Rachel Love is a radio host, coach, intuitive instructor, author, and human rights activist from the United States. Through her books, radio appearances, and public engagements, she shares her experiences as a transgender woman and reflects on the challenges, lessons, and discoveries that have shaped her life. Her memoir, Things My Mother Should Have Told Me Before I Had My Manhood Removed (2013), explores her journey through transition and the realities she encountered along the way. She is also the author of The Day God Died (2013), a deeply personal account of her childhood, religious upbringing, and complicated relationship with her family and faith. Having faced rejection, discrimination, and painful misunderstandings from those around her, Rachel believes in the importance of honesty, understanding, and sharing personal experiences to help others navigate their own journeys. Her activism has led her into local politics, where she ran for mayor of a small city in Arkansas, and she continues to advocate for equality and greater visibility for transgender people. Beyond her work as an author and activist, Rachel enjoys shopping, travelling, fashion, and comedy, and has found love and companionship with a special woman in her life.
In our interview, Rachel talks openly about her transition at the age of forty-three, the difficulties she encountered without family support or transgender role models, the lessons she learned through writing, and her hopes for the future of transgender rights. She also shares thoughtful advice for transgender women struggling with gender dysphoria, emphasising the importance of self-understanding, professional guidance, and recognising that transition is only one part of a much larger journey towards becoming oneself. Rachel's story also highlights the importance of having access to truthful information about transition, rather than relying on reassuring words that may not reflect the realities of the experience. She speaks candidly about the need for transgender women to have a stronger voice within the wider LGBT community and to be represented in political discussions that affect their lives. Through her writing and advocacy, Rachel hopes to help others find the strength to understand themselves, overcome obstacles, and build lives shaped by their own values, dreams, and capacity for love.
Monika: Rachel, welcome! It is a pleasure and an honor to have you with us today.
Rachel: Hello Monika, thanks for this opportunity to be interviewed by you.
Monika: How would you introduce yourself to our readers in just a few words?
Rachel: Seems to me that you have said a whole bunch about me already. Perhaps I can add that I like to shop, travel, and take strolls along the beach with that special person. Lol
Monika: What inspired you to write your memoir, “Things My Mother Should Have Told Me Before I Had My Manhood Removed”?
Rachel: Friends have been after me for years to write about my life and the experiences that led up to where I am now. This book is a part of that path. Many times I started to write the story of my childhood and stopped before finishing. The past has a way of haunting me, and the memories and feelings resurface when I write. So I allowed the ghosts of my past to discourage me, and I stopped writing it many times over the years.
Monika: Did anyone ever offer to help you bring that story to paper?
Rachel: Over those same years, I have had people offer to help write it for me. But then they failed to do so. So just before I wrote this book, “Things My Mother Should Have Told Me,” I was working with another author to finally write my childhood story. Unfortunately or fortunately, the result was a partially finished book. But what that half-filled out story did do was to break the bonds of my fear about writing, and I was able to write this book about my experiences as a transwoman. I wanted to share with others the things I experienced as a woman that I was completely unaware of when I started down the rabbit hole of transition.
Monika: What did your own experiences reveal to you about the gap between the genders?
Rachel: My experiences allowed me to see the gap between the genders. The almost invisible fences that have been built are so hurtful for those trapped behind them. Fences that many people have had to struggle over to find their truth and happiness.
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Monika: Looking back on your journey, which parts of your experience could be most useful to other transwomen?
Rachel: I learned a lot about life along my journey. We all learn as we live our lives, and my life is no different than most. But I will be honest that I could have saved myself and others a great deal of pain if I had a clearer understanding of the consequences of my decision to change my gender. Many times I was confused and lost, and when some honest answers would have been helpful, I only got sugar-coated answers. Answers that proved to be false in most instances.
Monika: How has that shaped the way you share your story today?
