Monika: Today I have the sheer pleasure of meeting Rebekah Kimberly Davis, the author of "Becoming Kimberly: A Transgender's Journey" (2021), a biographical book that covers different aspects of her transition. Hello Kimberly!
Kimberly: Hi Monika! Thank you for speaking with me today. It is a pleasure.
Monika: Could you say a few words about yourself?
Kimberly: I have always known something was different in me but being raised in the rural southern USA, I had to pretend to be someone else for most of my life. I was married twice and fathered three sons. My second marriage ended in 2016 with the death of my wife of 24 years. Her death freed me from a promise I made to her early in the marriage.
The first year Vikki and I were married, she discovered my girl clothes. The first thing on her mind was that I was having an affair. So, I made a full admission of my cross-dressing activities. Vikki, being an old hippie and survivor of the sexual revolution, did her level best to accept this and bring it out into our bedroom. She could not quite accept it.
She came to me about a year into our marriage and said "We need to talk". She stated that she was heterosexual and could not sleep with another woman in her bed. She also said that unless I could suppress this part of me that we would have to part ways and file for divorce. At this point, I made her a solemn promise that I would be her "Man" until death do us part. For 23 years I kept that promise.
I started hormone therapy 6 weeks after she died and came out of the closet on September 23, 2016. Top surgery in 2017 and bottom surgery in June 2020. I am currently 68 years old, so it was a bit late in life for me. It has been so much fun. Oh my.
Monika: Our road to womanhood is usually long and winding. Was it the same in your case?
Kimberly: Yes, our road is long and winding and it was much the same for me. I had so much to learn about being a woman. I go over much of it in the book. All of the lessons we learn as children come naturally for ciswomen, I had to learn hair, makeup, care, and feeling of a vagina, clothes sizes, shoe sizes, and all of the little things that go into making a woman.
Monika: What inspired you to write your book?
Kimberly: The book began as a journal to help me organize my research on gender dysphoria. As I began to learn about this topic, I started comparing what I was learning with my own childhood. I started to note similar events in my own life and write them down. I had about 4000 words on the computer and I realized I had the beginnings of a book about my discoveries and journey. I felt my discoveries about myself might be a help to someone else dealing with Gender Dysphoria.
Monika: When did you discover your feminine side?
Kimberly: I realized when I was about 5 that I was different. My genital area did not look like it was supposed to look and it made me unhappy. As I grew and reached puberty and things begin to change it made me even more uncomfortable. I first went to a Psychiatrist when I was 18 and although only one visit, it was enough to help figure it out.
Transgenderism was not a word we heard in 1971. Christine Jorgensen was the only Transsexual in the public eye at that time and she had her surgery in Denmark. It was actually illegal to perform GRS in the US at that time.
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| "The hardest thing about coming out to me was telling my three sons." |
Following the advice of my doctor, I suppressed my uniqueness and lived as best I could as a man. I was rather inept at it. Although I had the equipment, I couldn't operate it very well and, of course, everything went wrong.
By the time I was married for the second time, I had figured it out and by then I was in a secure relationship so I took antidepressants for the depression and lived as best I could. When Vikki passed away in June 2016, I was freed from the promise I made to her in 1992 and began to transition as soon as I could.
Monika: Why did you choose Kimberly for your name?
Kimberly: I did not choose Kimberly. My parents did. I was named Richard Kimberly Davis at birth. My parents never gave me a good answer about why "Kimberly" and they both called me "Kim". In 2017, I went to court with an attorney and had my first name legally changed from "Richard" to Rebekah. I have never regretted the change or the choice of a first name. I now go by Rebekah.
Monika: We all pay the highest price for the fulfillment of our dreams to be ourselves. As a result, we lose our families, friends, jobs, and social positions. Did you pay such a high price as well? What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Kimberly: A few people turned away from me on coming out. Not many. I have been very fortunate in that I did not lose by coming out. I found many new friends along the way and that more than made up for any small losses. My job was protected so I did not jeopardize my income, and because of my changing personality, I think I actually rose in social standing. The biggest loss was losing communication with my dear younger sister. She will no longer talk to me. No, I don't think the price was high at all. The hardest thing about coming out to me was telling my three sons.
Monika: Was your family surprised by your transition?
Kimberly: Yes they were. My sons all reacted differently but after the first initial shock, they closed around me and supported my actions. My young men are exceptional. I love them so much. As I said above, my sister took it the hardest. I doubt she will ever forgive me.
Monika: Are you satisfied with the effects of the hormone treatment?
Kimberly: In the beginning, I was taking some over-the-counter supplements from an online store. I will not mention it by name. They worked amazingly fast and within the first few weeks of taking them, I started seeing changes to my body. My breasts began to grow and that was very exciting. Over the next few months to a year, there were many changes. My skin smoothed out, fat moved around giving me a waist and more butt, and my face softened and changed to a more feminine appearance. For the last three years, I have been on injectible Estradiol and give myself a shot every two weeks. I have been extremely satisfied with the hormone regimen.
Monika: We are said to be prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome. Although cosmetic surgeries help to overcome it, we will always be judged accordingly. How can we cope with this?
Kimberly: In the beginning, passing worried me quite a bit. Mostly I do very well. It is my voice that gives me away rather than my body. Even though I am tall and broad-shouldered, I still pass almost all the time until I speak. Nowadays, I never worry about it. I am me. I am a Woman. Heaven help you if you don't treat me that way. As my best friend put it, "Chin Up, Tits Out".
