In the gentle village of Suffern, New York, lives a woman whose life defies convention and exemplifies grace under pressure. Lois Simmons is a tax preparer with a mind as sharp as the pencils on her desk and a voice that harmonizes both scripture and song. She is also a gifted writer whose blog, Being Christian and Transsexual: Life on Planet Mercury, is a heartfelt chronicle of life at the intersection of faith and identity. At 64, Lois has lived many lives, Cornell graduate, financial professional, athlete, singer, and now a mentor and guide to others navigating the complexities of being transgender in a world often quick to judge and slow to understand. Her transition, marked not just by personal strength but also spiritual conviction, was guided by a faith that remains unshaken, even when tested by loss, misunderstanding, or rejection.
In her own words, Lois believes she was led every step of the way by the Holy Spirit, making choices that at times baffled even her gender counselor, but which ultimately brought her peace, purpose, and authenticity. Lois finds joy in the everyday, laughing at classic comic strips, watching Dodgers games, singing vocal impressions that range from the high trills of Minnie Riperton to the velvety bass of Jerry Butler. She speaks with tender honesty about the Christian church’s complicated relationship with transgender people, and she offers herself as a quiet bridge for those seeking to reconnect with their faith without surrendering their truth. To meet Lois Simmons is to meet someone who has wrestled with questions most avoid, and who answers them not with bitterness, but with understanding, humility, and a sprinkle of wit. In her story, we are reminded that the deepest faith does not exclude, but embraces. That womanhood, like spirituality, is a journey. And that perhaps, in being exactly who she was meant to be, Lois brings us all a little closer to grace.
Monika: Today, it is my pleasure and honor to introduce Lois Simmons, an American tax preparer and writer from Suffern, N.Y. She contributes to the blog Being Christian and Transsexual: Life on Planet Mercury. Welcome, Lois!
Lois: Hello, Monika. To be included with such an illustrious group of trans women whom you have interviewed is quite an honor.
Monika: Let’s start with a broad but essential question: how would you describe yourself to someone meeting you for the first time?
Lois: This is the toughest question you asked me, as it is difficult to limit myself to a few words on almost any subject! But here goes. I’m 64 years old. I was born in New York City (borough of Queens) and have lived all my life in the city or its suburbs. I went to Cornell with plans to be a civil engineer, urban planner, or designer of roads and rail systems. I ended up with a degree in government.
Monika: That’s quite a shift! What did your professional life look like after graduation?
Lois: I have worked in the financial services industry since 1983. At various times, I have been a stockbroker, real estate salesperson, insurance salesperson, and certified financial planner. I started to prepare tax returns professionally in the late 1980s. I currently have clients in 13 states and 4 foreign countries. The only foreign tax return I prepare is a Canadian one. I do mostly individual returns but also handle a handful for small businesses.
Monika: And outside of work, what are some interests or fun facts that people might not expect?
Lois: I qualify for Mensa. I was a member at one time, long before I transitioned, but at some point, I didn’t renew my membership. I enjoy many sports. I went to a small private high school and was able to make the varsity teams in baseball (just about every position), ice hockey (goalie), and soccer (midfield or wing). I also ran cross-country one year but didn’t like it. I recently learned that it is very likely that I played baseball against Denzel Washington.
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| Professional photoshoot. |
Lois: I was also the manager of the cross country and track & field teams at Cornell for all four years that I was there. In American colleges, a manager is someone who takes care of the equipment and does other odd jobs needed by the coaches and athletes. During that time, I was privileged to meet a number of past, present, and future members of the U.S. Olympic Team, including someone who won a gold medal in 1952. One of those Olympians also won the Boston Marathon.
Monika: That’s amazing! Outside of sports, what are some of your personal passions and hobbies?
Lois: My favorite spectator sport is baseball and I am an avid Dodgers fan. I love to sing, or more specifically, to do vocal impressions of famous singers. Because of my vocal range, I can imitate singers (at least some of their songs) with voices as high as Minnie Riperton and as deep as Jerry Butler. Most of the singers I imitate are from “back in the day.”
Monika: I love that! And what kind of community work or daily rituals help you stay grounded?
Lois: I’ve been actively involved in Christian ministry. I’m part of a mentoring program at a local high school for the general student population, and I’ve also spoken to a number of college classes, sharing my story. One of the ways I keep my sanity is by reading about a dozen classic comic strips plus two online ones. A daily dose of them helps me laugh at myself and makes the world feel a little less serious. And that’s about as few words as I can manage! The rest I’ll fill in here and there in response to your other questions.
Monika: You write candidly about the intersection of your faith and your journey as a transgender woman. How has your spiritual path shaped or supported your life?
