Yet despite her many accomplishments, she remains a deeply private person, choosing purpose over spotlight, and sincerity over showmanship. Whether she is walking her beloved dog Bruce along the coast or navigating the complex world of politics, Kelly brings a quiet strength and a steadfast belief in a better future. In this interview, Kelly opens up about her path, from childhood dreams of belonging to the challenges of being an out transgender woman in public service. Her story is one of resilience, gentleness, and power. She reminds us that authenticity is not a political stance but a daily act of courage, and that every voice raised for justice adds to a chorus that can move the world.
Monika: Today, it is my pleasure and honor to interview Kelly Ellis, an inspirational transgender advocate, lawyer, and politician from New Zealand. Hello Kelly!
Kelly: Good morning, Monika.
Monika: In your opinion, how can transgender women influence the political landscape?
Kelly: I think anyone can make a difference in politics. They shouldn’t be there if that’s not their motivation. I’m motivated by hoping to contribute to a society where our children have better work and educational opportunities. That can only happen with a redistribution of wealth. These views are independent of who or what I am. They are the goals any good citizen should hope for. Notwithstanding that, visibility for transgender people is important if we are to increase our influence. There are few things that are more visible than entering politics.
Monika: Georgina Beyer made history as the world’s first openly transgender mayor and Member of Parliament. If you’re nominated as a candidate for the Labour Party, some might see you following in her footsteps. When will this decision be made?
Kelly: The candidacy will be determined in March. Inevitably, comparisons will be made with Georgina Beyer, but I feel that this isn’t particularly helpful. It moves the conversation from the issues onto who is doing the talking, rather than the tremendous need we have for greater social equity.
Monika: If you’re confirmed as a candidate, your platform will need to appeal to a broad electorate, many of whom may not prioritize transgender rights. What are the main points of your political agenda?
Kelly: Again, there is, inevitably, a focus on transgender rights. The Labour Party branch that is promoting me as their preferred candidate cares little for transgender rights. They are behind me because I’m a professional advocate concerned about an increasing gap between rich and poor in this country. Those people supporting my bid are more interested in jobs and education for the young people in this town.
Monika: So far, there have been only three openly transgender members of national parliaments worldwide: Georgina Beyer in New Zealand, Vladimir Luxuria in Italy, and Anna Grodzka in Poland. Why do you think the number is still so low?
Kelly: I think it’s hard to give a simple answer here, but the reality is that transgender people suffer such prejudice that rising out of poverty and getting into politics is more difficult. People may also be discouraged by exposing themselves to the rudeness that comes from some people. There is also the privacy issue. In many ways, I’m quite reclusive, and I did my best to avoid the curious press. But working on issues such as transgender prisoners and marriage equality required working with journalists and generating publicity.
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| Kelly with her dog Bruce. |
Monika: Your advocacy was instrumental in improving the rights of transgender people in prisons. What were some of the main challenges you encountered during that work?
Kelly: There is the “hang ’em high” brigade that will always want prisoners to suffer. I guess the challenge is making people realize that the loss of liberty is the punishment, and that prisoners are still people who deserve the same level of care, regardless of how others might identify them. It’s hard for some people to realize that people don’t “deserve what they get” in prison. It’s not a place to be constantly harassed, beaten, raped, and deprived of medication. The difficulty is that prisoners attract little sympathy. If prisoners were bad dogs on death row at the local pound, none of these people would say the dogs should be housed and treated cruelly before their execution. This would be regardless of what the dog did to deserve getting there. It would be regardless of whether the dog was a poodle or a Pomeranian. No one would advocate singling out particular dogs for particularly cruel treatment. Why on earth do we do it to humans? That, I guess, is the greatest challenge.
Monika: Beyond the public’s lack of empathy, did your advocacy efforts impact you personally?
Kelly: I live in a small city, and when this transgender prisoner issue hit the international news, I was living in a very small and isolated rural community. Fighting this battle inevitably meant “putting my head above the trench.” I’m not a great believer in the concept of true stealth. People always know. But not all people know all the time. One privilege I have is the ability to pass. I had the ability to walk through my community with my gender history unknown. I liked that anonymity. As a litigation lawyer involved in high-profile cases, protecting my family and myself from the glare of media fascination required a bit of effort. Surrendering to that media interest has been a challenge for someone as private as me.
