There are women who enter the world quietly, and then there are women like Mieke B, who arrive as if called by lightning, with dust on their boots and stars in their eyes. At just 25, Mieke has lived many lifetimes' worth of courage, softness, heartbreak, and wild hope. Raised in South Africa, a place as complex and tender as she is, Mieke began her transition in 2013. At a time when visibility meant risk, she chose truth. I first came across Mieke on YouTube. There she was, sunlight on her cheek, her voice dancing between vulnerability and strength, as she spoke to the camera like she was speaking to an old friend. Her videos weren’t polished, but they shimmered with something rarer: intimacy. She wasn’t trying to go viral. She was trying to survive. And in doing so, she gave thousands of others permission to breathe, to imagine, to exist.
Mieke’s journey is not just about gender. It’s about carving space in a world that often denies you one. It’s about leaving home, sometimes literally, to come home to yourself. Her family, like so many others, struggled, and still struggles, to understand her. But Mieke doesn’t speak in bitterness. She speaks in layers. She walks forward, not untouched, but unbroken. Some days she walks in heels. Some days in combat boots. And some days, barefoot on the earth that has both wounded and raised her. She is a lover of freedom and fast cars, lip gloss and long shadows, high-octane dreams and low moments shared with quiet honesty. She once said that femininity, for her, is not a performance but a homecoming. And that sentence has stayed with me. Because if Mieke is anything, she is a woman who has come home, to herself, for herself, and, generously, for all of us. In a country where it’s still dangerous to be trans, Mieke has turned her life into an open book. Not to convince anyone of her worth, but to show that her worth was never up for debate. She is here. She is glowing. She is still becoming. And I am honored to share her voice.
Monika: I’m thrilled to be joined today by Mieke B, a young South African video blogger who’s been openly documenting her transition on YouTube with courage, clarity, and heart. Mieke, welcome, thank you for being here!
Mieke: Howzit, Monika. Thank you for interviewing me, quite an honor!
Monika: For those meeting you for the first time, how would you describe yourself in a few words? What should people know about the woman behind the camera?
Mieke: I’m a 25-year-old trans woman living in South Africa. I’ve been living as a woman since November 2013. Generally, I’m a happy, spontaneous person with everything to give, and I’m considered something of an enlightenment for those around me. I’ll do anything in my power to help anyone in need and make sure they are well and happy. Anything that provides a thrill will be my favorite thing to do. I’m a bit of an adrenaline junkie and still enjoy the “men’s” stuff like motorsports and off-road biking. I know anything and everything about cars. At first glance, I may look like a city girl, but at heart, I’m more of a farm-type o’ gal.
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| 2011 vs. 2013. |
Monika: What inspired you to document your transition journey publicly on YouTube, especially knowing how personal and vulnerable that can be?
Mieke: Well, in South Africa we barely ever hear about other trans people, except in the news and crime statistics. No transgender person has really ever put themselves out there to be a national face for the cause or to provide resources. When I started to transition, I thought I was the only trans person in the country, but with time, more and more people contacted me, and I realized that there are quite a few of us. The other reason is that I didn’t think transitioning into a woman would be possible at all, considering the man I was. But with other women on YouTube, I saw that anyone can do it and that it is indeed possible.
Sure, there are lots of trans vloggers on the internet, but I thought it would be a good thing for the South African transgender community to have a face of one of their own on the internet, talking about the things that matter to them most. It’s also rewarding when strangers tell me how far I’ve come since my first video. YouTube helped a lot with building my self-confidence. Documenting my transition in video format and posting it online turned out to be not only beneficial for me, but for many others in my country as well.
Monika: How would you describe your current stage in the transition process, both physically and emotionally?
Mieke: Currently, I have been on HRT for 10 months. So far, I’ve had wonderful results with fat distribution, hair reduction, softer skin, and breast growth from using HRT. Looks-wise, I pass really well as a woman despite my height. I still haven’t had any surgery done, but of course, I’m planning on it.
Monika: Now that you’ve been on hormone therapy for a while, how satisfied are you with the changes you’ve seen so far, and what are your thoughts on future gender-affirming surgery?
Mieke: Yes, I’m very satisfied with the results so far. It’s a “ready… steady… aaaaand WAIT!!” affair, but the results do show eventually. Like most things in life, we all expect immediate results, yet all good things are worth waiting for. The most noticeable effects from HRT appeared after six months. That’s when I decided to live full time as a woman because I was having difficulty passing as a guy… Yes, that’s correct, I no longer passed as the guy I was born as! People were making comments like, “You are starting to look more like a woman every day; what’s going on?”
