Some women build cathedrals. Others build lives of quiet, lasting beauty. Roxanne Edwards has done both, and more. A professional architect based in Washington, DC, Roxanne has spent her career shaping physical spaces across the United States and the Middle East. Yet her most courageous creation has been the life she’s crafted as an out and proud transgender woman, activist, spouse, mother, and grandmother. Roxanne transitioned to her authentic self at the age of 50, a step she describes not with regret but with grace. She speaks with tender wisdom about the love she shares with her wife of over 43 years, the joys and challenges of parenting, and the bittersweet costs of becoming visible.
A tireless advocate for LGBTQ rights, Roxanne has lobbied at every level of government and continues to fight for education, justice, and compassionate dialogue in a world that too often misunderstands trans lives. Elegant in thought, grounded in experience, and fiercely committed to the truth, Roxanne’s story is a powerful reminder that strength can wear heels, speak softly, and still shake the halls of power. What strikes me most about Roxanne is not just the clarity of her convictions, but the generosity of her heart. Even in the face of rejection or misunderstanding, she never loses sight of the human being on the other side. Hers is a story of becoming, not just once, but continually. And as you’ll see in the pages that follow, she reminds us all that womanhood is not a timeline or a checklist, it is a depth of spirit, a capacity for love, and a fierce commitment to truth.
Monika: Today, it is both my pleasure and honor to speak with Roxanne Edwards, an accomplished American architect and passionate advocate for LGBTQ rights based in Washington, DC. Welcome, Roxanne!
Roxanne: Hello, Monika! Greetings from the United States capital city, Washington, DC! It has always been an interesting place to live, but now more than ever, it is a critical place to be involved in issues that affect all our citizens.
Monika: For those who may not know you yet, could you share a bit about your background, both professionally and personally?
Roxanne: I am a professional architect who has done projects nationally and in the Middle East. My entire life has been lived in the Washington area, except during my degree studies at my university, Virginia Tech, where I met my spouse. We have been married for 43+ years, and we have seven grandchildren. My activism started in 2000 with the beginning of my transition to my authentic self.
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| Roxanne Edwards at work as an architect and planner. |
Monika: I recently read your short story in The New York Times series, Transgender Today. What inspired you to share your story publicly?
Roxanne: Keeping silent is no longer an option. I have been ‘out’, visible is a better term, for over 16 years, locally and on social media since it erupted on the scene a decade ago. I have been speaking, lobbying my elected officials, and leading organizations dedicated to being visible for many years. Once I saw the power of The New York Times to reach the world of cisgender people (those who identify with their birth-assigned gender) to show our true selves, it was a ‘no-brainer’.
Monika: You began your transition to living as a woman at age 50. Have you ever regretted starting your transition later in life?
Roxanne: As Frank Sinatra so famously sang, “Regrets…I’ve had a few.” However, this really is a non-starter idea for humans. Whatever makes up our life experiences, those events form us into who we are, and who we know ourselves to be. To say, “I should have…”, knowing all I know now, having the spouse and children I love, living the career that has been amazing…what would any of that have been had I done something ‘sooner’? Who knows? It could have been even more amazing or it could have been tragic. I am who I am now. Would I have wanted to experience life as a female from the start? Yes. If starting from the beginning was the only option. The earlier transition might have afforded me some benefits I do not have now, but the idea of not having the family I have and know is too terrible to contemplate.
Monika: When you began your transition, did you have any transgender role models or mentors to look up to?
Roxanne: Not a one. At the time of my transition, I was not aware of the community. It was so hidden. The only ‘role’ models, (or Possibility Models, a term that Laverne Cox uses) were media-based actors. The three basic models for ‘people like me’ were the three ‘C’s: Clown, Crazy, and Criminal. None of those was someone I aspired to be. My role models were cis-women. Audrey and Katherine Hepburn, Mary Tyler Moore, Jackie Kennedy, Geraldine Ferraro, Betty Ford…
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| First Office Christmas party in 2004. |
Monika: Are there any transgender women you admire and respect today?
Roxanne: So, I have some ideas on the term ladies, which are complex and conflicted. I am old enough to have been raised with the idea of ladies and gentlemen as being a character quality-driven ideal. In that sense, I accept the idea of a lady. But it has also been used to trivialize women and their power. It censures women’s ability to engage in the same level of influence and skill appreciation as men. Being ‘ladylike’ is a parody of female submission in many contexts.
Monika: Could you tell me more about how you view the term “ladies” and its implications?
Roxanne: I understand your use of the word, and in your culture, it may or may not be so loaded with negative baggage from the women’s movement… so let’s say I have many trans women whom I admire and respect. The usual suspects like Jenny Boylan, Janet Mock, Laverne Cox, Alexandra Billings, Judge Phyllis Frye, Marissa Richmond, Monica Helms, Jillian Weiss, Brynn Tannenhill… plus dozens of ‘nobodies’ or non-celebrities in my local community who are incredible in their passion, courage, and wisdom.