Rachel: I wanted to share my experiences as openly and truthfully as I could in my books, on my shows, and at my speaking engagements. That way, someone taking this path could learn from my mistakes and my successes. I think we do a disservice when we tell someone a falsehood or a sugar-coated platitude when the person along this path needs the truth to survive and succeed in their life. This journey of change is serious and can be fatal. Making decisions on anything without the truth could cause harm, and this journey is even harder than many journeys people travel.
Monika: You are also the author of “The Day God Died: The Year was 1966 and the Times Declared God Was Dead.” What can you tell us about that book?
Rachel: This is the third book of my story about my spiritual past and church. This book was a reach back into my past, and this time I was able to face some of those ghosts. I allowed myself to travel back in time as a child of the sixties and narrate my experiences as I grew up in a broken but religious family.
Monika: You also write about your involvement in church. How did that shape your relationship with your family?
Rachel: I shared openly about my involvement in church and how that turned my family against me in the long run. I wrote what I did despite the cost of doing so, in hopes that the message would help others. But in writing this book and the others, I learned a lot about myself and was able to understand better the lessons along the way. So in essence, the writing of these books was therapy.
Monika: At what age did you transition, and who, if anyone, stood by you at that time?
Rachel: I was forty-three when the decision to correct my gender was made. Some influences came from therapists and doctors, as I was struggling with some stress issues at the time. I am sorry to say that I had no support from family and friends. The opposite, in fact. I was disowned, ridiculed, and hurt by them. I had death threats, job transfers, and lawsuits. In a very short time after sharing my decision, my life turned upside down! I was shocked and totally surprised at the reaction I received.
Monika: Were there any transgender role models you looked up to during your transition?
Rachel: No, I am sorry to say I did not know of anyone else like me. I searched the internet, of course, and learned a lot about the issues I was facing, and thankfully I found a few good therapists who helped me. But I never really knew personally of anyone else like me. My therapists were not schooled in trans issues, nor were some of the doctors I first saw. Over time, I was able to find doctors and therapists who were. One more note: I went to Equality Centers in the area where I lived, and I was even teased there for being trans. It did seem like the world was against me back then. Things sure have improved over the years, thankfully!
Monika: Coming out is rarely easy. What was the hardest part for you?
Rachel: My children’s reaction and the reaction from family members. Wearing women’s clothing and not really blending very well. And I will tell you, it takes a while to get proficient at makeup and style. I was a mess! Lol
Monika: How would you describe the present situation of transgender women in American society?
Rachel: I am thankful for some television shows and, of course, social media for the good role models and success stories of late. I believe things have improved greatly, and I am looking forward to a time when we are viewed as humans and not by our gender role. But sadly, I will admit there are still too many transgendered horror stories and deaths. We have a long way to travel yet.
Monika: Some people see transgenderism as the new frontier for human rights. Do you agree?
Rachel: In my case, it has allowed me to see the injustices we suffer due to gender. So yes, my being an activist for human rights is a direct consequence of my experiences as a transgendered woman. And yes, my life has caused many to examine their beliefs about roles in regard to gender. But is transgenderism itself the frontier of the battle for human rights? I would say it is a largely undiscovered area that could help with the understanding of equality between the genders. It’s certainly a battlefield situation that I hope one day soon will be a place of peace and harmony among all humans.
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Monika: How do you feel about the transgender stories and characters featured so far in films, newspapers, and books?
Rachel: I am very pleased by the ones I have seen of late. There are still too many jokes and stereotypes at our expense. But overall, I believe things are changing for the good.
Monika: The transgender cause is usually presented together with those of the other LGBT communities. As the last letter in the abbreviation, is the transgender community able to promote its own cause within the group?
Rachel: It has been hard in the past, at least for me. And I still feel that many of the equality centers and places I have visited have been resistant to my involvement. As recently as last year, there was controversy at the board level over my attending an equality function. And many times at LGBT conferences I have attended, we have been represented by lesbians and not by transgendered speakers. I have asked and spoken up about this issue and was told they didn’t know any transgendered speakers. So yes, we need representatives, and there is room for improvement in our involvement in the LGBT group.
