There’s something deeply comforting about meeting a woman who, in her own words, lives an “extraordinarily average life”, especially when that woman happens to be Chelle Padraigin, a quietly fierce trailblazer whose story is anything but ordinary. Chelle is many things: a Georgia-based hardware store owner with a degree in electrical engineering, a church pianist, a columnist, a loving spouse, and the dedicated President of a Habitat for Humanity chapter. She’s also the author of Finally Chelle: The Musings of an Average Transsexual Woman, a book born from her desire to demystify the transgender experience with warmth, wit, and unvarnished honesty. What makes Chelle’s life so captivating isn’t any single title she holds, but the grace with which she weaves them all together.
Whether she’s hammering nails for a new home, sharing recipes with neighbors, writing political commentary, or simply smiling at strangers on the street, Chelle embodies a kind of soft strength that refuses to seek the spotlight, even as it quietly lights the way. Her activism doesn’t shout, it shows up, helps out, and makes soup when someone’s sick. In our conversation, Chelle reflects on the joys and heartaches of transitioning, the courage it took to reconcile two parallel lives, and the tender love story she shares with her wife. She speaks candidly about beauty, resilience, fashion, and the radical act of being ordinary in a world that still sees transgender people as extraordinary for existing. Chelle is not trying to change the world by force, unless she has to. Instead, she nudges it forward, one person, one smile, and one honest word at a time. She is, simply and profoundly, Chelle. And that’s more than enough.
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“Finally Chelle: The Musings of an Average Transsexual Woman” (2012), Amazon. |
Chelle: Hi there, Monika! What a kind introduction, I’m honored, and just a little bit blushing!
Monika: You’ve had such a dynamic and varied professional life. Could you walk us through the highlights of your career so far?
Chelle: Hmmm… I’ve worked continuously since I was 12 years old, and that was 40 years ago, so that covers a lot of ground! The short version is that I started college as a music major, changed majors after one year, and got my degree in electrical engineering. I worked as an engineer for about 13 years before getting into the hardware business, and I’ve owned a retail hardware store for over 15 years now.
Monika: You also serve as the president of a local Habitat for Humanity chapter. What are the mission and main goals of your chapter today?
Chelle: I live in a small county in Georgia, so our chapter has to do as much as possible with very little money. Our goal is to help families get out of substandard housing and into safe, comfortable homes. Each family has to invest a certain amount of “sweat equity” as their down payment. Basically, that means they have to work a large number of hours learning and performing construction tasks, and in return, they get to move into a home with a mortgage that has a zero percent interest rate. They work hard to get into those homes, so it’s not like they get one handed to them on a silver platter. They earn it!
Monika: Many transgender authors choose to tell their stories through memoirs. What ultimately motivated you to share your own life journey in an autobiography?
Chelle: It never even occurred to me to write an autobiography, but so many people told me that I should share my story that I eventually relented. I began by starting a blog at finallychelle.com. While I knew that my life was unusual, I didn’t think that it rose to the level of “interesting.” Apparently, others disagreed, however, and my readers ultimately convinced me to write a book.
Monika: Many trans women look for guidance from those who have walked the path before them. Which aspects of your story do you think could be most helpful to others planning their transitions?
Chelle: If there’s anything that people get out of my book, I hope it’s that being transsexual shouldn’t define who you are. It might describe the route you took on your journey to womanhood, but it shouldn’t form the basis of who you are and how you live your life. Most women come out of the womb with their vaginas, I came out of an operating room with mine. Other than that, there’s no real difference between me and any other woman.
Monika: That’s such a powerful perspective. How would you describe your life today, beyond your identity as a transgender woman?
Chelle: I live a pretty normal life in a small southern town. I’m active in my church and my community, people call me for recipe advice (I love to cook), I bring a pot of homemade chicken soup to my friends and neighbors when they’re sick, and I like to travel with my spouse. The bottom line is that I live an extraordinarily average life. I don’t “feel” transsexual. In fact, I usually forget that I am unless something reminds me of the fact. It’s the most authentic way to live, and I hope that every trans woman ends her journey in that same place.
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| Enjoying a Spring day in her backyard. |
Chelle: I mostly did my own thing, but there were two trans women who inspired me in my younger years. Renée Richards’ story hit the news when I was a teenager, and it was then that I realized it was possible for me to find sanity and wholeness. I followed her story very closely. If she blinked, I took notice of it.
