Deja Nicole Greenlaw is a woman of quiet courage and radiant strength, whose journey has inspired many and illuminated paths for others to follow. A passionate transgender activist, Deja’s story is not just about marching in Washington or testifying at state capitols, though she has done both, but about the power of showing up every day, authentically and unapologetically, in her workplace, her community, and her world. Coming out at the age of 50, Deja proved that it is never too late to choose yourself. In a time when many might feel that their dreams have passed them by, she stepped into her truth with grace and determination. From the factory floor to the Pride parades of Boston, from writing columns in The Rainbow Times to strumming her guitar for cheering crowds, she continues to be a visible and vibrant force of change.
Deja lives by the belief that simply being out and present can be the most profound form of activism. Her presence challenges assumptions, breaks down prejudice, and fosters empathy in places where it is often needed most. Whether dealing with coworkers, healthcare providers, or neighbors, Deja brings a warm smile, a listening ear, and an unwavering sense of self. Today, she stands not only as a trans woman but as a storyteller, a musician, a writer, and a lover of life’s small joys, comfortable shoes, jazzy tops, and the peace that comes from living as one’s true self. Her life reminds us that authenticity is an act of bravery, and that every step taken toward self-love has the power to move the world. It is my joy and honor to introduce you to Deja Nicole Greenlaw.
Monika: Today, I have the pleasure and honor of speaking with Deja Nicole Greenlaw, a truly inspirational American transgender activist and advocate whose life and work have touched many hearts. Welcome, Deja! It's so lovely to have you here!
Deja: Thank you so much, Monika! I'm happy to be here and excited for our conversation.
Monika: You’ve been a visible force for transgender rights in many areas of life. Could you share more about the kind of activism you’ve done, and what being an advocate means to you personally?
Deja: I have lobbied in government buildings in Washington, D.C., and Hartford, Connecticut for trans rights, but I believe that my biggest and most important activism is being out at work and having many people interact with me. I deal with many people from several departments in a manufacturing environment and with hundreds of manufacturing plants all over the globe. Anyone who interacts with me can say that they know a transgender person, and that working with one is not an issue. If someone they know says something negative about transgender people, they can refute it because they have the first-hand experience of working with me.
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| This is Deja at 3 ½ years old. |
Monika: That everyday visibility sounds incredibly powerful. How have people around you, at work or in your community, responded to your openness?
Deja: For the majority of the people I work with, I am the first transgender person they have ever met. A few of them may have had issues with me in the beginning, but now they are all very accepting of me. The same goes for the community that I live in, the stores that I patronize, and the doctors and staff that I interact with. They all know a transgender person. By being open and out and about, I am helping to change people’s thoughts about transgender people. I believe that is my greatest contribution to activism.
Monika: Many people fear it’s “too late” to come out or start living authentically later in life. What motivated you to embrace your truth at age 50, and what was that journey like for you?
Deja: You are correct, Monika, it's never too late to fulfill your dreams. The only time that it's too late is when you die. One of my thoughts, when I was 50 years old, was that I was not going to go to my grave without ever even trying to experience my life as a female. I turned 50 in October 2001, just one month after the September 11 attacks on the Twin Towers and the Pentagon. It was then that I realized that at any time I could be killed by terrorists. I knew that I had to finally move on to find out who I truly was before it was too late.
I dabbled in crossdressing for six years until 2007, when I began taking hormones and went full-time. It is such a wonderful peace to be able to live my life as a female. Yes, even beginning to find myself at the late age of 50 was well worth it. Twelve years later, I am so glad that I finally made my move.
Monika: Looking back on your early years, were there moments in childhood when you sensed that your gender didn’t align with what others expected of you? How did those feelings first take shape?
Deja: I do remember trying on my mom's and my sisters' dresses when I was around 7. I would put the dress on, look in the mirror, and think to myself, “This just feels right!” I knew that I could never talk about it, and it scared me because I knew that I was different from anybody else, but it also gave me a great sense of peace. I just accepted that I had to be male and that I really wanted to be female, but I had to keep it quiet. I just accepted that was the way it was. I didn't think that it was possible to change genders back then, so I kept it to myself.
