Monica P. Mulholland is a writer, activist, and trailblazer whose story continues to inspire people in New Zealand and beyond. Monica is a transgender activist, the president-elect of the Queenstown Rotary Club, and the co-author of the 2016 book ME!: The Gift of Being Transgender, a collaborative work created by seven authors, including Andrea James. This book is not only a deeply personal exploration of transgender lives but also a call to shift the narrative away from stigma and despair toward pride, resilience, and the recognition of transgender identity as a gift rather than a curse. All proceeds from the book are donated to Lifeline New Zealand, an organization providing crucial suicide prevention services and support for LGBTQ individuals, which further reflects Monica’s commitment to saving lives and creating hope within her community.
Monica herself describes her journey as that of a “late bloomer,” beginning her societal transition at the age of 59. She speaks candidly about the transformation she experienced, not only in how she presents herself to the world but in the profound happiness and authenticity that followed. For Monica, transition was not a burden but a liberation, and her story is a testament to the truth that it is never too late to be yourself. Her philosophy of “making transgender normal” guides her work, encouraging others to live openly and authentically, and challenging society to broaden its understanding of gender identity. In addition to her writing and activism, Monica is also a Level 2 teacher in The Art of Feminine Presence, a practice that reconnects women, cisgender and transgender alike, with their inner feminine energy. She has openly shared how these practices helped her replace fear and self-consciousness with confidence, joy, and a deep sense of belonging. Whether discussing identity, spirituality, or fashion, Monica’s approach is filled with humor, honesty, and wisdom, all woven together with the conviction that being transgender is not a limitation but an opportunity for authenticity and growth.
Beyond her personal journey, Monica’s influence extends into public life. Her leadership in the Rotary Club, her openness about transition, and her commitment to creating positive visibility for transgender people exemplify her belief in service and community. Monica is not just living her truth, she is reshaping the narrative for others, standing as a role model, and proving that visibility and courage can change hearts and minds. It is with great admiration that I welcome Monica P. Mulholland to this interview, a woman who embodies resilience, compassion, and the power of living authentically.
Monika: Today, it is my pleasure and honor to interview Monica P. Mulholland, a writer and transgender activist based in New Zealand. She is the president-elect of the Queenstown Rotary Club and the co-author of the 2016 book ME!: The Gift of Being Transgender, available exclusively on Amazon as a Kindle edition. Hello Monica!
Monica: Hi Monika, I am deeply honored to be nominated to be included on your Heroines page. I think it is extremely important for transgender people to have role models. Role models have an important part to play in helping reduce the terrible suicide rates that plague our community. Thank you so much for doing this work!
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| Available via Amazon. |
Monika: To begin, could you introduce yourself to our readers and share a little about your personal journey so far?
Monica: I am a late bloomer. I am soon to be 60 and started my societal transition a year ago. I do not regret it in the slightest. The general consensus is that I am a much happier and outgoing person since I started living as my true self. It is never too late to be yourself.
Monika: Your book ME!: The Gift of Being Transgender was written by seven authors, including Andrea James and yourself. What inspired you to take part in this project?
Monica: What triggered it was my musings on the fact that 41% of transgender people attempt suicide, that is not they just think about suicide, that is they actually do something about carrying it out! That got me thinking about why transgender people do this and, in a blinding flash of the obvious, it struck me that it was because that transgender people and their friends and family, saw being transgender as a curse. I wondered about this and thought that there must be some positive aspects to being transgender and that if people were able to focus on the positives then they would be less likely to be abandoned by their friends and family... and as a consequence, less likely to commit suicide.
Monika: Many transgender people, if not most, wish they had been born cisgender women, sparing themselves the challenges and pain of transition. Yet, the title of your book suggests that being transgender can actually be seen as a gift. Could you explain this perspective?
Monica: In searching to switch the emphasis away from transgender being a curse that we were born with, I sought out the gift that might be hidden in our affliction. I felt that accentuating the positive was the better road out of the depression and associated suicide. It is for us all to find our own gift in it and celebrate that. Personally, I think our gift is that of knowing who we truly are, that is the goal of so many spiritual and psychological practices. We are well along the road already!
