Antonia Stevens is one of those rare people who quietly embody courage, curiosity, and kindness all at once. Icelandic-born and now living in Canada, she moves through the world with a thoughtful balance of intellect and heart, equally at home writing open-source code as she is sailing, cycling through Toronto, or disappearing into nature with a canoe or a kayak. An IT security professional by trade and a lifelong nerd by her own joyful admission, Antonia represents a generation of transgender women whose stories are not defined by catastrophe or loss but by growth, resilience, and the steady accumulation of confidence, purpose, and joy. Her journey as a transgender woman began later in life, shaped by decades of self-reflection and tempered expectations, yet it unfolded with far more acceptance and support than she once believed possible. Antonia speaks with striking honesty about love, fear, and coming out, especially the emotional weight of telling the people we love that change is unavoidable.
At the same time, she brings a calm optimism to discussions of trans rights, representation, and politics, grounded in lived experience rather than idealism. She does not present herself as a heroine in a loud or dramatic sense, instead she leads by example, through advocacy, education, community involvement, and simply living her life with integrity. In this conversation, Antonia reflects on transition, activism, technology, fashion, and happiness with a clarity that feels both grounding and deeply human. Her words remind us that progress often looks like patience, that strength can be gentle, and that being true to oneself is not a single brave moment but a series of everyday choices. Above all, her story shows that becoming yourself is not the end of a journey, it is the beginning of a life lived more fully, more honestly, and with far more love than you ever expected.
Monika: It is a real pleasure and honor for me to welcome Antonia Stevens, an Icelandic-born transgender woman now living in Canada, to the Heroine series. Antonia, thank you for being here today.
Antonia: Hey, it’s a pleasure to meet you, and I’m truly honored to be part of the Heroine series. I’m really excited to share my story with you and your readers.
Monika: Before we dive deeper, I’d love for you to introduce yourself in your own words. Who is Antonia, both in everyday life and beyond the labels?
Antonia: I’m 35 years old and currently living in Toronto, Canada. I’m a huge nerd and always have been, but I also really enjoy nature and the outdoors. I love sailing, cycling, hiking, canoeing, and kayaking. On the flip side, I enjoy working on open-source software and hardware, so I guess it balances out nicely. I work in IT security, where my colleagues and I help companies defend against hackers by finding vulnerabilities before attackers can exploit them. It’s a field that constantly challenges me and keeps my curiosity very much alive.
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| Prototyping custom ergonomic keyboard. |
Monika: Looking at Canada today through both your personal experience and a broader social lens, how would you describe the current situation of transgender women in Canadian society?
Antonia: It’s much better than I thought it would be when I started my journey. I guess my expectations were shaped back in ’93, when I first heard the term transgender and began identifying myself as trans. I honestly expected to lose everything, my job, my family, and my friends, but so far I’ve lost nothing and gained so much. That contrast between fear and reality has been one of the most surprising parts of my transition.
Monika: How would you describe the everyday social experiences of transgender women in Canada?
Antonia: Most Canadians are quite polite and tend to have a “live and let be” attitude toward life, and I think that really helps. I’m generally treated with respect and smiles wherever I go, and if anything, people seem more polite to me now than before. Those small daily interactions make a big difference in feeling safe and welcome.
Monika: What about legal protections and healthcare access for transgender women, how is that in Canada today?
Antonia: As for the legal system, it’s fairly good, but there is still room for improvement. Currently, transgender discrimination laws have not been passed at the national level and exist only in a few provinces, although efforts are ongoing to change that. Progress can feel slow, but there is real momentum behind these conversations.
When it comes to GRS surgery, it is covered by the healthcare system, even if the waitlists can be long. HRT can be started through informed consent, and name and gender marker changes do not require surgeries or other unnecessary barriers in most places. Having access to these pathways sends a powerful message about dignity and autonomy.
Monika: Turning to your own story now, when did you begin your transition, and how did that experience unfold for you emotionally and practically?
Antonia: I started the process at 34, and it was honestly much easier than I thought it would be. The hardest moments were coming out to my partner and my family. Transitioning is not an easy process by any measure, but like with everything else in life, you keep working at it, learning, and improving, and things gradually get better. I was also lucky with my work environment and social acceptance, as my coworkers were incredibly supportive, and I was able to go full time even before starting hormones. That level of support made an enormous difference in how safe and confident I felt.
Monika: During that period, were there any transgender women whose stories, visibility, or courage helped you imagine this path as something truly possible?
