Interview with Kirsty Scarlet Cass

Some stories remind us just how far courage can carry a person, from the darkest of moments to a life finally lived in truth. Today's guest is one such story. Kirsty Scarlet Cass, from Crawley in West Sussex, England, spent decades quietly knowing she was different, hiding in plain sight, until the weight of that secret became unbearable. Her struggle with gender dysphoria made headlines in the British media back in 2010, following a suicide attempt, a moment of true crisis that, thankfully, was not the end of her story, but the beginning of a new one. At 47, Kirsty finally stepped into the world full-time as herself. What followed wasn't easy, the fear of telling her family, the nervous first steps into womanhood, the sting of a brother's rejection, but also warmth she may not have expected: a supportive family, a loving ex-wife who helped her with her makeup, and a community in Crawley that welcomed her with open arms. Today, she works as an LGBTQ representative, dances the nights away, and dreams of one day walking down the aisle in a wedding dress of her own. It is with great warmth that I welcome a woman who turned unbearable pain into a life of genuine happiness, please join me in welcoming Kirsty Scarlet Cass to The Heroines of My Life!

 

Monika: Today I would like you to meet Kirsty Scarlet Cass, a lovely lady from West Sussex in England. Her gender dysphoria was covered by the British media in 2010, following her suicide attempt. Hello Kirsty! It is my sheer pleasure to welcome you to “ The Heroines of My Life ”!

Kirsty: Thank you. It is a pleasure to be interviewed by you.

Monika: So, tell me, how is life treating you these days?

Kirsty: I have never felt better, thank you. Now I'm living my life how it should be.

Monika: Let's start from the beginning. Whereabouts did you grow up?

Kirsty: I was born in Crawley, West Sussex, in England, and I have been here ever since.

Monika: Take me back to your childhood for a moment. When did you first sense that something didn't fit, that you weren't meant to be a boy?

Kirsty: I had a happy childhood, but from a very early age I preferred the company of girls rather than boys, and as I got older, I knew that I was different but did not know why.

Monika: School years are often remembered fondly, but for many transgender girls they are marked by discrimination and isolation instead. How was it for you?

Kirsty: I found things very hard at secondary school with getting changed for P.E., and I felt very embarrassed and nervous, not wanting to be there. I even got the nickname "Faye," because I was effeminate.

Monika: And then came transition. At what age did you finally step into womanhood, and how did your family and friends respond?

Kirsty: I went full-time when I was 47, on 6 April 2010. Before that, I was living as a woman about fifty percent of the time, hiding it from my family and my workplace. My family has been very supportive, apart from my eldest brother, who has not spoken to me since I went full-time. That's his problem, not mine.

With Gabby Logan before her live tv show
on 12 Oct. 2010.

Monika: Passing can be a real source of anxiety for many transgender women. Was that a struggle for you, and did it involve any cosmetic surgery?

Kirsty: At first, when I was learning to apply my make-up, I had people staring at me, but once I got that sorted out, I have had no real problems. I can count myself very lucky.

Monika: Modern cosmetic surgery has opened the door to transitioning even later in life, in one's fifties or sixties. Do you believe that's genuinely possible, and what advice would you offer women considering it at that age?

Kirsty: I believe that as long as you are healthy and happy with yourself, age should not be an issue. If it makes you feel happy and contented, then all the better.

Monika: Role models can mean so much during transition. Did you have any to look up to, or much knowledge of transgender issues at the time?

Kirsty: I used to look at a lot of transgender sites, with many attractive girls I longed to be like, but I can't say I had one particular role model.

Monika: Coming out is rarely easy. What was the hardest part of it for you?

Kirsty: It has to be telling my family, without a doubt. I don't think I have ever been so scared and worried in my entire life, but love prevails, doesn't it?

Monika: Can you describe what it felt like, that moment you were finally living as a woman?

Kirsty: Relief. It felt so natural and right. I have never felt as good as I do now. I'm happy, contented. I love life, whereas once I just wanted to kill myself, which I tried to do on two occasions.

Monika: If you had to name it, what do you enjoy most about being a woman?

Kirsty: Getting up in the morning, sitting at my dressing table, applying my make-up, choosing what I'm going to wear, looking in the mirror and seeing the reflection of a woman called Kirsty, a very happy one at that, and feeling grateful that I made the decision to be my true self.

Monika: Before transitioning, you were married and had a child as a man. How did your spouse react to learning you were transgender?

Kirsty: She was fantastic, and used to help me with my make-up and clothing. She knew I was different, and when it came to the bedroom I was always nervous and needed a lot of coaxing. It just wasn't me.

Monika: Is marriage, this time as a woman, something you still dream about?

Kirsty: I would love to do that one day. I dream about meeting Mr. Right and wearing a lovely wedding dress with lots of flowers, on a lovely summer day. We can dream, can't we?

Alison Ferns show on BBC Radio Sussex on 22 July 2011.

Monika: Stepping back a bit, how would you assess the present situation of transgender women in the United Kingdom?

Kirsty: It is a lot better than it used to be. There is much more publicity these days. If that had been the case years ago, I would have transitioned a long time ago.

Monika: In America, transgender women are increasingly stepping into the public eye, some even achieving celebrity status: Lana Wachowski in film-directing, Jenna Talackova in modeling, Kate Bornstein in academic life, Laura Jane Grace in music, or Candis Cayne in acting. Does the UK have any equivalents?

Kirsty: No, not really, but I am sure that, as time goes by, this will change, as more and more gay celebrities are coming out. I think that once one does it, a lot of others will follow.

Monika: Here's a bold one for you: could you imagine a transgender woman becoming British Prime Minister in our lifetime?

Kirsty: Why not! Thirty years ago, no one believed a woman would ever be Prime Minister, and then along came Margaret Thatcher. So who's to say this couldn't become reality in the future?

Monika: Quite a few transgender women eventually put their story into a memoir. Has that thought ever crossed your mind?

Kirsty: Yes, I have, and one day I do hope to do this, as what I have to say could help a lot of transsexuals through their own transition.

Monika: Let's talk fashion for a moment. What's your style, and are there any particular brands or trends you gravitate toward?

Kirsty: I always like to dress smart and make an effort, even if it's just going to the supermarket. In England, we have top brands such as Jane Norman, Next, and Marks and Spencer, which I like to shop at for all my clothes.

Kirsty's new birth certificate.

Monika: Different hairstyles and colors are one of the small joys of being a woman. Do you enjoy your trips to the hairdresser?

Kirsty: I have a very good friend who was a hairdresser. She now works for the same company as me and does most of the ladies' hair there, but I do love going to the nail salon and getting pampered and having my nails done.

Monika: And away from all that, how do you like to spend your free time? Any particular hobbies?

Kirsty: I like to keep fit and I like to read. I love going to clubs and dancing the night away and making new friends. I have so much to catch up on, as I missed out on so much in my earlier life.

Monika: Are you involved with your local LGBTQ community at all?

Kirsty: Yes, at work I'm one of the LGBTQ representatives, and I also belong to a lovely club in Crawley called "Bar 7," which is an LGBTQ club. I work some shifts behind the bar there in the evenings, too.

Monika: One last question: would you call yourself a happy woman today?

Kirsty: Very happy. I've never felt this happy and contented in my entire life. Long may it continue!

Monika: Kirsty, thank you very much for the interview!

All the photos: courtesy of Kirsty Scarlet Cass.

© 2013 - Monika Kowalska  

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