Monika: The book brings together the voices of several transgender women. Despite the differences in their personal journeys, did you notice any shared themes in their stories?
Monica: I guess the most common theme and, perhaps, the only theme is that all transitions and stories are different. Other than knowing that we were different at an early age, the path taken to our goal of being ourselves is different. However, it requires similar approaches: courage, the ability to really be ourselves and follow our own north star, the ability to pick ourselves up after being knocked down, the importance of not taking oneself too seriously, and the ability to have a sense of humor about the situation we find ourselves in.
Monika: All proceeds from ME!: The Gift of Being Transgender are donated to Lifeline, a suicide prevention hotline in New Zealand. Why did you decide to support this particular organization?
Monica: Lifeline is one of the suicide hotlines in New Zealand and is very supportive of the LGBTQ community. It recently lost its government funding and relies, now, on public donations. As my book is about reversing the suicide trends amongst transgender people, I felt that the right thing to do with the proceeds of the book was to donate them to Lifeline to help them continue the fight for life and acceptance.
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| At The Art of Feminine Presence in Japan. |
Monika: On Amazon, you mention that you are a Level 2 teacher of The Art of Feminine Presence. For those unfamiliar with it, could you explain what this practice is about?
Monica: It struck me that, in our community, there was far too much focus on the hardware of being a woman. I called it “The Vag is not the badge” syndrome. This was the sexist stereotype that the feminists had warned us about... that there is more to a woman than a vagina, and yet so many in the transgender community were following this line.
Monika: That’s a powerful observation. How do you personally distinguish between “hardware” and “software” when it comes to expressing femininity?
Monica: To me, if the software is good it can run on any hardware: the same is not true about hardware. That is to say, that if you walk, talk, and look like a duck, you are a duck. What is between your legs is immaterial. The only person who sees what is between your legs is your intimate lover or your doctor! For me, good software is voice, deportment, dress, and the feminine spirit, i.e., having a feminine operating system instead of a male one.
Monika: How did you come to discover The Art of Feminine Presence as a way to strengthen that feminine “software”?
Monica: I sought out practices that would put me in touch with my femininity. This is what The Art of Feminine Presence was designed for. That is, the work and business environment is very male in its culture and expectations.
Monika: You’ve mentioned that The Art of Feminine Presence has had a big impact on you. In your view, how can this practice also benefit women in business or leadership roles?
Monica: Many women who do well in business lose touch with their feminine essence (and this does not mean frilly dresses or being coy and deferential!). This can lead to all kinds of problems for these women, as their hardware is designed to run on a different kind of software and they are trying to force alien software onto their hardware.
Monika: That makes sense. How does The Art of Feminine Presence help women reconnect with that feminine essence?
Monica: The practices of The Art of Feminine Presence are designed to put you in touch with your Yin energy (that is not to say that you cannot or should not use your Yang energy when the situation warrants it... we all have Yin and Yang, and knowing when to use each is the key) and ensuring that you mostly operate from that. This sounded like exactly what I needed. Having been culturally raised as a male, I knew that my software was wrong and that I needed a different operating system. This is what I found in The Art of Feminine Presence, and I got a bunch of loving and supportive cisgender sisters as a bonus! I would recommend it to all who aspire to live full-time as a woman.
Monika: Were you able to integrate The Art of Feminine Presence into your daily life?
Monica: Yes, I did, very much so... and it helped me greatly. Basically, it means that rather than operating from the head, with its monkey mind of distractions and fears, the better place to operate from is the womb space. This helps keep me centered and not triggered in any situation. Before this, I was always scanning the crowd when presenting as a woman, looking for people’s reactions and assuming any reaction was a negative one.
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Before and after image taken by Don Hajicek. Nobody takes photos of women like Don. |
Monika: That’s powerful. How has this shift in perspective changed the way you interact with others?
Monica: Now, as I am centered and “home,” whenever I see somebody looking at me I assume that they are being supportive and positive. So instead of cowering, I give them a big smile. For a better life, I have found that the thing to do is to design out the stress! :) People react to how you see yourself, and confidence is a huge part of passing if that is what you want to do.