Lois: It is my sincere and respectful wish that all people would know the abundant joy I have received since having what Christians refer to as a born-again experience. It saddens me deeply to see some people who identify as Christians (whether they actually are, God knows, I don’t) pushing transgender people away from discovering more about Jesus and His love.
Monika: That’s such a powerful insight. In what ways did your faith support you specifically during your transition?
Lois: As a Christian, I believe I have the guidance and counsel of the Holy Spirit available to me. That spiritual resource was a great blessing during the transition process. My gender counselor thought I was out of my mind with some of the choices I made, and even to this day, she’s amazed at how successful I was. I can’t claim the credit. I was simply following what the Holy Spirit led me to do.
Monika: Some people struggle with the idea of a loving God allowing someone to be born transgender. How do you reconcile your faith with that reality?
Lois: I don’t believe that He is merciless when someone is born transgender. I’m going to share a story about that. I started to meet other Christian transgender people who found my blog. One of them told me that her Christian landlord didn’t believe her testimony about being born transgender. In other words, he believed it was all in her mind, a delusion. And he told her, “God wouldn’t do that to someone.”
Monika: That kind of reaction must be incredibly painful to hear. How do you personally make sense of the idea that God would allow such deep struggles in someone’s life?
Lois: Now, it is a complicated topic, how much of our formation in the womb is because God actively does it, and how much is because God allows it due to the corruption that came into a once-perfect world. But let’s take the premise that God does most of the formation and allows some corruption to affect each person. Some may have a congenital heart problem, some may be more susceptible to cancer, some may have the gene for alcoholism, some may be intersex, and so on.
Monika: And with all those differences, it seems many people are born with challenges. How do you think we should view those variations in light of faith?
Lois: Some are born with life-threatening conditions or conditions that may affect the quality of their entire life. For example, people are born with cleft palates, spina bifida (my dad had a very mild form of that), a hole in their heart, Down’s syndrome, and so on. Now, why would God do these things to people?
Monika: Some people argue that being born transgender is a burden or even a punishment. What would you say to someone who believes that?
Lois: In response to this landlord and others who believe as he does, I wrote a very long blog post describing many birth conditions far more devastating than being born transgender. There is nothing about being born transgender that is problematic for me. Far and away, the only problem is the reaction of certain individuals and certain segments of society.
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| One of my favorite outfits. |
Lois: One thing that God provides is various ways in which we are tested. For me, dealing with being transgender was a test of my faith. When other Christians, even some friends and clients, turned away from me, would I turn away from God, or would I be steadfast? And for cisgender Christians, it is also a test: would they show compassion toward me or prejudice? The Bible tells us that God is not a respecter of persons. In other words, He doesn’t play favorites based on color, gender, wealth, physical strength, visual beauty, talent, and so on. And Christians are supposed to follow that example.
Monika: That’s such a powerful perspective. Do you find comfort in viewing this life as only one part of a greater spiritual journey?
Lois: Absolutely. As one who believes in eternity, and that our life here on Earth is a blink of an eye in comparison, where we will spend that eternity is far more important than what happens to us here, including the conditions of our birth. Trust me, when something goes wrong in my life, I don’t always practice what I preach at first. But this is always what I come back to. The Lord has blessed me far more than any slings and arrows I have received.
Monika: And how do you reflect on your transgender identity today, after everything?
Lois: So I don’t think of it as God being merciless or punishing someone. Because of the way much of the world still treats us, I wouldn’t wish being transgender on anyone. At the same time, I think of it as a huge blessing in my life. It has helped me to be a more caring, helpful, and insightful person. And who knows what kind of person I would have been if I had been born cisgender? If I had been born intelligent and attractive, I might have ended up a stuck-up bitch! This is who I was meant to be. Everyone else is already taken (with apologies to Oscar Wilde).
Monika: In your experience, how has the relationship between transgender people and Christian institutions evolved? Do you think the fear of rejection still keeps many trans individuals away from faith communities?
Lois: Many transgender people want nothing to do with the Christian church, and with some other religions that are negative about transgender people. But many others were raised in the Christian church or in these other religions. A high percentage of those have either left the church or religion entirely, or moved to a more liberal and accepting denomination. One of the support groups I belong to meets at an open and accepting church that has hosted TDOR and other supportive events for many years. And still, people who expressed interest in attending the group choose to stay away once they learn that we meet in a church. Mind you, the church doesn’t have any say over the activities of the group and, in general, has been nothing but supportive. But that doesn’t matter to certain people in the TG or CD communities. And it is very sad.
Monika: What would you say to someone who wants to reconnect with their faith but feels afraid or unwelcome?
Lois: I would be happy to assist any transgender people who would like to return to the Christian church, as well as those who want to come out to their church but are fearful of doing so.
Monika: How would you describe the range of responses within Christianity to transgender people today?
