Monika: Today, I have the pleasure of speaking with Kayhar, a multi-talented singer and trans activist whose journey has touched thousands. Known for her powerful vocals and deeply personal storytelling, she has documented her transition on YouTube in a way that is both artistic and inspiring. Her unique blend of music and activism has made a significant impact, and I’m thrilled to have her here today. Hello, Kayhar!
Kayhar: Hi Monika! Thank you for inviting me.
Monika: To start, could you tell us a little more about yourself?
Kayhar: Sure thing. My name is Kayhar, and I’m an artist and trans activist. Music and advocacy go hand in hand for me, and I try to use my voice in every way possible.
Monika: What inspired you to share your transition on YouTube?
Kayhar: I always wanted to make one of my own, but I wanted mine to be memorable. I also wanted an opportunity to introduce myself as a singer. Eventually, I came up with the idea to combine both in one video. It felt like the perfect way to blend my personal journey with my passion for music. Looking back, I wouldn’t have done it any other way.
Monika: You have two incredible videos on YouTube. Your first one, featuring a cover of Coldplay’s “Fix You,” has been viewed by over 330,000 people! That’s amazing!
Kayhar: Thank you! I’m aware of how fortunate I am to have had my story reach so many people. I hope that every other transition video out there receives the same amount of support as mine. It’s a reminder that visibility matters and can truly touch lives. Every comment and message I receive reminds me why I started this journey.
Monika: Your second video, “Battlefield,” is absolutely unique—you perform a duet with your pre-transition self. I’ve never seen anything like that before!
Kayhar: The idea for that video was also conceived with the concept of ‘memorable’ in mind. Luckily, I found an old video of myself pre-transition covering “Battlefield.” Clearly, the end result was a bit pitchy. However, the message came across quite well in my opinion. Trans women are a force to be reckoned with. I wanted to showcase how far I’ve come and honor my journey in a creative way. It was also an emotional experience, almost like a conversation with my past self.
 |
| Cover of Fix You - YouTube |
Monika: Do you have any exciting new projects coming up?
Kayhar: Yes! I’m happy to announce that I will be launching a Kickstarter campaign to help me fund the production and release of my first EP. I’ve written an original song specifically for this campaign. I’m working on releasing a live performance (video) of that song with a band composed of trans women on the date of the Kickstarter campaign launch. It’s a project close to my heart, and I can’t wait to share it with the world. It’s more than just music, it’s a statement.
Monika: We have so many talented transgender singers—Justin Vivian Bond, Amanda Lear, Namoli Brennet, Canary Conn, Marie France, Dana International, Mina Caputo, Diamond Stylz, Laura Jane Grace, and many more. However, none have broken into the mainstream charts. Do you think we’ll see that change with you?
Kayhar: I certainly hope so. Mainstream America is craving something completely original. Our iPhones and music charts are chock full of pop stars whose careers are designed and built by LGBT people. However, very few LGBT people have made it to the top. Why is that? Why are we good enough to create art and trends, but never good enough to be the poster child for what WE create? This is true for transgender women specifically. We’re often mistaken for undesirable creatures with nothing much to offer other than a chuckle at our own expense, or a cheap discrete thrill (for most of our admirers). With the recent rise of talented, intellectual transgender women in the media, THIS WILL CHANGE. The industry is shifting, and I hope to be part of that movement. The world is ready for a transgender pop star.
Monika: When you began your transition, did you have any trans role models?
Kayhar: My lifelong friend (and transgender model) Giana Caceres served as my closest role model. She supported me when no one was even aware of my Gender Identity Disorder. With her help, I was able to begin my transition. Had I not experienced her journey to serve as a blueprint, I may have probably given in to my deep depression. Dina Marie Delicious also played an important part as a role model for me. I’m very grateful to have had these women to look up to. Role models are vital, and I hope to be that for someone else now. Representation truly saves lives.
Monika: What was the hardest part of coming out?
Kayhar: Accepting MYSELF as a trans woman was probably the most difficult part. Coming to terms with my own gender wasn’t something I expected I’d have to do. I knew that other people would have an issue with it, but I wasn’t aware that I too would dislike the rituals of HRT, cosmetic procedures, announcements, and clarifications of my gender, dating, employment, etc. It’s all so exhausting. After about a year of the same routines, you reach a point where it no longer matters anymore. You learn not to care if you aren’t understood, as long as it doesn’t interfere with who you are. Self-acceptance is the foundation for everything else. Once I embraced myself, everything else fell into place.
|
| "Accepting MYSELF as a Transwoman was probably the most difficult part." |
Monika: Are you politically active? Do you think transgender women can make a real impact in politics?
Kayhar: I’d like to see more trans women run for office. We lack sufficient representation of trans women in politics, as well as on the boards of LGBT-related organizations. As a result, we’re often cut out of legislation that supports the equal treatment of LGBT people. It’s important for us (trans people) to monitor & lead these organizations so that equality is secured for ALL LGBT people and not just some. Visibility in politics can help bring real change, and we need more voices at the table. The more of us who step up, the stronger we become as a community.
Monika: Let’s talk fashion! Do you love it? What kind of outfits do you usually wear? Any favorite trends?
Kayhar: Before my transition, I spent years as a Clubkid in the NYC nightlife scene. I consistently wore many of my own original pieces. Fashion is a big part of my life, and I think you’ll see that in my upcoming projects. Expression through clothing is empowering, and I love experimenting with style. Fashion is freedom.
Monika: Are you involved in your local LGBTQ+ community?
Kayhar: I try as much as I can to be a part of events in my local community.
Monika: Do you see marriage and family in your future? How important is love in your life?
Kayhar: I will someday have children of my own. That is a fact. Preferably, I’ll have a husband, a house, a white picket fence, and a family dog, too. All jokes aside, I do dream of that day, though at the moment my primary focus is my art. Love is beautiful, and I look forward to experiencing it fully. Until then, I’m married to my music.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women afraid of transitioning due to discrimination and hate?
Kayhar: I’d tell them to take a page out of Nike’s book: Just do it. Most of the things holding you back are in your head. The rest? It can be dealt with. Yes, discrimination and hate exist, but the world is changing. Don’t put off your happiness for a future that’s uncertain. Start living now.
Monika: What’s next for you? Where do you see yourself in five to seven years?
Kayhar: Right now, my top priority is my first EP. But my long-term goal? To be the first trans woman to earn a Grammy nomination. And my childhood dream? Performing live on Saturday Night Live, mark my words, it’s going to happen!
Monika: Would you say you’re a happy woman now?
Kayhar: Absolutely. Happiness is living authentically.
Monika: Kayhar, it was an absolute pleasure speaking with you. I hope that, just like in Fix You, “lights will guide you home and ignite your bones.” But let’s be clear—no one needs to “fix” you. You’re already amazing just as you are!
Kayhar: Thank you again, Monika. The pleasure was all mine.
All the photos: Courtesy of Kayhar.
© 2013 - Monika Kowalska