Monika: That sounds incredibly difficult. Were there also challenges from within the LGBTQ+ community?
Kelly: Another difficulty I faced was from, you guessed it, one transsexual separatist, who tried to stymie my efforts to rescue a raped prisoner by making formal complaints to the Law Society, which is the regulating body for lawyers. This kind of destructive behavior even attracted the attention of the local gay press. When I was named in the Gay NZ New Year’s Honours List, even the national press picked up on the story, recording that I’d received “bitter flak” from within the community for my work. This, in fact, had come from one person. I found having to deal with those complaints while trying to rescue rape victims particularly unhelpful at the time. I guess some people are more interested in being destructive than being agents for change.
Monika: You’ve been involved in several impactful initiatives beyond your political advocacy. Could you tell us more about the work you’ve done with TransAdvocates?
Monika: You’ve been involved in several impactful initiatives beyond your political advocacy. Could you tell us more about the work you’ve done with TransAdvocates?
Kelly: Setting up TransAdvocates, an advocacy service for trans people, in 2009 has been a significant advance, I believe. These days, it’s pretty much Lexie Matheson, Allyson Hamblett, and me who do the work. We’re all highly educated, experienced advocates. Supporting each other in our efforts has meant that they have been far more effective. We’ve been a cohesive group that has had greater influence than any other when it comes to advancing trans causes in New Zealand in recent years. We have an active Facebook page with many influential people who are fans.
Monika: What kind of impact has TransAdvocates made on the ground?
Kelly: There are politicians, journalists, academics, advocates, and a huge variety of other people who are influential in the fight for improved transgender rights. Setting up TransAdvocates was something the community really needed. We’ve done a lot of work, ranging from feeding a lot of people to running free law clinics. We’ve done free gender changes through the courts. We’ve got women out of men’s prisons. We saved some from rape. Five years down the track, we’re respected as people who get things done.
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| On the beach with Bruce. |
Monika: How would you describe the current situation for transgender women in New Zealand, especially in light of your personal experiences and position?
Kelly: I think it’s important to put things in context first. I have a tremendous amount of privilege. I’m employed, I have a home, I pass easily in my gender. I am seen as “white,” I’m educated and able-bodied. This means that I don’t experience a great deal of evident prejudice. This isn’t to say that it’s not there, but I’m sure my listed privileges mean that I get treated better than if I didn’t have them.
Monika: Given that context, how would you assess New Zealand’s broader social and legal environment for trans women?
Kelly: With that disclaimer in mind, I think New Zealand is a fairly liberal and accepting society. There is no doubt that prejudice is there, and the more a person looks, the more they’ll find. I try not to look too hard. I don’t want to sound as if I put on “rose-tinted” glasses, but I think it’s easy to spend too much time concentrating on the negatives.
We live in a liberal country where at least one transgender woman has worked her way off the streets into a mayoralty and later Parliament. Georgina Beyer is an example of how far transgender people can go in this society. I see the glass as not only being half full, but it comes with a free glass! While I have this positive outlook, I’m not suggesting that life isn’t very tough for those without privilege. But we do have things better than many in other countries. No surgery is required to change a birth certificate. We can get a passport with the gender marker we want on it. We have marriage equality. Soon, transgender women will be housed in women’s prisons without having to have surgery. These legislative advances just keep coming, and it’s very heartening for all in the community.
Monika: In some communities, internal divisions can sometimes slow progress. Have you observed any meaningful divisions or tensions within the transgender community in New Zealand?
Monika: In some communities, internal divisions can sometimes slow progress. Have you observed any meaningful divisions or tensions within the transgender community in New Zealand?
Kelly: I believe there are a few who, for years, have tried to generate a divide and even created the impression that there was one. I think recently it’s become clear that self-identification is almost universally respected in the community. That respect reflects more unity than division.
Monika: Are there still individuals or groups resisting that sense of unity and progress?
