Monika: Today let me introduce you to Emma Smith. Emma is a British journalist, podcaster, and trans woman that shares her transition story on social media. Hello Emma! Thank you for accepting my invitation.
Emma: Thank you for asking me!
Monika: Could you say a few words about yourself?
Emma: I’m never any good at this bit. I’m 30 years old, I’m originally from Newcastle-upon-Tyne in the north-east of England, and now I live in Manchester. I’ve worked for a whole bunch of newspapers and websites in the UK, and now I work for the BBC Sport website. Since joining in August I’ve written about everything from Premier League and WSL football to trans table tennis players and ice hockey teams. It has been fun.
Monika: What inspired you to share your intimate life moments on social media?
Emma: I don’t actually share that much intimate stuff on social media, I like to keep private stuff private for the most part. The most intimate thing I ever shared was when I came out to the wider world as trans in November 2019, and that was more to get that out of the way more than anything else. Otherwise, I just share nice outfit pics on Instagram or stories I’ve written on Twitter. It means I, mostly, avoid the pointless arguments that can crop up.
Monika: Do you get many questions from your social media followers? What do they ask for?
Emma: Not that many, as I don’t have that many followers! I do get contacted fairly often by young journalists asking for advice on how to get into the industry, and I always try to answer those when I can. I remember how tough and draining it was for me at the start of my career, so I don’t want to pull the ladder up behind me.
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| "I was very lucky not to lose any close family or friends after coming out." |
Emma: I was very lucky not to lose any close family or friends after coming out, although it did take a long time for some of my family to come to terms with who I am. I think for some they needed to see proof that I was happy and could thrive as Emma before they accepted I was trans. I would have liked that acceptance to be less conditional, but at least they got there in the end.
The hardest thing was having to leave the job I held at the time I came out, after a very negative reaction from my then-boss. I was unemployed for five months as a result, which was extremely hard at the time for me and my family. I look back on it now as a time that made me much stronger and helped me build bonds with family as Emma, but at the time it was very tough.
Monika: Why did you choose Emma for your name?
Emma: It’s a nice name. No special story there, sorry.
Monika: Was your family surprised by your transition?
Emma: Yes, very. I thought some of them might have had an inkling, but never underestimate how oblivious cisgender people can be. I think because I’m very into sport, especially football, they assumed that made me very masculine, given that is still the majority view on football as outdated as that is. But, as English people are finally learning, girls can be pretty good at football too.
Monika: Are you satisfied with the effects of the hormone treatment?
Emma: Some days I’m not, but then I look back at old pictures of myself and realise how far I have come. I’m not big on sharing old pics, like I said I’m quite private on social media all things considered, but I do like to look at them occasionally because of the changes that have happened, which have been universally positive.
Monika: We are said to be prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome. Although cosmetic surgeries help to overcome it, we will always be judged accordingly. How can we cope with this?
Emma: I think it simply comes down to confidence. After four years I still get misgendered from time to time. This used to terrify me, now I don’t really bat an eyelid as I’m just getting on with my day and my life.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a transgender woman on TV or met anyone transgender in person that opened your eyes and allowed you to realize who you are?
Emma: On the British version of the TV show Big Brother, the fifth season in 2004 was won by a trans woman called Nadia Almada. I remember there being a lot of coverage about her being trans, which I consumed with a huge amount of interest without really understanding why. I remember the tone of the coverage being more curious and sensitive than you would see in the British media 20 years on when it comes to trans people, which I think says a lot.
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| "Girls can be pretty good at football too." |
Monika: Did you have any transgender sisters around you that supported you during the transition?
Emma: Like a lot of trans women I spoke to people online, and eventually made friends in person. When I moved to a new city for work, I moved into the flat of another trans woman I knew, which was great as it was shortly after I had come out and was the first time I was able to live freely as myself.
Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in your country?
Emma: While I don’t wish to sound ungrateful as I know trans people in other countries have it far worse, currently Britain is a very unpleasant place to be transgender. Large swathes of the media regard any trans person as a “gender extremist” and negative stories around trans people are a daily occurrence.