Also, Caroline Cossey (Tula) showed me that it was possible for a trans woman to be elegant, graceful, and beautiful. I have aspired to be the same, and I find great peace in leading a wholesome, genteel life.
Monika: Coming out is often one of the most emotionally complex parts of a transition. What did you find to be the most difficult aspect of that experience?
Chelle: I chose to live parallel lives for many years of my life. There were people who only knew me as male and others who only knew me as female, and I was always terrified that the two would come crashing together. I had gotten to the point in my life where I was living almost full time as a woman, certainly 95% of the time, at least, but in the business world and in the town I live in, I continued to present as male.
In order to live as the “real me,” I ended up traveling a lot and having residences in multiple places. The hardest part, I think, was telling my family and worrying about how a complete transition would impact my business. Thankfully, my family was enthusiastically supportive, including both of my parents, and my transition didn’t seem to impact my business.
Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender characters and stories are portrayed in mainstream media, including film, literature, and journalism?
Chelle: I’m disappointed that transgender characters are not typically played by transgender individuals. I’m also disappointed that transgender jokes are among the few kinds of targeted humor that are still considered politically correct. If you pay attention, you can hear a transgender joke on television, literally, every single night. Whereas gays have finally hit the mainstream and are no longer considered unusual, trans people still have a large “freak factor” in the media and are considered newsworthy for no other reason than because they’re trans.
Monika: In your view, how would you assess the current standing of transgender women in American society today?
Chelle: I think that a lot of progress has been made. I love that U.S. citizens can get a passport in their new gender prior to surgery, which makes it a lot less embarrassing to travel. And while I’m not a terribly big fan of President Obama, I love that he has at least one trans person in a high position in his administration. If you can pass well in the gender you transition to, I think that people respond pretty well in real life, even if the media still chooses to poke fun. I think that people who don’t pass well, however, still encounter a lot of discrimination, and that’s a shame.
There’s definitely more awareness and visibility now than there was even a decade ago, which is a huge step forward. But with visibility comes backlash, and sometimes it feels like society is taking two steps back for every one step forward. We still have a long way to go in terms of legal protections and everyday acceptance. I wish more people understood that being trans is just one part of who we are, not the whole story. Support networks and community spaces have become lifelines for many, helping us to thrive despite the challenges. Overall, I’m cautiously optimistic but aware that the fight for equality is far from over.
Monika: You’ve mentioned following politics closely. Are you personally involved in any political efforts or advocacy? And do you believe transgender women can have a meaningful impact in the political arena?
Chelle: I’m a political junkie, I read, watch, and write about politics all the time. I’ve been told by countless people who like my middle-of-the-road opinions that I should run for public office, but I don’t think that the United States is ready for a transgender politician just yet. Do I think that transgender women can make a difference? Absolutely, but not necessarily as transgender women. Being a woman should be different enough. The number of women politicians is still small enough that if we start subdividing the group into Black, white, Latino, transgender, Asian, gay, etc., then the collective voice will not be as loud. As women, we shouldn’t allow others to divide and conquer us.
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| An above-the-knee dress and boots are about as crazy as she gets, fashion-wise! |
Chelle: Oh my goodness, those would be some pretty big shoes to fill! I think that thanks to Harvey, our society has become more accepting of everyone under the LGBT umbrella, so perhaps we won’t ever have to climb as high a mountain as he did because he prepared the way. He started a gay revolution, of sorts.
I think that the trans community will get there more by evolution, however, a slow, barely noticeable increase in acceptance by society at large. I think that it’s important for us to be patient as long as steady momentum is moving in the direction we want. If it starts to wane, then we need to kick-start things back in the right direction. The best thing that the trans community can do for itself is to live respectable, productive lives so that the rest of the world will see that we’re no different than anyone else.
Monika: What kind of activism do you personally believe in, and how do you engage with that on a day-to-day basis?
Chelle: All of the trans people I know, both MTF and FTM, live regular, normal lives where most people don’t even know about their former gender. Many of my friends have no idea that I’m transsexual. I think that if we all changed just a few minds at a time among the people who know about our gender history, collectively, we could have a big, positive impact on how we’re perceived by the world.
I guess that you could characterize my approach as “quiet activism.” I’m content to nudge things along, but if I hit a brick wall, I knock it down like a bulldozer. I feel like I’ve moved things forward with various government agencies who had trouble “seeing the light” until I finally had to shine it directly in their eyes. I hate having to do that, but sometimes you have to be forceful to get things done.
