Monika: Thank you, Dr. Farah Rustom, for joining me today. Your life is an incredible testament to resilience, artistry, and the power of self-expression. From your pioneering work in Western classical music to your remarkable journey as a transgender woman, you’ve touched many lives and made a lasting impact. I admire you greatly, not only for your professional achievements but also for your courage and trailblazing path in the transgender community. As a fellow transgender woman, I deeply respect how you’ve paved the way for others like me, and I’m honored to be able to speak with you today. You are also the author of Becoming Farah: A Life in Bombay, 1943 to 1986, a biographical book published in 2023, where you share deeply personal reflections on your journey, your childhood in Bombay, and your transition. It’s a moving and powerful portrayal of your life and experiences. Thank you so much for accepting my invitation!
Monika: You were a pioneer in conducting European classical courses in India. Can you describe the early challenges you faced in introducing this genre to the Indian audience? What were some of the most rewarding aspects of that work?
Farah: Thank you for asking. Bombay already had regular classical music concerts that the city’s elite attended. At the time, they also enjoyed long-playing records. They were eager to learn more about classical music - what a Sonata, a Concerto, a Fugue is, and about the composers themselves. I offered all that and more, including explanations of different classical music styles like Baroque, Rococo, Classical, and Romantic. So, I tapped into a market that was already there, just waiting for someone to come along and fill that need.
Monika: You had an impressive stint as a film critic under the legendary Behram Contractor, which earned you a dedicated following, as well as your work as a music appreciation teacher at the Indo-American Council. Many of your students have benefited from your insightful analyses of classical composers like Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven. How did these two roles - critic and teacher - intersect for you?
Farah: Dearest Monika, you're a magician! You know so much about me, I’m flattered! My pioneering transgender surgery created waves and brought me into the spotlight with "shock and awe." It opened many doors for me. I was already a film buff and a guest lecturer on Classical Music at the Film and Television Institute of India.
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| "I wrote straight from the heart, and my reviews were emotional." |
Monika: Then let me ask you a question you’ve probably been asked a million times - do you have any favorite movies or actors?
Farah: Haha, of course! :) The BBC production of Pride and Prejudice is at the top of my list, especially with Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. I also love Jeremy Irons in the BBC series Brideshead Revisited. And then there’s Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, and the singer-comedienne Barbra Streisand.
Monika: What role do you think Western classical music can play in today's rapidly changing cultural landscape, especially for younger generations who may be more drawn to contemporary music?
Farah: People have always been drawn to contemporary trends, but classical music is timeless. There have always been classical music lovers, and there always will be. The concert halls and opera houses around the world are still full. And with YouTube, classical music is even more accessible, bringing the greatest performers and orchestras into the comfort of our living rooms.
Monika: Your gender reassignment surgery in 1976 was groundbreaking, and it came at a time when societal attitudes were very different. How did you feel about the public attention your transition generated, especially considering the societal climate at the time?
Farah: Of course, the news created “shock and awe.” Many Indians hadn’t even heard of transgender surgery. People wondered, "How could such a thing happen?" But Bombay had an elite, aristocratic society that graciously accepted me as Farah right away. It also helped that I dressed conventionally in saris, rather than wearing six-inch heels and draping a boa around my neck!
Monika: I've always loved saris. I remember buying two in London once - I think I still have them in my wardrobe, though I only wear them once a year. At first, I thought there was just one way to wear a sari - the ‘Nivi’ drape. I had no idea there were hundreds of different ways to drape a sari, with most styles being regionally specific. Just like food and language in India, the drapes are influenced by context, geography, and function. Do you have a favorite drape?
Farah: Yes, I wear my saris in the Gujarati style.
Monika: Do you wear it with a blouse and petticoat? The shop assistant convinced me that a sari always requires both a blouse and a petticoat. She was a lovely lady, but I wasn’t sure both pieces were really necessary.
Farah: Oh, they’re definitely necessary! The sari is meant to be modest and graceful, not "sexy." Remember, you can either be feminine or you can be sexy, but you can't be both! One inspires lust, the other inspires love.
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| "I’d rather die trying to become a woman than continue living in a body I hated." |
Farah: Quite simply, I was the first transgender surgery performed in India, thanks to Dr. Keswani, who learned the procedure in the US.
Monika: How did you find Dr. Keswani, and how did you convince him to perform this pioneering surgery?
Farah: One of my students in my Music Appreciation class told me about him. I didn’t have to convince him - he was EAGER to perform the surgery himself. Knowing I didn’t have much money, he didn’t charge me for his services. I only had to cover the cost of the operation theatre, the anesthesiologist, and my hospital stay.
Monika: I must admit, I would be afraid to be the first woman to undergo such a surgery, especially with a doctor who had never performed one before. Weren’t you afraid?
