Interview with Vennessa St John

Vennessa St John is an inspiring American vlogger, actress, model, and author of Third Sex Life (2014). Vennessa is more than just a public figure; she is a storyteller, a trailblazer, and a voice for the nuanced realities of transgender life. In her writing, she doesn’t just recount personal experiences, she shares thoughtful observations about identity, acceptance, and the complexities of being true to oneself in a world that often misunderstands or simplifies transgender lives. Known for her candid vlogs and her unique, self-designed fashion style, Vennessa embraces authenticity in every aspect of her life. She challenges stereotypes, celebrates individuality, and offers insight into the struggles and triumphs of living as a transgender woman without compromise.

 

In Third Sex Life, she highlights the importance of being seen and respected as a person beyond labels, encouraging others to pursue their own paths with courage and self-respect. Beyond her artistry and advocacy, Vennessa embodies resilience, humor, and wisdom. Whether discussing social issues, fashion, or the pursuit of love and happiness, she reminds us that living authentically is a radical and profoundly human act. Her journey offers both guidance and inspiration, not only to transgender women but to anyone striving to live openly and unapologetically as themselves.

 

Monika: Today, I’m thrilled to have the chance to speak with Vennessa St John, an American vlogger, actress, model, and the author of Third Sex Life (2014). Welcome, Vennessa!

Vennessa: Hi Monika! I’m so happy to be here and to have this conversation with you.

Monika: To start off, could you share a little about who you are and what drives you, in your own words?

Vennessa: Every time I’m asked that, I never really know where to start! But I’d say I’m someone who values authenticity above all else. I try to live my life honestly and creatively, whether that’s through my writing, my vlogs, or just everyday moments. It’s not always easy, but it’s what feels right to me. I also love connecting with people and sharing experiences that might help them see things from a different perspective.

Monika: Your book, Third Sex Life, has been described as autobiographical, yet you’ve suggested it’s more than that. What inspired you to write it, and what did you hope readers would take away?

Vennessa: It’s true, it’s not strictly an autobiography. I didn’t want to document every detail of my life; instead, I focused on personal observations and experiences growing up, living, and working as myself. I’d describe it more as a study or a thesis, even though much of it is autobiographical. I wrote it because there’s been so much media attention on transgender rights, and I felt that many discussions are overly narrow or simplified in ways that can be harmful. I wanted to highlight experiences of people like myself, who don’t fit neatly into conventional definitions of transgender identity. Hopefully, the book opens readers’ eyes to the diversity within the community and encourages more thoughtful conversations.

Third Sex Life (2014).

Monika: Which sections do you think might resonate most with other transgender women, or perhaps even challenge some common assumptions?

Vennessa: I hope the parts about striving for acceptance rather than mere tolerance will resonate most. I also focus on separating a person’s identity from their gender, sexual orientation, or sexual identity. These are conversations that are often overlooked, yet so crucial for understanding one another. I also wanted to highlight practical ways people navigate social and professional spaces as themselves. Hopefully, these insights give readers courage and perspective in their own lives. I think it’s also a reminder that individuality is worth celebrating.

Monika: You’ve built quite a following as a vlogger as well. How has that side of your work evolved over time?

Vennessa: I don’t vlog as much as I used to, but I still speak out when I see something misleading or upsetting, it often turns into a bit of a rant! I enjoy connecting with people online and sharing my perspective. It’s a way to keep conversations going and sometimes spark change. Even small dialogues can grow into broader awareness. I’ve found that honesty and humor make the messages land better. It’s been rewarding to see people respond thoughtfully to my content.

Monika: Pantyhose seems to be one of your favorite pieces of clothing, can you tell me why?

Vennessa: I absolutely love pantyhose! I wear them all the time because they’re comfortable and versatile. Beyond comfort, they give me a certain confidence and elegance in how I carry myself. Fashion is a form of self-expression, and for me, pantyhose are a small but important part of that. I also enjoy experimenting with textures and colors, it’s fun to mix style with personality. It’s little details like these that make dressing feel creative and personal.

Monika: Do you enjoy fashion? How would you describe your usual outfits, and are there any particular styles, colors, or designs that define your personal aesthetic?

Vennessa: I don’t really follow trends; I prefer to cultivate my own style and choose clothes that feel true to who I am. I also design and make a lot of my own pieces, which gives me a sense of creative freedom. Fashion for me is a form of self-expression, and it’s important that my wardrobe reflects my personality and mood. I explore different textures and combinations, mixing vintage with modern touches. It’s both a hobby and a way to feel confident in myself every day. Clothes can tell a story, and I like mine to speak of authenticity and creativity.

Monika: Thinking about the broader picture, how would you describe the current situation for transgender women in the United States?

Vennessa: It’s troubling that transgender people are not fully protected under comprehensive federal civil rights laws like other groups. Ideally, there shouldn’t need to be special laws for us; a single law prohibiting discrimination against anyone based on race, religion, social status, sexual identity, sexual orientation, or gender should be enough. Everyone should have the freedom to work, live, or serve in the military if they meet the requirements, without facing bias or exclusion. I also address practical issues, like restroom access, in my book and discuss thoughtful solutions. Society is slowly becoming more aware, but there’s still a long way to go. Education and visibility are crucial for real change.

Monika: Media representation of transgender people has been mixed. How do you feel about how films, TV, and books have portrayed trans stories so far?

Vennessa: From what I’ve seen, most portrayals have been far from positive. There have been attempts to depict transgender people authentically, like in Ugly Betty or the short-lived Dirty Sexy Money, but often these portrayals are more offensive than enlightening. That’s one reason I created lead transgender characters in my book Vennomous; I wanted to show fully realized, human characters rather than stereotypes. Media has a powerful influence on public perception, so it’s crucial to present nuanced and respectful representations. Stories can inspire empathy or perpetuate misconceptions, it all depends on how they’re told. I hope my work helps fill that gap and sparks more honest conversations.