Monika: How would you describe the role that love plays in your life, both emotionally and personally?
Chelle: Interesting question. I’ve always loved to love, but I noticed, after about a year on estrogen, that I needed to love. If I didn’t have people to love, I think I’d go insane.
I have a very large circle of wonderful friends who give me ample opportunity to spread lots of love around. As for my personal love life, I’m a little unusual because I’m a straight woman who is married to a straight woman. Each of us is only attracted to men, but we love each other completely and made it official by getting married last year after being together for nine years.
We met at a business function, and she only knew me as male at first. As she watched me transition, she decided that she loved the “inside me,” and the gift-wrapping didn’t matter. So if you see two women holding hands on the beach, watching the cute guys go by, there’s a good chance that it’s us.
Monika: What’s your relationship with fashion like? Do you have a signature style or favorite looks that you enjoy?
Chelle: I love fashion, but my taste tends toward “classy conservative.” I think I only have one pair of jeans, and I almost never wear them. I’m fortunate in that I can do my face and hair in 15 minutes, throw on a nice outfit, and get complimented by strangers literally every day. I think that the very best fashion accessory a woman can wear is a smile. I smile all the time and make lots of eye contact (in an appropriate way, of course) as I go through each day. It disarms people and makes them smile back. I’ve had countless strangers engage me in conversation for no other reason than because they liked my smile.
Monika: What are your thoughts on transgender beauty pageants and their place in today’s culture?
Chelle: I’m not a big fan of any beauty pageants, to be honest. I’m glad that they provide scholarships for women who are successful in them, but I’m a firm believer that true beauty comes from within. If you’re beautiful on the inside, you’ll be beautiful on the outside, without ever having to put on a lick of makeup.
That said, I understand why some find pageants empowering, they can be a platform to celebrate identity and gain visibility. But I worry they sometimes reinforce narrow standards of beauty that can be exhausting to live up to. I think culture needs to expand its definition of beauty to include all shapes, colors, and expressions. At the end of the day, confidence and kindness shine brighter than any crown or sash ever could.
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| Her "biker chick" look, at a motorcycle rally with family and friends. |
Monika: Are there any creative projects or exciting ideas currently on your horizon?
Chelle: I’m actually considering writing a children’s book that stars our beloved boxer puppy. He has an incredible number of facial expressions, and friends who have seen his photos tell me that I could easily write a book for kids around those pics. I’ve also developed ideas for three other books, none having to do with trans issues, and just need to find the time to write them.
Monika: For transgender women who are currently navigating the emotional weight of gender dysphoria, what practical advice would you offer to help them move forward with confidence and care?
Chelle: Start the process now, and transition SLOWLY. There are a lot of things you can do in preparation that will make the ultimate transition much smoother. So many women get in a huge hurry and needlessly have surgery and other procedures done that wouldn’t have been necessary if they had taken their time.
Estrogen is VERY transformative. It took five years, but it made my face MUCH more feminine. And if you give it enough time, you probably won’t even need a boob job. Teenage girls don’t grow their boobs overnight, and neither will you. I know trans women who start taking estrogen and immediately have boob jobs. That’s crazy! Give your body time to respond. I’ve been on HRT for six-plus years, and I’m STILL noticing changes, especially in the hair that frames my face.
Monika: What are some essential steps that can make the transition experience both more manageable and more joyful?
Chelle: Start facial hair removal ASAP. It’s a long, slow process, and the sooner you start, the happier you’ll be. There are few things as joyful as leaving the house with no makeup on, other than mascara and eyeliner, and knowing you still look good. When you finally get to throw that pancake makeup in the trash, you’ll feel like a million dollars.
Also, surround yourself with supportive people who celebrate the real you, it makes all the difference. Don’t be afraid to laugh at the awkward moments; humor is your best coping tool. Take things one day at a time and give yourself permission to feel all the emotions without judgment. Remember, your journey is unique, so avoid comparing yourself to others. Celebrate every small victory, because those moments add up to a beautiful transformation. Lastly, be kind to yourself, transition is as much about self-love as it is about change.
Monika: Chelle, it’s been an absolute pleasure speaking with you today. Thank you so much for sharing your journey and insights with us!
Chelle: Thank you, Monika, for bringing our stories to those who might benefit from reading about them. And thank you for considering mine worthy of being on your website!
All the photos: courtesy of Chelle Padraigin.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
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