Monika: We all pay a high price for the fulfillment of our dreams to be ourselves. Many trans women lose family, friends, jobs, and social standing as a result. Did you experience such losses? What was the hardest part of coming out for you?
Roxanne: The disruption of the lives of those I love. The results were all over the map in the intensity of that disruption. Some were at first confused then came to understand and embrace me. Some are still resistant and hurtful. Some do the best they can. But the pain of causing others’ pain is still very difficult for me. I think the pain of my taking my life would have been worse, so I accept this is the price I and they pay for me being me. My spouse is my biggest ally and advocate… because our love was so strong before, she followed me through it. My daughter was next in support. My two sons struggled tremendously. My mother (I am an only child) has been the most difficult. That is an essay in itself…
Monika: The transgender community is often described as thriving. As Laverne Cox says, “Trans is beautiful.” Teenage girls become models and dancers; talented women become writers, singers, and actresses; and those interested in politics, science, and business become successful politicians, academics, and businesswomen. What is your perspective on the current situation of transgender women in society? Are we just scratching the surface, or is real change happening?
Roxanne: Change is real and visible. You list a number of ways, so I will not re-list them… but so is the pushback and palpable hatred that has come to rise in so many ways.
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| The answer to the restroom war. |
Monika: While we see growing visibility and progress, violence and discrimination are still a painful reality. Transgender women are still being murdered on the streets, and debates around basic rights, like restroom access, continue to stir fear and controversy. How do you respond to this ongoing hostility?
Roxanne: I created this card to be left behind in public facilities. We had them out at events for everyone to use… The answers are in education.
However, finding objective people in non-threatening forums is becoming an issue. We cannot move forward without dialogue. Unless we come together to present what the issues really are, and they are not that trans people are a threat to any woman or child in a restroom, we will be faced with this kind of hate and repressive legislation for a long time.
Monika: The LGBTQ acronym has expanded over time, now often including additional letters to reflect a broader range of identities. Do you feel that transgender voices are truly being heard and represented within this growing coalition?
Roxanne: It is no longer penultimate in our sphere, as the acronym keeps growing like a law firm business name… LOL. Now the U.S. groups are pushing LGBTQIA. If it keeps going, eventually it will be the entire alphabet.
Monika: Beyond the acronym itself, do you think the specific issues facing transgender people, such as gender identity, healthcare, and representation, are being clearly understood within the broader LGBTQ movement?
Roxanne: Seriously though, the issues around gender are really part and parcel of the entire acronym. Sex and gender are confused with each other all the time. Roles, bodies, relationships, all are fraught with society’s anxiety over their place in our lives and our communities.
We have so much to do. Being kind to one another and accepting our differences is the bottom line. The problem is that many people see political advantage in demonizing the Other… in so many ways other than gender… but the universal nature of our gender makes everyone a participant and shareholder in the controversies.
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| Summer time on front porch of home. |
Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender people are portrayed in mainstream media, films, books, and news stories? Has the representation evolved in a meaningful way?
Roxanne: A mixed bag… and this is good. It shows we are a part of the entire fabric of human experience, the good, the bad, and the indifferent. The biggest issue for U.S. folks is the continued use of cisgender actors to portray transgender parts. Or the refusal to allow transgender actors to portray roles that have nothing to do with being transgender.
Monika: Have you been involved in political advocacy or grassroots campaigns? Do you believe transgender women can create meaningful change in the political landscape?
Roxanne: We just finished a campaign for a primary (an election within a particular party to choose a candidate for the general election in November) for a seat in the Virginia Legislature.
Danica Roem soundly defeated three other candidates and will be running against the most bigoted and anti-LGBT delegate in the state. She is an awesome person and very professional and educated on all the local political issues, taxes, transportation, jobs.
She will be great. But the attacks on her will be brutal. We will be campaigning for her.
Monika: That sounds like a powerful and personal commitment. What has your own experience with lobbying and political advocacy been like?
Roxanne: I have 16 years of lobbying experience at the local, county, state, and federal levels. It is empowering, frustrating, and critically important. Every trans person should be doing it. Our representatives need to know that we are their constituents, and we VOTE!
Monika: Do you think we’ll see the day, perhaps even in our lifetime, when a transgender woman could be elected President of the United States? Or at least become the First Lady? :)
Roxanne: My lifetime? LOL, no… I am on Social Security, dear. Although I see changes coming, that one is a bit like a needle in a haystack to see the ‘stars align’ for that to occur.
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| Grandmothering six of seven grandchildren in 2013. |
Monika: How would you describe your relationship with fashion? Has your personal style evolved over time?
Roxanne: I have a huge wardrobe. My problem is more pragmatic, finding workwear for an aging and overweight body that can’t fit into my lovely clothes… and no money or desire to spend on a new set in my size. I lost from a size 22 to a size 8 at the beginning of my transition, but it has crept back up on me. Clothes are more of a nightmare than a joy right now.
END OF PART 1
All photos: courtesy of Roxanne Edwards.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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