Monika: Bologna, a lovely city in Italy, is our venue today. I am talking to Eva Carieri, an inspirational Italian transgender activist, model, actress, blogger, and fashion celebrity. In 2022, she published her biography "Eva. Il prezzo dell'ambizione. La ricerca dell'amore nonostante tutto, oltre il pregiudizio" (Eve. The price of ambition. The search for love despite everything, beyond prejudice). Hello Eva!
Eva: Hello Monika!
Monika: You are a woman of many talents. Could you say a few words about yourself?
Eva: I am a curious person, eager to learn anything that piques my interest. I have not received an education in culture or that would allow me to cultivate my talents. I come from a very poor family with little education, I was born in an era and in a city not inclined to give space to the people of our community. I didn't give up, I risked and suffered a lot, I had to succumb many times but I reached some of the goals I wanted to conquer, one of all, my body in line with my feelings. Of course, then, life is made up of many other things and I believe that people like us will never stop working on themselves to improve themselves.
Monika: How did you start your modeling career?
Eva: In times when transsexualism was still taboo, I was lucky enough to be very thin and tall, friendships in the fashion world guided me but without making my nature known. It was fun and profitable but I never managed to get important engagements that changed my life. It was not possible.
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| "I didn't give up, I risked and suffered a lot." |
Eva: Yes, like many, I don't feel and have never felt up to the role, I have always pointed out my flaws and they have not made my life easy. But the facts say something else, magazines, aesthetic doctors, and stylists have used me several times as the face of some of their minor advertising campaigns, I imagine that if my appearance was how I perceived it, they would not have called me.
Monika: Do you remember your first time on the modeling catwalk?
Eva: Yes, I can't forget it, it was horrible. It was held at Centergross in Bologna, a place where fashion brands have their own showrooms and I was among the girls who paraded to present the collection to the Buyers. The floor was sprinkled with sand and we walked barefoot. I well remember the embarrassment I felt in the absence of heels, I felt that my body was exposed to reality, deprived of the typical posture of those who wear high heels.
Monika: How did you get on with cisgender models?
Eva: We had no dialogue, but the male models were really interested.
Monika: Could you say a few words about your acting career and participation in TV shows?
Eva: It all started when I participated in “Miss Chirurgia Aesthetica”, a competition for Italian women who had resorted to cosmetic surgery. I declared 26 surgeries and won the band of the most redone woman in Italy, during the award ceremony, I also declared that I had changed my sex. It was a sensation but also an interest in a still little-known reality. From then on I started a series of TV and radio hosts in which I told my life experience. I became passionate about Radio and I started as a radio presenter, then TV and artistic events such as “Arte Fiera in Bologna With Eva Robin's”.
Monika: You look like million dollars. However, our beauty, unfortunately, fades away with time. Are you afraid of getting old?
Eva: I already feel the weight of old age even though I'm only 43 years old. When you are lucky enough to have a pleasant appearance, its degradation is always a source of great discomfort. I hope over time to be able to handle the situation in the best way but at the moment, I'm having a hard time accepting myself.
Monika: Have you ever thought about participating in a beauty pageant?
Eva: I participated in Miss Aesthetic Surgery but then I didn't think about participating in other events, I've always thought that the job I wanted to do shouldn't necessarily pass from beauty but from ability.
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| "I needed to free myself from the psychological oppression that my past has always given me." |
Eva: I needed to free myself from the psychological oppression that my past has always given me. Writing it and then publishing it made me feel free from that burden, but the things that pleased me most were the comments from readers who showed so much solidarity.
Monika: You were born in Palermo, right? Did you have a happy childhood in Sicily?
Eva: No, it was a place prone to violence and shame towards gay and transgender people, we were laughed at and humiliated and sometimes, just for fun, we were beaten with baseball bats. Society and even the family of origin did not accept us and considered our existence as a source of shame.
Just yesterday I saw a film at the cinema that took me back to my adolescence, very well shot, whose setting and historical period match my adolescence in Sicily, “Stranizza d'ammuri” by Giuseppe Fiorello, I invite everyone to see the film to understand how we lived in those years in Sicily. It is, however, a true story.
Monika: Why did you choose Eva for your name?
Eva: In Bologna in the 2000s, I lived on the street, where I also slept, the trans women of that city were the most feared and richest, luxury could be seen every evening on the sidewalks crowded with luxury cars, furs, and diamonds. I managed to enter the circle to escape hunger but I surrendered to the sidewalk and its rules, one of which was right on the name. No one could have the name that someone else had chosen. The life of each one was the staging of a unique and wonderful existence, aimed at the notoriety that in a city like Bologna, you could reach in an instant, given the consent of the men who treated us like unattainable divas.
Bologna was also the city where the most famous trans in Italy lived, Eva Robin's. I chose to challenge such fame, also because she did not belong to the night shift, she was a very good actress who had nothing to do with us. It happened that she didn't care about those primitive rules and we became friends, she opened me up to new knowledge and thanks to her friendship, I found emotional peace.
Monika: Was there any animosity on the street between trans women and cisgender ladies? I guess both groups competed for the same clients.
Eva: No, we were in very different areas and hardly ever met, yet we faced cisgender women with a lot of compassion for their exploitation.
Monika: We all pay the highest price for the fulfillment of our dreams to be ourselves. As a result, we lose our families, friends, jobs, and social positions. Did you pay such a high price as well? What was the hardest thing about your coming out?
