Ashley Ackley is a transgender activist from the United States whose life experience sits at the intersection of military service, transition, and quiet resilience. An Iraq War veteran and former member of the U.S. Army, Ashley first drew national attention when she sought to be re-enlisted after beginning her transition, a request that exposed the rigid limitations of military policy toward transgender people at the time. Now 26, working in the tech industry and proudly identifying as a self-described geek, Ashley reflects on transition not as a single defining moment but as a long, ongoing process marked by self-questioning, adaptation, and growth. Her perspective on transgender visibility, representation, politics, love, and everyday life is refreshingly candid, often skeptical of easy narratives and heroic myths, and grounded instead in lived reality. In this interview, Ashley speaks openly about coming out without role models, navigating transition within the army, the slow pace of social acceptance, and the deeply affirming power of love, offering a voice that is thoughtful, unsentimental, and unmistakably her own.
At the same time, Ashley approaches activism and identity with a notable distance from spectacle and slogans, emphasizing personal honesty over public performance. She draws clear distinctions between transgender struggles and those of the broader LGB community, questions whether trans voices are truly taken seriously in politics, and remains cautious about over-romanticizing transition stories, including her own. Her reflections on fashion, self-presentation, and passing reveal an ongoing negotiation between comfort and expectation, while her advice to younger transgender women is strikingly pragmatic, urging patience, realism, and an understanding of transition as a lifelong verb rather than a fixed destination. Combined, these insights make Ashley’s story not one of dramatic triumph or defeat, but of measured self-awareness, growth through time, and the determination to live authentically on her own terms.
Monika: Today, it is both a pleasure and an honor for me to speak with Ashley Ackley, a transgender activist from the United States and an Iraq War veteran. Ashley, thank you for being here and welcome.
Ashley: Hello Monika! Thank you for having me, I am glad to be here. I appreciate the opportunity to share my perspective.
Monika: To begin on a more personal note, could you introduce yourself to our readers and share a bit about who you are today?
Ashley: Howdy! I am 26 years old, and I have been transitioning for a little over three years now. I work in the tech industry and consider myself a fairly typical geek at heart. My life these days is mostly quiet and routine, which I have learned to value a great deal. That sense of normalcy did not always feel possible, and I do not take it for granted.
Monika: Your personal journey entered the public spotlight in 2012, when you requested to be re-enlisted in the army after beginning your transition, and the request was denied. Looking back, how do you understand that moment now?
Ashley: That is true. The mindset of the army leaves little room for people who have specific medical or personal needs. I have known individuals who were rejected simply for having taken A.D.D. medication in the past. Even the basic logistics of social protections are so complicated that gay and lesbian service members are still only barely tolerated. In that context, my situation was not unusual, even if it was highly visible. It revealed more about institutional limitations than about my own capabilities.
Ashley: Howdy! I am 26 years old, and I have been transitioning for a little over three years now. I work in the tech industry and consider myself a fairly typical geek at heart. My life these days is mostly quiet and routine, which I have learned to value a great deal. That sense of normalcy did not always feel possible, and I do not take it for granted.
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| 1 year into transition. Still experimenting with clothes. The shirt says it all. |
Ashley: That is true. The mindset of the army leaves little room for people who have specific medical or personal needs. I have known individuals who were rejected simply for having taken A.D.D. medication in the past. Even the basic logistics of social protections are so complicated that gay and lesbian service members are still only barely tolerated. In that context, my situation was not unusual, even if it was highly visible. It revealed more about institutional limitations than about my own capabilities.
Monika: Looking back now, would you say this struggle ended in a kind of victory for you, or did it resolve in a different way altogether?
Ashley: In terms of my original goal, no, and I am actually thankful for that. I understand that accepting someone in the middle of transition would not have been in the greater interest of the institution. At the time, it felt like a loss, but distance has given me perspective. Sometimes not getting what you want turns out to be the healthiest outcome.
Monika: Transitioning within a military structure is anything but ordinary. How did you experience the way you were treated during that period?
Ashley: Overall, I was treated well. I was already disliked within my unit, and that dynamic did not really change. I even managed to have my name legally changed, and the paperwork was processed without question. In many ways, that administrative neutrality was a relief. It also helped that my enlistment was only six months away from ending.
Monika: During those early stages of your transition, did you have any transgender figures or role models you could look to for guidance or reassurance?
Ashley: None at all. I knew virtually nothing about the transgender community or the people within it. Everything I did was based on instinct rather than example. In hindsight, that isolation shaped my outlook more than I realized at the time.
Monika: Coming out is often described as a single moment, yet it is usually much more complex. What was the most difficult part of that process for you?
Ashley: Taking the first step was by far the hardest. I had known for years that I wanted to be a girl, but actually acting on that knowledge was a completely different challenge. I tend to be fairly straightforward, so telling my family and friends was not especially difficult. The hardest part was figuring out what to do next once the truth was spoken. That uncertainty lingered far longer than the fear of coming out itself.
Monika: When you look at the broader picture today, how do you assess the current situation of transgender women within American society?