Monika: Many transgender women recall their school or university years as some of the most painful, marked by bullying or exclusion. Did you have similar experiences during your education, or did your challenges come later in life?
Deja: No, all my schooling was done as male. My traumas come from family not accepting me. Being excluded from family is my worst demon.
Monika: During your early exploration of gender identity and later your transition, did anyone in the transgender community inspire or guide you, even from a distance?
Deja: Very early on, every trans woman that I saw on the internet was my role model, lol. When I actually transitioned, no, by then I had no role models. I was just doing things my own way, and I followed no one in particular. By then, I had figured out that no two paths are the same and that I had to find my own path.
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| At Boston Pride in 2010 just before the Pride March. |
Monika: Coming out can be a deeply emotional and complicated journey. What part of that process was the most difficult for you, both emotionally and practically?
Deja: In the beginning, accepting myself. I was so frightened. It was like a secret life and no one was allowed in, ever. If someone came close to discovering me, I would panic and hide. I was deathly afraid of being caught. I started becoming confident in late 2003, so I lived 52 years in constant fear. When I came out to live full time in late 2007, the hardest thing for me was dealing with family members who would not accept me. Everything else, including work, was relatively easy.
Monika: From your perspective, how have things changed for transgender women in the United States over the past few years, and what gives you hope for the future?
Deja: It's getting better. More and more of us are transitioning at work and living openly. These instances help American society get used to us. We are pioneers, but there are sure to be more to follow us. Yes, there are still plenty of issues facing us, and more work definitely needs to be done, but there is legislation in the works and things are looking up.
I believe visibility is key, it breaks down ignorance and fear. Younger generations are more accepting, which gives me great hope for lasting change. Social media and community organizations also play a huge role in spreading awareness and support. The fight for transgender equality is far from over, but the momentum is undeniable. With every step forward, we build a stronger foundation for future generations.
Monika: In the history of LGBTQ+ activism, Harvey Milk became a powerful symbol for gay rights in the 1960s and '70s. Do you think the transgender community in the U.S. has had a similarly iconic figure?
Deja: There are lots of great trans people and many wonderful organizations that are helping to push legislation through that will help the trans cause. As far as the Harvey Milk standard, no, I don't think that there is a transgender counterpart. As far as the famous “You must come out...” phrase of Mr. Milk, no one can seem to get this point across to the majority of trans people. I myself have tried to encourage trans folk to come out and live openly, but so many are just not interested in doing so. Like Harvey, I wish that every person would come out.
Monika: The transgender movement is often seen as part of the larger LGBT community. As the “T” in LGBT, do you feel the transgender community has enough visibility and influence to effectively promote its own issues within this broader coalition?
Deja: Yes, with the many local and national organizations we are promoting our cause within the LGBT group. Just about all of the LGBT groups are behind us, with the usual exception of HRC, the Human Rights Campaign. When I testified for trans rights in Hartford, Connecticut, there were many non-trans folks who were there as powerful allies. The non-trans allies actually outnumbered the trans folks probably 3 to 1. There was huge support for us, and I was slightly embarrassed that there weren't more trans folk present that day.
I've always preferred working within the LGBT groups because their political structure is already in place, and there are already many movers and shakers within these organizations. Some folks want to break away from the LGBT structure and separate from the LGB people, but I don't agree with their thinking. I much prefer a larger, stronger united front.
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| Playing her guitar at work in her cubicle. |
Monika: Do you see transgender rights as the next frontier in the fight for human rights?
Deja: Definitely! Transgendism opens the doors for equality between/among the genders. Any legislation for transgenderism is also legislation for everyone. Transgenderism asks these questions and more: What is a man? What is a woman? Does it really matter? Why shouldn't everyone be equal?
This movement challenges long-held assumptions about gender and identity, pushing society to be more inclusive. It also highlights the importance of personal freedom and the right to live authentically. By advancing transgender rights, we are creating a broader conversation about human dignity and respect. This fight can unite many marginalized groups under a common goal of equality. Ultimately, transgender rights are a crucial step toward a more just and compassionate world.
