Nestled along the Baltic coast, Gdańsk is a Polish city where history and modernity collide in the most enchanting ways. Its cobbled streets whisper stories of centuries past, from the rise of the Hanseatic League to the birthplace of the Solidarity movement, while its vibrant cafes and contemporary art scenes reflect the pulse of a cosmopolitan present. It is here, amid this dynamic tapestry, that I met Małgorzata Kukiełło, a woman whose journey is as compelling and multifaceted as the city she calls home. Małgorzata’s life is a blend of courage, curiosity, and boundless energy. By day, she navigates the high-stakes world of big tech with poise and intelligence, earning the respect of colleagues and collaborators alike. By weekend, she’s conquering tennis courts, hiking up rugged trails, or sailing across open waters, constantly pushing her own boundaries. Yet, as vibrant and adventurous as her public life appears, Małgorzata is refreshingly candid about the quieter, more intimate parts of her story, the moments of vulnerability, the challenges of transitioning, and the hard-won victories in her pursuit of authenticity. In our conversation, she reflects on the profound personal evolution that comes with embracing one’s identity, and the delicate balancing act of being seen, understood, and accepted in a world that still struggles with difference.
She speaks openly about family dynamics, the emotional rollercoaster of hormone therapy, and the nuanced pressures faced by transgender women in society. Her insights are not just informative, they are deeply human, marked by humor, grace, and a resilient sense of self. But Małgorzata’s story is more than a narrative of transition; it is a testament to the power of living authentically. She reminds us that happiness is not always found in the grand gestures, but often in the small, everyday victories: a heartfelt conversation with a loved one, the thrill of a well-played tennis match, or simply a quiet moment with a book and her dog. Her approach to life, curious, playful, and unapologetically real, offers a window into a world where courage meets joy, and where identity is celebrated rather than feared. Whether you are discovering Gdańsk for the first time or seeking inspiration from stories of resilience and self-discovery, Małgorzata’s journey resonates far beyond borders. She is a reminder that life, in all its complexity, is most beautiful when we embrace who we are, and that true fulfillment comes not from the expectations of others, but from the authenticity we claim for ourselves.
Monika: Our interview will be read mostly by non-Polish readers, so not everyone knows the beautiful city where you live, Gdańsk. I’ve been there a couple of times, and I must say I love it. It’s smaller than Warsaw, yet it feels very cosmopolitan while still preserving its own unique character. I even organized a friend’s hen party there, and it turned out to be the perfect place for such an occasion. How would you recommend visiting Gdańsk to someone who has never been there before?
Małgorzata: First of all, I would recommend the whole Tri-City area, Gdańsk, Sopot, and Gdynia. Personally, I think it’s one of the greatest areas in Poland, we have the sea with great beaches, the Old Town in Gdańsk, spa resorts in Sopot, and the vibrant, youngest city of Gdynia.
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| "I wouldn’t call myself charismatic." |
Monika: Do you see Gdańsk as your happily-ever-after kind of place, or could you imagine packing your bags one day and starting fresh somewhere else?
Małgorzata: Well, I have tried living in Warsaw and Stockholm, I’ve been to other places as well, and probably someday I’ll try moving elsewhere. Yet for the time being, I still have my two sons here, and I wouldn’t like to leave them. So the short answer here is: Gdańsk is my happily-ever-after place.
Monika: I have to say, I’m genuinely impressed by your career. As a personal assistant, I’ve always looked up to women like you who lead teams and hold high positions in big companies. Did you always know the path you wanted to take, or did your career unfold more organically along the way?
Małgorzata: I wouldn’t call myself charismatic, but since I was 15 I was taking on some kind of leadership roles, in the scout movement, on board yachts, and I was always drawn to leadership positions. And it seems that this carries on to this day, although I did study electronics and did start my career as a regular engineer, only later to be promoted to team leader and manager.
Monika: Women, including transgender women, excel as leaders and business professionals, often bringing unique perspectives that surpass traditional norms. In your experience, what qualities do women bring to leadership roles that make them particularly effective? And let’s be honest, do you ever sit in a boardroom, look around at the men in suits, and think, ‘Wow, if I ran this place, things would actually get done?’
Małgorzata: Please bear in mind that I’m part of the big tech industry, which often tries to be at the forefront of diversity, I’ll leave out the actual results. Women that I’ve met are often very decisive, have a straight-to-the-point attitude, and can be far more rational when it comes to decision making than men, and at the same time they will have more compassion and empathy. I think this makes for a better workplace and can foster a true non-hostile environment.