Monika: Looking back, what was your childhood like, and when did you first become aware that your gender identity didn’t align with being a boy?
Mieke: My childhood was a fairly ordinary one with a loving family and a lot of opportunities to prosper, but due to what I believe was the depression caused by gender dysphoria, I never did anything but just be alive and breathing. Throughout my childhood, I knew something was different about me and that I was not in the body I was supposed to be in.
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| Mieke at age 21. |
Because of the conservative nature of the Afrikaans community I grew up in, there wasn’t ever any talk about transsexualism or sex changes, but rather me just being an “odd” kid that needed to do more boy stuff and toughen up. That’s exactly what I did until I eventually didn’t think of wanting to be a girl at all. From the age of four years old, I knew I wanted to wear dresses and play with dolls (which I did anyway when my parents weren’t around), but it was only at the age of 22 that I realized how serious it is to me and that I needed to transition or not live at all.
Monika: Many transgender women describe school and university as some of the most challenging periods of their lives, often marked by discrimination or bullying. Was your experience similar, or did it unfold differently for you?
Mieke: In my school years I didn’t really know about my gender identity crisis because I suppressed it so well. When I decided to tell my close friends at age 22 that I was about to transition, they weren’t surprised at all, in fact, it turns out I did tell them in high school already, on several occasions; I just don’t remember it. I’m fortunate to have those few good friends who kept quiet about it and support me to this day for doing it. In high school and college, I was the naughty bad-boy type, so no one ever suspected me of being trans, thus, I had never been bullied or discriminated against because of it.
Monika: Do you have any transgender role models or public figures who inspire you on your journey?
Mieke: Yes, certainly! Candis Cayne, Lana Wachowski, Laura Jane Grace, Jenna Talackova, Paris Lees, Lisa du Preez, and lots more. Of course, I follow my fellow YouTube trans-vloggers too!
Monika: What was the most difficult part of coming out to those close to you?
Mieke: Telling my family was pretty rough. It was the hardest thing to do, and although I didn’t expect things to turn out badly, my whole world collapsed when they told me I’m no longer part of them and that, to them, I’m dead. It’s been a long time since I last saw them, but it gets easier to move on as time passes. Not having a family to please kind of took away my feelings of guilt for transitioning, so in a way it’s a softening sadness. I still believe they will come around one day, but until that happens, I will stay strong and try to help other families that are going through the same thing.
Monika: How would you describe the current situation for transgender women in South Africa?
Mieke: In the last decade or so, transgender rights have gained some recognition in South Africa. Because most trans women go completely stealth after living in their preferred gender, it’s hard to keep track of them and have the numbers to fight for true equality. Though we have some good human rights protections on paper regarding legal documents and discrimination, it’s difficult to tell if these are truly being implemented correctly.
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| 2014, 7 months on Hormone Replacement Therapy. |
On paper, transgender people should have no trouble living a normal life, but due to the general public’s lack of knowledge, we still face unfair treatment, being refused access to preferred restrooms, having difficulties getting our identity documents amended, not being considered for employment, or even being fired after coming out as transgender. I’m hoping to become a national face for these causes so the everyday person learns more about transgender people, their needs, and feelings. The more exposure the transgender community gets in South Africa, the more accepting the public will become.
Monika: We’re seeing more transgender women stepping into the spotlight these days. Unlike before, many have become celebrities or well-known figures, like Lana Wachowski in film directing, Jenna Talackova in modeling, Kate Bornstein in academia, Laura Jane Grace in music, or Candis Cayne in acting. Have you noticed a similar trend?
Mieke: Yes. In South Africa, however, that’s not quite the case yet, but we do hear and read about international transgender people all the time. The media and technology we have today allow more trans men and women to come out and be proud, in whatever way or capacity. I’ve seen trans women on the internet who range from truck drivers to walking the red carpet, and that’s important to break the stereotypes set in the past. With every trans person coming out, we show something different, and cis people begin to realize that we are just as ordinary as they are.
Monika: Are you involved in politics or any advocacy or lobbying efforts? And do you believe transgender women can have a significant impact in the political arena?
Mieke: I’m not involved in politics myself, but I support those who are. Certainly, a transgender woman can make a difference, if not more, than her cis counterparts. We as trans women have lived on both sides of life and face more challenges on an everyday basis, so who better than someone like a transgender person to do the job?!
Monika: Are you passionate about fashion? What types of outfits do you usually choose, and do you have any favorite styles, colors, or trends?