Kelly: Notwithstanding that, there is the odd transsexual separatist still around. They have fought against the liberalization of laws. There was even an argument by one able-bodied person that being transgender was a “disability” and should be treated as such for welfare purposes. Fortunately, that argument never gained traction, but it was articulated in a most unfortunate and very public way. I think transgender people are more inclined to celebrate their abilities and refuse to accept any suggestion that there are places they are excluded from.
I think these days the trans community has greater recognition of diversity than it did a few years ago, and while this might mean there are some distinct groups, there’s also greater recognition of the things we share and the causes we have in common. I see far more unity than division.
Monika: Do you believe the fight for transgender rights represents one of the most pressing and transformative human rights movements of our time?
Kelly: These are almost the exact words of American Vice President Joe Biden. This is a fast-developing area of the law. In fact, it might be the fastest-developing area of law in the world. We’ve made great strides here in New Zealand over the last 20 or so years. No other group has had its rights recognized and accommodated in law the way transgender people have over the last few decades. I find this heartening from that perspective.
Monika: When you first began exploring your identity, did you have anyone to look up to, any figures who showed you what was possible as a transgender woman?
Kelly: As a youngster, I found myself often frequenting the nightclubs that transgender women congregated at. I saw no role models, and the only available occupations were prostitution or stripping. As a kid who’d been through foster care, a Catholic orphanage, and felt a great disconnect from my family, I was desperate to have my own. At the age of four, tied into a bed covered in rubber so my pee wouldn’t soak the mattress, I used to close my eyes and fantasize about living in a house in a leafy suburb with a loving partner, a family, and fat cats. That fantasy was what I held on to during those dark moments, and I never relinquished it. I could see no path to these ambitions in the red-light district of Wellington when I was a teenager.
Monika: What impact do you think mainstream and media portrayals of transgender people had on your early sense of possibility?
Kelly: One of the difficulties is that the images that dominate the media do not make it easier for transgender people. While the images of prostitutes and drag queens are the ones that dominate the press, it’s hard to see role models. But if one looks a little harder, there are plenty within our community. The lack of evident role models when I decided to transition was a problem, but I was old enough to realize I could write my own rules, present the way I chose, and wouldn’t necessarily end up like the sequined gargoyles that dominated the images in the press. Initially, I couldn’t see anyone who had embarked on the path I had. For me, the transition was about how I behaved and related to the world. It was more about that than how I looked. I didn’t cross-dress; I just went on hormones and saw where it would lead me.
Monika: Did you ever seek out support groups or communities during your early transition?
Kelly: I did attend one support group meeting early in the piece but found it more like a hot rod club meeting than anything else. There was so much discussion of who was real and who wasn’t; there was a tremendous focus on surgery and techniques. It seemed to me that if one didn’t have a double-barrel carburetor and twin exhaust pipes, one would never get acceptance among this group.
Monika: How did you relate to that older generation of transsexuals and their perspectives on transition?
Kelly: I think I experienced almost the last gasp of the “old school” transsexuals who saw surgery as everything and subscribed to the notion that one needed to be prepared to lose everything in transition, job, home, partner, children, etc. I never subscribed to that notion and still don’t. This frightening scenario, which some still paint, is misinformation that is very damaging. It’s good to see that good, positive stories are often in the press these days, rather than the “woe is me” stuff that used to find such currency.
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| Photo by Satya Transman. |
Monika: When you first set out on your transition, how did you find the strength and guidance to move forward?
Kelly: I used my kids and partner as my greatest guides. I began my transition focusing on making our children proud of me. I concentrated on being a better partner to my wife who, truth be told, was getting a bit sick of the man she’d married! But I was very visibly queer, with the ambiguous presentation that came from hormones and facial hair removal. In one provincial court where I did a long trial, some colleagues were very rude to me, and this prompted me to form the advocacy service. By doing this, I began to make some decent connections in the trans community.
Monika: What kinds of people and perspectives did you encounter within the community at that time?
Kelly: I found people who also didn’t subscribe to the sequined, silicone image that seems to dominate the mainstream media and who were often the loudest and most vulgar voices to be heard. During this period, I’d done a lot of reading and found great comfort in the writing of Julia Serano (Whipping Girl) and Kate Bornstein (Gender Outlaw). These authors made me realize that there were people out there who weren’t obsessed with surgery and the gender binary. Given where I was at the time, these role models were incredibly reassuring, made me realize that transition isn’t all about the look, and confirmed that my journey wasn’t “wrong,” as I’d been told in one purported support group.