Ashley: The struggle is not so different from that of many other minority groups. There is a constant effort just to be taken seriously in everyday life. I believe that recognition is the foundation for everything else. Without it, progress in other areas becomes extremely difficult.
Monika: Visibility has increased in media over the years. How do you feel about the way transgender stories and characters have been portrayed in films, newspapers, and books so far?
Ashley: I often compare it to lesbian and gay representation in the 1980s. Most people are aware that transgender people exist, but it is still treated as something uncomfortable or inappropriate to discuss openly. What we need is our own version of Will and Grace to bring these conversations into the mainstream. Only then can we begin to address the harder questions honestly.
Monika: On a more personal level, have you recently come across any book, film, or public event related to transgender topics that truly captured your attention?
Ashley: No, not really. I try not to involve myself too deeply beyond my personal life anymore. Activism and constant engagement take a tremendous amount of energy. I am grateful that others are able to carry that work forward, even if I no longer can.
Ashley: In terms of my original goal, no, and I am actually thankful for that. I understand that accepting someone in the middle of transition would not have been in the greater interest of the institution. At the time, it felt like a loss, but distance has given me perspective. Sometimes not getting what you want turns out to be the healthiest outcome.
Monika: Transitioning within a military structure is anything but ordinary. How did you experience the way you were treated during that period?
Ashley: Overall, I was treated well. I was already disliked within my unit, and that dynamic did not really change. I even managed to have my name legally changed, and the paperwork was processed without question. In many ways, that administrative neutrality was a relief. It also helped that my enlistment was only six months away from ending.
Monika: During those early stages of your transition, did you have any transgender figures or role models you could look to for guidance or reassurance?
Ashley: None at all. I knew virtually nothing about the transgender community or the people within it. Everything I did was based on instinct rather than example. In hindsight, that isolation shaped my outlook more than I realized at the time.
Monika: Coming out is often described as a single moment, yet it is usually much more complex. What was the most difficult part of that process for you?
Ashley: Taking the first step was by far the hardest. I had known for years that I wanted to be a girl, but actually acting on that knowledge was a completely different challenge. I tend to be fairly straightforward, so telling my family and friends was not especially difficult. The hardest part was figuring out what to do next once the truth was spoken. That uncertainty lingered far longer than the fear of coming out itself.
Monika: When you look at the broader picture today, how do you assess the current situation of transgender women within American society?
Ashley: The struggle is not so different from that of many other minority groups. There is a constant effort just to be taken seriously in everyday life. I believe that recognition is the foundation for everything else. Without it, progress in other areas becomes extremely difficult.
Monika: Visibility has increased in media over the years. How do you feel about the way transgender stories and characters have been portrayed in films, newspapers, and books so far?
Ashley: I often compare it to lesbian and gay representation in the 1980s. Most people are aware that transgender people exist, but it is still treated as something uncomfortable or inappropriate to discuss openly. What we need is our own version of Will and Grace to bring these conversations into the mainstream. Only then can we begin to address the harder questions honestly.
Monika: On a more personal level, have you recently come across any book, film, or public event related to transgender topics that truly captured your attention?
Ashley: No, not really. I try not to involve myself too deeply beyond my personal life anymore. Activism and constant engagement take a tremendous amount of energy. I am grateful that others are able to carry that work forward, even if I no longer can.
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| There will never be a part of me that loves punk and rock. |
Monika: Transgender issues are often discussed under the broader LGBT umbrella. From your perspective, does being the final letter in that acronym make it harder for the transgender community to advocate for its own specific needs?
Ashley: While we do share certain experiences, they tend to be very broad and limited in scope. Most transgender struggles are specific to the T and often do not fully overlap with LGB concerns. That difference can lead to misunderstanding, even within shared spaces. It sometimes feels as though our issues are addressed last, if at all.
Monika: In the history of gay rights, figures like Harvey Milk played a defining role. Do you see anyone in contemporary U.S. transgender advocacy whose impact could be compared to his?
Ashley: I honestly have no idea. I do not follow the movement closely enough to make that kind of comparison. My distance from activism makes it hard to track individual leaders. That may say as much about my own disengagement as it does about the movement itself.
Monika: Where do you personally stand when it comes to politics, activism, or lobbying, and do you believe transgender women can meaningfully influence political life?
Ashley: I do not actively engage in politics. I know transgender people can make a difference as a symbolic checkbox for campaign hopefuls, but beyond vote-grabbing, we are not taken seriously yet. Representation often feels superficial rather than substantive. Real influence still seems frustratingly out of reach.
Monika: Let us shift to something more everyday and personal. What is your relationship with fashion, and how do you usually express yourself through clothing?
Ashley: I am probably the world’s worst trans woman when it comes to fashion. I am a geek, so I mostly wear typical geek clothing. As I am answering this, I am wearing a cowgirl hat, a Lion King T-shirt, sweatpants, and a pair of heeled shoes. I would describe my wardrobe as leaning toward the butch side. I never felt pretty in a sundress, and I think that has a lot to do with my doubts about passing. Because of that, I tend to androgynize myself as a form of self-protection.