Monika: Are you involved in political activism? Have you participated in any lobbying efforts? And do you believe transgender women can make a meaningful impact in politics?
Deja: I have lobbied in Washington DC three times for trans rights. I have protested at HRC twice for their lack of support for us. I have testified at the legislative building in Hartford, Connecticut for trans rights. Yes, I believe that transgender women can make a difference in politics. Many already have. Laws have been passed, things are changing. Yes, trans women have and will continue to make a difference in politics.
Monika: Could you share your thoughts on the role love plays in your life?
Deja: Lol, I assume you mean romantic love. This is one area in which I am deficient. I love being with a man, but at this point in my life, I don't necessarily want to live with one. I am fine living by myself and actually prefer it. So, no, love currently has no importance in my life. On the other hand, love of life, love of nature, and love of learning are very important to me.
Monika: How would you describe your personal style? What kinds of outfits do you prefer, and do you have favorite colors or fashion trends you like to follow?
Deja: I like to be comfortable. I am in my early 60s, so comfort is always a factor in my outfit choices. I frequently wear black to play down my size, but I also like to wear tops that are a little flashy, or jazzy, as my mom used to say. In the summertime, it's shorts and sandals for the weekends, and tops and skirts for work. You'll never see me in heels.
Monika: What are your thoughts on transgender beauty pageants? Do you see them as empowering or problematic?
Deja: I'm not a fan. Maybe it’s because I came of age during the late 1960s and early 1970s, when feminism was making a mark on society, but I think that any beauty pageants, trans or not, objectify women. They tend to focus heavily on physical appearance rather than on intelligence, talent, or character. While some argue that pageants can boost confidence and visibility, I worry they reinforce narrow beauty standards that exclude many. For transgender women especially, this can create pressure to conform to certain ideals that don’t represent the diversity within our community. I believe empowerment comes from embracing authenticity and individuality, not fitting into someone else’s mold.
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| Playing at “The Rainbow Riverfest” with Keri Stebbins. |
Monika: Many transgender women share their life stories through memoirs. Have you ever considered writing your own? If so, what would inspire you to do it?
Deja: Actually, several people have asked me if I was planning to write my memoirs. I have thought about it and I may do so when I retire, but I doubt that I will ever publish it. I love to write and it would be fun, but it would be just for me and maybe a few friends. If anyone would like to read my thoughts, I do write a transgender column for The Rainbow Times, a Boston-based LGBT monthly.
Monika: What new projects or goals are you currently working on or planning for the near future?
Deja: Lol, my latest project is trying to figure out how I can retire and still have insurance that won’t cost me an arm and a leg. I am also in the beginning stages of planning my next career, entertaining in local venues, playing guitar and singing. I love to entertain, and many folks, after hearing me perform, ask where and when they can hear me again. Then there’s my book that I could work on, but again, that would be just for me and maybe a few friends.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender girls who are struggling with gender dysphoria and trying to accept themselves?
Deja: May I offer several recommendations? Try as best you can to accept yourself. You need to understand that you are female. Go to support groups, talk to others in your local community. Learn your local resources. Accept that not everyone will accept you. You may very well lose the support of some family members and friends. It will hurt.
Monika: How can transgender girls navigate difficult relationships and find their place in society during their transition?
Deja: Understand that the whole point of transition is to figure out who you are, to take the steps to become who you are, and ultimately to find your gift and contribute to society. Don’t lock yourself away. This is your life, so live it and enjoy it! Listen to what others have to say about you; do not immediately dismiss what they say because you don’t like it. Think about their words. There might be something you need to hear. Try to get along with people. Don’t dismiss others because your thoughts are different from theirs. Agree to disagree and respect others’ opinions. Lastly, learn how to smile and use it. It will ease you through many tough situations. Plus, your pictures are always better when you smile. :)
Monika: Deja, thank you for the interview!
Deja: You're quite welcome, Monika! It was my pleasure!
All the photos: courtesy of Deja Nicole Greenlaw.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
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