Monika: Harvey Milk became a symbol of gay activism in the 60s and 70s. Is there anyone in the American transgender community whose actions could be compared to his?
Rachel: I am afraid I have no one that I could say is doing that. I know of a friend in Oklahoma City who just announced her intent to run for the State legislature. And there are many who are active in politics, but I don’t know of any that I could say could be compared to Harvey Milk.
Monika: Politics is another part of your life. Are you involved in any lobbying campaigns, and can transgender women truly make a difference in that field?
Rachel: I have been involved in local politics in the recent past. I ran for Mayor of a small city in Arkansas. It was a full-time commitment with my money, time, and emotions. It certainly caused some concern among the other local politicians and church groups. I am involved with social media and share politics on a regular basis. My political beliefs are not a secret to those who read my pages. I would like to run again for a political office, but my last experience is still pretty raw. Perhaps in a few more years.
Monika: What role does love play in your life?
Rachel: Love is the emotion and power that will change our world. It certainly changes lives. I am blessed at this time to be involved with a very special woman. Our love has changed me and empowered me in ways that are hard to describe.
Monika: You mention that love did not come easily. What did you have to work through first?
Rachel: Love did not come easy for me. I had to take my life and work on parts until I was in the position to love myself before I could love someone else. I started with my finances, my body, and my spiritual life, and then took the time to examine myself. What did I believe about myself? Could I forgive myself? Am I able to love who I am? Living in a place of looking out of my eyes to a body that felt foreign does take a little work to become a person who can truly love another. I am very thankful that I had the opportunity to accomplish this in my life and find love as I did.
Monika: Fashion seems to be a topic you enjoy. Do you have favorite designers, colors, or trends?
Rachel: I don’t keep up with all the latest fashions, at least as far as designers. I do love shopping, and my girlfriends ask my advice many times when it comes to what looks good on them.
Monika: Which seasons, colors, and styles suit you best?
Rachel: Spring, summer, and early fall are my favorite times of the year. I love sundresses and sandals. Coats, pants, and boots are the staple of winter and not my favorite. I love red, and as long as my hair is colored dark or blonde, I look good in red. I have played with short hairstyles, and honestly, I like the ease of having short hair. But I look softer and more feminine with longer hair. My age has limited me from being able to pull off the overly modern looks. So there is always a compromise between what I wish I could wear and what I should wear.
Monika: What are you focusing on right now, and where do you see yourself in the next five to seven years?
Rachel: I am helping with developing an LGBT high school here in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I am also working on another book and enjoying traveling with my partner. Recently I have been doing stand-up comedy, and so far I have had good reviews. Comedy is a good medium to help people relate to and understand each other. Plus, I am told it makes you look younger. Okay, I wish that were true. I use that younger wish anytime I can. Five to seven years from now, I hope to be at a place in my life where I can still be making a difference in the world. And my hope is that by then they will have the science perfected so that I could turn back the clock and look like I am in my thirties. I know, wishful thinking. But then again, it’s a lovely vision.
Monika: What would you recommend to transgender women who are struggling with gender dysphoria?
Rachel: First, find someone who knows what they are doing for counseling. Find certified, experienced people who will help you understand the issues. Learn all you can about the process and the results that can reasonably be expected. Most importantly, I believe you need to know who you are and what your core values are. Be at a place where you are strong enough to travel this road. It is not an easy path, and many have lost themselves along the way.
Monika: Is there anything else you would like them to understand about the journey itself?
Rachel: Finally, understand that surgery and hormones are only a part of this journey. Your life, your dreams, and your vision are what make you who you truly are. This journey can help you find your true self and your true voice, but only if you are careful along the way. There is a tendency to believe you can fix the issues with surgery, and the truth is that it takes time and there are no real shortcuts.
Monika: Rachel, thank you so much for this conversation!
All the photos: courtesy of Rachel Love.
© 2014 - Monika
Kowalska