Courtesy of Vennessa St John.

Monika: At what age did you begin your journey as a woman? Was the process challenging, or did it feel natural to you?

Vennessa: I cover this in detail in my book. Honestly, I never really transitioned in the conventional sense; I just grew up being myself. It felt natural, though I did face the usual societal misunderstandings and questions. Living authentically wasn’t always simple, but it was the only path that made sense to me. I’ve learned that patience and self-acceptance are key in navigating life as a transgender woman. Growing into myself has been a mix of challenges, joy, and discovery.

Monika: Did you have any transgender role models or mentors who guided you along the way?

Vennessa: Not really, no. I had to figure out a lot of things on my own, which was both challenging and empowering. I learned by observing others, reading, and reflecting on my own experiences. That independence helped shape my unique perspective and voice. It also made me appreciate the courage it takes for anyone to live authentically. I hope that my story can serve as guidance for others who may not have role models either.

Monika: Are there any transgender women you particularly admire or respect, either for their courage or their contributions?

Vennessa: I admire anyone who has the courage to be themselves and follow their own path, regardless of criticism or societal expectations. My friend Tempest comes to mind, as she embodies that spirit fully. It takes strength and persistence to live openly in the face of challenges. I also admire people who create spaces for others to feel accepted and seen. Role models can inspire action, but even ordinary acts of bravery are worth celebrating. Their courage reminds me to keep pushing for authenticity in my own life.

Monika: Looking back, what was the hardest part about coming out and living openly as yourself?

Vennessa: The hardest part was simply being seen as a person rather than a novelty or a freak. It took time for friends, family, and colleagues to accept me fully, and some never did. I had to learn to set boundaries and focus on those who valued me for who I am. Acceptance starts within, and protecting your own sense of self is essential. Overcoming internal and external judgment is an ongoing process. Still, each small victory in being recognized as fully human feels incredibly rewarding.

Monika: The transgender cause is often discussed alongside other issues within the LGBT community. Being the “T” in LGBT, do you feel transgender voices are able to promote their unique concerns effectively, or is there tension within the group?

Vennessa: It’s possible to promote our cause within the larger LGBT community, but there is definitely discrimination and misunderstanding even within that group. Sometimes our specific issues are overshadowed or minimized. Still, collaboration is important, and I’ve seen many people work hard to create inclusive spaces. Visibility matters, and even small efforts can spark change. It’s a reminder that advocacy often has to happen on multiple levels. Awareness and patience are key to building solidarity while respecting individual experiences.

Monika: In the US transgender community, is there anyone whose activism comes close to what Harvey Milk did for gay rights in the 60s and 70s?

Vennessa: I don’t think there’s a single person covering every aspect of transgender activism, but there are many individuals doing remarkable work in their own spheres. Some focus on legal protections, others on community support, and still others on media representation. Together, their efforts create momentum for change, even if no one figure is the “face” of the movement. I find it inspiring to see so many people committed to progress, each in their own way. It reminds us that activism doesn’t always need a single hero; collective effort can be just as powerful. Persistence and creativity often make the biggest difference over time.

Monika: Do you personally engage in politics or lobbying? And do you think transgender women can influence political change?

Vennessa: I try to avoid politics personally. I’ve seen too much from the inside to want to exhaust myself arguing facts against opinionated delusions fueled by biased media, propaganda, or wishful thinking. People often want immediate results without understanding the work or complexity behind the issues. Politics and government are very different, and many seem to blur the lines. That said, I do believe transgender women can make a difference by participating in local initiatives, supporting policy changes, and raising awareness. Even small, consistent actions can ripple outward and create meaningful impact. Persistence and clarity of purpose are crucial.

Courtesy of Vennessa St John.

Monika: Could you share your thoughts on the role of love in your life?

Vennessa: I think love is incredibly important. It’s what motivates us to connect, create, and grow as human beings. Love comes in many forms, romantic, familial, friendships, or even self-love, and each plays a vital role in building resilience and happiness. Experiencing love fully allows us to understand empathy and compassion more deeply. It also reminds us why authenticity matters: being loved for who we truly are is one of life’s greatest affirmations. Love is both grounding and empowering in all its forms.

Monika: Looking ahead, what are your next steps, and where do you see yourself in the next five to seven years?

Vennessa: I hope to continue writing and making a living from it, though realistically, I might end up working in a music store or pursuing other creative outlets. My main goal is to keep expressing myself and connecting with people through storytelling. I also want to experiment more with different writing styles and maybe even explore visual media. Growth and exploration are important to me, and I hope to keep learning along the way. Ultimately, I want to remain engaged, curious, and authentic in everything I do.

Monika: For transgender girls struggling with gender dysphoria, what advice would you offer?

Vennessa: Personally, I’ve never struggled with gender dysphoria, so I don’t consider myself qualified to tell anyone how to navigate their own gender or sexual identity. I can only speak from my own experience, but I would encourage anyone facing challenges to seek therapy, counseling, or a support network. Don’t suffer in silence because others have trouble accepting you, that’s their problem, not yours. Find what helps you feel whole and safe, and do what’s right for your own well-being. Even small steps toward self-acceptance can make a huge difference over time. Surrounding yourself with supportive people is key, and remember, you deserve to live authentically and happily.

Monika: Vennessa, thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences with us!

All the photos: courtesy of Venessa St John.

© 2015 - Monika Kowalska

  

Other related sources:

You may also like