Mieke: I love fashion! Before my transition, it was all T-shirts, three-quarter jeans, and flip-flops, but now it’s a bit of everything, plus accessories! For everyday clothing, like work, I wear fashionable jeans or a long skirt paired with mild and dark-colored stylish tops. I’m not exactly sure what “savvy” and “chic” mean, but apparently, that describes my everyday wardrobe.
On weekends and special occasions, I love to wear dresses with heels, even though I tower over all my male friends without them. My favorite color is blue, but I look better in greens and browns, so most of my clothes are those colors. Of course, I have some black pieces too for days when I feel the need to hide the typical “trans woman body” features. I always wear big, flashy earrings and maybe a matching accessory to soften my wrists as well. When I’m home alone, it’s gym pants and tank tops…
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| Mieke in 2013 aged 24. |
Monika: What are your thoughts on transgender beauty pageants and their impact?
Mieke: I think they’re awesome! It’s beautiful to see trans women looking even more stunning than many cisgender women do. These pageants also show the rest of the world that we, as trans women, can be just as beautiful and “normal looking” as anyone else.
Monika: How involved are you in your local LGBTQ+ community, and what efforts are you making to support it?
Mieke: A friend of mine and I are trying to start an LGBTI organization in our local community (Mpumalanga province) to help people better understand LGBTI issues and to connect them with doctors, medication, and therapists who specialize in these specific needs. So far it’s been a struggle, as most people remain stealth or are too afraid to come out, and we haven’t secured any funding for the organization yet. Hate crimes against LGBTI people are still a major problem in South Africa, so many choose to stay under the radar, too afraid even to admit their identity to themselves. With my YouTube channel, I’ve been able to reach and assist many people across the country.
Monika: What advice would you give to transgender women who feel afraid of starting their transition early due to concerns about discrimination and hatred?
Mieke: My advice is to transition as early as possible. The younger you start, the better the results and the easier it is for both the trans person and those around them to adjust to the changes transition brings. Transitioning later in life can bring more complications, such as challenges with employment or marriage, so earlier is definitely better. Teenagers and young adults tend to be more accepting of transgender people in their lives and social circles compared to older generations. We see the general public becoming more open and accepting of things once considered taboo, largely thanks to the exposure media and technology provide today. When it comes to discrimination, it’s hard to offer specific advice because it can happen anywhere, at any time.
Monika: What about in the workplace specifically? How can transgender people protect themselves from discrimination or job loss?
Mieke: In the workplace, it’s wise to consult a lawyer before coming out to avoid being fired and having to go through a costly court battle, as well as struggling to find employment afterward. Unfortunately, many transgender people lose their jobs simply because they are trans, and they are often not considered for new job opportunities for the same reason. Having one’s finances in order before transitioning is also essential, as it can be a costly, never-ending process.
Regarding hatred, I’m fortunate to have never experienced it directly, but my advice is to avoid situations where a transgender person might be at risk. I never go out at night without my group of friends and avoid unsafe places. It’s important to stay aware of your surroundings and always prioritize your safety. In most cases, people hate transgender individuals simply because they don’t understand what it’s about.
Monika: What are your next steps right now, and where do you see yourself in the next 5 to 7 years?
Mieke: I recently went full time and have been living as a woman for a few months now. Since going full time, I don’t feel the rush or need to complete my transition quickly as I did before. I have peace of mind and feel more comfortable with myself than I did previously. In the next two years, I plan to have Facial Feminization Surgery and a Tracheal Shave, with the possibility of Breast Augmentation. Only after that will I consider Gender Reassignment Surgery, depending on whether I feel ready and comfortable with the idea. I already consider myself a woman as I am now, so there’s no need to rush things.
Aside from transition, I’m aiming to further my studies and get a degree in Civil and Structural Engineering. Once that is done, I would love to settle down, get married, and have twin boys named Nathan and Graham… a girl can dream, right? My ultimate goal is to have my own family.
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| New found confidence from living full time as a woman. |
Monika: Would you say that you are a happy woman now?
Mieke: Absolutely! I’ve never been happier before. Although things got worse when I transitioned (money, family, etc.), I’m still happy and wake up every day with a smile! If I think back a few years ago, I can’t relate to that person at all. I have no idea how I survived being so unhappy and depressed. It’s amazing what a change my life has gone through since I started expressing the gender I am on the inside. I can, with all honesty, say that I am happy to be alive!
Monika: Mieke, thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s been a true pleasure!
All the photos: courtesy of Mieke B.
© 2014 - Monika Kowalska
