Interview with Beth Horner

Beth Horner’s life story is a beautiful tapestry woven from courage, creativity, and a relentless pursuit of authenticity. Born in Afghanistan to a diplomat father and Dutch mother, Beth’s early years were marked by constant travel and a sense of rootlessness, never truly belonging to one place, yet quietly nurturing a deep, unspoken truth within her heart. From a young age, Beth experienced moments of clarity about who she truly was, even if the world around her seemed uncertain and unkind. It wasn’t until her early adulthood that she found her passion for bicycles, which became not just a career but a lifeline, grounding her amid the complexities of identity and self-discovery. Through design awards, technical books, and a thriving career in the bicycle industry, Beth has navigated the professional world with grace and determination. Her transition journey, courageous and deeply personal, unfolded amid this backdrop of professional success and personal challenges. 

 

With the support of thoughtful coworkers and management, Beth bravely embraced her true self openly at work, embodying the powerful message that authenticity can coexist with professional excellence. Music has been Beth’s creative refuge, a source of balance and joy during times of upheaval. Her story is not only about the challenges of living between genders but also about the triumph of self-love, resilience, and the pursuit of a fulfilled life. In this interview, Beth shares her reflections on identity, acceptance, the importance of role models, and her heartfelt advice to others navigating their own paths. Join us as we explore the inspiring journey of a woman who teaches us that living our truth is the greatest gift we can give ourselves, and the world.

 

Monika: Hi Beth! Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me today.

Beth: Hi Monika, and thank you for the important work you’re doing. There are many trans women leading normal, interesting, and successful lives. It’s crucial for everyone to understand that.

Monika: Could you please share a little about your life story and how you came to where you are today?
Beth: I was born in Afghanistan, where my dad was a U.S. diplomat. My mom was Dutch, and during my childhood, we traveled a lot, living in many different countries. I must have been about five when I put on my mom’s dress, in Greece, in private, and had an awakening. I revisited that theme many times over the years and dreamt, “If only I could have been born female,” or that there could be some magical intervention to make it happen. Basically, the feeling was of inner peace and that things would be better compared to the estrangement I felt.

In the desert, Sept 2013.

I had a fairly conventional upbringing, outside of the rootlessness of moving every few years, and never feeling connected to any location or having long-term friends, always an outsider. Finally, when I was 19, I made a surprising connection to bicycles quite by accident, and over time it came to define the professional course of my life. Basically, I became immersed in its lore, mystery, and science, and over time industry people helped propel my career by believing in my work.
I ended up in design and international business and moved fluidly in this universe. I lived to work; I did not work to live, the chief reason being that it filled a void in my life, sadly enough, and ‘defined’ me as I had no inner compass as to who I really was or how to get there.

Monika: When did you find the courage to embrace your true self?

Beth: That defining process took many years. I had to see that something was dysfunctional, own up to the situation, and then work to change things from the inside out, opposite to how I’d approached things before, using outward validation. 

Meanwhile, I kept my career going while my marriage and relationship with my daughter crumbled in the quicksand it was built on. I stayed involved with music as a creative outlet to balance myself during all the turmoil and to keep my sanity.

The big final push came at the end of 2011. I could not stand living between two genders anymore, as the old life became a hated mask preventing true expression. I had to put it all on the line and roll the dice for real, and to put into practice all the training and rehearsal for 24/7 and transition to the one remaining area, my work environment.

I have to say I was terrified, and it was only my own survival and inner pain that pushed me to confront the possibility of abject failure in a key area of life.
Monika: You transitioned while on the job. How did your co-workers react to your transition?
Beth: I was in South America getting FFS when my “coming out” letter was distributed by management, along with their own letter affirming a clear policy of non-discrimination and support for me and workplace diversity.

Basically, management was very cool and understanding. It turned out the president had known a trans person from his old high school, and his wife was a MFT, a marriage and family counselor, so he had exposure and informed thinking. We worked out my transition timetable, the needed statements, and policies in advance, then gave the coworkers a few weeks to mentally adjust before my return.

Very quickly they got used to it, and the positive, helpful attitude I’d always had ensured they would still like me and value our work together. I was not asking them to do anything except be professionals, so we kept it at that level. The same happened with our vendors, I was quickly accepted.
Monika: What was the hardest part of coming out for you?
Beth: Honestly, the hardest part was internal. I had no positive role models to guide me as a kid and was totally polluted by the media portrayals and the negative stories. Being a guy with male privilege is supposed to be ideal, and I had certainly tried that, so what was wrong with me?