Eva: I, like many others, lost my family, slept on the street in order not to retrace my steps and I didn't get everything out of life that I would have hoped for. I live my life with a strong sense of injustice and I carry the wounds of the wrong, violent men who made me feel like a disposable piece of meat but luckily time, cultural progress, and my will to persevere have given me back some of the things I needed, for example, I think about work and the opportunity to be and feel loved by a man who still remains in first place in my life, even if no longer as a companion but as a friend and brother.
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| "I live my life with a strong sense of injustice and I carry the wounds of the wrong, violent men who made me feel like a disposable piece of meat." |
Monika: Was your family surprised by your transition?
Eva: I didn't confide in them, I tried to do it later but despite my efforts, we always ended up arguing and I was labeled a "piece of plastic", "nature's mistake".
Monika: And your mother? Did she do the same?
Eva: At first she too exploded with insults like these, but then she understood the situation.
Monika: Are you satisfied with the effects of the hormone treatment?
Eva: I am satisfied, I think they are an excellent therapy for us but we must remember to be careful and never give up medical support. I've lost friends who, pursuing a femininity that has now been achieved for years, died of liver cancer due to too many hormones.
Monika: Does the Italian health system provide good healthcare for transgender women? Is it possible to undergo feminizing operations and a gender reassignment surgery in Italy or do ladies go to Thailand instead?
Eva: I went to Thailand because I wanted a safe and cutting-edge clinic. Italy today provides you with various surgeries, such as breast augmentation, Adam's apple, and voice surgery on which I wrote an editorial together with Dr. Andre Cavalot, so we have seen the emergence of new Italian doctors in recent years.
Monika: We are said to be prisoners of passing or non-passing syndrome. Although cosmetic surgeries help to overcome it, we will always be judged accordingly. How can we cope with this?
Eva: I believe that we must make peace with ourselves, I have discovered the way that helps me clear my head of anguish for a few hours, my house is full of mirrors and this makes me keep myself and my image under control which unfortunately even today it is an object of emotional contention between my resolved self and the dreamy one who would like more. Surgery is an excellent ally, I also experiment with it as a psychological cure.
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| "I managed to build the face I felt I had based on my personality." |
Eva: The third option is in my opinion the most sensible one, chasing the image you have of yourself! I managed to build the face I felt I had based on my personality. This paid off because I always felt fully myself.
Monika: Do you remember the first time you saw a transgender woman on TV or met anyone transgender in person that opened your eyes and allowed you to realize who you are?
Eva: I grew up with the myth of Eva Robin's, then life wanted us to become great friends, we are kindred souls and she allowed me not to go crazy.
Monika: Did you have any transgender sisters around you that supported you during the transition?
Eva: I had Patty, we did everything together with her, then cancer took her away from me when I was very young.
Monika: What do you think about the present situation of transgender women in your country?
Eva: My country is experiencing a dark political era, the conservative right is tightening its belts around LGBT+ people and trans women are still in limbo that still doesn't see them participating in great roles.
Monika: What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any special fashion designs, colors, or trends?
Eva: By now, at my age. I wear Max Mara and its Sports lines. I like the colors in contrast, I use a lot of white, denim, blue, black, and touches of red and pink.
Monika: Do you often experiment with your makeup?
Eva: I graduated in aesthetic and cinematic make-up at the Altieri Academy in Rome, make-up is one of the things I love, I never go out without it.
Monika: By the way, do you like being complimented on your looks?
Eva: It depends, there are compliments that imply compassion as a subliminal message (you are very beautiful….. FOR BEING A MAN)
I often find this type of compliment in ignorant people whom I pity and cut off the conversation immediately.
Everyone likes compliments, including me, but sincere.
Monika: I remember copying my sister and mother first, and later other women, trying to look 100% feminine, and my cis female friends used to joke that I try to be a woman that does not exist in reality. Did you experience the same?
Eva: As I mentioned before, I tried to be the image I had of myself, it didn't matter if it was unreal, I would have made it real!
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| "I tried to be the image I had of myself, it didn't matter if it was unreal, I would have made it real!" |
Eva: Not much anymore, I was a candidate in the administrative elections on June 12, 2022, in Palermo but I didn't get a good response from the local community. With great regret I abandoned the race for the election also due to attacks suffered during the electoral campaign, I am very sorry because Palermo is the city with the lowest progress index of the LGBT+ community and I can't do anything about all this. You can't help anyone who doesn't wants your help!
Monika: Could you tell me about the importance of love in your life?
Eva: Love is something that has been missing in my life for many years, I met it with Raffaele, whom I told you about earlier. He was the first man to make me feel loved and he is still present in my life today, he is the family I didn't have, the brother I didn't have, my best friend. I've had many stories with other men but I haven't seen the right one around for a decade… I'm waiting for him, if he wants to show up, I'm here! If it doesn't come, I can still live thanks to friends, my dogs, and my hobbies.
Monika: What is your next step in the present time and where do you see yourself within the next 5-7 years?
Eva: I would like to live in an exotic place like Bali, experience a strong spirituality, feed on fruit and vegetables and live in communion with the animals I would like to take care of.
Monika: What would you recommend to all transgender women that are afraid of transition?
Eva: Do it, if you think this is your aspiration, just do it. However, choose a friendly place where your rights will be protected.
Monika: My pen-friend Gina Grahame wrote to me once that we should not limit our potential because of how we were born or by what we see other transgender people doing. Our dreams should not end on an operating table; that’s where they begin. Do you agree with this?
Eva: I absolutely agree, the operating table is the means for our dreams to become reality.
Monika: Eva, it was a pleasure to interview you. Thanks a lot!
Eva: I am very grateful to you dear Monika. Greetings from Italy to all your readers, Eva Carieri.
All the photos: courtesy of Eva Carieri.
© 2023 - Monika Kowalska
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| The book is available via Amazon. |
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