Interview with Grace Anne Stevens

Grace Anne Stevens is an American writer, speaker, trainer, blogger, and design engineer whose life story bridges high technology, education, and deeply human transformation. With over four decades in the tech industry, Grace built and led successful teams in both startups and large corporations, holding Director and Vice President roles in engineering and program management, and earning two patent awards along the way. She received her Bachelor of Engineering in 1969, and later, driven by a lifelong commitment to growth and teaching, returned to school to earn a Master’s degree in Counselling Psychology at the age of 62, complementing her work with extensive training in the Internal Family Systems model.

 

Grace’s journey is also one of courage, honesty, and alignment with her true self. She transitioned at the age of 64 while actively working in two professional environments, an experience she often describes as a profound blessing, marked by acceptance rather than loss. Alongside her tech career, she spent six years counseling and facilitating psycho-education groups in a substance abuse clinic, helping people better understand themselves and their relationships. She is the author of the autobiography No! Maybe? Yes! Living My Truth, a book that blends memoir with reflection and has inspired many transgender women to ask the essential question, whose life am I living. Through her writing, public speaking, university lectures, and ongoing blogging, Grace continues to be a thoughtful voice of reason, compassion, and lived experience, someone who believes deeply in change that happens one person at a time.

 

Monika: Today it is my pleasure and honor to interview Grace Anne Stevens, an American writer, speaker, trainer, blogger, design engineer, and senior engineering manager who holds two patent awards. Hello Grace.

Grace: Hi Monika, it is a pleasure to chat with you here. Thank you so much for inviting me. I am really looking forward to our conversation.

Monika: For readers who are meeting you for the first time, how would you describe yourself and the journey that has shaped who you are today?

Grace: I consider myself incredibly blessed to have transitioned as a “senior” while working in two workplaces and to have lost no one in my life. That experience continues to influence how I see gratitude, relationships, and authenticity.

 

Karma Kitaj Interviews Grace Stevens (YouTube)

 

Monika: Looking at your professional path, you have spent more than forty years in high tech, leading teams and building processes in both startups and large companies, often in Director and Vice President roles. When you reflect on this impressive career, what stands out to you the most?

Grace: Yes, it does. It took me a long time to realize that even with this apparently successful career, there was still something missing. The biggest realization was taking action to discover what that was, both in my personal life as a transgender woman and in my work and training. I really took to heart the famous quote from George Eliot, “You are never too old to be what you might have been.” That insight ultimately changed the direction of my life in very meaningful ways.
Monika: Your autobiography, No! Maybe? Yes! Living My Truth, was published in 2014 and has resonated with many readers. What inner impulse or moment set this book in motion for you?

Grace: This book was more an experience of being “channeled,” as it seemed to be written by forces inside of me. I started with a small blog, which became the first chapter, First Journey, and a friend asked, or rather demanded, to hear more. I explain this in the acknowledgments of the book. Writing it felt less like a decision and more like something that simply had to happen.

Monika: When you look at your life story as a whole, which elements do you believe may be especially meaningful or useful for transgender women who are considering or preparing for their own transitions?

Grace: People have said that this book is a combination of memoir and self-help. The question that I answered, and also ask of everyone, is “Whose Life are You Living?” I think that question can be both unsettling and deeply liberating.

Monika: You chose to transition later in life, which is still rarely discussed openly. At what stage of your life did this happen, and how would you describe the emotional reality of that process?

Grace: I transitioned at age 64. The anxiety leading up to it was perhaps greater than the actual event of the transition. I was prepared to lose everything and everyone in my life, but I was lucky enough that I have lost no one. That contrast between fear and reality taught me an important lesson about trusting my own truth.

Monika: Many people believe that transitioning later in life requires extraordinary bravery. Looking back, what truly gave you the strength and momentum to take that step when you did?