Monika: When did you make the decision to live openly as a woman, and what was that journey like for you?
Monica: I have always been a woman, and at age 59 I decided to stop pretending otherwise. Surprisingly, for me at any rate, it was not difficult. I came from a white middle-class privileged background and live in a very liberal town. My wife had known about my condition since I was 19.
Monika: That’s remarkable. What motivated you to finally take that step after so many years?
Monica: I decided that if privileged people like me and (not that I am putting myself in the same category... but people of certain backgrounds, etc.) Caitlyn Jenner did not do our part to make transgender normal, then we were doing a disservice to humanity and to those less fortunate than us. I was totally accepted by most of my friends and family. Those who knew me the longest were the ones who found it hardest to get to grips with.
Monika: When you began your transition, were there any transgender role models who inspired or guided you?
Monica: Not particularly. I was very conscious of Jennifer Boylan’s situation, both because I had met her and because she was married, as I was. Caitlyn Jenner’s coming out helped me a lot, as it brought Transgender into the mainstream and meant I didn’t have to do so much explaining.
Monika: Caitlyn Jenner is often seen as a polarizing figure in the transgender community. Some view her as an icon, while others strongly disagree with the way she represents the cause. What is your perspective on her role?
Monica: I have zero interest in Jenner’s politics and how she presents the cause. We all know how distorting the media can be, who knows what she really does? It is not my place to judge her based on third-hand facts. I would point you back to what Brené Brown says in her TED talk about the critics of people who put themselves out there. What I can say is that I am extremely thankful to her for taking the risk and coming out. Love her or hate her, she made life much easier for me, and I appreciate her for that.
Monika: Are there transgender women today whom you particularly admire or respect?
Monica: Jennifer Boylan is certainly one. She kept her marriage together and set a pattern for me and others to follow. I love Orange is the New Black and really admire Laverne Cox. Janet Mock is also somebody I admire. In general, anybody who puts themselves out there and is happy to tell people that they are transgender has my admiration. Unless there are extenuating circumstances, I think the time for being stealthy is past, though I realize this is not feasible for everyone.
Monika: Looking back at your own journey, what was the most difficult part of coming out?
Monica: The hardest thing for me was telling my friends and family and waiting for their response. Also, telling my local Rotary Club, of which I have been a member for over 10 years, and waiting for their reaction was nerve-wracking. Most of my friends and family have made the transition with me, and my Rotary Club has voted me President for this coming year. I feel that my mantras, “go hard or go home” and “making transgender normal,” have really helped me push the barriers of what I would have done if left to my own devices, and it has always worked out for the best.
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| At the Rotary Christmas Party with her wife in the background and the current President of my right. |
Monika: Many transgender women consider surgeries such as SRS, FFS, and other feminization procedures. What is your perspective on them?
Monica: My view on surgery, I guess, is a bit different. As regards SRS, I don’t think it is anybody’s business apart from my own and that of my intimate partner. Hence, I never answer questions regarding SRS, it is something totally personal.
Monika: What about facial feminization surgery? Have your thoughts on that changed over time?
Monica: Yes, I have changed my mind about it. I went to see one of the top facial surgeons and he told me that he would need to work on my face for seven hours. He is a top-class surgeon and I have no doubt that I would have looked stunning afterward. But I got to thinking that this sets a stylized form of beauty that we are all supposed to conform to, and that is not good for either cisgender women or transgender women. So, on a personal level, I have an ethical issue with it.
Monika: So instead of surgery, how do you approach the idea of appearance and acceptance?
Monica: I have no wish to impose my ethics on others (just as I am vegetarian, I do not think that everybody should be vegetarian just because of my ethics), and it is up to everybody to make up their own mind on the issue and do what is best for them. In keeping with my mantra of “making transgender normal,” I will not have facial surgery. People need to get used to how transgender women look. I may non-surgically contour my face to get me from “Hmm, that is a guy” to “I am not sure if it is a woman”... but that is to get me within the range of how normal women look. This will help me stop frightening the children and the horses by how I look! There are only so many steps one can take at any one time.
END OF PART 1
All the photos: courtesy of Monica P Mulholland.
© 2017 - Monika Kowalska
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