Antonia: I had a few women I looked up to who inspired me and showed me that this life was possible. In no particular order, they were Sona Avedian, Melissa Carmen, and Hannah Warg. Their videos and blogs gave me the confidence I needed to finally come out. Seeing real people living openly helped turn an abstract dream into something tangible.
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| Fully functional ErgoDox ergonomic keyboard with gelatin keyboard layout. |
Monika: As your journey has evolved, are there transgender women today whose strength, visibility, or work you particularly admire and feel inspired by?
Antonia: There are many transgender women I look up to, but the first has to be the person who led me to discover transgender people in the first place, Anna Kristjansdottir. At the time, she was the only openly transgender woman in Iceland, and her strength gave all of us hope. Her visibility showed that even in a small country, courage can change lives.
Kristin Beck is another woman who is breaking down barriers, and I also have immense respect for Lana Wachowski. There are so many people in this community that I admire that I could probably write a list of a hundred names, but those are the ones that stand out most for me. Their courage reminds me how diverse and powerful our community truly is.
Monika: Coming out is often described as a series of moments rather than a single event. For you personally, what part of that process was the most difficult to navigate?
Antonia: Telling my partner that things needed to change and that it might break our relationship was by far the hardest part. Explaining to someone you love, and who loves you back, that you have to do something that may hurt them and could very well end your relationship is not something I would wish on anyone. That conversation stays with you long after the words are spoken.
Antonia: Telling my partner that things needed to change and that it might break our relationship was by far the hardest part. Explaining to someone you love, and who loves you back, that you have to do something that may hurt them and could very well end your relationship is not something I would wish on anyone. That conversation stays with you long after the words are spoken.
Monika: When you look at how transgender lives and characters have been portrayed in films, newspapers, and books, what stands out to you, both in terms of past shortcomings and recent progress?
Antonia: Historically, we’ve been quite poorly represented, but things are slowly getting better. I really like Orange Is the New Black, not just because of Laverne Cox, but because her character is strong and was a firefighter, which helps break down long-standing preconceptions and stereotypes. Many people in our community have amazing backgrounds and are brave, selfless, and deeply caring. I want people to see our community as I’ve come to know it, exceptionally talented individuals filled with kindness and love.
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| My dear friend Alicia and I have some fun at El Convento Rico. |
Monika: The transgender cause often exists within the wider LGBT movement, sometimes in harmony and sometimes in tension. From your perspective, is the transgender community able to effectively advocate for its own needs within that shared space?
Antonia: I think our voice is getting stronger because most major rights and social battles have already been fought and won for the LGB. The LGBT community has a lot of resources, and some of those resources are now being used to promote trans rights.
We are different from the LGB, but many of our agendas overlap, and from a logistical standpoint it makes sense to work together, even if we sometimes step on each other’s toes. That collaboration, while imperfect, has helped move trans issues into more visible and influential spaces.
Monika: When you look at trans activism in Canada and Iceland, do you see any figures whose work or impact reminds you of what Harvey Milk represented for gay activism in the United States?
Antonia: Not in exactly the same way Harvey Milk operated, but we do have our own heroes of activism. Here in Canada, Amanda Ryan and Sophia Cassivi have battled tirelessly to get transgender equality laws passed at a national level, and in Toronto we also have many politically active advocates, which is especially encouraging as more young non-binary people become involved. In Iceland, Anna Kristjansdottir has worked tirelessly for many years. Unfortunately, I don’t know of any openly trans politicians yet, but that could certainly change in the coming years.
Monika: Politics can take many forms, from formal institutions to everyday advocacy. How involved are you personally, and do you believe transgender women have the power to shape political change?
Antonia: I’m fairly active in local politics here in Toronto. I’m proud to be a member of the Toronto Trans Alliance, Xpressions, and Gender Mosaic in Ottawa, and through these organizations I participate in lobbying and advocacy efforts.
Personally, I think my time and energy are best spent educating people, so I try to represent the community as well as I can in order to build allies and supporters. I truly believe transgender women can make a huge difference and have a very positive impact on politics.
We have a unique perspective that spans the gender gap and extends into minority experiences, and we often understand the healthcare system far better than most. Unlike many people who never step outside their social circles, we meet trans people from all walks of life, listen to their stories, and gain a deeper understanding of how others live.
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| Plain me heading out to the monthly Queer Slow Dance here in Toronto. |
Monika: Fashion can be both practical and deeply personal. How does it show up in your everyday life, and what styles, colors, or details make you feel most like yourself?