As for the second part of the question, I used to have this kind of a feeling in the past, but I think that since I’m part of the decision-making groups, I feel like I can have influence and I feel heard.
Monika: When I came out at work, my male co-workers suddenly started treating me as if my transition had lowered my IQ. Did you experience a similar shift in how people perceived your intelligence or competence?
Małgorzata: No. I had a good experience with that; my team was supportive and welcoming, I couldn’t dream of a better manager back then.
Monika: You play tennis and compete in LGBT tournaments. How did that all start? Was it a case of “Iga Świątek inspired me,” or did you discover the love for the game in your own way?
Małgorzata: I started playing tennis approx. 8 yrs ago, when my company funded introductory training lessons, and I was invited to participate in tournaments by my dear friend who was organising those. To be honest, I hardly ever watch tennis tournaments.
Monika: You seem like a whirlwind of energy! From your photos, you’re either smashing it on the tennis court, hiking up mountains, or conquering the sea. Do you ever slow down?
Małgorzata: I never think about it this way. I just really love those activities, but I think that my pictures tell a slightly twisted picture of me, as I don’t often share pictures of me sitting in my living room with a book or taking a walk with my girlfriend and my dog (smile). For me, those activities are often a way to test my own boundaries, see what I’m capable of, and where else I can go.
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| "I started playing tennis approx. 8 yrs ago." |
Małgorzata: Again, I can’t say I think of myself as an advocate. I simply try to do my best and help wherever I can. I think that true advocates are people like Polish journalist Piotr Jacon or Elliot Page. Having said that, most of the time I try to live a quiet, peaceful life and don’t make a huge deal about my identity. In my previous company, after my coming out, I was very active, served as a poster person for several events promoting DEI; nowadays I’m not as involved.
Monika: Choosing a name is such a deeply personal decision, one that can hold layers of significance and meaning. How did you come to choose the name Małgorzata? Does it carry a special resonance for you, perhaps representing a part of your journey or embodying a particular feeling or aspiration?
Małgorzata: When my therapist first asked me about my name, I did not have a ready answer, and Małgorzata (or Gosia for English readers) just popped into my head, and that was it. I later thought about that, and it was a name that my daughter would be named (if I had one). But I am not aware of why this name is so significant to me.
Monika: When you came out, did your mother embrace you as her daughter? And do you feel any connection to her in the way you look, carry yourself, or even in your style and mannerisms?
Małgorzata: It took us some time. She did not reject me, but only after five or six months did she start calling me by my name. We had to have a difficult conversation for that to happen, and it was even harder when I told my mom that I would have to sue her and dad (it’s a thing in Poland, you have to sue your own parents in order to get official gender reassignment).
Since then, she’s been nothing but supportive, and I am really grateful for that. Yet, I don’t think I have too much in common with her physically. She’s a strong person, who was also a leader at a technical company for many years, and she’s been my role model in many cases. She was always pushing me to try new things, take risks at times.
Monika: Before your transition, did you have the chance to meet or connect with any transgender women?
Małgorzata: Not so much, but I had a great experience in Oregon a few years before I started my journey. This was pretty emotional for me, and I would prefer not to share this one with a broader audience. Sorry.
Monika: I finally felt free after my transition. How about you? Was there a single moment, or maybe a series of moments, where you truly felt like you had stepped into your most authentic self?
Małgorzata: It definitely was the first day at work. When I finally came in as Małgorzata, my manager took a photo so that I could go and get a new badge, and that was it! I finally felt good, and even though it was pretty stressful, people around me, my coworkers, helped me a lot.
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| Interview in Polish for Mosty Zamiast Murów (YouTube) |
Monika: Many transgender women have a variety of experiences with hormone therapy. Looking back, how do you feel about the physical and emotional effects it’s had on you?
Małgorzata: When I first got my prescription, I felt scared; I’d delay the moment of taking my first HRT pill for a few weeks. I was, foolishly, thinking that I would see effects straight away and everyone around me would notice, and I was definitely not ready for that. In reality, it took several months before I saw some real physical changes that were still pretty unrecognizable by anyone else. I’m afraid I started my therapy much too late.
As for the emotional part, the first two, maybe three months, were horrible, with constant mood swings and lots of tears.