Grace: It really seemed that I had no choice but to live my true life. I do not think of it as courage, but rather that it was time to align my body with my brain. Once that clarity arrived, the path forward became unavoidable.

 

Grace's autobiography.

 

Monika: When you were approaching your own transition, were there any transgender figures or personal stories that helped guide or reassure you along the way?

Grace: Just about everyone who has ever transitioned provided hope to me that nothing was impossible. Each story, in its own way, reminded me that change was achievable.

Monika: Coming out is often layered with many fears and emotional risks. What was the most difficult part of that experience for you personally?

Grace: The fear of losing my kids. There is much about this story in my book. That fear stayed with me longer than any professional concern.

Monika: From your perspective today, how would you describe the current reality for transgender women in American society?

Grace: It is good and it is bad. I am really attempting to help change the conversation through my blogging, speaking, and book. Baby step by baby step. I want to work person by person, from the ground up. Real change, to me, has always started with individual human connections.

Monika: Alongside your work in technology and advocacy, you have also dedicated yourself to counseling and facilitating psycho-education groups in a substance abuse clinic. How does this work fit into your broader sense of purpose?

Grace: For the past six years, I have facilitated groups for first-offense drunk drivers. People are usually very scared and angry after they get arrested. I have tried to help them not only understand their relationship with alcohol, but also their relationship with themselves and others. This focus has made a difference for many people. I find this work deeply grounding and meaningful.

Monika: You also speak about transsexuality at universities, companies, and other institutions. When engaging with these audiences, what questions seem to come up most often?

Grace: I have found that more and more people know someone who is transgender. I am finding that people want to know if it is OK to simply say hello to people who may be transitioning in the workplace or whether they should avoid them. The answer is yes, always say hi and welcome back. That simple act can mean more than people realize.

Monika: Transgender stories are increasingly visible in films, books, and the media. How do you personally view these representations so far?

Grace: It varies widely, just as people do. I think the challenge is helping the general public understand that each of us is unique, just like a snowflake. Any character in a movie is just that, one small sample, and does not represent any one of us. Representation matters, but it can never capture the full diversity of real lives.

Introduction to her biography (YouTube).

Monika: Many people associate visibility with direct political activism. How do you see your own role in relation to politics, lobbying efforts, and the broader question of whether transgender women can influence political life?

Grace: I do not think of myself as an activist. I am hoping to be a voice of reason and knowledge, and if I could be anything at all, a teacher of love, compassion, and acceptance. I believe that this kind of influence can be just as powerful as formal political action.

Monika: Transgender issues are often discussed within the wider LGBT framework. From your perspective, how well is the transgender community able to express and advance its own needs and concerns within this larger coalition?

Grace: I think our “cause,” as you put it, is simply gaining understanding and acceptance. I think that we are just starting later and still have much work to do. Progress may feel slow, but it is very real.

Monika: Love appears again and again in your writing and public speaking. How has love shaped your life and sustained you through moments of uncertainty and change?

Grace: The journey to my self-acceptance required me to learn to love myself. I have learned that this is a requirement in order to truly love others. I often say that you cannot give away what you do not have. This realization changed the way I relate to both myself and the people around me.

Monika: As someone who is always learning and evolving, what projects or creative work are currently keeping you engaged?

Grace: I am now blogging on a regular basis on Huffington Post. Writing there allows me to continue the conversation with a wide and diverse audience.

Monika: Finally, for transgender girls and women who are struggling with gender dysphoria and searching for clarity or hope, what words of guidance would you most want them to hear?

Grace: There is a very true and very classic saying. “You do not have a choice of being transgender. You do have a choice about what you do about it.” Each of us has this choice to be who we are and live our true lives. The road may be rocky or smooth, but I believe that it is the path to internal freedom. That belief has carried me through many difficult moments.

Monika: Grace, thank you so much for sharing your story and insights with us.

All the photos: courtesy of Grace Anne Stevens.

© 2015 - Monika Kowalska

  

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