Antonia: I really like fashion and dressing well. In my daily life, I cycle from home to downtown and back, which naturally limits what I can wear to work, especially in the winter. On a typical day, I’ll wear activewear, exercise leggings, an exercise top, and a Lululemon jacket or hoodie, as we are very casual at work.
For business meetings, I prefer something a bit more formal, like a nice woolen dress with a cardigan, a power dress, or a skirt paired with a blouse. For a night out with the girls, a nice dress always works, with the length depending on the venue.
As a practical girl, black always works and is low maintenance, while for something more special, white, red, blue, and other primary colors are my favorites. I also love asymmetry, so dresses with a single shoulder strap or bold patterns are especially appealing to me. Fashion gives me a quiet but meaningful way to express confidence and joy.
Monika: Transgender beauty pageants tend to spark strong opinions, admiration from some and criticism from others. How do you personally feel about them, especially in a culture so focused on youth and appearance?
Antonia: We live in a society that is deeply obsessed with youth and beauty, so if this is something people want to compete in, by all means, they should. I don’t really see a need for trans-specific pageants, as I think people should compete alongside everyone else if that’s what they want to do. Personally, I don’t think I would ever sign up for one of these pageants, but to each their own. What matters most to me is that people are free to choose what feels empowering to them.
Monika: Love often carries both beauty and vulnerability. What role does love play in your life, and how has your understanding of it evolved over time?
Antonia: Love is the most beautiful thing in the world, but it can also cause more sadness than anything else. I’ve only been in love once in my life, but I think love is one of those things that the harder people look for it, and the more they fall in love with the idea of being in love, the less likely they are to find it.
I hope to love again in my life, but for now I’ll just keep doing my own thing, because I believe that when you enjoy your life and have fun, you naturally increase the chances of meeting someone you truly connect with. Learning to be content on my own has been an important part of that realization.
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| Xpressions Christmas Gala with my friends Luna Maria (right) & Arden (left). |
Monika: Many transgender women choose to document their journeys through memoirs, both as personal reflection and as guidance for others. Is that something you have ever seriously considered for yourself?
Antonia: I’ve thought about it briefly, and my family has encouraged me, but I sometimes feel that so many people have already told their stories that mine might seem redundant. Perhaps one day I will write something, and if I do, my friends and I have already come up with a title: “The Journey from Mars to Venus”. I suppose it would be less about novelty and more about honesty.
Monika: You strike me as someone who is always building, learning, or experimenting. What projects are currently keeping your mind and hands busy?
Antonia: Tons of things, as usual, but nothing trans-specific at the moment. I keep working on my open-source designs for ergonomic keyboards and the software that supports them.
I also designed a new keyboard layout that allows me to type in any language with a Latin-based character set, because I got fed up with constantly switching layouts when writing in multiple languages.
Beyond that, it’s mostly open-source software, the kind of work that quietly gets incorporated into everyday tools people use without ever noticing. I dabble in a bit of everything, but most of my current projects can be found on my GitHub account.
One day I’ll get back to my boat, but for now the most important project is myself, being happy and truly enjoying life. Learning when to slow down has become just as important as creating something new.
One day I’ll get back to my boat, but for now the most important project is myself, being happy and truly enjoying life. Learning when to slow down has become just as important as creating something new.
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| What happens when you get the idea to build a sailboat and sail around the world, you build one and the tools to make it. |
Monika: Many transgender girls struggle quietly with gender dysphoria and uncertainty about their future. From your own experience, what would you most want them to hear right now?
Antonia: I think the most important thing is to accept yourself. Once you have explored your real feelings and emotions and moved past the masks and lies we often tell ourselves, you can begin to ask what you truly want.
Once you know what you want, you can decide how to get there or whether the cost feels too high. There is no silver bullet, we are all different, and gender is not black and white, from my perspective it is mostly grey.
For some of us the path is transitioning, for others it is GRS, while some choose to live in their assigned gender, and others identify as non-binary or experience a fluctuating gender.
Find your own path to happiness. Being gentle with yourself along the way can make all the difference.
For some of us the path is transitioning, for others it is GRS, while some choose to live in their assigned gender, and others identify as non-binary or experience a fluctuating gender.
Find your own path to happiness. Being gentle with yourself along the way can make all the difference.
Monika: Antonia, thank you so much for sharing your story, your insights, and your time with us.
Antonia: Thank you for having me, it truly means a lot to be part of this conversation.
All the photos: courtesy of Antonia Stevens.
© 2015 - Monika Kowalska