Lois: It is quite varied. It ranges from denominations that are open and accepting to those that consider us completely reprobate. And there are some in between who aren’t quite sure what to make of transgender people. I am quite an anomaly to some open-minded Christians I have met. On the one hand, they were taught that pursuing a transgender life is sinful. On the other hand, they see me as a sincere, Bible-believing, and in many ways very conservative Christian who demonstrates being led by the Holy Spirit in her worship and everyday life. I am happy to report that most people in this quandary tend to resolve it by giving me the benefit of the doubt and treating me well. In such situations, I always try to remember the two catchphrases I coined to help keep perspective:
– If it took me fifty years to figure out what to do about being transgender, I can’t expect you to understand it in fifty minutes.
– If I want to be understood, I need to be understanding.
Monika: What do you wish more people in the church understood about being transgender?
Lois: It is also important that we try to help those in the church understand that transgender is not a recent phenomenon.
Monika: Why do you think there’s so much resistance or discomfort toward transgender people within certain parts of society?
Lois: Some are fearful because, in their perception, we are recent and growing. But that perception is due to medical science reaching the point where at least some measures can be taken to make our bodies and minds congruent; as a result, more of us are willing to go public. Therefore, more fair-minded people have gotten to know us and learned that there is nothing evil about being transgender.
Monika: So the visibility is new, but the existence of transgender people is not?
Lois: In reality, there is a great deal of evidence that transgender people have been around since the earliest days of recorded history. In some societies, such as Native American tribes in the western part of North America, transgender people have been revered for centuries. Transgender identity is dealt with favorably in the Code of Hammurabi, and the Talmud takes into account more than two genders without a pejorative toward any of them.
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| Conundrum by Jan Morris. |
Lois: Most references are indirect and focus more on how God identifies gender in general, how people are born, and how all people, including those who are transgender, should be treated. The most direct reference is often considered to be Matthew 19:12, where transgender people might correspond to two of the three examples of “eunuchs” cited by Jesus in the King James Version. Jesus would have been quite familiar with the Talmud. Monika: Can you share more about the specific Bible verses you find meaningful on this topic?
Lois: Rather than reproduce a full discussion of the key Bible verses I use in conversations about this topic, it’s simpler to provide a link to the page on my blog where they are listed.
Monika: I noticed you shared your story in The New York Times series titled “Transgender Today.” What motivated you to come out publicly in such a widely read forum?
Lois: The primary reason was that I knew how rare it was for someone to be both Christian and transgender. I wanted readers to know that we existed, even someone who would be considered conservative within Christianity. Two of my friends in the broader transgender and crossdresser community (one Jewish and the other New Age) thought my story, and the acceptance I received in my church, were noteworthy. They suggested, and even urged, me to share it.
Monika: How did you feel about the response after your story was published?
Lois: If I had received recognition and more opportunities to be active in helping the transgender community, that would have been great. As it turned out, the response far exceeded what I and the New York Times editors expected. So, I have no idea how many people read or connected with my story. Also, a 400-word limit doesn’t allow much opportunity to tell one’s full story.
Monika: When did you first begin your transition to living as a woman, and how would you describe that initial phase?
Lois: It depends on how you define the beginning of the transition. My awareness of being female occurred at age 7. As someone with an engineer’s personality, my initial reaction was that this was “cool” and unique. But at around age 10 or 11, when I moved from elementary school (5th grade) to a combined junior and senior high school (grades 6–12), I was suddenly confronted with what my future might look like, and I could see it wasn’t pretty (literally and figuratively). So, one could say my transition started then: when I began praying to God that I would wake up with the body of a girl. It was also around that time that I renamed myself. After all, if I had faith in God, then I needed to be ready when He answered.
Monika: That sounds like a long journey. How did you cope with the wait and the struggles during those years?
Lois: Only I didn’t know it would take Him so long! So for about 49 years, it was a struggle. I would go to the local library and look for any new books on the topic. When I found one I hadn’t read before, I would go into the farthest corner of the library and have the book as flat as possible on the table so no one could see what I was reading, lest they guess my deep, dark secret. By then, I had learned that society treated transgender people as a joke, someone to mock.
Monika: Did you find any particular resources or stories that helped you during this time?
Lois: As I got older, my search expanded. I found and read Jan Morris’s book Conundrum.
Monika: I’ve read Conundrum too, it’s truly one of the best transgender biographies. What other resources or experiences helped you understand your identity better?
Lois: In addition, I found a place in New York City that sold relevant literature. I bought magazines about cross-dressers, drag queens, female impersonators, and trans women. I began to understand the differences, who I identified with and who I didn’t. Of course, I was fascinated by the ability of those who transformed themselves into beautiful women.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Lois Simmons.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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