abbreviation, can the transgender community promote its own cause within the group?
Antonette: Hopefully, those under the LGBTQ2s banner can be allies and help educate and support trans individuals in domestic dialogue and in the workplace when they are being discriminated against or verbally abused, etc., as many of them have had to deal with similar prejudices themselves.
Monika: In the 1960s and 1970s, Harvey Milk was a driving force for gay activism. Is there anyone in the Canadian transgender community whose actions could be compared to his?
Antonette: There are many trans activists chipping away at the ignorance that perpetuates negative behavior towards acceptance and equality of all genders, especially in the areas of housing and employment.
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| Courtesy of Antonette Rea. |
Monika: Are you involved in politics or in any lobbying campaigns? Can transgender women make a real difference in that arena?
Antonette: No, I am very poor, but hopefully one day a trans person will gain the support needed to be successful in politics. At present, our allies, who have lobbied for our specific inclusion in Canada’s “Charter of Rights and Freedoms,” will be elected and able to assist in our acceptance by the general public.
Monika: What place does love hold in your life?
Antonette: Ah, to fall in love, I’m still holding out hope. It is very difficult to find love when working as a whore. The unconditional love I received from my daughter gave me the strength to try, once again, to escape from the ghetto and a life of prostitution and addiction, a life where I had given up on the idea of ever escaping alive and was just putting in time until I die. Her love combined with mine gave me the desire to live and change my life.
Monika: Are you working on any new projects at the moment?
Antonette: Yes, I am working on a play or theatre production of my “poetry” for The Frank Theatre Company, based on selected pieces from my unpublished poetry manuscript of past work while in “the life,” to present a journey of sorts. The director, Jimmy Tait, will be coordinating the other elements, such as a composer, two dancers, and a video artist, to complement me and my poetry or spoken word.
Monika: What would you say to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria?
Antonette: We have to be honest with ourselves first. In a way, it’s a journey of self-discovery, exploring aspects of yourself that may have been with you for as long as you can remember. To not explore your gender, but hide such secrets inside, is a recipe for misery. Once I let Antonette out, there was no going back, even when I thought I couldn’t take the violence and humiliation any longer. She had tasted freedom. It was not a decision any longer; Antonette would not be denied. She was to be embraced and to walk tall with her head held high.
Monika: Antonette, thank you for sharing your story with us!
All the photos: courtesy of Antonette Rea.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