While I had heard of Christine Jorgensen or Rene Richards, they seemed to be from another planet, maybe even delusional. Please remember, much of my social conditioning was in the pre-internet age. In therapy, I was diagnosed with transphobia. It was the last thing I wanted to hear, or so I believed. I was convinced I’d be ridiculed, shunned, lose my job, and lose any remaining dignity.

It took a lot of internal education, then finding suitable role models and inspiration, to move forward and get past the way I thought I was supposed to be, as taught by society.

Las Vegas, Sept 2013.

Monika: During your transition, did you have any transgender role models who inspired you or helped guide your journey?
Beth: I would say the years 2006 to 2011 were my coming of age. I read every book I could find by Kate Bornstein, Jennifer Finney Boylan, Helen Boyd, Alice Novak, Christine Beatty, and many more. I spent a lot of time on the internet gathering information that told me maybe I was not crazy. I attended self-actualization group therapy, individual therapy, immersed myself in the “scene,” went out more and more, made friends and connections, and even had some love interests. It was a lot to process.

Many of my heroines were local girls who were either pretty, brave, or simply pushing boundaries I was terrified of. Many are completely unknown yet figuratively took me under their wings, showing me kindness, encouraging me, or teaching me things. There were many baby steps to overcome my jitters. Another huge boost was the transgender band I was in. Working on something together as a team, with all of us being trans, was very exciting. We had real camaraderie, and it was inspiring. I could feel strength building and growing assurance.

In terms of the bigger picture, all the writers I mentioned were inspirational, and people like Andrea James, Lynn Conway, and many more showed me that we can be successful and that this life is fine. I enjoyed reading their stories for filling in the blanks of my personal knowledge.

Monika: How do you feel about the way transgender stories and characters have been portrayed so far in films, newspapers, and books?

Beth: I have seen glimmers of light in the darkness and ignorance. Transamerica is a sympathetic portrayal. Also, now some true trans actresses are getting roles here and there in the USA. I have seen many movies like Ma Vie en Rose, Breakfast on Pluto, and others. The books and documentaries offer more realistic portrayals and help put a human face on this often misunderstood phenomenon, something rare, yet not unusual. 

On the other hand, there are still too many sensational and ignorant accounts in the news, and in the movie industry there are still too many cliché roles. Overall, I think there has been forward progress, but it takes time to change attitudes and mindsets.

Monika: How do you see the current situation for transgender women in American society?

Beth: I’m happy to see healthcare finally including trans people at last, thanks to Obamacare. I’m glad to have the vice president say that trans rights “are the civil rights issue of our generation.” I’m glad that courts and laws are recognizing trans rights and protections in more and more states.

Maybe I’ve been blessed and lucky, but the situation is getting better. At the same time, I know many are still struggling to find work, love, or support. I know things were much worse before. I do not feel marginalized; I have a full life, and I hope this becomes more commonplace for all.

March 2013.

Monika: Do you believe that recognizing and supporting transgender people represents one of the next important frontiers in the global human rights movement?

Beth: Yes. It should be protected and nurtured, legally, morally, and in practice, with the support of all human rights organizations around the world, as well as other enlightened people and companies.

Monika: Many transgender women face the painful pressure of being judged by whether they “pass” as women. You are a beautiful woman yourself, but what advice would you offer to those who live with the fear of not passing?

Beth: Humans are biologically programmed to recognize someone as a suitable partner within seconds, and of course that includes categorizing them as male or female. We cannot turn off the biological mating programs inherent in our brains. We have to work with it in the background always. For sure, almost everyone will go through a period of “looking like a guy in a dress,” and if a bunch of you go out together, it’s even more difficult to avoid that recognition.

Overall, most people want to get along, and if you behave and are friendly, there is no problem. For reference, the first times I fully dressed from 2006 on, I could see it was going to be hard. I was stared at a few times early on, and was easy to spot. I found nothing bad ever happened to me – but I was careful, and in the early days I went to trans-friendly places and practiced there. Passing is a lot of things. The first goal is to not be noticed, to be invisible in a sea of faces. Dress correctly for the occasion, like a natal woman, and accessorize the same way. Attitude and voice are also important.

Monika: In your experience, when does the turning point come, the moment when everything starts to align?