Farah: Not at all! I’d rather die trying to become a woman than continue living in a body I hated.
Monika: Did he continue performing such surgeries on other women following your operation?
Farah: Yes, he did. He was flooded with requests.
Monika: Your book delves into your relationship with your family, especially your mother, which can be described as toxic, I guess. How did those familial dynamics affect you during your childhood and your transition? Did you ever find a way to reconcile with those early experiences?
Farah: My mother remained hostile until the end. But I wanted to live my life on my own terms. My transition, however, gave her even more of an excuse to malign me.
Monika: How did she express her disapproval?
Farah: She threatened to have me declared insane and locked away for life. Dr. Keswani was furious when I told him this. He said, "Transsexualism is a mental condition, not a mental illness." He immediately arranged for me to be evaluated by a team of psychiatrists at two of Bombay’s largest hospitals. They declared me sane - not schizophrenic or delusional - and rated me a "ten" on a scale of one to ten as a transsexual.
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| Available via Amazon. |
Farah: I have an older brother. He’s 86 now and lives in Florida. It’s a very complicated story, though. Please see my memoir for more details. Thank you.
Monika: We all know the journey to being our true selves comes with a heavy price. Like, losing friends, family, jobs, and all that. I must say I am one of them. Did you have to pay a heavy price for being you? What was the toughest part of your coming out?
Farah: Of course, there was a price to pay - gossip behind my back, jealousy from other women, snide remarks from the lower classes, boyfriends wanting to keep the relationship secret, and so on.
Monika: Why did you pick Farah as your name?
Farah: I wanted a Parsi name that started with “F” . Besides, I liked the name Farah because it sounded international.
Monika: There’s this whole “passing” or “non-passing” thing we all face, and even with surgeries, society still judges us. How do you deal with that pressure?
Farah: As best I can. Life will always be a battle for us.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a trans woman on TV or met one in real life that helped you realize, “That’s me!”?
Farah: I first heard of the world's first transgender surgery - Christine Jorgensen - when I was in high school. Some boys whispered in my ear, 'Wish you were a girl,' and I replied, 'So do I!'
Monika: Most of my relationships with men didn’t end well. Were you more fortunate than I was? Did you find love?
Farah: Yes, I did, but very late in life. I married my husband, Mark, in 1997. I was never in love with him. We were both looking for family, and luckily, we found each other. He’s the only man who didn’t want me primarily for sex.
I had a tendency to fall in love with VERY handsome and charismatic men, mostly naval officers. Being Indian, they had to marry a girl chosen by their parents, usually around the age of 30. Being in my early twenties, I hoped I could enjoy the relationship for a few years. But in a few months, they’d break up when they realized I wasn’t in it for the sex. They always said, “If I don’t leave you now, I’ll never be able to leave you.” It was a confession that they were starting to develop feelings for me. But that never stopped my heart from breaking each time.
Mark is American. Not having a family to answer to, he could marry me. He’s much younger than I am. We got married in 1997 in Boulder, Colorado, where we still live.
Monika: In Becoming Farah, you paint a vivid picture of life in Bombay (Mumbai today) from the 1940s through the 1980s. Can you share more about what that city meant to you, and how it shaped the person you became?
Farah: Bombay is a cosmopolitan city and the most Westernized in India. I’m proud to be a Bombayite and will never refer to it as Mumbai.
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| "I’m so happy I could help kindred souls!" |
Farah: It feels great! I’m so happy I could help kindred souls! I gave countless interviews to newspapers and magazines (sadly, there was no YouTube back then), and answered so many letters - some simply expressing gratitude, others asking for more information. Dr. Keswani was also flooded with letters.
Monika: Your book covers your story up until 1986. Are you considering writing a follow-up about the years that came after?
Farah: I have written a sequel but it has not been published.
Monika: Finally, given all your life experiences and accomplishments, what message would you want to share with other transgender women who may be struggling with their identities or their transition journey?
Farah: Transitioning comes with a price. Living authentically comes with a price. Being true to yourself comes with a price. It takes every ounce of your spiritual and moral strength. Now, at 81, no one cares about my gender - male or female, what does it matter? I am no longer a sexual being. And I ask myself, was it worth going through all that I did? It was a rough ride.
Monika: Am I sensing a bit of disappointment?
Farah: Not disappointment, but doubt. Is it really worth it, after all?
Monika: Farah, thank you so much for this inspiring conversation. Your insights into your personal and professional life, as well as the challenges you've overcome, are deeply moving and motivating. As a fellow transgender woman, I feel incredibly fortunate to hear your story. You've paved the way for so many, and your legacy will continue to inspire for years to come. Thank you again for sharing your story and for being such a powerful role model. Wishing you all the best.
Farah: Thank you so much Monika!
All the photos: courtesy of Farah Rustom.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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