Monika: Finally, I would like to ask about something deeply human. What role does love play in your life today?
Ashley: If you had asked me three years ago, I would have told you that love meant nothing to me. I have been dating the love of my life for two and a half years now, and I cannot imagine anything more gender-affirming or beneficial to my mental health than his love. That relationship changed how I see myself and my future. It grounded me in ways I did not know I needed.
Ashley: While we do share certain experiences, they tend to be very broad and limited in scope. Most transgender struggles are specific to the T and often do not fully overlap with LGB concerns. That difference can lead to misunderstanding, even within shared spaces. It sometimes feels as though our issues are addressed last, if at all.
Monika: In the history of gay rights, figures like Harvey Milk played a defining role. Do you see anyone in contemporary U.S. transgender advocacy whose impact could be compared to his?
Ashley: I honestly have no idea. I do not follow the movement closely enough to make that kind of comparison. My distance from activism makes it hard to track individual leaders. That may say as much about my own disengagement as it does about the movement itself.
Monika: Where do you personally stand when it comes to politics, activism, or lobbying, and do you believe transgender women can meaningfully influence political life?
Ashley: I do not actively engage in politics. I know transgender people can make a difference as a symbolic checkbox for campaign hopefuls, but beyond vote-grabbing, we are not taken seriously yet. Representation often feels superficial rather than substantive. Real influence still seems frustratingly out of reach.
Monika: Let us shift to something more everyday and personal. What is your relationship with fashion, and how do you usually express yourself through clothing?
Ashley: I am probably the world’s worst trans woman when it comes to fashion. I am a geek, so I mostly wear typical geek clothing. As I am answering this, I am wearing a cowgirl hat, a Lion King T-shirt, sweatpants, and a pair of heeled shoes. I would describe my wardrobe as leaning toward the butch side. I never felt pretty in a sundress, and I think that has a lot to do with my doubts about passing. Because of that, I tend to androgynize myself as a form of self-protection.
Monika: Finally, I would like to ask about something deeply human. What role does love play in your life today?
Ashley: If you had asked me three years ago, I would have told you that love meant nothing to me. I have been dating the love of my life for two and a half years now, and I cannot imagine anything more gender-affirming or beneficial to my mental health than his love. That relationship changed how I see myself and my future. It grounded me in ways I did not know I needed.
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| Again, early on in transition experimenting with clothing and swimwear. My legs were so thin back then! |
Monika: Many transgender women choose to tell their stories through memoirs. Is writing your own life story something you have ever seriously considered?
Ashley: I think my book would probably upset far too many people. I also believe that my story is incredibly common and not particularly unique. There is nothing especially dramatic or heroic about it. That ordinariness is meaningful to me, even if it does not translate well into a book.
Monika: What does your life look like right now in terms of projects or personal interests? Are you working on anything new?
Ashley: Not really, at least not in the way most people would expect. I am currently turning a Nintendo console into a retro gaming machine, which is probably not what you had in mind. Small projects like that help me relax and stay grounded. Sometimes simplicity is exactly what I need.
Monika: Finally, drawing from your own experience, what advice would you offer to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria?
Ashley: This is where I sometimes feel a bit alienated from the broader community, but I will be completely honest. Look in the mirror and be realistic with yourself. Find people who have transitioned and share your body type and nationality, and ask yourself how they turned out. Take a serious look at your situation and consider what you truly have to lose. Think long and hard, because there is a real chance that you could lose everything. If you decide to take that leap, move slowly. Transition is a verb, it is action over time, not a noun. You will be surprised by how much you change every six months. Three years is a good number to keep in mind. I am still changing and growing, both physically and mentally. It is a lifelong process.
Monika: Ashley, thank you so much for your openness and honesty. It was truly a pleasure speaking with you.
Ashley: I think my book would probably upset far too many people. I also believe that my story is incredibly common and not particularly unique. There is nothing especially dramatic or heroic about it. That ordinariness is meaningful to me, even if it does not translate well into a book.
Monika: What does your life look like right now in terms of projects or personal interests? Are you working on anything new?
Ashley: Not really, at least not in the way most people would expect. I am currently turning a Nintendo console into a retro gaming machine, which is probably not what you had in mind. Small projects like that help me relax and stay grounded. Sometimes simplicity is exactly what I need.
Monika: Finally, drawing from your own experience, what advice would you offer to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria?
Ashley: This is where I sometimes feel a bit alienated from the broader community, but I will be completely honest. Look in the mirror and be realistic with yourself. Find people who have transitioned and share your body type and nationality, and ask yourself how they turned out. Take a serious look at your situation and consider what you truly have to lose. Think long and hard, because there is a real chance that you could lose everything. If you decide to take that leap, move slowly. Transition is a verb, it is action over time, not a noun. You will be surprised by how much you change every six months. Three years is a good number to keep in mind. I am still changing and growing, both physically and mentally. It is a lifelong process.
Monika: Ashley, thank you so much for your openness and honesty. It was truly a pleasure speaking with you.
All the photos: courtesy of Ashley Ackley.
© 2015 - Monika Kowalska
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