Beth: I knew I was getting close after a few years when, in androgynous mode, I was called “Ms.” once from the front and many times from the backside. When this happened, I knew FFS would move me into the middle of the female norm no matter what I wore, and without makeup.

Work with what you have and work to aid your success. Hormones can help the body and face, beard removal is a must, and FFS is obviously a big help as well. Be brave and go out and work on all these things depending on your budget, and don’t forget the voice! If you still feel like an ugly duckling, go to less critical, trans-friendly places.

Over time, your skill will improve and your appearance will improve. Remember you are doing this for yourself. I have met hardcore trans women 24/7 who will never blend perfectly, yet by the power of their conviction, they are still following the path and glad for it, and getting recognized for their actions positively even by strangers.

Monika: Do you engage in any form of political activism or advocacy? Have you been involved in lobbying efforts? And in your view, can transgender women help shape the political landscape?

Beth: I am an introvert, I am not a persuader, yet I admire and support their work and sign petitions and offer financial support where I can. There are some transgender people in politics at the local level, and I think it is a good thing and will help shape the future for us all.

Nov 2012 with her honey, SLC.

Monika: The transgender community is often represented under the broader LGBT umbrella, typically as the "T" at the end of the acronym. Do you believe the transgender cause is able to stand out and advocate for its own needs within the larger LGBT movement?

Beth: We have to do so both separately and as part of the broader alliance. Separately, because our numbers and voice are unique, and together, because we share some common goals and a united voice makes sense in that context.

Monika: What role has love played in your journey, both in terms of relationships with others and your relationship with yourself?

Beth: Sure. It starts with self-love and self-respect, things I was missing. I tried loving others, clinging to them, etc., but it did not work, as I could not really feel or appreciate their love and respect for me, I felt I was not worthy. My ‘love’ in return was hollow and partial. 

Finally, I have found self-love by ‘owning’ who I am and living truthfully. My current girlfriend and I have an honest relationship with mutual respect and support. She would stay whether or not I had transitioned, it was the inner me she loved. I also love her as she is.

Monika: How would you describe your personal style? Are there particular colors, patterns, or fashion trends you enjoy? And has your relationship with fashion changed since transitioning?

Beth: I like tight jeans and tops for daily wear with athletic shoes or sandals. In the hot summer, I will wear shorts and skirts too. I do own club wear, high heels, and so on, but frankly the occasions to use them are very infrequent now that I have a strong home life. I do dress up on special occasions. 

I like red, purple, black, blue, multicolor designs, and animal prints, especially leopard, for those nights dancing. I have skirts and dresses of various types, but the jeans get the most use! Transition means passing through many clothing phases until you reach some natural balance. Feminine, comfortable, and practical are my major focus, unless I’m making a fashion statement on a night out.

Monika: Many transgender women choose to share their journeys through memoirs. Have you ever considered writing your own book?

Beth: Sure, I have. I’ve written bits of my story in letters, on the web, etc., but I know such a book, straight from the heart, would take a long time and require much discipline and reflective thought. So far, I’ve collected bits of what I previously wrote to jump-start the process, but I feel no rush and have other things I prefer working on currently.

March 2014.

Monika: Are there any new creative projects or personal passions you're currently exploring?

Beth: I’m playing some music on my guitar at home again. I had to take some time off to remember why I played and what I want to do musically.

I would love to be in another band, or record, or refine my skills with a collaborator. One song I put on reverbnation.com and there are others I have not (yet) posted.

Monika: What advice would you give to transgender girls who are currently struggling with gender dysphoria?

Beth: Seek help and explore all your issues. This issue does not go away but intensifies if put off. You owe it to yourself to see what it is and to enjoy life. If you are like me, you have to work on other issues also that are holding you back from implementing this one. Other girls can help in many ways, and there are professionals who can help you through the process as well. 

I NEVER thought transition was possible for me, but staying frozen was making me miserable. As soon as you can taste the freedom, even for some hours, it is intoxicating and pushes you along. If you end up transitioning, or even if you don’t, or live somewhere in between, your life will still be transformed and free from many burdens. Just be yourself. No one else can be you, and if they are truly your friend, they will accept you and appreciate that you did this with a lot of thought and hard work to improve your life from your core! 

Personally, I have to say life is better now. Sure, I have problems and worry, but not like before with all the inner confusion. I can hardly remember my past gender and the agony.

Monika: Beth, thank you for the interview!

All the photos: courtesy of Beth Horner.

© 2014 - Monika Kowalska

  

You may also like