Monika: The journey to being our true selves often comes with a heavy price, losing friends, family, and sometimes even our jobs. What was the hardest part of coming out for you, and how did you navigate it?
Małgorzata: Throughout my process, I had help from my therapist, and I don’t think I would have made it without her. Before each conversation I had, parents, former wife, work, I’d spend a few sessions getting myself ready. Still, coming out at work was probably the hardest part. I did seek additional help, I had one girlfriend in my team, and I spoke with her long before coming out; I also confided in my manager and an HR rep.
So when the day came and I gathered my team in a meeting room, I knew I had at least three friendly faces in the room, and that gave me a lot of strength. Even though it went great and I got a round of applause from my team and “congrats,” I was willing to run away from work before I entered the meeting room.
Monika: Many of us feel the pressure to “pass” as women, and even after surgeries, society keeps judging us. How do you personally deal with the outside world’s expectations?
Małgorzata: It hurts whenever I’m misgendered. I try not to let such situations get to me, but it can be difficult at times. I don’t feel the pressure, though; I just love being “girly” and wear dresses and skirts, but I don’t feel the need to wear makeup every time I leave the house. I just don’t think there is anything I can do about some people’s reactions, and it’s up to them.
Monika: What are your thoughts on the current situation for transgender women in Poland?
Małgorzata: It’s been a little bit better since our previous parliamentary elections in ‘23. At least no government official is calling us anything hideous anymore. But I was looking for some legal improvements, and that’s not happening. Compared to the US and UK, at least it’s not deteriorating. Still, the transition process in Poland is quite expensive, complicated, and time-consuming.
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| On the cover of Replika, a Polish LGBTQIA+ magazine. |
Małgorzata: I still do sometimes :) I love buying dresses and trying them on. I’d agree, it’s me compensating for myself all those missed years. When girls go through their own phases of looking for their style, I was hung up on different things and could not afford to do that.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Do you follow any specific fashion trends, or do you have go-to outfits that make you feel confident?
Małgorzata: I’m not a fashion enthusiast, so I don’t think I follow any trends. I like to wear clothes that make me feel good; I love being casual.
Monika: Do you love playing around with makeup, or is it more of a “throw on the basics and go” kind of vibe for you?
Małgorzata: As I’ve mentioned above, nowadays I don’t always wear makeup. I did, however, take a few makeup classes a few years ago and still put in a lot of effort on special occasions.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks? Do you find it easy to accept compliments, or do you struggle with believing them?
Małgorzata: I love being complimented, but I don’t handle it too well :) I know my strong and weak points, so it’s sometimes hard to believe.
Monika: Did you ever feel pressure to meet a certain ideal of femininity, like I did by trying to look like the women around me?
Małgorzata: I think I did that a little in the beginning, but today I feel pretty good with my own ways.
Monika: What was the most surprising part of your transition, something you never expected, whether good or bad?
Małgorzata: That it went much smoother than I had expected. In my mind, it was like the world was going to end; I was thinking that I’d have to leave my job and probably migrate somewhere far away from Poland, I was considering Oregon… In reality, I got a lot of positive feedback and support, and I decided not to care about those people who had abandoned me.
Monika: How has love shaped your life and your journey as a transgender woman? Could you share what role love plays in your personal growth and happiness?
Małgorzata: Before transition, I was really afraid I’d never find love again, but again, it turned out not to be a true statement. Being loved and loving makes me stronger and allows me to be more confident. I don’t want to sound cheesy, but love is essential for true happiness.
Monika: Many trans women are writing their memoirs these days. Have you ever thought about writing your own book, and if so, what would its central message be?
Małgorzata: Oh no, I’m a horrible writer. I could never do that. Though, my message would be: “Dare to dream and make dreams happen.”
Monika: Finally, what’s next for Małgorzata? What dreams and goals are you working toward now?
Małgorzata: To be honest, I feel complete. There are some sports goals that I’d like to achieve, some mountains that I’d like to climb, but there is no long-term goal for me. I’m letting life take me wherever. There are some dreams that I’m slowly working on; again, I’ll keep those to myself.
Monika: Małgorzata, thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights.
Małgorzata: Thank you for the opportunity, and congratulations on your work! It’s great that you’re promoting trans women.
All the photos: courtesy of Małgorzata Kukiełło.
© 2025 - Monika Kowalska
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