Monika: Did you find any real-life role models who helped counter those limiting narratives?
Kelly: So, I guess, when I began, there seemed to be more people around showing how to screw it up than make transition something really positive and valuable when it came to improving important relationships. I’ve mentioned Allyson Hamblett earlier. She was a great ally from early in my transition and a tremendous role model. She was a ray of hope in what seemed to be a scene utterly dominated by embittered separatists who wanted to talk about their genitals at every opportunity. Allyson was the antithesis of that. Later, I met Lexie Matheson, who’d also successfully transitioned within her existing relationship. Both she and Allyson continue to be great friends from whom I draw strength.
Monika: Looking back, what was the most challenging aspect of coming out and beginning your transition?
Kelly: Transsexual separatists were the greatest problem. One published my old name, occupation, and even the name of my partner in a public blog. This was at a time when I was slowly emerging as transgender in the workplace. While I present in quite a binary way these days, it wasn’t always that way. For most of my life, I’ve broken gender rules, and I staunchly defend people’s right to present in a gender-nonconforming manner. This, a few years ago, was the frontline when it came to the fight for transgender rights. The greatest enemy was not the wider community, but the few surgery-obsessed separatists whose views, thankfully, no longer dominate the conversation.
Monika: In all the changes you’ve experienced, what role has love played in keeping you grounded?
Kelly: Nothing is more important to me than the love of my partner and children. Not only do I draw great strength from them, but they help center me. They are a touchstone and, if I’m making them proud, I know I’m on the right track!
Monika: What brings you joy outside of work and activism? How do you spend your downtime?
Kelly: Until recently, we lived on a small farm 35 kilometers from the city where I work. We ran a number of heritage breed pigs. While I pretended it was a way of generating income, the truth was that I liked pigs and that it was a hobby. Having moved back into town, I’m finding I have more time and am starting to get back involved in two of my favorite sports, sailing and motorcycle racing. I read a lot, I write, I love cooking, I love working with my friends on trans issues and, when I’m worn out from it all, I love to disappear off to bed clutching a cat, animals which seem ever-present in my life.
Monika: Many transgender women choose to share their stories through memoirs. Have you ever felt drawn to documenting your own journey in that way?
Kelly: I’ve always been a prolific writer, but I do it more for my own pleasure than with a view to sharing with a wider audience. I think transition stories are often a bit overdone. There are many who seem to think the fact of transition is a story in itself. It may be to some, but I’m more interested in what trans women do and don’t see their mere existence as being worthy of a book.
Monika: Has your growing public profile changed your thinking about publishing a memoir?
Kelly: With my recent entry into politics, I’ve had more than one approach to writing a book. It might be politically expedient to do this, but I need to balance that with my desire for privacy. It’s a difficult balance to strike. Given how busy I am, there’s not a lot of time at the moment. This means that I may well take up the offer by an established author to write the book herself. I guess I have a general disinclination because of a desire for privacy. But the reality is that doing the work for trans prisoners and for marriage equality has meant that I no longer have the low profile I previously enjoyed. Doing this work has propelled me into the limelight, and I guess I need to either embrace it or dig a hole and hide. I’m not very good at hiding, so I guess a book, written by someone else, is very much on the cards.
Monika: What advice would you give to young transgender women who are navigating the challenges of gender dysphoria and trying to find their own path?
Kelly: I guess I’d say that they should realize that being transgender isn’t about following someone else’s rule book. It’s about throwing it away and writing one’s own rules. Be true to yourself. Seek out the people who love you and will love you back. Avoid the people who will drag you down and, importantly, don’t talk about your genitals in public! This last point is a pet peeve for me. I intensely dislike being asked about my genitals. The culture where people feel they can ask is fuelled by those who want to tell, describe, and even display their genitals publicly. Don’t do this!
Monika: Kelly, thank you for the interview!
Kelly: Thank you, Monika.
All the photos: courtesy of Kelly Ellis.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