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| "My closet is full and if I go shopping, I have to donate something to charity. LOL" |
Kimberly: I vaguely remember hearing on the news about Christine Jorgensen, but do not recall seeing images of her post-transition. I guess the correct answer to this would be Caitlyn Jenner. It was her courage that solidified in my mind what I needed to do for myself. Of course, there was Chaz Bono some years back that successfully transitioned and that was there also, But it was Caitlyn's transition that fixed it in my mind that I too could do this.
Monika: Are there any transgender role models that you follow or followed?
Kimberly: I have a young friend, a trans male and he has been a big supporter and ally. He is the son of a former co-worker and he has been an ongoing inspiration to me.
Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in your country?
Kimberly: Although there is still a good bit of discrimination here and there, it is getting better as more of us come out into the open. The legal aspect is now better for us than ever before especially in the job situation. the labor laws in almost every state in the USA now support hiring trans people without discrimination. Federal labor laws now also support us. Although there have been some reversals from the Right Wing radical conservatives, mostly, we are getting support from the legislative community. As you know, discrimination against any person or group comes from a lack of education. The more people learn about us, the better off we are.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Kimberly: I am a woman. Of course, I like fashion. I do not have to have designer clothes but I do like to dress up in nice things. My purses are a variety and I buy what I like. I bought my first Coach purse about 3 years ago on a shopping trip to Folsom California outlet mall with my BFF, and I have been hooked ever since. I now have a Coach wallet, (a gift from my same BFF) and a Coach Backpack for when I ride my Harley.
I do like pants with flared legs, bell-bottom jeans, rompers, and halter tops for summer. Scarves and capes for winter. I seldom if ever wear hats, because I do have nice hair. I probably should wear skirts more often than I do because I have nice legs as well. Colors run the spectrum from basic black through an Orange pantsuit. Sadly, My closet is full and if I go shopping, I have to donate something to charity. LOL.
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?
Kimberly: Yes. It was after my top surgery. I was still employed by my pre-transition employer and I had applied to begin work as a travel technologist. I had acquired several state licenses, 6 in total, and my first interview was in El Paso, Texas at an outpatient imaging facility. Fernando was very sweet and was in desperate need of a nuclear medicine technologist. I did feel that I had to inform him of my transition. He simply replied that he was more concerned with my experience, and 15 years was more than sufficient.
Upon arrival at the facility in El Paso, I was welcomed and felt completely comfortable working there. The assignment lasted 13 weeks, and during my last week, I was interviewed for my second travel assignment in California. Again I mentioned my transition and again It made absolutely no difference. I stayed at that job for 3 years.
Monika: What would you advise to all transwomen looking for employment?
Kimberly: Just as any other woman would do. Put your best foot forward. Dress appropriately, keep make-up simple and as basic as you can, and fix your hair. By all means, be alert and be a lady. Answer questions honestly and sincerely, and be prepared with questions of your own.
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?
Kimberly: Not as much as I would like. I belong to Equality of Georgia and when I am at home, I attend the annual Equality Awards Dinner in Atlanta. We have not had that since Covid but I am hoping to go again this year. My local community does not have anything going on as an organization and I do not have the time to start one at present.
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| "I have never been happier nor more self-assured that I did the right thing for myself." |
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Kimberly: The love of my life Vikki, died in 2016 from metastatic Breast Cancer. Having a long-term relationship is not really a priority in my life at this time. I do have a number of friends that I hang with from time to time, socially, but not romantically. My life is much more about enjoying my time as a woman and doing the things I enjoy without complications. It does get lonely sometimes, but I prefer that to the alternative.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?
Kimberly: My advice is to take it slowly. Spend some time in your own head and do diligent research online. There is plenty of information out there. You can research the mental, emotional, and medical impacts of transitioning. Be very certain that this is not an impulsive decision for it will affect the rest of your life. Once you go on the operating table, it is too late to change your mind.
Post-op, my supervisor asked me if I missed my male part. I laughed at the question and said if I had thought I would miss it I would never have had it removed. To me that question was ridiculous. Oh, one more thing. You can transition in stages. I did the hormones first and it was 7 months later that I had my top surgery. It was three years before I did the bottom.
It took a couple of years to make up my mind to proceed and then about a year to deal with the process of having that surgery done here in the USA. 7 years now for me since beginning my journey and I have never been happier nor more self-assured that I did the right thing for myself.
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Kimberly: Yes. I totally agree with this. My take on this is that on the rare occasions where I have been attacked as a Trans woman, my response is "How I began is not relevant. How I got to this point does not matter. I Am A Woman and I demand to be treated as one. I insist on it." My second book, coming out sometime this next year will be titled Being Kimberly, The Journey Has Ended, The Adventure Has Begun.
Monika: Kimberly, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Kimberly: Monika, You are most welcome. It has been my honor and pleasure.
All the photos: courtesy of Rebekah Kimberly Davis.
© 2023 - Monika Kowalska
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| "Available via Amazon" |
This poignant memoir chronicles every step of her transition, from her first feelings of gender dysphoria to the surgery that completely changed her life.
Kimberly thought long and hard about her decision to have gender-reassignment surgery, and she candidly discusses the challenges the transition entails.
While the obstacles often seemed enormous, Kimberly managed to find the hope and humor in each small moment. She details the tips her coworkers gave her as she completed her transition, from clothes to makeup to everything else. Kimberly had been a woman all her life, but through the surgery, her courage, and help from her friends, she was finally able to show the world what she had seen all along.
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