The government has jumped on this bandwagon as well, largely because the current ruling party is so unpopular they have no other issues to campaign on. We have seen laws to make gender change easier in Scotland blocked, and the official equalities body is now actively advising against trans inclusion. It isn’t a lot of fun at the moment.
Monika: Do you like fashion? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Emma: A lot more than I used to! I don’t really have any set style, I’m usually fairly toned down in terms of the clothes I wear on a daily basis, although I do like colourful styles and I have far too many dresses, they make the hanger in my wardrobe bend.
Monika: Do you often experiment with your makeup?
Emma: No, I’m not massively into make-up although I do wear it most days. I just try to make myself look feminine.
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| "Currently Britain is a very unpleasant place to be transgender." |
Emma: I’ve not experienced that.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?
Emma: Yes! What woman doesn’t?
Monika: Do you remember your first job interview as a woman?
Emma: Yeah, it wasn’t great - I didn’t choose a particularly good outfit, my make-up got everywhere and I was misgendered a few times on the day. However, my second interview at a different job went much better and I ended up getting a job with that company. The atmosphere was much more welcoming, I knew it was where I needed to be.
Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers treated me in a way as if the transition lowered my IQ. Did you experience the same? Do you think it happens because we are women or because we are transgender? Or both?
Emma: I went into my job at the BBC chin first, and started pitching ideas for articles almost immediately so that people knew who I was and what knowledge I had. That helped, as does working in an industry where if you don’t know what you’re talking about, you get found out and called out very quickly. I’ve not experienced any sexism or transphobia directly in my current job - although I am sure it exists.
Monika: What would you advise to all trans women looking for employment?
Emma: It’s easy to be afraid and to be discouraged from even trying, given how hostile the atmosphere towards us appears to be - but you simply have to put yourself out there. The idea of a ‘silent majority’ gets weaponised a lot, but if one exists, it supports trans people. Most people just want us to be able to live our lives happily and in peace, and when it comes to jobs, most employers just want someone knowledgeable and competent.
Monika: Are you involved in the life of the local LGBTQ community?
Emma: I was in Leeds, where I used to live and work - I still play for the local LGBT inclusive football team, Yorkshire Terriers, and I was also involved in an organisation called Angels of Freedom, which offers support for LGBT people in the city and on nights out. I haven’t had much time to get involved in Manchester yet, but I know the LGBT scene here is vast and thriving, so I can’t wait.
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Emma: My girlfriend, who I met in May last year, is also trans, and she has been one of the most important people in my life. We have an outlook of us against the world, and we support each other in our lives and our transitions. It is so much easier to go through life when you have someone you love alongside you - that has made the last year of my life the best so far. I haven’t always been able to look forward to the future very much, but I can now.
Monika: Many transgender ladies write their memoirs. Have you ever thought about writing such a book yourself?
Emma: I don’t think so. I’ve spoken about my life in interviews before, and having read about the lives of other trans women, they are almost always a lot more interesting than me.
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| "I think we need a voice to speak up for ourselves." |
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Emma: In the coming months I will be traveling to Australia with work for a month, for which I cannot wait. I want to keep on building in my career and become more respected and renowned in British journalism - given how much trans people are spoken about in the media, especially regarding sport, I think we need a voice to speak up for ourselves, even if not necessarily about trans ‘issues’.
Personally, I want to keep building in my transition, it is a long road but I have some definite ideas in what I want to do next. And in the next five to seven years, hopefully me and Sophie are still together. That would be nice.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?
Emma: Make sure you know it is exactly right for you. Transitioning will not solve all your problems, which I think a lot of people who transition expect it will. Do your research, speak to your doctor, speak to trusted friends and family. And if it is right for you, do it. You only have one life.
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Emma: None of my dreams are attached to surgery. That’s just something that will happen along the way. Am I weird in this? Probably. I’m a pretty weird girl.
Monika: Emma, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Emma: The pleasure was all mine.
All the photos: courtesy of Emma Smith.
© 2023 - Monika Kowalska
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